Communal Life Stage

Going through different life stages is a part of growing up. Some people take each life stage in stride. Others may fight each stage tool and nail because of the growing pressures and responsibilities they may want to avoid. I was in the latter category for quite some time until I just finally embraced the necessity for maturity. Da** it!!! No, I'm not bitter. Okay, maybe a little.

One of the earth shaking experiences was becoming a father. It certainly changed my view on parenthood. At least some of those views anyway. But I'm not here to talk about me. Recently my dear friend, Aaron Brown, just became a father.

Aaron and his wife Megan had a rough labor. I could totally relate. By the grace of God, they got through it and Eliot Christopher Brown was born. Even though Aaron don't talk quite as often as before he's no less a brother to me today than he was when we went to Biola University together. I remember being there for his wedding and giving a wedding speech he really appreciated. I remember when he was here for my wedding. He's been one of the most supportive friends I've ever been blessed with. He's offered me wisdom and counsel that was directly empowered by the Spirit of God.

As the due date came closer and closer Aaron would ask me questions on what it's like being a father. We have completely different backgrounds growing up so I could only offer my subjective experience on the matter. I told him how much it changed me. I told him how important it was for me to tuck in my daughter when it's bedtime and how it's amazing when they begin to recognize you as their father. There's also the absolute terror in a parent's heart when something could be wrong with your child. And of course, we'll have those "Shrek 4 Days."

I know Aaron will have his own experiences and process things his way. Even though we live in different coasts I know his journey through fatherhood will enrich me as much as his friendship has. That's why I'm really excited. It's more than just "joining a club" but a deeper level of intimacy within the communal life. I know we'll have long phone conversations processing through different concepts and ideas and help each other articulate our thoughts and emotions, just like when we went to college talking about classes and relationships. Now, we get to talk about our children. They'll be heartache and pain. There always are in parenthood. But I feel empowered having another brother in arms helping me fight the battle of being a good father.

Hey Aaron, welcome to the club.

What God has Joined Let NO Man Separate

It's really nice to finally start attending weddings as a married person. When I attended weddings as a single person I would often think, "When is it going to be my turn?" Now weddings of fellow Christians are a source of encouragement to strengthen my own marriage. Last week our dear friends from our Grace Group (home bible study), Alex Torres and Cassie Robertson made a lifelong commitment to one another. It's been a blessing to watch these two mature in the Lord and loving each other well. During the ceremony one of our elders, who was officiating the wedding, said, "What God has joined let no man separate." For some reason this uniquely resonated with me. I've heard the phrase a hundred times before but there has been recent circumstances to make me think about this differently and reflect on it more. So this is a snapshot of that reflection.

It's clear in the bible that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Yet I've seen many fellow believers choose the path of divorce without any biblical grounds. I've had close friends, parents of friends, and even former mentors, pastors, and elders who have gotten divorced. Let me be clear that I'm in no way a perfect person nor is my marriage a perfect marriage. But this grieves me deeply. "What God has joined let NO man separate." Do we take this seriously as Christians? Do we not know marriage is a picture of Christ and the church? Most of these divorce cases is not a result of infidelity or abuse (physical or emotional) but because of hardheartedness. There's a complete unwillingness to forgive one another.

The hardhearted person who cannot forgive or live in proper relation to others in Christ's body (18:1-35) will also despise weaker people in society-in Jesus' day, these included wives (19:1-12; compare Mal 2:14-16) and children (Mt 19:13-15). By contrast, Jesus, who is not hardhearted, remains unimpressed by worldly status (vv. 16-22). When we hold grudges against a genuinely repentant spouse and remain hardhearted toward her or him-whether or not we officially cast the person away-we hinder our own communication with God (1 Pet 3:7-12) and ultimately can invite our own damnation (Mt 18:34-35).

If there's a chance of "inviting our own damnation" I want no part of it. If Christ has forgiven me, how I can stand with a clear conscious when I don't forgive others? I've been blessed living in a community with friends and elders who won't let me get away with acting like a jack@$$ because they love me too much. It's how the Body of Christ suppose to function. I believe one of the first lies we could believe is thinking we have to do things on our own including having a good marriage. If I didn't have accountability, love and encouragement from others, as well as beautiful living examples, there's no way I could thrive in my marriage. By the grace of God I have those things and it's not my own doing. It's interesting to me though, that when a person is intent on doing what they want they begin to isolate themselves from anyone who could call them out of their nonsense.

