What’s In A Name?

My wife is done torturing her mother. For the last several months, she has been withholding our daughter’s name from her despite my mother in law’s numerous attempts to find it out. The torture came to an end on Mother’s Day when my wife gave her mom a card with each letter of our girl’s name cut out and stuffed inside the envelope. It was up to my mother in law to unscramble them in order to figure out the name. I guess white people think this is fun. Whatever.

Once we told my in laws, we decided there wasn’t a whole lot of point in keeping the name a secret any longer, so my wife posted our daughter’s name on Facebook last night to rave reviews. Our daughter’s name is “Joelle Penny Jamreonvit.” It’s important to note that it’s atypical for Thai people to have middle names. Since our last names are so long already we figure, “What’s the point of having a middle name?” Apparently, though, white people like middle names, and it seems they often use them to let their child know when they’re in trouble by emphasizing it. For example, if little Joelle does something wrong, I’m sure to hear an exasperated voice from my wife saying, “Joelle PENNY!” Then Joelle will know she’s in trouble. This will be a bit different from my childhood. When Thai children mess up, Thai people just yell and start cussing up a storm in Thai. Growing up, my sister and I knew that when Mom started cussing in Thai, it was time to run because the sandal was sure to come off and the swat to follow. (Unfortunately, my mom was a ninja when it came to the sandal, and running didn’t always help. She had great aim and could throw it with ninja-like precision.) It was about the equivalent of a middle name, I guess.

The Break Down: Joelle

So, here’s the breakdown of how we picked the name. I wanted a “J” name because my last name starts with a J. It just sounds nice. I was perfectly content with common names like, Jamie, Jessica, Jennifer (ex), or Justine (not so common). Eventually, though, my wife and I decided on Joelle, which means, “Jehovah is God.” Look, I know I went to Talbot School of Theology and have two masters degrees in Bible. And yes, I know that “Jehovah” is a nonsense word. But every time I try and explain this to people no one seems to care. Whatever. Joelle sounds nice anyway.

Middle Name: Penny

Penny was my mom’s name. I was asked on Mother’s Day, “Is it harder for you without your mom on days like these?” I said, “No, I miss her all the time.” I’ve only visited her grave a couple of times since her passing. The reason I don’t visit often is purely theological (she’s not there but in the presence of the Lord). I don’t need reminders that a big part of my life is no longer here. I have pictures of my mom all over the house and I think about her often, especially these last several months because Joelle will be screaming bloody murder soon. I wonder how she would take the news that I’m having a child. She would be excited beyond containment, overflowing with thankful enjoy. She would also be deathly afraid I would screw up somehow and forget to feed my daughter or something, but then she would realize Katie is her mother and that she has nothing to worry about.

Every time I run into people who knew my mom (and there’s a lot of them) they always mention a story I haven’t heard about her and how they were so touched by the way she lived the gospel and loved others with the love of Jesus. I hope Joelle loves people the way my mom loved people (Unless she’s on the basketball court, then I want her to destroy people with assassin-like proficiency.). I’m looking forward to telling my daughter dozens of stories about her grandmother. Joelle will shortly realize the impact her grandma had on her father’s life and will also feel a sense of love as well, much in the same way my wife does without ever meeting my mom.

My hope is that those stories inspire Joelle to love much because she is touched by the love of God in the same manner her grandma was. When she gets old enough, I’ll take her to visit grandma’s gravesite to see that grandma was real, and that death is also real. I’ll want her to realize that as a result, we should live our lives with Kingdom purpose, just like Grandma Penny did, for tomorrow is promised to no one.

Last But Not Least: Jamreonvit

A person’s last name has their legacy attached to it. Throughout the Bible, the Lord was very concerned about His Name and what it meant to Him and to His people. It was a window into His character. If you know me or have been following this blog for any amount of time, you’ll know I grew up without a father.

I remember watching a documentary on Ray Lewis who also grew up without a father. He took his mother’s name (Lewis) instead of his father’s name because his mother was there for him and his dad never was. There was bitterness in his voice when he spoke about his father. Lewis was extremely emphatic about not wanting to know his father and that having his mother was enough for him.

