Holiday Cheer 2014

Every year seems to be a crazy year. Some times that's what makes life interesting. This year at work I had the opportunity to dress up as Santa for the kids and run around making children smile. My boss texted me the night before and said, "My son is too nervous to dress up as Santa could you do it?" I thought, "What's the big deal? Of course I will." How many chances do you get in life to be an Asian Santa? Or in this case "San-Thai Claus." It was fun even though the suit was hot and I had a bunch of pillows taped around me with packaging tape like I was some fragile present shipping across the country. Good times!

Visiting Mom's Gravesite

Since my mom passed away I've only visited my mom's gravesite a handful of times. But I've never taken my family there. This holiday I took my family there not really knowing how I would feel. My theology tells me she's not there but home with Jesus. But it's also important for my children to know they are a part of something bigger than themselves and to know the godly heritage that has come before them. I didn't get as emotional as I thought I was. It was a great time of reflection and realization that although my mom didn't get to meet my family in this life, she will in the next. Hopefully when I get to heaven I'll hear "Well done my good and faithful servant" from the Lord. What I know for certain is I will hear "So you didn't turn out to be a lazy bum after all" from my mom.

Ultimately, Christmas is a celebration of the wonder of God sending His Son to redeem us. "For the believer Christmas secures a wonderful future-Christ's first coming guarantees his second coming and an eternity with him." I would add an eternity with Jesus AND His people. This we can celebrate all year long.

Happy Holidays.

Faces of Grace

I said I wanted to start writing a series called, "Grace Uncovered" but I think the churches idea of calling it "Faces of Grace" is way better.

Today was another Reflection Service my church does to allow the body of Christ to minister to the, you know, body of Christ. It's a way of saying "It isn't just about the pastors up front." One of the stories today really stood out to me. My buddy Ronnie shared how his marriage was in trouble and that one of our elders, Ric, had helped him and his wife through it. They are in a much better place now. Ronnie continued sharing saying that he was convinced that he and his wife wouldn't be married right now if it wasn't for one of our elders coming along side them and helping them fight for their marriage. As a result, I've seen first hand how Ronnie fights not only for his own marriage but for the marriages of others as well. He's a man of God but that was a result of older men coming into his life and investing in it.

That sounds profoundly biblical. Sadly, that's not always the case in some churches. Unfortunately, I have another friend who is going through a divorce. His wife claims he's an abuser and went to the elders with this accusation. Making a long story short, his elders didn't fight for the marriage, didn't support him in anyway, and allowed the marriage to dissolve.

I love that my buddy Ronnie had the confidence to share his marriage was in trouble in front of the entire church. I love that my elders fight for marriage because they take the biblical mandate seriously. I already wrote my thoughts on divorce and how it's a blight on the kingdom of God. I've known Ronnie since he was in high school. I've known his wife Crystal since she was in junior high. It would've broken my heart deeply to see them get a divorce. Instead, because of the examples of our godly elders Ronnie is not only still married but also leading a home bible study and also pastoring and investing into the lives of others in much the same he people invested into him. Ric Rodeheaver and Ronnie Gonzales are two of the "faces" at Grace EV Free La Mirada. I'm grateful to have such wonderful examples before me.

SMART Conference 2014 – Chris Hogan Recap

Chris Hogan is a popular speaker on the topics of financial education and leadership. He also works with business and high-profile clients across the country, helping them develop strategies to increase revenues, build wealth, and secure their financial futures.

It was a pleasure to meet with him backstage and listen to him share his vision. Chris’ passion is about preparing for retirement. Retirement simply means being financially independent and having the freedom to do whatever you want to do, whether that’s full-time ministry, starting your own business, traveling the world, or having floor seats to the Lakers. Okay Chris didn’t say that last one, I did. But you get the point.

When Chris talked about going into full-time ministry or going on a mission’s trip, I started to wonder, “What would it look like for missionaries to not have to ‘raise support’ in order to do what they want to do?” I’m not saying “raising support” is a bad thing. It’s certainly a responsibility for the body of Christ to play active roles in supporting our missionaries and pastors financially, but wouldn’t it be awesome for some people to enter retirement as missionaries? They would be able to write a newsletter that contained an explanation of ministry endeavors and a request for prayer without having to ask for money? By doing so, they would essentially be saying, “We’ve GOT this because we’ve been faithful stewards our whole lives of the blessings God provided, and we don’t have to worry about money anymore.”

Chris’ mantra is, “You work too long, too hard and put up with too many weird people to come to the end of your life and have nothing to show for it.” Isn’t that the truth! So why is it that most people don’t think to plan for retirement and instead act like it’s never coming? Let me let you in on a secret. Retirement is coming. You either view retirement with complete terror or as a glorious achievement. The latter can’t happen without planning and actually doing something about it. That was Chris’ main point. It’s time to start do something about it… no matter age in life.

I’ll end this with one of Chris’ stories. He spent 20 years as a banker. One day, he was in a meeting with a relatively young couple trying to convince them that they needed a financial plan. In short, the young couple basically blew him off. A week later the husband called and asked for an appointment. Chris said to himself, “Why would you want another appointment when you guys blew me off last time?” but he agreed to meet anyway. This couple returned with pens and notepads completely engaged and writing down everything coming out of Chris’ mouth. Obviously Chris noticed the dramatic change and asked the couple what had happened.

The young husband explained that he had received a call that week from his 87-year-old aunt who needed help cutting the grass. He went over to do just that, but the lawnmower broke down and he had forgotten his lunch. He thought to save time, he would go inside and make himself something to eat at the house. When he opened the refrigerator, he found nothing but sour milk. When he opened the cabinets, he found 7 cans of dog food. His aunt, however, did not have a dog. You can fill in the blanks.

When Chris was telling this story he got a little emotional (and so did I). With a crack in his voice he said, “That’s not okay.” Then repeated his mantra, “You work too long, too hard and put up with too many weird people to come at the end of your life and have nothing to show for it.” It’s a truly heartbreaking story. We live in the richest country in the world but have the most broke people. A big reason is simply not having a plan.

After hearing Chris speak, I’ve decided that I’m going to shorten my retirement plan pitch. When young people ask me, “Why should I plan for retirement? I’m young,” instead of going on about the importance of starting early, having self-discipline, the power of compound interest, the dream about being financially independent and even pointing out the obvious like “You won’t be young forever,” I’ll just say, “Do you like dog food?”

SMART Conference Review – Rachel Cruze

This was my first live conference with Dave Ramsey. Since I became an Endorsed Local Provider (ELP), I got in for free. Yes, that’s really nice. I didn’t know what to expect. As it turns out, I ran into several people I knew like, old high school friends, fellow church members, family friends, my dentist, old college buddies, and even my ex-girlfriend (Although I ran and hid from her so I didn’t technically “run into” her.). In the next few blogs, I will be providing a recap of the speakers and the short highlights of their topics.

The first speaker was Rachel Cruze (Dave Ramsey’s daughter) and she spoke about Smart Money Smart Kids, which is basically a book describing how her father impacted her life by raising her to be wise with her money. It was great to hear directly from her perspective and how being responsible with money, sacrificing, and delaying immediate gratification were essential parts of shaping her character. She quoted Proverbs 13:22, “A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children.” An inheritance isn’t always money. It’s often a legacy.

The impact her father had on her life was inspiring. I looked at it as an opportunity to do the same with my girls. It excites me to be their father and fills me with a sense of purpose to impact my girls in the same way.

Highlights:

• Teach the value of work and spending wisely.