Now that Alex and Cassie are married I want to make a commitment much like my friends and elders have made a commitment to me. As a fellow church member, a grace group member, and most importantly a brother in Christ I will make the endeavor to support them in their pursuit to honor God in their marriage. Because in the kingdom of God there is no such thing as "irreconcilable differences." The cross proves that.

Grace Uncovered - Elder of Discipleship

The title "Grace" has a double meaning. First, it's the grace that Christ offers us for the salvation of our sins, "For by grace you have been saved and that not of yourselves, but it is a gift from God . . ." (Eph 2:8). The second meaning is my church Grace EV Free La Mirada (and Fullerton). I've been so blessed by my church and I believe the Lord has placed me there for a reason. No, the church is not perfect. It's filled with bitter, immature, dysfunctional people in dysfunctional families. However, despite that, I've met some of the most remarkable people, people whose faith in the Lord dwarf my own. My understanding of the purpose and function of Christ's bride, the church, has increased greatly by the example of these people. I thought to myself "Why wait for an outstanding man like Geoff Dykstra to die of cancer in order to pay respect to them." That's why I titled this series "Grace Uncovered" in order to uncover some of the most faithful and remarkable people I've met and share a bit of their story. I hope this series is well received.

In the future I hope to share with you more of my experiences being a part of this wonderfully imperfect church.

Jerrel Haugen has been an elder of our church for several years now. I even had the privilege of taking a class with him at Talbot. Jerrel works as the central plant operator at Biola University while doing ministry at our church. I love that most of our elders have “tent making” jobs. It really enhances their ability to minister to people because they haven’t forgotten the challenges of the “real world.” Jerrel has now officially been hired to be the Elder of Discipleship. That is a fitting title for a man who has been doing discipleship for years. I just wanted to highlight a few personal experiences I’ve had with Jerrel.

ELDER FOR GRACE GROUP SHEPHERDS

We have Grace Groups at our church. Other churches may call them Life Groups, Home Bible Studies, etc. It’s basically a small group of people from our church with co-leaders facilitating sermon discussion, fostering relationships, and making sure we meet the needs of individuals in the group. But there are times when the Grace Group leaders have questions and need help in knowing how to do those things I just mentioned well. That’s when Jerrel comes in. He meets with us, checks in on how we’re doing, and comes along side us through difficult situations we may run into. Jerrel makes you feel supported and cared for, and I’ve been a benefactor of his care many times.

ELDER PANEL

Before attending Grace EV Free La Mirada, I had always been at churches that heavily emphasized the senior pastor model where one dude basically calls all the shots. For a long time, I thought that’s how churches were supposed to function. Apparently there are other ways to structure church government. Who knew! An alternative structure from the senior pastor model is the plurality of elder(s) model (which Grace holds to).

One Sunday service, our elders had a panel where they answered questions from the congregation. During the session, Jerrel gave one of the many reasons for adopting this model, namely, to avoid the “personality cult” and “to protect the congregation from ourselves.” I’ll never forget that answer. What Jerrel meant was when there is only one person leading, the church tends to take on the personality of said person. What’s important to that one person becomes what’s important to the entire church. You tend to only get his hobbyhorses. So when he wears Hawaiian shirts, EV-ERY-ONE wears Hawaiian shirts. Hebrews 13:7 says, "Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith" (emphasis added). It says to "imitate their faith" not their style.

Upon further reflection, it’s absolutely liberating that I don’t have to be like the senior pastor in order to connect with people at church. I can just be myself. Jerrel empowers me to do just that. There isn’t any one person’s personality for the church to attach herself to. Since there isn’t any one person to attach yourself to, you can be yourself. What a novel idea! Where do I sign?

ONE-ON-ONE(S)

We’ve had coffee a couple of times and I’ve felt extremely blessed from his wisdom and encouragement. Where does he find the time? He has a job and family like all of us. I don't take the time spent with older and wiser men lightly.

In short, I’m extremely glad that the church has hired him and has given him more freedom to do what he’s been already been doing, namely pointing us to Christ as uses the gifts God has given him to minister to us.

Coffee & Camaraderie Part 2 of 2

For Part 1 click here.