I have my father’s name, but I’m not my father. I’m sure some psychologist would tell me that because I lacked a father growing up, it’ll impact my parenting. Of course it will. I’m determined NOT to be him. I’m not bitter towards my father anymore. It just takes too much emotional energy to be angry with someone who isn’t even around. I can use that emotional energy towards loving my family, loving my Lord, and yelling at refs. I’m not going to change my name the way Lewis did. I’m just going to redefine it. Joelle will know her father and know him well. She will be a part of redefining the family name. (That is until some jerk marries her and changes it.)

So, in summary, Joelle is an extension of my mom, a part of my wife and I, and will be her own person (who doesn’t play soccer). I have no idea how she’ll turn out. If she turns out to be like my mom and wife, she’ll be one of the most godly women in history and absolutely beautiful. However, she has half of my DNA and may have anger issues as a result. So, we may have some challenges to work through, but that’s what makes parenthood so interesting, right?

Starbucks Advantages

Who doesn’t like Starbucks coffee? Starbucks has become a permanent fixture of our culture, so much so that other countries have decided to open franchises and overcharge their people for coffee as well. Recently, Starbucks brought back “Happy Hour” which means that during the hours of 3pm to 5pm, a frappuccino blended beverage is only half price! So, during these two wondrous hours, Starbucks is only half screwing their customers. Of course, what is most certainly to follow is absolute madness for those two hours at your local Starbucks, right? Far be it from me to miss out on this opportunity.
Last week, I decided to take the plunge and arrived at a local Starbucks a couple of minutes before 3pm. Yes, people were already forming a line. There were a couple of high-school girls waiting for their drinks, and the barista already had about 27 cups lined up. I took my place in line and began to watch the madness. As the barista finished up one of the drinks for a high school girl, she looked at it disdainfully and said, “Put more whipped cream!” The barista, wanting to make sure he had the correct drink, pointed to the cup and asked, “This one?” She replied with even more disdain, “Yeah!” as though he was supposed to know which one out of the 27 other cups needed more whipped cream. It wasn’t like he was stressed out about the other orders or anything. He kindly added more whipped cream and then handed her the drink. She grabbed the drink and walked out in a hurry without saying anything. Stay classy John Glenn High.

As I watched this scene unfold, I thought to myself, “Maybe she was waiting for her drink a very long time. Maybe she had a rough day and just wanted some extra whipped cream to take the edge off. Or maybe she was just rude.” When I got to the counter, I told the barista, “I guess they don’t teach the words ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ in high school anymore.” He chuckled and said, “No comment.” “Don’t worry.” I said, “I’ll speak your mind for you.”

Before being able to place my order, I also had to wait for the lady directly in front of me who apparently had decided to order enough drinks for three different generations of her family and was extremely particular with how each drink was prepared. She examined each one of her 80 drinks to make sure they were done correctly and sent a few back because they weren’t. Sweet! Look, by this point, I wasn’t thrilled at waiting for a solid 23 minutes for a frappuccino that normally takes 37 seconds to make any other hour of the day. Considering the circumstances, however, I figured I needed to be more patient. It would be like going on the freeway during rush hour and being upset that there is traffic.

Adding even more intrigue to this adventerous trip to Starbucks was the random guy who entered the store and walked right to the front of the line while everyone, including myself, had a “What in the heck is he doing?” look on our faces. As it turned out he was looking for some paperwork, which he had forgotten at the store the last time he was here and was asking if they had found it. I thought to myself, “You came at the wrong time.” A moment after, I’m pretty sure the manager told him the same thing. The line was already out the door, everyone looked angry, and it wasn’t even 3:30 yet. Apparently he didn’t have the Starbucks phone app that notifies you when there are promotions going on at Starbucks.

When I finally got my drink, I told the barista “Thanks, man. You have a nice day.” He didn’t really have time to respond, which is understandable but I have no doubt he appreciated a customer being polite and showing him a shred of dignity under probably the most stressful time of the day. So, two final thoughts; first, if you’re planning on going to Happy Hour at Starbucks this week, just know what you’re getting into. Secondly, if you’re a Christian this is a good opportunity to shine like “stars in the heavens” and be “pure children of God” (Phil. 2:15) by simply NOT being a jerk.

Girls In Baggy Shorts

A couple of weeks ago, the Biola women’s basketball team had the “End of the year (season) team dinner.” Any “End of the year” type thing is often a time to reflect on, well, the year, and like most years, it went by fast. Things move at the speed of life, and if we don’t cherish the opportunities given to us when we become older, we’ll just end up bitter old people (and probably fat as well). So here’s me cherishing a rare opportunity I thought I would never have.