Apparently, when kids learn that money comes from work instead of their parent’s back pocket they tend to treat money differently. What? You mean mom and dad won’t be around forever?!

• Teach your kids that they can go to college with no debt.

I’m not sure how many people in the crowd had student loans, but I’m guessing at least a couple of people said, “Now they tell me.” So what you’re saying is that going $90,000 in debt for a bachelor’s in Art History isn’t a good idea?

• Giving is the antidote for selfishness.

It’s in our nature to be selfish. In order to fight selfish tendencies, you have to train yourself to do the opposite. We know that if we want to get in shape it will require some exercising and dieting. Well, the same is true for becoming a generous person. It requires giving.

Barnes & Bargains

Disclaimer: My editor (aka. my wife) decided to insert some of her thoughts into this one. That's the price you pay the editor sometimes, I guess.

When it comes to reading books, I don’t like to spend money on ones I know I won’t keep or read again. There’s a book I needed to read for my finance business. I knew I didn’t want to actually pay for it, so I had this bright idea to visit the local Barnes & Noble and simply read the book there. It would save me a whole $13.00.

(Katie: And let’s be honest… be a good excuse to get out of the house and out of childcare for a few hours. I’m going to start “saving money” this way, too!)

This past weekend, I went to the closest store and started reading the book. It was 300 pages, so I knew it might take a few trips. (Katie: I have a 600 page book in mind that I intend to read…twice.) Once I found the book, I tried to find a comfortable place to sit. There wasn’t one. It’s a good business move on Barnes & Nobles’ part. If the place were too comfortable people would never think, “Maybe I should just buy the book and read it in the comfort of my own home.” (Katie: A place on the floor will be just fine for me!) Reading on the hard chair wasn’t fun, but I was determined to save that $13.00. (Katie: I’ll take the hard chair any day if it means getting an hour or more of uninterrupted reading time!)

After a couple of chapters, the music came on. I was sitting directly underneath the speaker and couldn’t hear myself read the book. (Katie: You should try it when the baby starts to cry…) I got up to move away from the speaker, but when I started moving around, I noticed there were speakers everywhere where there was a seat. (Katie: It’s kind of like a two year old that can follow you anywhere.) Maybe it was their way of saying, “Hurry up and buy the book we marked up at 200%!” I decided I would sit on the floor. It would be like high school all over again except I didn’t any read books in high school. A few minutes later, a store manager told me I wasn’t allowed to sit on the floor because of store policy. I guess that’s fine. You wouldn’t want a bunch of people lying around making your place a business look like someone’s living room.

I got up again and went back to my hard chair right underneath the speaker because, really, that was the best spot. Not two minutes later there was a gentlemen wondering through the aisles murmuring to himself while thumbing through books. This guy picked up a “Sex Book” and kept murmuring to himself. Initially I thought he was just a pervert, but then he kept perusing through the books and stopped again on Chinese Cuisine. (Katie: Perusing through books? People still have time for this in the real world?) Okay maybe he’s not a pervert but just some guy that likes to spend his time going through books at a bookstore. (Katie: Probably another dad trying to “save money.”)

Whatever.

I tried to ignore him and keep reading but then he sat down right next to me and kept murmuring to himself while flipping through his Chinese Cuisine book. Then it hit me, “I’m going through all this to save $13.00!” I gave up and just bought the book off of Amazon. I’ll get to read the book in the comforts of my own home. (Katie: Great! While you are reading at home, I will head off to Barnes and Noble… ) Trying to be frugal is one thing, but sometimes it’s okay to actually buy something when the benefits outweigh the cost. And in this case, $13.00 clearly outweighed the cost. Let's see if I'm still saying this when the book arrives and there are screaming kids in the house.

What God has Joined Let NO Man Separate

It's really nice to finally start attending weddings as a married person. When I attended weddings as a single person I would often think, "When is it going to be my turn?" Now weddings of fellow Christians are a source of encouragement to strengthen my own marriage. Last week our dear friends from our Grace Group (home bible study), Alex Torres and Cassie Robertson made a lifelong commitment to one another. It's been a blessing to watch these two mature in the Lord and loving each other well. During the ceremony one of our elders, who was officiating the wedding, said, "What God has joined let no man separate." For some reason this uniquely resonated with me. I've heard the phrase a hundred times before but there has been recent circumstances to make me think about this differently and reflect on it more. So this is a snapshot of that reflection.

It's clear in the bible that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Yet I've seen many fellow believers choose the path of divorce without any biblical grounds. I've had close friends, parents of friends, and even former mentors, pastors, and elders who have gotten divorced. Let me be clear that I'm in no way a perfect person nor is my marriage a perfect marriage. But this grieves me deeply. "What God has joined let NO man separate." Do we take this seriously as Christians? Do we not know marriage is a picture of Christ and the church? Most of these divorce cases is not a result of infidelity or abuse (physical or emotional) but because of hardheartedness. There's a complete unwillingness to forgive one another.

The hardhearted person who cannot forgive or live in proper relation to others in Christ's body (18:1-35) will also despise weaker people in society-in Jesus' day, these included wives (19:1-12; compare Mal 2:14-16) and children (Mt 19:13-15). By contrast, Jesus, who is not hardhearted, remains unimpressed by worldly status (vv. 16-22). When we hold grudges against a genuinely repentant spouse and remain hardhearted toward her or him-whether or not we officially cast the person away-we hinder our own communication with God (1 Pet 3:7-12) and ultimately can invite our own damnation (Mt 18:34-35).

If there's a chance of "inviting our own damnation" I want no part of it. If Christ has forgiven me, how I can stand with a clear conscious when I don't forgive others? I've been blessed living in a community with friends and elders who won't let me get away with acting like a jack@$$ because they love me too much. It's how the Body of Christ suppose to function. I believe one of the first lies we could believe is thinking we have to do things on our own including having a good marriage. If I didn't have accountability, love and encouragement from others, as well as beautiful living examples, there's no way I could thrive in my marriage. By the grace of God I have those things and it's not my own doing. It's interesting to me though, that when a person is intent on doing what they want they begin to isolate themselves from anyone who could call them out of their nonsense.

Now that Alex and Cassie are married I want to make a commitment much like my friends and elders have made a commitment to me. As a fellow church member, a grace group member, and most importantly a brother in Christ I will make the endeavor to support them in their pursuit to honor God in their marriage. Because in the kingdom of God there is no such thing as "irreconcilable differences." The cross proves that.

Reading Service - The Gospel of Mark

Today at my church,Grace EV Free La Mirada, we had what we call a "Reading Service" which we simply read large portions of the book we plan on preaching/teaching through next. Most "Church Growth" people would say, "You can't just read the bible at your church. People wouldn't be in to that." I'm glad I attend a church that tells those type of people to "Go and kick rocks because we're going to do what we believe pleases God."

We read the first 8 chapters of Mark. In our ADD culture this might seem like a lot. But it give us (the congregation) the opportunity to exercise sustained focus, something we all disparately need. During the reading, I felt my heart awaken to the Scriptures. I blocked everything else out of my head and focused all my energy to listening to the reading, following themes within the passage, and attempting to connect theological truth in the larger narrative structure. It was powerful just to listen to the Word of God being read. It felt like "Letting the Lion out of the cage." There was zero commentating on the passage but it still ministered to my heart. It made me excited to read the gospel of Mark on my own as well as do my own study. I'm extremely grateful for moments like these that remind of the power of God's word.