Reason (1) We believe we are sooooooooooooooooooo busy we just don’t have the time for it. I say “believe” because if we really wanted to we could set aside time pretty easily if we truly looked at our schedule. If the president of the United States has time to fill out his NCAA basketball tournament bracket we probably have time to make a phone call. Basically, we’re really not that busy. I’m not talking about weekly coffee conversations or phone calls but once every couple of weeks or once a month? We really can’t spare that to connect with friends?

Reason (2) For some friendships, it’s just not worth the effort. There are certain friendships where no matter how long it’s been since you’ve last talked you simply pick up where you last left off. For others, after some time of absence there’s a sense you’re just not that close anymore. Therefore, it’s really not worth the effort to stay in contact.

Reason (3) Laziness: Let’s just be real. Some people aren’t busy at all but are simply down-right lazy. For those of you too lazy to connect with your friends what kind of friend are you? Relationships take work and responsibly but it’s all worth it because we are created to be relational beings.

Reason (4) Out of sight out of mind: If you don’t see the person you really don’t think about that person. It’s normal for people to think mostly about what’s in front of them. Maybe we should spend more time daydreaming?

Whatever your reason is for not making more of an effort to connect with friends on a meaningful level, just know that it’s lame. My buddy Chris Hunt sent me a text message yesterday saying:

I’m sitting in the 3rd day of class with 3 instructors who have been divorced at least once. Tell your wife you love her and that you’re thankful for her. Make time for a date and love on her . . . praying for you.

That’s what you call a true friend. My wife would absolutely want me to make time to spend with Chris. I’m not talking about making time to go drinking and fill your time with non-sense. I’m talking about making time for friends who will truly make you a better person because they care about the state of your soul. And if you don’t have time to care for your own soul then what do you have time for?

Coffee & Camaraderie Part 1 of 2

When I get up in the morning my lovely wife usually has a cup of coffee waiting for me. Do I really need that cup of coffee? No. I don’t get headaches when I don’t drink coffee but I have a cup anyway because it’s comforting in the morning. My body usually feels like a slab of concrete getting out of bed and every joint in my body is screaming curse words at me. So when I sip that warm cup of coffee it’s a soft blanket over my soul. It’s comforting. That’s why I have a cup. You know what else is comforting? Camaraderie.

I had the opportunity to catch up with Andre, an old Bible college friend, a couple of weeks. We met for coffee and talked about everything we’ve been learning and what the Lord has been doing in our lives. It was a couple of hours of great fellowship. I always leave reflecting on things Andre talks about. He impacts my life every time we talk. We always say, “We need to do this more often,” which is true. It’s difficult given our life stage. We’re no longer goofing off at Bible college with a full day ahead of us to come up with practical jokes to pull on each other. We’re family men with full-time jobs, bills to pay and lawns to mow.

However, when you really start to reflect on how you spend your time throughout the week, you’ll realize you probably have more time to meet with friends than you think you do. This is what kills me. I’m pretty intentional when it comes to connecting with friend-, whether it’s a phone call, text message, and/or email. Some friends call back some don’t. Some friends take forever to call back some call back quickly. Either way, I keep calling. When I finally get a hold of someone, I don’t give him a guilt trip for not calling me back. I just begin the conversation as though they called me back the next day. What usually happens is that both parties are extremely blessed with the time shared.

So, here’s my question: Why is it so hard to connect with friends you don’t see on a regular basis?

Let's answer this question in Part 2, which will be posted tomorrow.

The Wedding Diary

It’s been three wonderful years since I’ve married the most beautiful woman in the world. It only recently dawned on me that I’ve never written my intended Wedding Diary. I probably got caught up doing something unimportant. Anyway, if you ever wanted to walk through with me on my wedding day here it is.

All of the guys stayed over at my house. The night before we were partying like rock stars, drinking up a storm. Not really, we went laser tagging in Fullerton. I won, of course. The theme of the wedding was “Worship the Lord with reverence and rejoice with trembling” (Ps 2:11 – emphasis added).

We wanted to rejoice because marriage is a God honoring institution reflecting the beautiful relationship between Christ and the church. However, it’s essential to tremble with reverence and not act like a bunch of juveniles in the process, something that could easily happen with my friends and I.