This past season I was given an opportunity to be an assistant coach of the Biola women’s basketball team. One of the assistant coaches had to drop out mid-season. The head coach of the team, Bethany Miller, and I have been good friends since our undergraduate days at Biola. I’m making us sound old, but we’re really not. I’ve watch Bethany since she was a college athlete who received the President’s Award (a scholarship that paid 90% of her Biola tuition), got married to my friend, Jared Miller, went to grad school, became a physical therapist, worked as an assistant coach to the girl’s team, and then got hired as the head coach (1st year) and the assistant athletic director at Biola University just last year. She’s one of the hardest workers I’ve ever met and loves the game of basketball. We’ve also been in the same Grace Group (home Bible study) for several years. So when she needed help with the team, I couldn’t possibly say, “no.”

Coaching Girls

I’ve always thought about coaching, but only after I started making six-figures as a financial planner. Also, I’ve never really thought about coaching girls. I mean, how in the world do I relate with girls? Especially girl athletes, since they’re cut from a different cloth sometimes. For example, I was talking to our starting center trying to motivate her for an important conference game. The opposing center had made All-Conference last year as a junior and will probably make it again this year as a senior. Our center played her well and is two years younger. I said, “Two years from now you have the potential to be even better than she is.” She stoically replied, “Yeah, I don’t really get up for that.” Well, never mind. Bethany later told me the same things that motivate guys don’t always motivate girls. “Okay then. It’s time for a different approach,” I thought. It was definitely a learning experience for me. My comfort was my knowledge of the game. Basketball will always be basketball and I love the sport at near idolatrous levels so, I was confident I would figure out ways to help the team.
As I was getting to know the girls on the team and their needs I was impressed with how mature they were. Of course there were moments of immaturity but they weren’t atypical of your average college student. If anything, they made me more settled with having a girl. I probably had a half dozen “I wonder if my daughter is going to be like that” moments each week while I was with the team. It was fun to think about. I certainly won’t “make” my daughter play basketball. However, considering that she’ll end up “daddy’s little girl,” I don’t see how she’s not going to play the best game in the world. Also, since I’m not allowing her to play soccer or any other sport in the Winter Olympics (e.g., figure skating, curling, etc.) she doesn’t have much of a choice anyway.
Beyond the X’s & O’s
What really helped me as a coach is the ability to step inside the player’s situation. I liked to ask myself the question, “If I were going through what they were going through, what would I need?” It’s often like looking at a younger version of yourself, having been at that life-stage knowing exactly how they are feeling and what needs to be said at a given moment. There were disappointing losses, emotional trials, and epic victories, often happening week to week. The challenge isn’t always the x(s) and o(s). Actually, that’s usually the easy part. You study film of your opponents, pick up their plays and player tendencies, and formulate a plan accordingly. The challenge is implementing the plan by getting different people with very different personalities and different perspectives on the same page in order to execute the plan. That’s no small task.
The hard work of seeing your players execute the game plan, which results in team success is well worth the labor.
Another component of coaching that doesn’t get mentioned enough is managing people. When an individual, or the entire team, is on the verge of losing confidence or their emotional psyche is about to be broken, you as a coach need to see that and prevent or know how to mend it back together. Empowering players by transferring the confidence from coach to player can’t be taught in classroom or read in a textbook. It makes human beings created in the image of God that much more fascinating to me.

Girls In Baggy Shorts (you know I had to work the title in somewhere)

Society seems to view basketball as a more “masculine” sport. Girls in baggy shorts and big bulky basketball shoes don’t seem “feminine.” Some of that is true. Yes, I’ve met girls who would rather spend time in the weight room instead of the beauty salons. But what’s harder? Always acting feminine (whatever that means) or being able to adapt to a given situation or context?
Attempting to play extremely hard on the basketball court and maintaining eloquence and grace off of the court is a much more daunting task than always remaining one or the other. These girls were able to pull that off. No, I don’t believe a girl has to lose some of her feminine instincts in order to excel at basketball. I fully expect my daughter to have an “assassin’s mentality,” seeking to destroy everyone on the basketball court while completely acting like a lady off of it.