Cherishing What Needs to Be Cherished

Throughout my time at Biola I never lacked the time for contemplative prayer or mediation on God's word. I used the homework assignments in my bible classes as an opportunity to do such things. As a result, my affections for the Lord constantly enraptured my heart. Making the transition to the next life stage, however, has proved difficult in terms of that same intense contemplative mediation on the things of God. We all have lives to live but my mistake is putting God on the "to-do" list when everything else should permeate from our relationship with God. Although I still read my bible consistently I often don't think about what I've read throughout the day like I use to. So here's my first step on changing that by writing some thoughts down on what I read this morning.

Psalm 66

16 Come and hear, all you who fear God,
and I will tell what he has done for my soul.
17 I cried to him with my mouth,
and high praise was on my tongue.
18 If I had cherished iniquity in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened.
19 But truly God has listened;
he has attended to the voice of my prayer. (emphasis added)

This verse brought deep conviction in that I have to stop and wondered what iniquities have I cherished in my heart? Is it the pursuit of useless things and believing they are somehow useful? Are there things I've held onto without even realizing it? If I pray that the Holy Spirit would reveal those things to me the scary thing is, He might actually do it. But what's life without a healthy sense of fear. And the Lord has already answered my prayer about returning to a place of contemplation, which leads to delightfulness in the Lord. It will take some pain and discomfort to reestablish that discipline but what else am I going to do? He holds the Words of eternal life and in His presence is the fullness of joy. There's no other place I would rather be.

Making A Splash

My weekend warrior routine usually consists of me playing basketball Saturday mornings, coming home and bragging to my wife about how well I played, and working out on Sundays after church to make sure I can still play basketball well enough to brag about it to my wife.

However, this particular Saturday morning was different. I used to think girls who got frustrated when men didn’t know what they were thinking were weird. I mean, how are we supposed to know what girls are thinking? We don’t expect them to know what we’re thinking (although, admittedly, guys usually think about nothing anyway). Girls refer to this expectation of theirs as, “Picking up the signs.” I wish that instead of applying some type of electroencephalography and hoping our neurons reach a comprehensive understanding of all forms of non-verbal communication, girls would just go ahead and tell us what they want.

Ha!

That’s just naïveté on my part. Older husbands know that’s never happening. You have to “pick up the signs” or else... Communicating in plain English just makes too much sense. But that’s another story for another day. I admit I’m getting better at “picking up the signs” from my wife. This particular weekend for example, I was headed out for my morning basketball routine and noticed she seemed stressed out and the kids were crying. I had my bag in hand and was ready to go. She would’ve been the “good wife” and been fine with it. But in clear conscience, I couldn’t just leave her in that state.

So I asked her if there was anything I could do to help. In short, I stayed and watched the kids so she could clean the house a bit more easily. We made plans to go to the local water park, Splash, later in the day. It just made sense to skip basketball that morning, help my wife, and hang out with my family.

Back when I was single, I remember dreading this exact situation. I would have to “give up my freedom” in order to attend to “family duties.” Strangely, I didn’t really mind missing out on some basketball. They’ll be other days to play. I was happy to help my wife and be with my baby girls. Who would’ve thunk?

After cleaning up the house, we got the kids ready for Splash. It would be my first time there, so I was looking forward to it. My oldest daughter loves the water. When we got to Splash, she wanted to go everywhere, but only if I was in arm’s reach of her. She was confident when daddy was around. She knows daddy will protect her, watch over her, and take her to places she can't go on her own. Her recognition of daddy's role gives her confidence to venture out and experience life.

I realized it’s a great stage in life. We must’ve gone down the slide about hundred times, and she never got tired of it. I loved every minute of it. I’ll never forget this particular day with my daughter and the chance to simply have a fun day with her as her daddy. In all of it, I realized that she’s starting to recognize me as a distinct person. Her Mom and I work together as a team, but she also knows that there are things that she can do with just Daddy (including our nighttime routine of “flying” up to the ceiling after Mom gives her a kiss).

Interestingly, she probably won’t remember this day. Initially this may seem sad. But it’s the accumulative moments gathered together over a long period of time that builds the relationship between a father and his child. It’s a double blessing in that you enjoy the moment as well as build towards a better relational future.

Dave and Bust

Young parents know that it becomes extremely difficult to have a simple date night with your spouse when the kids arrive. However, even though having children decreases your mobility, spending quality time with your spouse is essential to a healthy marriage.

So after making all the necessary arrangements, my wife and I often go to Dave and Busters for date night. The food is okay, but we really go for the games. It’s like a casino for kids or an arcade for adults. It’s a place where you spend a bunch of money in order to win some tickets you can use to buy overprice useless stuff. Where do I sign up? We decided that it would be more fun if we worked towards a goal- getting our oldest daughter a giant stuffed bear. Of course it was like a million tickets and we could probably just buy the doll for about 1/6th the cost but it’s the process of winning at the games that makes it fun.

I never thought my wife would actually enjoy playing games since she never grew up playing arcade games. She spent time calculating how much she could save in college by taking AP classes in high school. (At this point, she would probably remind me that the year of college classes that she saved at Biola amounted to about $20,000. I guess it wasn’t time wasted…) At any rate, Dave and Busters reminds me of when my sister and I would go to Chucky Cheese as kids. Buying useless stuff with all the tickets we won (or stole) was fun times. To my surprise my wife does have quite a bit of fun doing the same thing. It’s a good night out with my wife.

At Dave and Busters, you can turn in tickets you’ve won without spending them. They will load that amount of tickets on a card that you can keep for future use. After a few outings, we were able to accumulate a decent amount of tickets. As we were looking in the store to potentially cash out, my wife noticed a father with his daughter looking at some dolls. The little girl wanted a certain doll but her father kept saying, “Sorry honey but we don’t have enough. We only have 185 tickets.” My initial thought was, “Wow. You must really suck at games and why are you even in the store? You can’t buy anything with that amount.” My wife, the more thoughtful side of this relationship, quietly says to me “Honey, I think that’s sad she can’t get that doll. Maybe we should get it for her.” My jerk reply was “But we worked hard for these tickets and they are for OUR daughter.” “But we have plenty of tickets for both,” she kindly responded.

At this time, I knew I would be a complete jerk if I didn’t buy the little girl a doll, and my conscience later would only confirm it. So we approached the little girl and her dad and told them we would begrudgingly gladly buy the doll she wanted. The dad responded, “Really? Are you sure?” “No problem. I don’t mind helping out other dads who suck at games,” I replied (in my head). The dad looked at his little girl and said, “Look dear, these nice people are going to buy you the doll.” The little girl inquisitively looked up at her dad and said, “What about sister?” The dad then looked back at us with a face that said, “Yeah, what about her sister?” Before I had any time to respond my wife quickly said, “We’ll buy one for her too.”

We bought Joelle a couple of smaller dolls (a lion and a monkey). Afterwards I just gave the dad our card with the rest of the tickets on them while forcing a smile. They were grateful and we told them “Have a good night, enjoy the toys, and God bless.” On the drive home I told my wife, “A dad who sucks at games shouldn’t get off the hook.” She replied, “But you know it wasn’t about him. We made a couple of little girls happy tonight.” “I guess,” I said dejectedly. What a bust!

Once we got home we showed Joelle the dolls we got her. The joy on her face was absolutely priceless. She won’t go to bed without them and carries them all over the house. I guess a giant bear that was bigger than her really wasn’t that practical anyways. Things didn’t work out how I thought they would. But I guess it pays to not be a jerk sometimes.