9:00am – Breakfast with the groomsmen

The groomsmen and I decided to go to IHOP. We feasted and I had about seven cups of coffee. My buddy Aaron took charge and asked each of the guys to impart some words of encouragement. After a couple of jokes and gregarious laughter, which nearly caused a scene at the restaurant, my buddy Bryan (of all people), changed the tone from lighthearted to dead serious by sharing some of the most transparent and personal things in his own life while becoming greatly emotional. He shared his personal struggles in his own marriage and encouraged me to avoid certain pitfalls. Then everyone else joined in and started giving me wise counsel.

I’ll never forget that morning with my guys. All of their uniqueness and why I love each one of them were on full display. I knew this day would go beyond my wife and myself. Several people would be touched, challenged, and changed.

10:30am – Getting ready to get ready

After a rather sobering morning we headed back to the house in order to clean up and made sure we had everything we needed for the big day. While cleaning up a massive pillow fight broke out and slowed the process considerably. If you know anything about guy-pillow-fights you’ll know it usually doesn’t end without a wrestling match breaking out and maybe a couple of drop kicks. This was no exception.

1:00pm – Pictures at the park

We managed to act responsible just enough to clean up and put on our tuxes. We even got the park on time in order to take pictures. Katie and I decided to take our pictures before the ceremony in order to have the reception immediately following the wedding. I enjoy quick transitions at weddings instead of the few hours of lag time in between. Once we arrived at the park, I saw Katie in her dress from a distance, walking slowly towards me (I’m getting emotional just writing this). We had a moment to ourselves and I felt like I was dreaming. I thought to myself, “Is this angelic gorgeous white girl really going to marry me?”

Shortly after nearly falling apart at the sight of my bride we actually started taking pictures. We went through the usual routine of taking wedding pictures. (I’m supposed to leave out the part where Katie tripped and fell during the picture taking time. It was on a steep hill and she was in a wedding dress and wedding dresses are notorious for making a girl completely immobile. So this is me not mentioning that part.)

Side note: When the wedding photos were developed all of us noticed Bryan’s head looked absolutely colossal in EVERY SINGLE PICTURE. To this day he’s convinced our photographer photo-shopped his head. Whatever the case, his head overshadowed our pictures because it truly does jump out at you.

1:30pm – meeting at the church

The guys and I went to the church where the ceremony was being held and had lunch together. We carefully made sure we didn’t get anything on our tuxes and spent some time in prayer. There were a few more jokes and we were off.

3:00pm – The ceremony

Dr. Thoennes, my pastor, professor, mentor, and close friend, who was performing the ceremony, came and got me. I walked my sister up to the front row and went around with Dr. Thoennes to the back door as the seating of the family continued. Before we walked through the door and onto the stage, he gave me a big hug and I told him, “We’ve been through a lot.” (This could be an entire blog in itself)

As we walked through the doors, the processional began. Dr. Thoennes gave one of the best sermons on marriage I’ve ever heard. He mentioned all of the things we’ve been through, all the times I complained about being single and how the girls at Biola were racist. He mentioned my mom and how wonderful she was. I pretty much lost it there. He even had Katie and I turn around and look out at the crowd and take that moment in. He pointed out that the next time we would see all these same people gathered together we’d probably be at one of our funerals.

4:00pm – Off to the reception

At the reception site, the wedding party was introduced first and then finally my wife and I were introduced. I walked out like I was in the starting lineup of the Lakers giving out fist-pumps and high-fives.

Immediately afterwards, we had our first dance. Katie and I had taken Swing-dancing lessons, not so much for the wedding but for fun. We also didn’t like the 7-minute slow song and awkward stare into each other’s face while everyone was looking at us. And if you know me at all, I never like to do things like that in conventional ways. So yes, we rocked the house by taking in the moment and swing danced to our soul’s delight. It was fun and people seemed to enjoy it as well.

Once we finished our first dance we walked to the wedding party table where several people were trying to calm down Becky (sister-in-law). I turned to Katie and said, “What’s wrong with your sister she looks like a train wreck?” Katie replied, “I don’t know.” Well then, this was going to be interesting. The groomsmen began their wedding speeches. I already wrote about that HERE.