The College Experience
College was an experience I’ll never forget. I never got a chance to play college basketball at a university, but I can only imagine doing so would’ve enhanced the college experience even further.
So then, as a coach, it was a complete delight to watch the girls grow as basketball players and how that overflows into their personal lives. I don’t know what prepares a person more for real world professionalism than athletics. As I’ve mentioned before, there are a million parallels between life and basketball. Nothing worthwhile comes easy. In achieving excellence, discipline, commitment, and sacrifice are not optional but pre-requisites. I believe the girls learned that lesson. Their teachability allowed it to happen, and those are the lessons that go well beyond the basketball court.

Here’s what five-time NBA champion Steve Kerr had to say about his college experience at Arizona:

I had no chance of making the NBA after my first season at Arizona, much less right out of high school. (The thought actually makes me laugh.) As a slow 6-foot-3 white guy, I was lucky to even stick around for one NBA season, much less 15. I had the "anti–Anthony Davis experience," spending five full years in college (redshirting one season with a knee injury) before entering the NBA at 22. And maybe this wouldn't be true for everyone, but for me, those five years at Arizona were the most important of my life. My teammates from those Wildcat teams remain my best friends to this day. Our loss in the Final Four during my senior year in 1988 remains the single most disappointing game of my life — but one that motivated me for the rest of my career. The collective value of the experiences we shared — every tough practice, every difficult loss, every euphoric win, even those times on the bus or the plane — created a bond between us that will live forever. And the education we received from our coach, Lute Olson, had an immeasurable effect on all of us. He was a teacher, father figure, and mentor; without his influence, the last 25 years of my life just wouldn't have turned out the same.

I have no doubt coach Miller has impacted the girls in this manner and that she’ll continue to do so for as long as she is the head coach. I feel extremely blessed to have been a small part of it.
I'll leave you with a clip.

Going On A Diet

I don’t recall ever going on a diet in my life (fasting doesn’t count). Throughout high school I was 5’9 and 140lbs. My buddies Dom and Bryan constantly made fun of me because of my weight, or lack thereof. Dom had completely grown into his body by his senior year and Bryan had completely grown into his body at about 6th grade (although his head continues to grow at an alarming rate). They were convinced I had worms or something because I would eat more than both of them combined and wouldn’t gain any weight. I just told them Thai people don’t gain weight.

After high school, Dom finally convinced me to start taking weight lifting and working out seriously. I did just that and started gaining weight rather quickly. It wasn’t only weight but muscle weight. I felt great. I was stronger, faster, and had more energy throughout the day. It was like my mutant gene activated, and I had all these newfound powers. I’ve been committed to working out ever since.

However, being committed to working out consistently is only half the battle. A healthy diet and proper rest is the other half. Since I’m one of the laziest persons I know, resting isn’t a problem. Healthy diet, however, is another thing entirely. My whole life I’ve never had to worry about what to eat. I just ate what I wanted. Food content was irrelevant. Taste, flavor, and some type of dipping sauce were all that mattered. Now that I’m older that doesn’t quite work so well. The other day I got on the scale at the gym and my initial thought was “Oh ****! How did THAT happen?” I thought Thai people didn’t gain any weight? As it turns out, Thai people don’t gain weight while in Thailand. But in America, the land of Cheesecake Factory and carne asada burritos, they gain weight just like everyone else.

My wife has done a good job taking care of me by making sure I have a healthy breakfast and a home-cooked dinner everyday. Lunch is the problem. If men are honest, we’ll admit we don’t like making our own food. I only learned how to cook to impress ladies and when I did cook for myself it felt like a survival show. So when my wife is away and tells me where the food is and that I could make it myself I kindly say, “Ok, thanks honey.” Then quickly drive off to In-N-Out. Contrary to the popular social trend of wanting to live a long and healthy life, I really don’t want to live THAT long. I mean, when I get to the point where I can’t play basketball or need assistance in doing daily things (e.g, going to the bathroom, dressing, etc.) what’s the point really? (This is NOT a reflection of how I view the elderly it’s just how I feel about myself). In addition, I have Life Insurance so if I kick the bucket for whatever reason my family cashes out. So what’s the point in being cautious? My wife seems to want me around for some reason so I probably should make some effort in staying around, especially with a baby on the way. In light of that, my recent scale debacle has me rethinking my eating habits. Maybe I should scale back the carne asada burritos.