Freedom Food

A few months ago I hired a personal trainer to help me meet my fitness goals. I’ve been working out for years, but it just got boring doing the same stuff over and over again. I needed a new challenge. The personal training sessions were 50-minute “hours.” I thought to myself, “You’re cheating me 10 minutes!” However, when the first session began, I wanted to quit 25 minutes into the workout. It completely redefined my idea of “working hard.” After a few months of going through these new workouts in order to improve my performance, I’ve come to realize that I need to take the next step, which is eating healthy.

I’ve eaten a lot better ever since I got married because my wonderful wife has done her best to limit the crap I put into my body. But I’ve been known to sneak in a doughnut from time to time and the occasional carne asada burrito (I’m being generous when I say “occasional”). Recently, my sister decided to start getting fit. It’s improved her quality of life. I’ve been telling her to start going to the gym for years, but like most things I tell her, she has to do it when she wants to do it. Then it was all her idea to begin with. This time, she’s even gone as far as “meal prepping,” which means mapping out everything you’re eating, everything you’re going to eat, and the right portion of supplements I can’t pronounce. She lectures me by saying, “You workout extremely hard, imagine how much better you’d be if you ate better, foo!” Yes, that's how she talks to me.

Well I’ve decided to take the plunge- and my sister’s advice- and start eating better. I don’t even mind giving her credit. I’m giving her 6 weeks to tell me what to eat, and I’m going to commit to it. She even came over and mapped out everything for me. I got dizzy just listening to her tell me what to eat and when to eat it. It's imperative I keep track of my intake. This is something I've NEVER done. I've just eaten when I'm hungry and then I stop eating when I'm full, end of story.

Once my friends caught wind of this, they all mentioned how much I was going to complain about this during the course of 6 weeks. So this is me front loading the complaining so I don’t have drive my friends and family crazy. Although I'll probably do that anyway.

Eating is a wonderful gift from God. As any good gift from God, it can be abused and used in ways that it was never intended. I don’t think I’m a glutton, although if you see me eat you might challenge that idea. Having a doughnut once in a while to me is like, “Stopping and smelling the glazed covered roses.” You have to enjoy the little things in life or you’ll go mad. After a hard day’s work, almost nothing is more soothing then a nice juicy steak for dinner. Now I’m voluntarily giving up my dietary freedom (and paying an arm and a leg) in order to see how the results will affect me physically. Eating boring food is well . . . boring.

So I begin this new journey and new challenge with an open perspective that giving up small luxuries will give me a far better outcomes than the minor indulgences I enjoy daily. After I finish my last box of doughnuts of course.

See you in 6 weeks.

Bedtime

The other night, my wife was looking at video footage of Joelle when she was younger, still crawling around and laughing, and felt a tiny bit of sadness because she was growing up too fast. I thought to myself, “Relax. She’s not even two years old yet.”

A couple of days later my wife told me, “We need to get a bed for Joelle because she’s getting too big for the crib.” I said, “Okay,” but thought “How much is this bed going to cost, and will I have to be the one putting it together?” My wife recognized the look on my face and said, “It’s going to cost around $200.00? And yes, you’ll have to put it together.” Well then, I guess that’s that.

We took an early drive to IKEA and purchased the bed we wanted for Joelle. It was surprisingly easy to put together. I didn’t drop one F-bomb while I was assembling it. Once we finished setting it up in Joelle’s room, we were excited to see how she was going to react. Joelle was excited and jumped on the bed and had an ear-to-ear smile that would melt your heart. The true test, however, would be if she would actually sleep on it. The evening came and so did bed time. Joelle began complaining immediately that she didn’t want the bed and started crying. Instead of fighting her all night about it, my wife decided to put her back in the crib. What a waste of $200.00. I could’ve bought some new Kobe shoes with that money or spent at least 20 minutes at the blackjack table before losing it all.

My wonderful wife, however, came up with a plan to rearrange the furniture so the bed was in the same place as the crib in order to give Joelle the same perspective of the room while she was sleeping. As it turns out, it worked! It worked during nap time anyway. I had yet to see if it would work through the night. Again, the evening came and it was bedtime for Joelle. Our nightly ritual includes reading some stories to her, my wife putting her down, and then I close with a kiss and tucking her into bed. Last night was a little different though. I sat there on her new bed and held her reciting scripture and telling her the Lord provided a new bed for her. I also kept telling her how much I loved her. I could’ve been there on the bed all night with her it was so much fun. I tucked her in and told her “good night” as usual. After I closed the door, something hit me. My little girl IS growing up. She’s forming into a little person with her own thoughts and feelings. She tells me she “loves me” and can’t go to sleep without “daddy’s kiss.” Maybe she’s just posturing because she doesn’t want to get kicked out when she turns 18. Or maybe she knows I’m one of two people in the house who knows how to work the DVD player and can turn on Baby Einstein for her. Either way, if I were capable of crying I think I would have.

Eventually my little girl will grow up and be less affectionate, more independent, and start dating someone I disapprove of. But for now, I’m going to enjoy these moments with my daughter because it’s worth more to me than a hundred pairs of Kobe shoes.

Friends, Mothers, and MVPs

Kevin Durant’s MVP speech made my Mother’s Day blog this year pretty easy. I’ve watched it a few times and wept every time. Sure I might be an emotional sap but it really struck a chord with me on several different levels. But I’ll only talk about two.

First, KD talked about each and every teammate and gave specific examples on how they have positively influenced his life. There were times throughout the season, and even his entire career, which he felt discouraged, where he failed, where the odds were stacked against him. But he survived in no small part because of the community and teammates around him. Yes KD is the star on the team. And yes, he had the best 2013-2014 NBA season of any player including Lebron James. However, that does not imply he did it alone or by steer will power of self-strength and fortitude. Even though that particular narrative of a lone superstar “willing his team to victory” has become the staple by which elite players are judged by it’s also unreal. No one can win alone.

In the same way several people in my life, which I could give specific examples of, have helped me “win” this game called life. I need encouragement and affirmation just like anyone else. I also need wisdom when I’m trying to figure stuff out. I also need examples to watch and mimic in order to have epiphanies and “Oh, that’s how you do it” moments.

Second, and the most appropriate for this weekend, KD talked about his mother and gave her the most praise. He talked about how much she sacrificed, how much she motivated him while he was playing basketball as a kid, how she kept him off the streets, the nights she went hungry so that he wouldn’t, which ultimately led to this moment, “mom, you’re the real MVP.” The camera capturing Durant’s mother’s reaction while he was saying these things was priceless.



I kept thinking about my mom and all the same things she did for my sister and I. Sadly, I would never have the opportunity to express the immense gratitude like Durant did. I don’t know if she could still see me now. But if she could I believe she would have a similar reaction much like Durant’s mother. And as the years passes by I realize more and more my mother is the real MVP.

Happy Mother's Day.

Shooting Stuff & Bro Time

A while back Eric and PJ invited me to go shooting with them. I’ve wanted to do this for a while, so I couldn’t pass this up. I have daughters now, so I should start equipping myself with the skills needed to be a good father. Learning how to handle guns should be close to the top of the list for fathers with daughters. It was also an opportunity to get some “guy time” with my brothers-in-law since when the three of us are together we’re usually in the company of 27 screaming children. Atoms can’t even bond under those circumstances.

We got an early start on the day and went by to pick up the equipment (e.g., guns). As I watched my brothers-in-law loading the car, I thought they were getting ready to invade Iran. You probably know they’re former military dudes and know how to handle guns. I, however, handled a gun once about 10 years ago. Despite growing up in a bad part of East Los Angeles, I never got into guns. This really was a new experience for me. PJ went through all the safety procedures and proper gun etiquette before I even touched a gun. He even started breaking down the different types of guns we had and going over the year, make, and model like a used car salesmen. Could I tell you any of the information PJ shared with me? Of course not, I only remember the guns required bullets of some kind.