When the guys were done giving their speeches the microphone was handed off to Becky who proceeded to have a complete meltdown of epic proportion. Hey, she was only a teenager giving her first wedding speech following a bunch of grown men with graduate degrees who just finished giving their speeches. So we’ll cut her some slack, although the epic meltdown is still absolutely hilarious. If I could describe it, it sounded like a small child completely sobbing trying to explain a situation to their parents but being unable to collect their thoughts in order to do so because of their unstable emotional state- all in a voice of a wounded walrus. That sounds about right. I love my sister-in-law. I always remind her to just chalk it up as “life experience.” Besides, it was probably more memorable that she completely crashed and burned than if she were to actually say something coherent and cliche.

My new father-in-law came up to the table and they handed him the microphone. He was supposed to pray for the food but couldn’t bring the microphone to his mouth without almost losing it. He’ll deny this but we have video footage. I guess getting emotional runs in the family.

We feasted. There was some more dancing, meeting and greeting the tables, and we enjoyed some sticky rice and mango for dessert. Yes, I’m Thai. There was some more joking between the guys and I, a lot of hugging, and what would the night be without bagging on Bryan a little (or a lot).

7:00pm – The send off

Everyone lined up and made a lane for his as we walked off into the sunset. Actually, Dr. Thoennes forgot to sign the marriage license so we had to drop by his house to get that done. Once we got to his house we chatted for a while reflecting on the day and how we were feeling. He wanted to mail the marriage license for us so we didn’t have to worry about it. Furthermore, he was going to stay up and pray for us the rest of the night. I just marvel at the amazing leaders God has put in my life.

Then we were off . . . well . . . you know the rest.

Happy Anniversary to my lovely wife of three wonderful years!!!

Conversations Part II of II

For Part I click here.

We had a professor who talked about not “living life within parentheses,” which meant abstaining from the mentality that said, “If I get this over with then I’ll really start living.” Examples could include, “Once I finish college then I’ll start living my ‘real’ life.” Sure, then you’ll miss all the opportunities to build relationships and not see the character-building moments while you’re in college. Another example would be, “Once I get married then I’ll start living my ‘real’ life.” Actually, I thought this very thing in college. In short, it was dumb to think this. That’s not to say marriage hasn’t been wonderful because it has but to believe God’s end goal is to marry us all off is shortsighted (This topic deserves its’ own blog).

My buddy Aaron Brown has taught me a great deal, which is why I love talking to the guy. I remember bouncing theological theories and research topics off of him, as well as tackling the complexities of women together (the last being the hardest). Through our interactions I’ve often appreciated his wisdom and insight into the particulars. It was more than discussing abstract concepts few people cared about but about the deep condition of our hearts and how it affects our perspective. Often times I would vent my frustrations about something and he was almost always able to know what I was feeling but also explain to me why I was feeling that way. He never gave the pop psychobabble, “How does that make you feel?” non-sense. Aaron KNEW how I felt and he KNEW it was important to communicate why I felt those things and often times challenging me, in a tactful manner, to seek the Lord and find resolution with whatever issue I was dealing with at the time. He was always able to shine a light on the path I was traveling. I’m the one who still needs to travel on the path but it’s assuring to know you have friends to help you along the way. There are not many friends who offer a broader scope into life’s mysteries and Aaron Brown happens to be one of the many I have been blessed with. As we’re going through the same life-stages it’s important for me to maintain my relationship with him in order to gain more perspective about life and God. This is what I believe, ultimately, are the purposes of friendship.

I’m truly grateful the Lord brought me to BU and allowed me to harvest friendships that will last an eternity. If there’s a friend who has impacted your life that you haven’t talked to in a while, I’m sure they’ll appreciate a phone call. And you’ll be glad to give one. Besides, with no NBA basketball due to the lockout what else are you going to do with your time?

P.S. – There will be more reflections on my BU days in future blogs. Be on the lookout.

Conversations Part I of II

Now I’m just as busy as the next person and can easily get caught up with just “doing things” in order to get things done. As a result, I can just as easily forget what’s really important in life, namely, the people that matter most to me.

This past weekend I had a couple of conservations with some old friends who are extremely dear to my heart. I’ll never forget my time at Biola University and how pivotal it was in laying the foundation for the rest of my life. I was a young Christian, confused about many things regarding my faith (e.g., What is God’s calling on my life? How am I to understand and relate to God, intellectually and emotionally? What is the role of the church in my life? Etc.). Through the education in my classes and the mentoring of my professors at BU I was able to figure out most of those things. Of course that doesn’t mean I’ve figured them out exhaustively. But what it does mean is I have a strong theological and biblical foundation to build upon in further study, which I will continue to formulate and synthesize throughout my lifetime.