The last couple of days my wife has packed a PPJ sandwich, trail mix, an apple and some string cheese. You know, things I would only eat if I were on Man vs. Wild. It’s only been two days but it’s been unbelievably boring. I also don't have any energy because of the lack of calories. I’ve been scrounging for my co-workers candy stash just for some sugar. “I know you have them!!! You can’t hide them from me!!!” Anyway, I’m trying to be positive about this. Losing some weight will only improve my quickness on the basketball court. Also, I’ll probably look even sexier than I already do. Outside of those two reasons I don’t see any other positives but it’s a start.

Show Me The $$$

First, let me begin with apologizing to all three of my readers for the lack of posts in the last month, but I was studying like a crazy person for a couple of exams (and watching more basketball than I should be). It’s not like I get paid to blog (although that would be nice), so I had to prioritize.

Speaking of those exams… they were for my securities license (Series 6, Series 63). And yes, I passed. Actually, I failed on the first attempt on both of those exams. I’m a natural slacker so I wanted to see how much I could get away with. The exams are written by a bunch of lawyers intentionally trying to make it so ambiguous that even they don’t know what in the world they’re asking. Don’t you just love those kinds of people? After learning how to interpret the questions written by drunken lawyers I passed with flying colors. I love passing exams like this because it really feels like sticking it to “the man.”

The question I get asked most often when people find out I am pursuing finance is, “Are you going to stop teaching?” That’s an understandable question. I mean, why in the world would I put myself through this if I weren’t planning some type of career change? Here’s the first part of the answer, or my plan anyway. I hope to teach as long as my sanity allows me. Since my wife is going to stop working and raise our little girl to be a classy, intelligent, and responsible young lady like herself, we’re going to lose an income. My desire is to be able to supplement our income and have my wife stay at home for as long as she’d like (well, maybe not that long but long enough to raise the kids).

The second part of my answer is, as I’m learning about Personal Financial Planning, at UCLA, the more I’m intrigued by the subject matter. (On a side note, I have no idea why Personal Finance isn’t in the school curriculum, but students still need to pass algebra in order to receive a high school diploma for some reason. Because, as you all know, algebra is expressly practical and all.) I really enjoy talking about financial planning with friends and emphasize the importance of that topic. Becoming a CFP is a way, I believe, God is stirring my heart to help people and truly look for the client’s best interest above the common, “What’s my commission?” outlook that many in the financial world have. I believe that’s the way to honor God in financial planning, “to not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Phil 2:4).

How did I first get interested in the field of FP? It started several years ago when my mom passed away unexpectedly. For all the wonderful things my mom did in serving God and loving her family, she didn’t have an Estate Plan. As a result, her estate had to go through probate. In addition, since my mom didn’t have an estate plan, my lunatic older sister hired a lawyer in order to get the most she could out of my mom’s estate. She dragged the process on for two solid years. Never mind that we could’ve solved the problem by coming together as a family and being reasonable and not run my mom’s good name through the mud. The opportunity for her to receive “her cut” and to stick it to my younger sister and I were too enticing for her. Thankfully, my mom did have some life insurance, which helped the process (paying for lawyers, burial, funeral, etc.). It was bad enough to deal with the sudden loss of my mom but to deal with a crazy sister for two years following made it worse.

In short, after this experience, I started looking into estate planning and life insurance for myself. Then I started looking at the other financial components and found it extremely complicated at times. I didn’t really know whom to trust. It is a shark industry and I’ve heard stories of people getting ripped off. So I decided to start studying it myself to simply be more informed and know what kinds of questions to ask.

Then a strange thing happened while I was doing my research. The thought came to me, “Hey, why don’t I do this!” And the rest is history. Well, not exactly because I’m still in the process of becoming CFP (although I have a couple of licenses already) so I guess history is currently being written. It’s hard work but I’m enjoying the ride. We’ll see where we end up.