Eric, on the other hand, simply said, “Just throw the clay so we can start shooting.” Naturally, it took me a while to get the hang of it. I missed quite a few times at the beginning and began feeling less and less like a man. But once I got the hang of it and started hitting the clay I started to get fired up. There’s something affirming for a man when he obliterates inanimate objects. Women like to create things like Arts & Crafts, digital photo albums, and babies. Men bond over food (especially bacon), blowing stuff up, and doing dangerous things completely unsupervised. That’s just how it works.

After a few hours of shooting from several different guns at several different types of targets we cleaned everything up and headed to In-&-Out for some burgers. During this time, we got to talk about what’s going on with our lives without 27 screaming children climbing on top of each other. It was great. I cherish these few moments in life especially new experiences like shooting stuff with really big guns. I love my brothers-in-law. I totally have an intelligential, analytical, and systematic side much like PJ. There’s also a part of me like Eric which is the “shut up and just do it,” adventurous, no-nonsense, “jumping out of planes” side, except for the part about jumping out of planes because I’m afraid of heights. But if I weren’t afraid of heights . . . uh . . . I probably still wouldn’t jump out of planes. The point being is that I connect with each of my brothers-in-law with different sides of my brain. I’m happy to be a part of the family, and I’m extremely happy they’re equipping me for fatherhood.

Grace Uncovered - Elder of Discipleship

The title "Grace" has a double meaning. First, it's the grace that Christ offers us for the salvation of our sins, "For by grace you have been saved and that not of yourselves, but it is a gift from God . . ." (Eph 2:8). The second meaning is my church Grace EV Free La Mirada (and Fullerton). I've been so blessed by my church and I believe the Lord has placed me there for a reason. No, the church is not perfect. It's filled with bitter, immature, dysfunctional people in dysfunctional families. However, despite that, I've met some of the most remarkable people, people whose faith in the Lord dwarf my own. My understanding of the purpose and function of Christ's bride, the church, has increased greatly by the example of these people. I thought to myself "Why wait for an outstanding man like Geoff Dykstra to die of cancer in order to pay respect to them." That's why I titled this series "Grace Uncovered" in order to uncover some of the most faithful and remarkable people I've met and share a bit of their story. I hope this series is well received.

In the future I hope to share with you more of my experiences being a part of this wonderfully imperfect church.

Jerrel Haugen has been an elder of our church for several years now. I even had the privilege of taking a class with him at Talbot. Jerrel works as the central plant operator at Biola University while doing ministry at our church. I love that most of our elders have “tent making” jobs. It really enhances their ability to minister to people because they haven’t forgotten the challenges of the “real world.” Jerrel has now officially been hired to be the Elder of Discipleship. That is a fitting title for a man who has been doing discipleship for years. I just wanted to highlight a few personal experiences I’ve had with Jerrel.

ELDER FOR GRACE GROUP SHEPHERDS

We have Grace Groups at our church. Other churches may call them Life Groups, Home Bible Studies, etc. It’s basically a small group of people from our church with co-leaders facilitating sermon discussion, fostering relationships, and making sure we meet the needs of individuals in the group. But there are times when the Grace Group leaders have questions and need help in knowing how to do those things I just mentioned well. That’s when Jerrel comes in. He meets with us, checks in on how we’re doing, and comes along side us through difficult situations we may run into. Jerrel makes you feel supported and cared for, and I’ve been a benefactor of his care many times.

ELDER PANEL

Before attending Grace EV Free La Mirada, I had always been at churches that heavily emphasized the senior pastor model where one dude basically calls all the shots. For a long time, I thought that’s how churches were supposed to function. Apparently there are other ways to structure church government. Who knew! An alternative structure from the senior pastor model is the plurality of elder(s) model (which Grace holds to).

One Sunday service, our elders had a panel where they answered questions from the congregation. During the session, Jerrel gave one of the many reasons for adopting this model, namely, to avoid the “personality cult” and “to protect the congregation from ourselves.” I’ll never forget that answer. What Jerrel meant was when there is only one person leading, the church tends to take on the personality of said person. What’s important to that one person becomes what’s important to the entire church. You tend to only get his hobbyhorses. So when he wears Hawaiian shirts, EV-ERY-ONE wears Hawaiian shirts. Hebrews 13:7 says, "Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith" (emphasis added). It says to "imitate their faith" not their style.

Upon further reflection, it’s absolutely liberating that I don’t have to be like the senior pastor in order to connect with people at church. I can just be myself. Jerrel empowers me to do just that. There isn’t any one person’s personality for the church to attach herself to. Since there isn’t any one person to attach yourself to, you can be yourself. What a novel idea! Where do I sign?

ONE-ON-ONE(S)

We’ve had coffee a couple of times and I’ve felt extremely blessed from his wisdom and encouragement. Where does he find the time? He has a job and family like all of us. I don't take the time spent with older and wiser men lightly.

In short, I’m extremely glad that the church has hired him and has given him more freedom to do what he’s been already been doing, namely pointing us to Christ as uses the gifts God has given him to minister to us.

Joelle’s Eye Surgery

Our 19-month-old needed corrective eye surgery because her eye crossed a bit. When we first heard the news, naturally, my wife and I were nervous for our baby. The doctor reassured us that it was a routine procedure and that he’s done it a thousand times on children. He also explained that if Joelle doesn’t have this corrective surgery, it could lead to further problems down the road.

It was less than a week from AJ’s birth and Joelle’s surgery was scheduled for early in the morning. My wife’s sister, Becky, and her parents were nice enough to come along that day. Joelle was blissfully unaware of what we were doing there. Once the nurses called us in and started walking us towards the preparation section, my heart rate increased like I just took a triple shot red eye from Starbucks. I thought to myself, “Sh** just got real.” The nurses were great. They were accommodating, extremely nice, and patient with Joelle as she rampaged through the facilities.

The anesthesiologist came by to give her some medication in order to calm her down. I thought to myself, “If this works I’m totally asking to take some home with me.” Unfortunately, the medication had an adverse affect on Joelle. Instead of calming her down it made her more agitated. She was getting drowsy but angry as well. It was a drunken baby rampage. This of course made both my wife and I even more nervous. My wife was already losing it emotionally, so I couldn’t possibly lose it either. One of us had to hold it together. Then it was time to put the hospital gown on her. It was dark green and had bears and balloons on it. I thought she would like it. Boy was I wrong.

Once we slipped it on her she looked down at it and started dropping baby F-bombs and completely lost it. Who knew 19-month-olds are fashionably aware? The nurses were flexible enough to take it off her. I mean, who could stand a drugged up, hungry 19-month-old screaming baby profanities at you? Finally the operating room was ready for her and they carried her off screaming baby F-bombs and all. Naturally, my wife got a little emotional so I tried my best to comfort her and reminded her we just needed to trust the Lord.

