Tuesday, July 26, 2016

What My Mom Taught Me About Politics Without Mentioning Politics


I wouldn’t be where I’m at today without my mom. Her endless devotion and tireless work ethic laid a solid foundation for my sister and I. My mom provided for us so we could go to school without worrying about our financial situation. We were able to attend and finish college in order to give us more opportunities when we entered the job market. But that’s not all my mom did, she taught me about politics without ever mentioning politics.

Background:

My mom came over as an immigrant (legally) because my biological father was abusive and didn’t provide for us. He kept gambling his money away and my mom couldn’t wait around for him to get his act together. She had children to support and provide for, so she came to the United States.

She didn’t know the language or the culture very well but had a relentless desire to make sure her children were provided for. She took odd jobs like waitressing, store clerk, etc. My uncle Mark had already bought into the 7-Eleven franchise and gave my mom the same idea. She never finished high school and only had an 8th grade education but that didn’t deter her. She would work 16-hour days and save up money in order to have enough equity to buy into her own store. I remember her sleeping in the back office on an awful uncomfortable folding steel recliner between shifts. It was probably worth no more than $0.99.

My mom was eligible for welfare but didn’t use it because she felt she could work and earn the money herself. I could imagine that when people would come into the store with their food stamps and buy a 0.25 pack of gum in order to collect the change and spend it on lottery tickets and liquor it would infuriate her. Were there people who really needed the assistance? Sure. But were there people that gamed the system? Absolutely. (The government has since gotten rid of the food stamp system, thankfully). My mom worked hard, became an American citizen, and paid her taxes like everyone else.

Achievement:

After many years, my mom finally saved enough money to purchase her own store. She did this through work hard. She didn’t complain about rich people not being taxed enough or spend any time figuring out ways to make them less successful in order for her life to be easier. She didn’t believe in the “Gender Wage Gap” myth. She didn’t believe external mystical forces were against her somehow oppressing her at every turn. Everywhere she worked she faced challenges. Men harassed her, angry customers used racial slurs against her, she didn’t know the language and the culture well, and she lacked the traditional education most people had. However, none of those things stopped her from working. Although my father abandoned us she never spoke ill of my father or played the victim card. She overcame every single hurdle through hard work and determination.

My mom finally became a business owner and ingratiated herself within the community. Everyone knew her by name. I’m sure if the Affordable Care Act and the minimum wage hike had been instituted back then they, would have been more hurdles for my mom to overcome (although I know she would’ve found a way).

I will forever be grateful for what she did for us. I know it couldn’t have been easy. She later told me two things when I become an adult that I’ll never forget. First, she told me how much she regretted “not being there for us” when we were children. I didn’t understand this initially because my sister and I always affirmed her and clearly told her we understood she had to provide for the family. It was only later I knew she meant that she missed out on “being a mom” and the joys of watching her children grow.

The second story she told me when I became an adult was a time she came to the end of her rope and parked the car and broke down emotionally. She was alone and had nothing. She contemplated suicide. The reason why she didn’t go through with it was the faint sounds of two small children in the back of the car saying, “Mom, were hungry. Can we have McDonalds?” She then realized that she couldn’t give up because it would be giving up on her children, so she continued to work.

When she became a Christian her business was up and running and she was doing well for herself. She was able to spend months at a time in Thailand visiting family and enjoying the motherland. She was one of the most generous people I’ve ever known. She spent more and more of her time sharing the gospel with people and inviting them to church because she didn’t have to work 16-hour days anymore. She also helped people in need because she lived below her means and was able to do so.

As a result, when I hear politicians (on either side) say they are going to fix our problems, I find it disingenuous. When they say “the system is rigged” or “you are an oppressed victim and we’ll fix it” I often think about my mother. I wonder how her life (and ours) would’ve turned out if she bought into those types of narratives and simply waited around for some politician to rescue her.

Final Thoughts:

Certainly the government has some role to play in our lives. We do need some regulations in order to prevent fraud and the breaking of contracts. My mom paid her taxes every year and enjoyed the community roads and local law enforcement to assist in neighborhood safety. She didn’t talk about politics much although she would mention her disdain of certain candidates here and there (she became a true American). I never heard her breakdown her philosophy of economics or any other political talking point for that matter. But her life made it abundantly clear what she believed. And when she passed away, it wasn’t only her friends and family who mourned but an entire community. People recognized her work ethic and gracious charity. Members of the community as well as local law enforcement attended her funeral. She did all this as a female, legal immigrant, single mother and with only an 8th grade education.