After graduating from college and entering in the normal hustle and bustle of “real” life you tend to forget the really important things in life because you’re just “busy.” What’s unique about the relationships I’ve developed at BU is that they bring into remembrance God’s entire transformative work in my life during that critical time. The community I still hold dear to my heart is a personification of my personal communion with God. So when I take a moment to speak with friends on the phone who may not live close anymore it forces me to calm down, forget everything else that’s going on in my life, reflect on all of the things I’ve learned at BU and turn my heart to the person on the other side of the phone because they’re the only person that matters at that moment. The close friends from BU act as a “Stone of Remembrance” for me, marking the faithfulness of God throughout my life. I’ve often thought about the many lessons I’ve learned from Aaron Brown. I also think about the conservations I had with Whitney (Uhler) Cox, hearing things from a woman’s perspective and trying to understand its’ complexities, which were many. Trying to figure things out on your own could be frustrating but learning within a community makes the journey worth it.

A couple of weeks ago, Whitney sent out a mass email requesting prayer for her son who was having some health issues (he’s okay now). Instead of replying to an email I decided to give her a call. We talked about all the things we appreciated about BU and the people God brought into our lives. Furthermore, we talked about the ever-changing life-stage most people go through, from being single and in college to graduating looking for a job, getting married, having kids and so forth. Upon reflection, it was ridiculous of me to ever complain about 8am classes or feeling like I never had enough time to get everything done. For some reason we believe that things get simpler as time passes. The exact opposite happens. Things don’t get simpler as we grow up they get more complicated, much more complicated. I understand that’s simply where college students are at and we were all there too. However, with some years under our belt, some time for maturation, and increasing perspective “stressing out” about exams and research papers seem small fry.

Through the conservation with Whitney, however, I realized it wasn’t a waste to “stress out” about typical college things. Actually, it helped lay the foundation for the next stage of life. Living with my roommates and having student responsibilities along with maintaining a part-time job prepared me for adulthood and the responsibilities of being a man taking care of his home. Each life stage you are currently in prepares you for the next. If this is true, then it stands to reason that by putting forth your best efforts in what ever stage you’re in, you’ll be better off when the next one comes.

For Part II click here.

A Journey With Jordan

One of my close friends (Jordan Wessling), who I consider a brother, is getting married this coming weekend. As his wedding day gets closer and closer I feel more of a burden to pray for him and his soon-to-be wife. Recently, I started reflecting on his life and what he’s meant to me.

There were the days as Undergraduates at Biola University where we simply attend classes and studied all day coming together at night to discuss what we’d learned in class and bounce theological ideas off of each other. There was also the occasional water fight with other students in the same dorm and the constant talk about the “Christian dating scene,” which we could probably write a book about. Hey, that sounds like a good idea!

We even went to graduate school together at Talbot School of Theology, although we were in different programs. We moved to off-campus apartments along with other friends and continued our studies for another couple of years. We never got tired of trying to figure out different theological ideas and the nature of women, the latter being the most ambitious of subjects.

Jordan has helped me grow in my intellectual life, never allowing me to fall into a system of beliefs without truly thinking well about and have good reasons for my beliefs. He would meet complex theological/philosophical issues head-on and often study the night away to figure out answers. Throughout graduate school, we would often try and figure out difficult ideas together and even share our research as we wrote about related or similar topics. We differ quite a bit on some theological issues but regardless of those differences I consider him nothing less than a brother.

Despite being an absolute geek, however, he wasn’t socially awkward. Far from it, he was usually the life of the party. I was always amazed at how he could simply mingle with the crowd no matter what the crowd may be. While undergraduates, he was involved in a ministry that street witnessed to homeless people in Hollywood. He got along with everyone at the dorm we lived in no matter the social group (e.g., artsy, geeks, jocks, etc.). When we moved to off-campus apartments we met an Indian neighbor who had a 22-year-old son with Autism, named Abdul. Abdul was one of the most annoying people I’ve ever met but Jordan handled him with care and Christ-like love often times inviting him into our apartment and cooking him dinner. I’ll never forget the times when I vented my frustrations about my fruitless efforts of pursuing Katie. He would offer advice and patiently listen to my constant wining about it.