My wife, her sister Becky, and her parents went to take AJ to her grandparents to care for her there since they were so close by. I picked out a spot in the waiting room, sprawled out with my book, and pretended that I was in my own living room. I even had the person next to me say, “You look way too comfortable.” I smiled at her and said, “Well, if no one else is going to use these chairs . . . “

A couple of hours passed by and the doctor came out to give me an update on Joelle’s status. He said the surgery was almost done and that she was doing fine. I was relieved. He was going to allow me to go see her in a matter of minutes. I texted my wife the update and immediately she started heading over to the hospital. A nurse escorted me back toward the operating room and they brought Joelle out. She was screaming and still had her IV (Intravenous Therapy) in. I asked if they could remove it but they said it needed to be in for a while longer. Joelle’s eyes were swollen and blood shot. She hadn’t eaten or drank anything all day, so I wasn’t surprised to find her in a bad mood. I’m sure the anesthesia that she had been under didn’t help. I calmly wrapped Joelle in a blank and held her while caressing her head. She was able to stay calm for a while. My wife arrived shortly afterwards and we took turns holding her.

One Asian nurse with a thick accent said to me, “You know you remind me of my son.” I replied, “Really? How so?” She said, “You’re so calm just like he is. Nothing seems to trouble you.” Ha! If she only knew what was going on inside me. I just told her “Thanks,” and started thinking about my mom, wishing she were here. It certainly was a parental experience.

In short, Joelle’s surgery went well. We had a post-op appointment the next day and scheduled another one in six weeks. There’s a chance she may need another one but we’re praying that she won’t. It’s been about a week since the surgery and her eyes look better. She’s a little trooper. Thank you for all of you who prayed for her safety.

Labor Night

Didn’t we just do this? Well, that’s what it felt like when we were headed to the hospital for induction. It felt like we were resetting the clock after only 18 months. Joelle is on a schedule and sleeps through the night. She’s also hit all of her milestones and comprehends far more than I realize. Now, here comes Alaina Joy? We’re going to have to go through all the sleepless nights and schedule setting all over again, with the addition of a toddler to compete for attention on top of it?

Sweet!

Anyway, we could talk about that stuff later. Right now, here’s a running account of the night of induction. Our little angel number 2 was taking her sweet time, being 9 days overdue. Maybe she knew once she was born, I would start the clock – 18 years old and they’re out! My wife wasn’t feeling much of anything in the way of contractions. So induction was the plan. Why not? We had to induce with Joelle and everything turned out fine. It was scheduled for Sunday night at 11:30. We arrived at the hospital on time and had the induction started by midnight or so. AJ came at about 6:30am Monday morning, about 6.5 hours total. I was asleep for about 5.5 hours. Before you start thinking I’m a slacker just know that the couch in the room I was sleeping on was extremely uncomfortable. So it was 5.5 hours of restless sleep. Why can’t they have nicer places for the husband to sleep in labor rooms? I mean there wouldn’t even be labor rooms if it weren’t for men.

Also, I knew the induction could take a few hours anyway. At least that’s what I heard the doctor saying when I was half-asleep. There was no point in BOTH of us staying awake. As the “Labor Coach,” I was going to need all my strength to yell, “PUSH!” (I’m not sure why they call us “Labor Coaches” anyway. It’s not like we know what we’re doing. Outside of yelling, “PUSH!” what tactics am I really giving my wife? Don’t coaches usually know what they are coaching? Well, unless you’re Mike D’Antoni of course.)

The doctors woke me up at about 6am and said, “It’s almost time.” Naturally, since I was just waking up, it took a moment to figure out what they meant. “Oh right! My wife is having a baby.” My wife’s goal was to have a “natural birth.” I think every woman wants a natural birth, at least until the pain starts. Since Joelle’s labor process was so long, my wife decided to go ahead with getting an epidural. This time around, however, she decided against it and almost immediately regretted the decision.

Now my wife is one of the most gracious, loving, and composed individuals I’ve ever met. All of those things went completely out the window once labor started.

Me: PUSH!
My wife: Shut up!
Me: PUSH!
My wife: SHUT UP!
Me: But honey, you have to push!
My wife: I said, “SHUT UP!!!”
Me: Hey, I thought we co-signed on this.
My wife: (throwing things)
Me: . . .
Nurse: Don't worry. She's suppose to be mean to you right now.
Me: (Thinking: I guess that's sort of comforting.)

(Katie: I never told Jr to shut up during hard labor. There was on moment in the night when Jr was helping me through contractions in which he teasingly yelled “push.” When the contraction was over, I looked at him and jokingly told him to “shut up.” In true Jr fashion, this single expression said once in jest has now become his tag line for the night. ☺ )

This is the part where I start praying the baby comes quickly and not for my wife’s sake but for my own. There were other things yelled from the top of her lungs said that I won’t repeat here. Let’s just say I saw a side of my wife I’ve never seen before.

(Katie: While I will admit to yelling to get through the pain, nothing that was said was inappropriate for little ears.)

Once AJ was out, the joy (and relief) filled our hearts. This time around, I felt more comfortable handling her. I enjoy being a father. I never thought that would be true and it’s certainly not because it’s easy. Cuddling AJ late into the night while my wife finally got a chance to rest was both difficult and wonderful. Alas, these moments seem to always intertwine elation with sorrow. My life is given a greater sense of purpose because of our new little angel. It’s also a sorrowful reminder that my mother wasn’t here to witness it. My mom prayed fervently that the Lord would provide a godly wife for her son. She would not live to see her prayers answered. My mom never told me her thoughts about me potentially being a father. I would’ve liked to know her thoughts. Interestingly, during this whole process, my thoughts turned to my biological father for a time. I wondered how a man could so easily turn his back to his family when I would gladly die for mine. I strive to not be like him while at the same time try and be like my mother.

(Katie: Jr has indeed become a wonderful father. It was a joy the first time around to see him embrace his new role with Joelle, even when many of the baby care routines were foreign to him. This time, it has been so special to see how much more comfortable he has become in caring for our girls. He knows when and how to step in and help, and there is nothing sweeter than seeing them cradled in his arms. His role as a father to our family is a constant reminder of God’s ability to heal and redeem the brokenness of our world.)

This past week has been crazy. In the midst of it all I have experienced an outpouring of love by my friends, family, Grace Group, and co-workers. I’m overwhelmed by God’s goodness poured out on my family through our community. It’s truly a blessing to be a part of it.

Bizarro Valentine’s Day

It’s been well documented how much I love my wife. She’s an amazing woman with too many qualities to count. But I’ve never pointed out any of her flaws. I mean, why would I ever do such a thing? Since Valentine’s Day is around the corner and my baby is due at any moment, I thought I would write a bizarro blog about my wife before I can’t write anything at all due to the fact we’ll have two screaming children. Besides, since I went through this already for our anniversary the world needs to know everything isn't perfect.

Country Music

When I was first interested in my wife back when we were attending college, I noticed she was a big country music fan. I thought to myself, “That shouldn’t be a surprise because all white girls like country, right?” So I overlooked that flaw. She knew I hated country music, but I don’t think she knew to what degree. She’s been great with not listening to it with me around. However, there are times when I use her car that the radio is set to a country music station. For those few seconds between realizing what I am listening to and turning the radio off by ramming my fist through it like Bruce Lee ramming his fist through people, I am exposed. Every time that happens, I feel like I have to be quarantined.

DVR Too Full

There are times I go to the TV to record a basketball game or an episode of The Walking Dead but either the DVR is too full or there are other shows being recorded. Normally, I wouldn’t mind if they were good shows. However, when I look up what’s on the DVR there’s about 100 episode of Chopped, Say ‘Yes’ to The Dress, and Biggest Loser.

(Katie excerpt: I frequently text my wife in the middle of the day to ask her to record a basketball game for me on the DVR. Not once has she ever denied this request for lack of space. The games are always waiting for me when I get home. Even more amazing, when there was a conflict between shows to be recorded two nights ago, my wife very sweetly offered to give up her recording space so that I could watch what I had planned. That’s true love.)