My sister has a beautiful picture of my mother in the office. The same office she slept in during those 16-hour shifts. It’s still difficult for me, to this day, to be in that office looking at that picture and realize she’s gone. My mother was a victim but never had the victim mentality. She didn’t demand “safe places” when her feelings were hurt, although I wish there had been “safe places” when my father beat her and when my stepfather continued to beat her. She didn’t have time to organize protest marches or figure out ways to disrupt other people’s lives in order to be “heard” but she paid her taxes and voted. In a lot of ways, considering the sad state of political affairs, I’m glad she’s home with Jesus. Of course I miss her dearly and her shining example is not lost on me.

Monday, July 11, 2016

40th Birthday


My wife has been asking me for weeks, "What do you want to do for your birthday?" I would apathetically response with, "I don't know. I haven't really thought about it." She would then ask, "But it's your 40th birthday. Don't you want to do something?" I would again apathetically reply, "I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."

I understand that turning 40 years old is a big deal but I haven't really cerebrated my birthday for years and didn't feel the urgency to put any thought on this particular one. I was perfectly content to let it go by like the rest of my birthdays. Unbeknownst to me, my wife decided to plan a surprise birthday party for me. A good thing for her I'm an idiot and didn't catch any of the clues that were littered all over the place.

First, she said a couple friend of ours, who recently got engaged, were having an "engagement party" and invited us. I just methodically put the event in my phone and said, "Ok" without taking the minute to think, "Wait a minute. People don't have 'engagement parties!'" During the same week of this party one of my best friends (Bryan), who lives in Portland, had to fly in for some "training for work." Another childhood friend (Dom) said he wanted to drop by and see the both of us. As it turns out, they were both in on this surprise party.

So the three us, along with several friends from high school, had a mini reunion and had a great time catching up. As it turns out, they were all in on it as well. I even mentioned to my buddies, "Hey do you want to go to this engagement party? My wife is making go." They were nice enough to attend. As we were pulling up the house, I noticed a lot of cars parked up and down the street. I said to myself, "They're never going to surprise Eric and Crista (the couple that was engaged) with these many cars parked in front of the house." As I was walking towards the backyard I notice the number "40" on table covers everywhere and thought, "What does that 40 mean? Why would Eric and Crista care about the number 40?" As I turned the corner there were about 35-40 people, including Eric and Crista, who yelled, "Surprise!!!"

It took a second to register (still). I know, I know, I'm a total idiot. My wife planned and organized the whole thing. It was incredible. There were friends and family all over the place. I was met with warm embraces, greetings, and hugs. Some of my friends I have not seen in a while and were absolutely elated to have them there. My daughters came running out greeting with complete excited yelling "Daddy, daddy!" Spending the rest of the evening with the friends and family and watching everyone enjoy themselves was a complete delight. There were several things going through my mind (some of which I'm still processing).

Here are some quick thoughts:

- The Journey to get here
People were invited to pray for me. Some of my closest friends took the charge and prayed and gave thanks to the Lord for the work He has done in my life. Different friends shared the different things God has worked in my life. There were prayers that mentioned me being a young angry boy, even being angry at God, to now becoming a man who stewards his time and family well and impacting so many lives it beyond the people who were there was extremely touching. When you fight everyday to simply be faithful each day you some times miss the big picture. Some times you miss the culmination of things. It's good to stop and reflect at what got you here and grow in appreciation of the journey.

- God's Grace
When I say "culmination" I, by no means, mean I'm at the highest point in my life. No way. I have a long way to go. But the present is a culmination of God's grace. As we continue to live in His grace we will continue to experience God's grace exponentially and ultimately culminate when we are in His presence. I got a glimpse of heavily fellowship. It's a birthday I'll never forget.

- My wife did this
No one has ever done anything like that for me before. I'm truly amazed at the beauty of my wife. She constantly reminds me of God's grace because of how undeserving I am to receive such a blessing. She put in the work weeks ago. When we stopped for the moment for her to greet everyone she said, "Knowing Junior, instead of receiving any type of gift(s) he would much rather be around the people he truly cares about. Thank you all for coming." I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything. It was so clear that my wife loved me. I never had doubts about that but for her to go above and beyond the way she did was truly amazing.

I want to give a special thanks to my wife.

Katie,
You've loved me well the moment you decided you wanted to be with me. I'm so deeply grateful at your daily work and sacrifice to serve our family. You are beautiful beyond measure. You are intelligent with precision. You are godly with a heart of worship. You could've been anything you wanted. And you wanted to be my wife and the mother of our children. You excel at it in ways I've lost count and even able to describe. Thank you again for this wonderful gift, the gift that will never be forgotten because it was from you. I love you (and I hope the party didn't cost too much).