ESPN Films: 'The Announcement'

Film Summary

On Thursday, Nov. 7, 1991, Earvin "Magic" Johnson made people stop and watch at the Forum in Inglewood, Calif. But this time it wasn't his basketball brilliance as a perennial NBA All-Star and three-time MVP that was captivating audiences worldwide. Instead, the 32-year-old groundbreaking point guard was holding a press conference to make the stunning announcement that he was HIV-positive and would be retiring from basketball immediately. But the shock of this declaration went deeper. Having the AIDS virus in 1991 was widely seen as a death sentence, and the commonly held belief was that we would be watching a beloved sports hero die excruciatingly and swiftly in front of our eyes. Yet Magic had a different narrative in mind. He defied the odds, not just surviving, but truly living and prospering. From his MVP performance in the 1992 NBA All-Star Game, his participation on the original Olympic "Dream Team" later that year and an NBA comeback in 1996, to his astounding success as a businessman, philanthropist and ambassador in the fight against AIDS, Magic has lived up to the promise of his nickname.

Some Background

With ESPN Films coming out with The Announcement, I thought I would write this. I grew up not really knowing my biological father. I’ve only seen him a handful of times in my life and don’t have very many memories of him. My first stepfather was physically abusive. My second stepfather was completely disengaged and lacked a backbone. In short, I never had a positive male role model growing up and was basically left to figure out life for myself while in a broken home and without any Christian influence. As you can imagine, my teenage years didn’t turn out so well.

1st Hero

I’ve mentioned often that young boys need heroes in their lives. My first hero was Magic Johnson. I remember how he, and Larry Bird, completely turned the NBA upside down. Magic’s teammates loved him because he was unselfish. He had charisma and a charm that captivated most of the world. Young boys at my middle school wore Magic shirts all the time, myself included. Magic was the man who first got me interested in the game of basketball.

Growing up and going to school in a rough neighborhood, basketball kept a couple close friends and me out of trouble. I started learning the lessons of life through wanting to become a good basketball player. It takes hard work to achieve anything of note. But you don’t have to step on other people to get to your goals. Magic achieved greatness by making his teammates better, by convincing them of their personal value to the team, and ultimately getting a group of individuals to work together as a singular unit. He was a leader. He was also the first person who made me want my life to actually mean something other than simply existing.

The Day I Thought My Hero Died

When Magic made his Announcement, it was my sophomore year in high school and I had just finished basketball practice. I noticed the coaching staff looked completely shocked. I looked around and asked, “What happened?” One guy on the team told me but I didn’t believe him. Then I went to one of my coaches and he confirmed the news. I went back into the team room, sat in the dark and wept for a couple of hours. I thought, “My hero was going to die.”

I remember the entire city of Los Angeles, and the entire sports world was in mourning. One of the most beloved sports figure of all time had to retire. I had to endure nonsense from high school friends saying, “Why are you so sad? You don’t even know him?” I never responded to pointless questions. There’s no reason to waste my time with ignorance.

Trial to Triumph

Through perseverance Magic Johnson turned something tragic into something triumphant. He educated the world on the subject of the HIV virus, which caused AIDS. Much of the world had ignorant ideas about HIV and AIDS. Not anymore. And it was because of Magic Johnson.

Reflections

Now that I’m older, I’ve often thought Magic didn’t really have to tell anyone he was HIV positive at the time. He could’ve said it was an injury and it was simply his time to retire. But he didn’t and for being transparent, he endured much ridicule and ignorant accusations. Maybe he felt that he owed it to us (fans) because we were like family to him. He was one of the few athletes who seemed to genuinely care about the fans.

Today, I have many heroes. People who are/were passionate about things of eternal value. People I actually know personally who have invested into my life. But that doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget my first hero and what he meant to me during a very dark time in my life. I don’t care if Kobe gets his sixth title (one more than Magic), Magic will always be, in my eyes, the greatest Laker of all time.

Magic Johnson makes me think, “Why doesn’t everyone love this game?” That’s just a snapshot of why I love this game. And if people still think I’m crazy for being so invested in a sport, I don’t have time for ignorance.

It’s a Girl!

Disclaimer: If you’re looking for a boring blog that writes the same cookie-cutter type of responses to typical life events in typical fashion then this blog isn’t for you. I’m giving my honest thoughts, feelings and reactions at the exact moment they happen. If you think I’m a jerk, you’re probably right but at least I won’t be boring.