Chopped

I actually liked this show, at first. Then after watching several episodes I realized it was basically the same thing over and over. The cooks get stressed out because they’re running out of time and the judges tell them what’s good and bad about their particular dishes. The judges are also persuaded to keep or chop certain chef’s because of their character and/or story, although they won’t admit it. If the cook is a jerk the judges get more critical with their work. We see right through them. It’s a wonder why more chefs don’t catch on to this. Anyway, it just got tiresome watching other people eat. How do I know if the judges are right unless I try the food myself? I don’t see the need to record every episode when every episode is the same.

(Katie excerpt: Of course, every time my wife watches this show and the competition involves a big slab of red meat, I must admit that, once again, I find myself drawn to the competition.)

Say ‘Yes’ to The Dress

This has to be the first show in human history to make the balls of a man shrink by merely watching the intro. An entire show picking out a wedding dress?

(Shaking my head)

(Katie excerpt: Thankfully, my wife understands this and has NEVER subjected me to watching the show. I also have to admit that I have had the movie “Aliens” on the DVR for months, now, and my wife has yet to delete it- even though I have subjected her to the nonsense of it multiple times. Again, true love.)

Biggest Loser

Okay, this show is actually inspiring. It’s nice to see fat people decide they don’t want to be fat anymore and do something about it. You see their everyday lives improving in very practical ways, like being able to bend down and put their socks on.

Of course, there can’t be a show with healthy people who have always lived a healthy life. I mean that’s pretty boring. People want drama and dramatic changes. I even thought about gaining 300 pounds in order to get on the show so I could win some money. Then I calculated the cost it would take for me to gain that much weight and decided it really wouldn’t be worth it. Bummer. I was looking forward to binge eating at Cheesecake Factory.

In short, I love my wife. She brings so much joy into my life, I nearly weep when I think about it. But I really wish she would kick these annoying habits. However, I am well aware that if she were to write a blog about my flaws, my guess is that it would be a lot longer.

(Katie excerpt: And yet, I know that she loves me just as much as I love her!)

When your wife is the editor excerpts on blogs like this happens.

Baby Prep #2

When my wife and I decided to start having kids, we thought it would be a good idea to time the birth for the summer and after the NBA Finals. Okay the last part was my idea. Since we both teach we’d be off of work and wouldn’t have to deal with taking time off. Having the child after the NBA Finals was just an added bonus for me. Besides, I wanted to give my wife and new child undivided attention and how could I do that with the Finals going on?

You could read about The Birth of Joelle here.

With baby #2, we decided we weren’t going to time anything and just “let nature take its’ course.” One of the changes in philosophy is that I wanted the kids to be close together, not so much because they would grow up together and be close but rather because I wanted them out of the house faster. Our second little girl is due in the next couple of week, and it’s in the midst of a really busy work schedule. Maybe waiting another four months wouldn’t have been a bad idea, but it’s not like we can go back and change things now. The staff at my school knows baby #2 is right around the corner and knows I might just split and leave my students hanging if #2 decides it’s time to introduce herself to the world.

It was pretty easy to prepare for a baby over the summer. I just needed my blanket and a bag of junk food. Once those things were ready, we just had to wait patiently. This time around, it could happen when I’m at work, which freaks me out a little. Mid-February is right around the NBA trade deadline, and I don’t want to get behind on work. Truthfully, all those things will have to be set aside because the most important thing is my family. Honestly, what frightens me is our world changing because we’ll have not one but TWO babies. How will Joelle react to not being the big banana? How will my wife deal with having two kids to take care of and working from home as well? How am I going to accomplish what I want to accomplish AND give all my girls the love, care and attention that they need?

There are so many questions. But you know what? I don’t need the answers (not right now anyway). That’s the beauty of life. You just need to enjoy the ride. I’ll figure out those questions (and even questions I have yet to ask) with my wife, my community of family, friends, and pastors and ultimately the Lord, who will grant me wisdom, as I need it. As I reflect more about having another little girl, I’m excited to shower another person made in the image of God with love and care- the love and care neither my mother nor my sister received growing up. As you may already know, my biological father wasn’t around when I was growing up. I’ve had to deal with that my whole life. But with Christ’s strength I have the confidence in knowing I won’t turn out like him. By the grace of God I have an opportunity to redeem my bloodline and that opportunity excites me even though it will cost me two weddings, many sleepless nights, and diligent gun training to fend off unworthy boys. Whatever challenges are ahead I’m up for it, as long as they’re not during the NBA playoffs.

For more blogs like this read: Girl Power

The Dark Night

The Child Rises

Anniversary 5.0

So I read in the Marriage Manuel that you really need to get something special for your wife every fifth anniversary (e.g., 5th, 10th, 15th etc). This year being our fifth anniversary, I actually had to put some thought into this. Last year, I was in a rush, copped out and went to Jared’s and overpaid for a piece of jewelry. The good news is my wife liked what I got her, but I really should’ve $aved the “rush your @$$ to Jared’s” card for one of these fifth years (take note young husbands).

Since my wife is nice enough to not let me screw this one up she just told me what she wanted. Admittedly, when she mentioned it, she said that it could be saved for years down the road. But, since I was given the idea, I figured that I would save me some brainpower and use it this year. It didn’t save my wallet, but I’m not complaining (not out loud anyway). My wife deserves it. Now I don’t know much about women, but I do know the universal truth that no matter what her background, culture, or childhood was like, they want flowers, chocolate, and diamonds. You can NEVER go wrong with anyone of these gifts. Especially when you give her diamonds. I have no clue why women have an affinity towards these particular items, but it’s knowledge I was able to use to my advantage.

When it comes to diamonds, I call in the expert, namely, my sister Victoria. She knows some people in the downtown LA jewelry district, and she helped get my wife’s engagement and wedding ring. So, I called her in for back up once more. Downtown LA is probably the second worst city on earth to drive in because of the one-way streets and traffic (It’s only second to New York). If you don’t know exactly where you’re going, you may never find your way out of that city again. My sister knows the building, where to get inexpensive parking (Inexpensive and my sister are rarely ever connected), the security guards by first name, and all the jewelers in the store. She gets the best deals. (Although getting a “deal” on diamonds still requires spending enough money to make one vomit.)

When we got to the jewelry shop, my sister waved hello to the jewelers from outside the bulletproof glass window. They buzzed her in with excitement because they know Victoria doesn’t come just to “look” at stuff. She comes to spend money, and this time it was going to be my money. The jewelry was so shiny I had to wear sunglasses just to look at it all. I overheard another lady there say, “This is like a candy store for ladies.” I’m no expert, but I’ve been to a candy store and I don’t recall spending $500 for some Skittles. After some small talk, we quickly picked out the item, swallowed hard after looking at the price, and then bit the bullet. Done and done. I’m sure my wife will love it.

Wow. Has it really been five years already? What will the next five years look like? I feel like I have the most amazing wife in the world. She gets up early in the morning to make breakfast for me and the kids, she’s wise with her money, she’s constantly keeping the house clean, she prepares every meal, and she does it with complete gladness and with a servant’s heart because she loves the Lord. Even though she is completely content, I want to give her so much more. Each day that goes by I feel more blessed that she’s in my life, and I praise God for that. She is the constant reminder of God’s undeserving goodness in my life.

Happy anniversary, Honey. I feel like I love you more and more with each passing year. I hope to have many more years with you. But if I die unexpectedly please keep the Laker season tickets in the family and make sure Bryan pays me back all the money he owes me. I love you.