To further illustrate our friendship; there was this dark time in our lives called the “Girlfriendless Era.” Jordan got a book by Henry Cloud called, “How to get a date worth keeping” (dumb title). He read it and dissected it like one of his philosophy textbooks. The basic premise of the book was to balance the notion from Joshua Harris’ “I Kiss Dating Good-Bye”(or what I like to call “Saying hello to bad exegesis” or “The Chief end of all men is to avoid dating forever”) that dating isn’t really that bad. Frankly, Cloud wants you to date EVERYONE! It would be beyond the scope of this blog to go any further into the book but Jordan and I simply tried the premise of dating several people, not for the purposes of marriage but for the purpose of simply getting to know other people. By the end of the month we had gone on so many “dates” that we were emotionally exhausted and dead broke as a result of going on these “dates” We would debrief after every “date” and shared our experiences and decided to modify some of Cloud’s ideas because we were tired of going broke (I keep putting “dates” in quotes because it’s not what people normally think of when they hear “date.” Again, I can’t get into right now.). It was a great time of learning and self-discovery. And it was great to walk through that with a friend (Sorry, I cant’ really get into the results right now either because, well, it’s about Jordan right now). He even coined the term “Cloudian Dating.”

Jordan has had commitment issues in the past. So to hear that he’s making the life-long commitment of marriage to the woman he loves is a delight to me. We’re all growing up. I guess it had to happen some time. As a result of Jordan’s marriage, I realize that I’ll be playing a diminished role as a friend. He’s priority is his wife, as it was meant to be. He’ll attend a different church and have different immediate friends with other ministers that will serve as his pastor(s). That’s just the reality of the ever-changing life-stage we all go through. What won’t change is my commitment to Jordan as a friend. I can always commit to praying for him and his marriage, have times for occasional phone calls to catch up and bounce ideas whether theological or practical, and when time permits, enjoy each other’s company and reminisce of pre-mortgage days and when our wives used to think we were funny.

One of the most memorable times during my wedding weekend was the morning of my wedding day when I spent it with my groomsmen (Jordan being one of them of course). It was a time of “sober joy” in which we had fun but we also took it seriously. My guys shared some difficult things about both their failures and successes as a husband. No one was being pretentious but simply being real. Their desire for me to not make the same mistakes but share in the wonderful experience of a good marriage that honors God was clearly evident.

Jordan hasn’t given a lot of thought on how he wants to structure this weekend. It’s maddening. But that’s also Jordan and you simply just roll with it. This weekend, I’m here to support him and do anything that’s asked of me. I look forward to his new advantage and will be there every step he needs me to be in whatever capacity. I’m just grateful that I get to play a small part of a weekend that I hope he won’t soon forget. If I had a drink in my hand I would lift it up right now and give a toast. You know what? Lets do it. Right now I’m holding up a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and saying, “To Jordan, one of my most dearest friends, you think too much, you’re flakey, and you didn’t help clean up the apartment nearly enough. But I love you to death and wouldn’t want you any other way (expect maybe help clean up a little more). Cheers."

Old Friend, New Era

Earlier this month my old friend Dom, who I’ve been friends with since 7th grade, moved up to Monterey California with his wife, Jessica, to take a youth pastor position at Cypress Church. This news by itself is exciting because the church is in need of a good youth pastor and I believe Dom is the guy. But that’s not even the most exciting news, at least to me.

The wife and I were there when Dom and Jess were introduced to the church and to the youth group. Dom gave a snapshot of his testimony and mentioned the tragic death of his older brother Bryce when we were still in middle school. That was the event that drove Dom and Laura, Dom’s mother, to church. One by one his friends followed him to church, including the infamous Bryan Benavidez and myself.



Attending church wasn’t immediately life changing but it did start our exposure to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Ironically, Bryan and I would stay consistent with attending church in our early high school years but Dom would eventually fall off the map and began engaging in the world with new fervor. Sadly, as Bryan and I began to mature as Christians, we stood by helplessly watching our friend indulge himself in worldly pleasures and decadence and fall further into the abyss of darkness.

During this time, Dom was being recruited by colleges for a basketball scholarship. Also during this time, Laura, Dom’s mother, came down with breast cancer. As Laura grew sicker, Dom’s world and perspective immediately changed. It shook him to the core of his being. Through treatment and God’s mercy, Laura recovered and is doing well today. That event steered Dom back to the Lord.