On our way to the ultrasound I was pretty nervous at what the results might be. I wore blue as I was rooting for a boy. My wife needed to have some blood drawn first before the ultrasound. As she headed into the office, I was in the waiting room still a nervous wreck. The Anderson Show was on the TV in the waiting room and the topic was Mothers entering their baby girls in thousand dollar beauty pageants. I thought to myself, “This isn’t a good sign” for my hope of having a boy.

After my wife finished getting her blood drawn we started walking towards the ultrasound office but decided to use the bathrooms beforehand. The bathrooms were unisex. When I opened the door the toilet seat was up. I thought, “Only a guy would leave the toilet seat up” this might be a good sign that I’m having a boy. As you could see, I was grasping for straws.

Finally arriving to the ultrasound room the technician turned on the monitor and I immediately asked her, “Is that a penis?!?” As she moved the device around, checking out the baby I was desperately looking for the child’s junk. After a few minutes of searching the technician typed the words on the screen, “It’s a g-i-r-l!” I said to myself “Sh*t!” After the ultrasound was over, I had to immediately call my sister and let her know the gender or she would have ripped my heart out. When she was informed we’re having a girl she said, “Aw, another me.” I thought a trip to BevMo was needed.

It’s no secret that I wanted a boy, first. There are several reasons for this but I’ll just mention three. First, he would have been able to help me protect my daughter from horny teenagers or any wholesome guy for that matter (to me they’re the same). Second, I’m a basketball nut and I wanted a boy who is also a basketball nut. I don’t think it’s fair my sister has a 2-year-old boy who is a basketball nut, already. It’s just not. Finally, after the boy was born I was going to play “Circle of Life” from the Lion King soundtrack. That song works better with a boy. Now I’m not sure what song to play. I’m at a loss.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Having a baby is an exciting and life-changing event. At least that’s what I’m told. I’m not saying I’m not excited but it hasn’t truly hit me yet. Work is still work, the dog is still the dog, and the Lakers still need to make a trade. Nothing has really changed except my wife’s taste buds.

Where do we go from here? I had goals for a potential son to achieve but I hadn’t thought about goals for a girl. I’m fairly positive my wife has some in mind. Raising a child isn’t supposed to be mapped out in its’ entirety. If it is, usually you end up with quite the dysfunctional individual. I think I have enough dysfunction by myself- we don’t need anymore.

There are only a couple things I do know with certainty. First, I’ll be spending a lot of money in the areas of Prom(s), shopping/accessories, and a wedding. You know, all the things that will delay my retirement. Second, I will dislike anyone who wants to marry my daughter no matter how good at basketball he is. Beyond that it’s all a shot in the dark. In short, I have no idea where we go from here. But isn’t that part of the fun? It’s not stressing me out (yet).

Perspective

You know what comforts me? My friends. Almost all my close friends, who have children, have had a girl first. Initially they were a little apprehensive as well (if they were being honest). But once their little girl came into their lives they had an immediate change of heart. They looooooooovvvvvvvvvvveeeeeee their little girl and don’t feel like they’ve missed out on anything. I’m confident I’ll feel the same way. One of my mentors at Biola adopted a couple of girls a few years ago. He says having girls has “affirmed his masculinity” more than anything else, including being proficient in sports (I’m skeptical of this). His reasoning is when men have girls it softens them in the areas which need to be softened (e.g., personal pride, ego, self-centeredness, etc.) and it brings out areas which men were meant for (e.g., protector, provider, leader, etc.).

I’ve often thought of what having a son would mean to me. I would look at him and wonder what I might’ve been if I had a good father and all of the pain and suffering that could’ve been avoided with simply having a father present in my life. It would mean being a man my son could trust, and using the wisdom and experience of my life to help shape him into a man. Basically, having a son would mean me in a parallel universe with a father who cared. I know my flaws, moronic tendencies, and all the emotional heartache that comes with them. I’ve often wondered, “Would I still be as scarred had I been given a father who cared?” Having a son would answer that question for me. It would also give me the opportunity to be a father to him in much the same way I longed for a father myself.

Instead, I’m having a daughter. I have no doubts having a daughter will absolutely change my world. This is what the Lord has for me and I’m okay with that. The Lord knows best and being a father to a son is not in the cards (for now). But if my daughter is anything like my wife and my mom, she’s going to be an amazing woman with an amazing story. A wonderful story I get to be a part of. And as my wife tells me, if our daughter has my butt I’ll have to buy a gun and learn how to use it quickly.