For last year's anniversary blog click here.

For my Wedding Diary blog click here.

The Swagger Wagon

I bought my Ford Explorer new in 1997 and paid it off in 2002. When I married my wife, I immediately paid off the balance on her car since the interest rate was so high because of a lack of credit history when she first bought it. Not everyone agrees about universal truths, but most people can agree that having a car payment stinks. It’s extremely nice to drive around in functioning cars and NOT have a payment. The thought of having another car payment makes me want to vomit.

However, my wife is currently eight-months pregnant with our second child. Watching her painfully get Joelle (17-months) in and out of her Toyoda Avalon was killing me. The thought of her having to get TWO kids in and out of that car next month was killing me even more. It was clearly “bite the bullet” time. We were going car shopping!

The interesting part was both my wife and I didn’t want a van because of the connotation of being old, uncool, or even worse, being like our parents. But the more and more she looked at what she needed, a van seem to fit. Darn it! It’s “bite the bullet” times two! Since I haven’t bought a car this century, I was a little out of practice. I had forgotten how stressful it could be and how sometimes car salesmen try to take you for everything you’re worth. You really need to do your research. After looking at the most popular options for vans, we landed on the Honda Odyssey.

Our first stop was Honda World. We came in with a reasonable offer on a used car they had, but the salesmen we were working with noticed another couple looking at the same car. When we wouldn’t move on the numbers, he just got up and left (and sent his manager to deal with us). The couple that was looking at the car ended up buying it for the sticker price on the lot, which was $6,000 more than what they had it listed for online (that’s the salesmen’s story, anyway). Initially I thought, “Good for the salesmen.” But what I should have been thinking was, “What an idiot that dude was for overpaying for a car!” If he had done just a little research, he could have saved some serious money. But hey, who really wants to look up car prices on the Internet when you could just throw away thousands of dollars at the dealership?

In retrospect, though, I guess it should matter to us what others pay for cars because it directly affects the market value of said vehicle. The salesmen was experienced enough to know how much he could get for a given vehicle from people who hadn’t done their research. There’s little leverage for a salesman if the people who come in know the value of the car, have excellent credit, and don’t have an immediate need for the car. However, it seems like they can always spot a sucker, like this guy could. Why would he bother to sell us the car for a good deal when he could sell that same car to a sucker for far more? So because there was a sucker in the parking lot we got screwed out of the car we wanted. Sweet!

We continued our search online and eventually found another car at a second dealer that seemed like a good price. After phone calls to verify that the car was in stock, we went to the dealer in person to look at it. Unfortunately, the car wasn’t actually there at the time. We ended up agreeing to an initial deal, contingent on our being able to see and test drive the car. To make a week long story short, in the subsequent days, we got the run around from the dealer about when the car would actually be available to be seen and test driven. The car was at the “sister lot”- Honda Santa Monica- getting detailed. Calls at the end of the week and a trip to that dealer also left us empty handed and unsure where we stood with this particular car. My wife was so frustrated with the process that she mailed it in. She didn’t care how difficult it was going to be getting two babies in and out of the Avalon. This is where the reasonable, calm, and cool-headed husband kicked in. There was no way I was going to miss out on a potentially great deal and let my wife take our kids around (with all their stuff) with an inadequate car. So, the second time I had to make the trek down to Honda Santa Monica, my father-in-law was nice enough to come with me.

The salesman we worked with at this dealership was a lot more accommodating when he heard our story with all the run-around(s). I wanted my father-in-law to test drive Odyssey. I figured that owning one himself, he should know how it was supposed to run. Little did I know that I was in for a wild ride. Once we got in the car and buckled up, my father-in-law floored it right out of the parking lot. We were fast approaching a red light and I thought to myself, “Is he going to run the red light?” He then slammed on the breaks. Everything on the center console fell off, my head came inches from hitting the windshield, and the seatbelt sling shot me back so hard I nearly got whip lash. He then turned to me and said, “Well, the breaks are working.” He went on to drive without using any hands to see if the alignment was okay and aggressively turned the steering wheel back and forth. I was just waiting for him to try and Tokyo Drift the van. Apparently, when he test-drives a car, he goes into Vin Diesel mode.

Surprisingly, we got back to the dealership in one piece and started working the numbers with the salesman. We gave him the numbers we were happy with and we got everything we asked for. We also negotiated some repairs on the car without extra cost. My father-in-law and I had some good bonding time over the experience. He really enjoys that kind of stuff- talking to the salesman, dealers, researching cars, etc. It gave me more peace of mind because he had the same vehicle, along with several members of our church, and they’ve all been happy with it. Even though my wife was frustrated with the car shopping process, I knew that once we had the vehicle in hand and she drove around in it, she was going to be happy.

After a week she says it’s been a lot easier to get Joelle in and out of the car and it will be a lot easier when baby #2 comes along next month as well. My wife is happy, and I am happy.

I done good - (patting myself on the back)

I was so excited about the new purchase that I made sure to text my sister about it. She asked, “How long is the term for the loan?” I said, “60 months.” She replied, “So that’s how long I’ll have to listen to you complain about a car payment?” Wow. She knows me pretty well. And the answer is “yes,” I’ll be complaining the whole way through.

In Memory of Geoff Dykstra

This morning I attended the monthly Men’s Breakfast at my church, and it was announced that Geoff Dykstra went home to be with the Lord today. He had been battling cancer for several months. Geoff leaves behind him his wife, Leah, and his five children.

I didn’t know Geoff well and only had a couple of conversations with him. However, his shining example of his love for Christ was not lost on me. At the Men’s Breakfast, people went around sharing moments of Geoff’s life. He clearly had an impact on the lives of those around him. There were several things said about Geoff that really stood out; his consistent joyful attitude, how he loved his children and wife, and his desire to serve others. More than a few members from our church visited him in the hospital and noticed he knew everyone’s name. Geoff greeted all the nurses, doctors, and janitors by name and felt it was his mission to be an example of Christ’s love to the people around despite the fact that he was dying of cancer.

During a church work day a few months ago, even in his weakened state, Geoff showed up to pass out water for the guys that were working, wearing a breathing mask so he wouldn’t get sick. There are countless stories of how godly this man was.

As I think about this, there are a few things I just want to mention.

First, Geoff would hate getting any attention like this. He would deflect the attention back on the Lord. It was his love for Jesus that made him the person we all can aspire to.

Second, I’ve never been at a church where someone was sick and the entire church felt it. Throughout Geoff’s process, from being diagnosed with cancer and the treatment that followed, the church constantly updated the members about his situation and health status. There was constant support and prayers for him and his family (support which will continue as his wife and children face new challenges). No sermon or book could’ve taught me how to suffer with those who suffer better than the way my church did by this example.

Finally, I feel honored and privileged having known Geoff, even a little. His example of being a loving father to his children I will take with me and aspire to. I also feel honored and privileged that these are the types of people who attend my church. One of the elders told Geoff before he died that the church would take care of his family. All of us are happy to follow in that pledge.

As the years goes by I’m learning more and more about the function of the Body of Christ. We are vessels of God’s love and mercy. We are an army that fights for each other’s holiness. We are a hospital for the sick and a food bank for the hungry. We correct and rebuke. We encourage and affirm. We say God’s people are never alone. We walk together through the fires of hell and fields of lilies. We stand shoulder to shoulder from the depths of the earth and to the heights of heaven. We are His bride. We are His body. We are the church.

If you want to know a little more about Geoff Dykstra his blog is here.

If you want to give to the Dykstra Fund in order to help support his family - CLICK HERE.