Girl Power

If you haven’t heard, yet we are having a second girl. The prospect of having another girl frightens the crap out of me. It’s no secret I wanted a boy. My initial reaction when I found out that it was a girl was to be less than excited. It’s been about a week now, and I have properly put things into perspective. But if you want my raw emotions on the first day I found out then continue reading.

When my wife and I found out that our first child was going to be a girl, I was also disappointed. However, I love my daughter Joelle more than I thought capable. I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world… not even floor seats to the Lakers. It’s been over a year since she was born, and I’ve enjoyed bonding with her and watching her grow. When my wife told me she was pregnant again, I thought to myself, “It has to be a boy!” On the day of the ultrasound, I brought a cigar for luck, ready to light it up when the good news was given. However, the “good news” did not come. We were having another girl.

I sat in the room and tried to put the best poker face on for my wife’s sake. She even said, “You look like you’re about to cry.” And they weren’t tears of joy. It took everything in me to not weep in disappointment. On the drive home, I was relatively somber, attempting to gather my thoughts in a rational manner and simply put things in perspective. There are babies that have disabilities, people dying of cancer, and the Lakers will likely miss the playoffs this year. Having another girl isn’t a bad thing at all… look how it having Joelle turned out!

Common Responses By Others

The two most common responses by people have been, “Maybe your heart needs to soften more,” and “This is what God wants for you.” I can’t argue with the second because . . . well . . . this is what’s happening. However, the first idea- God is giving me another girl because my heart needs to soften- I simply don’t buy. If my heart gets any softer I’m going to turn into a pansy. There needs to be some level of toughness for a man to be . . . well . . . a man. I have the best wife in the world, I have a beautiful little girl, and I work with Special Education students all day. How much softer does a guy need to get?

Go For Three!!!

This, too, is a common response. Here’s the problem with going for a third child – I DON’T WANT THREE CHILDREN!!! Also, the possibility of having three girls running around the house makes me want to drive off a cliff. The estrogen levels at the house would be so high I would have to build a man-cave that would rival the Batcave in order to have some down time to myself.

You’re probably asking, “What’s wrong with three children?” First, I already have to pay for TWO weddings! It’s going to be difficult to even find one worthy candidate for my daughter but now TWO?!? Second, children aren’t cheap. My in-laws are always boasting about having SIX kids and they turned out okay (relatively speaking). None of them have really complained about lacking anything growing up, at least not openly. So when I put a cap on having only two kids, my in-laws are naturally not happy with this. My response, “Are you going to pay for them?”

This really is a losing battle. My prediction is that I’ll succumb to the pressures that be and end up having a third child, which will result in a) having another girl, which will closely follow with me driving myself off a cliff or b) having a boy, in which case I could pass on my Laker season tickets, lawn mowing duties, and my legacy. I would rejoice beyond measure or Thelma & Louise it off a cliff but not having Thelma with me. There's no in-between.

Boy No More

It’s not having another girl that saddens me. It’s NOT having a boy. If you were an outside observer watching my life growing up you would think, “That kid is lazy, irresponsible, and headed nowhere.” You’d be right. My life didn’t turn out to be a tragedy mainly because the Lord grabbed my heart. He undid a lot of pain and emotional trauma. Who would’ve known there would be a passionate and driven person underneath that young jackass? I’ve often wondered how I would’ve turned out if I had a father who took care of me and pointed me in the right direction. How much better of a basketball player would I be? How much smarter would I be? How much farther would I have gotten in life? What does it really mean to be a “man?” If I had a son, I feel I would get my answer.

I would be a father to him the way my father wasn’t for me. I would see how my son would turn out and also see how I would’ve turned out as well. Yes, my son might have different interests, which is fine (within reason) but he would have a moral center and a sense of responsibility knowing his father would be there to support him no matter what. He would want to make me proud not to earn my approval but because he knows he has my unconditional love and that same unconditional love drives him to pursue greatness in all its forms. He would be a window to a parallel universe, which would show another path I could’ve lived. How many people get that opportunity to see an alternate beginning to your own life?

Dealing with Disappointment

I’ve had several disappointments in my life and the Lord has brought me to a place of peace with all of them. I’m sure raising two girls will be nothing short of a major blessing in my life. Sure mowing the lawn will be a constant reminder that I don’t have a son, but I will place my trust in knowing God is good.

Who knows… maybe if I had a son he wouldn’t grow up the way I envision and the Lord is sparing me the pain of bailing him out of jail. Whatever the case, I will trust and I will believe this is God’s best thing for me . . . probably.