Bizarro Valentine’s Day

It’s been well documented how much I love my wife. She’s an amazing woman with too many qualities to count. But I’ve never pointed out any of her flaws. I mean, why would I ever do such a thing? Since Valentine’s Day is around the corner and my baby is due at any moment, I thought I would write a bizarro blog about my wife before I can’t write anything at all due to the fact we’ll have two screaming children. Besides, since I went through this already for our anniversary the world needs to know everything isn't perfect.

Country Music

When I was first interested in my wife back when we were attending college, I noticed she was a big country music fan. I thought to myself, “That shouldn’t be a surprise because all white girls like country, right?” So I overlooked that flaw. She knew I hated country music, but I don’t think she knew to what degree. She’s been great with not listening to it with me around. However, there are times when I use her car that the radio is set to a country music station. For those few seconds between realizing what I am listening to and turning the radio off by ramming my fist through it like Bruce Lee ramming his fist through people, I am exposed. Every time that happens, I feel like I have to be quarantined.

DVR Too Full

There are times I go to the TV to record a basketball game or an episode of The Walking Dead but either the DVR is too full or there are other shows being recorded. Normally, I wouldn’t mind if they were good shows. However, when I look up what’s on the DVR there’s about 100 episode of Chopped, Say ‘Yes’ to The Dress, and Biggest Loser.

(Katie excerpt: I frequently text my wife in the middle of the day to ask her to record a basketball game for me on the DVR. Not once has she ever denied this request for lack of space. The games are always waiting for me when I get home. Even more amazing, when there was a conflict between shows to be recorded two nights ago, my wife very sweetly offered to give up her recording space so that I could watch what I had planned. That’s true love.)

Chopped

I actually liked this show, at first. Then after watching several episodes I realized it was basically the same thing over and over. The cooks get stressed out because they’re running out of time and the judges tell them what’s good and bad about their particular dishes. The judges are also persuaded to keep or chop certain chef’s because of their character and/or story, although they won’t admit it. If the cook is a jerk the judges get more critical with their work. We see right through them. It’s a wonder why more chefs don’t catch on to this. Anyway, it just got tiresome watching other people eat. How do I know if the judges are right unless I try the food myself? I don’t see the need to record every episode when every episode is the same.

(Katie excerpt: Of course, every time my wife watches this show and the competition involves a big slab of red meat, I must admit that, once again, I find myself drawn to the competition.)

Say ‘Yes’ to The Dress

This has to be the first show in human history to make the balls of a man shrink by merely watching the intro. An entire show picking out a wedding dress?

(Shaking my head)

(Katie excerpt: Thankfully, my wife understands this and has NEVER subjected me to watching the show. I also have to admit that I have had the movie “Aliens” on the DVR for months, now, and my wife has yet to delete it- even though I have subjected her to the nonsense of it multiple times. Again, true love.)

Biggest Loser

Okay, this show is actually inspiring. It’s nice to see fat people decide they don’t want to be fat anymore and do something about it. You see their everyday lives improving in very practical ways, like being able to bend down and put their socks on.

Of course, there can’t be a show with healthy people who have always lived a healthy life. I mean that’s pretty boring. People want drama and dramatic changes. I even thought about gaining 300 pounds in order to get on the show so I could win some money. Then I calculated the cost it would take for me to gain that much weight and decided it really wouldn’t be worth it. Bummer. I was looking forward to binge eating at Cheesecake Factory.

In short, I love my wife. She brings so much joy into my life, I nearly weep when I think about it. But I really wish she would kick these annoying habits. However, I am well aware that if she were to write a blog about my flaws, my guess is that it would be a lot longer.

(Katie excerpt: And yet, I know that she loves me just as much as I love her!)

When your wife is the editor excerpts on blogs like this happens.