One day, Bryan and I were talking about how cool it would be if we were able to go to a place like The Master’s College. Then we received a phone call from Dom asking us, "Hey, have you guys ever heard of The Master's College?" We told him all about it. When his junior college career ended, he attended The Master’s College on a full basketball scholarship. This is where he was grounded in the Word and met his wife Jessica (through a crank-call, no less). After finishing his bachelor’s in Biblical Studies he went on to teach at Santa Clarita Christian School for the next seven years.




This is exciting for Cypress Church to gain a solid youth pastor with a heart for young Christians. But it’s exciting to me that Dom is entering a new era in his life. He can take all of his experiences while he was in youth group, the Bible training he received at The Master’s College, the experience from teaching at a Christian school for several years- and most importantly, all the wisdom I’ve been able to impart to him throughout the years- and use it to help shape, mold, and mature in Christ the students that he will be working with. Throughout Dom's darkest times in life, God was preparing him for this moment. Furthermore, it reminds me that God uses “earthen vessels” for His glory. No matter how the youth ministry flourishes at Cypress Church, God will ultimately get the credit for it is He who sovereignly worked out all things “according to the counsel of His will” in Dom’s life to put him where he is today.

Con“friend” tation - part II of II

Click here for part I.

I’ve always admired my buddy Aaron Brown for his willingness to confront me (and anyone else for that matter) and call me on things that needed to be addressed. If there was something that offended him, he didn’t hold it in but tactfully and clearly talked about it. Sometimes in our attempt to confront someone with something we can end up being unclear due to fear, and the message never truly gets across. Aaron was skillful in how he would be direct, clear, and loving all at the sometime. He taught me not to hold things in when it came to a brother doing something that bothered me because it comes out in sarcasm and back-handed comments, which are ungodly. I’m yet to be as skillful in that area, but I’m getting better. Having him as an example has helped.

“All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness” (2 Tim. 3:16 – italics added - NASB).

There’s a caveat that needs to be mentioned at this point. All of the people I’ve just mentioned (and even others I haven’t) who have rebuked me or exhorted me have several things in common; they were there when I graduated from Biola University. They were there when I graduated Talbot School of Theology. They were there when I was struggling in my singleness. They were there when I was struggling with sin. They were there when my mother died. They were there when I got married. They were there when my crazy older sister was fighting the rest of the family over my mom’s estate. This is why I was able to be “teachable.” It was not because I was some outstanding and humble individual (I wasn’t) but it was because I saw and understood the love that my brothers had for me. They rebuked not out of a sense of self-righteousness but out of a concern for my righteousness, and I’m a better man for it.

There’s also a way not to rebuke/exhort. I remember a time when we were in youth group and my buddy Ernie was rebuked by a stranger at the church who happen to over hear that he doesn’t clean up his room. Okay, we were seniors in high school and probably should be more responsible in keeping our quarters clean, but what business did that guy have rebuking my friend Ernie when he didn’t have a relationship with him? A total stranger rebuking him bothered Ernie and it didn’t encourage him any. However, it certainly made that stranger feel better about himself. He came across self-righteous and arrogant. I seriously doubt he was ready to walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death with Ernie in much the same way my friends and pastors/professors have with my life.

In addition, I’ve also had leadership cast me out like garbage when I’ve made a mistake or simply degreed with them on whatever issue. No matter how much that hurt at the time, I’m not bitter about it because I see God’s purpose in all of it. On the positive side, I also remember my youth pastor Rick Ronquillo who attempted to give me sound advice only for me to reject it. In retrospect, he was right in most cases, and I was simply acting immature thinking that I knew what I was doing. Rick never reaped the benefits of pouring into a young man with a teachable spirit but he’s never held it against me either. I’ll forever remember him as the guy who “started me on this Christian journey” (Hey, that sounds like a great blog idea!!!).

Receiving correction is never easy. It takes humility. Sometimes it’s not warranted, done in an inappropriate manner, or given by a person who will never give you affirmation. As men, we all have that “There’s no way I’m wrong” attitude in us. That attitude needs to die daily. I’ve seen Christian men refuse to take responsibility for their actions and it’s ugly. They not only hurt themselves but those closest to them.




But when a person enters The Jammer’s inner circle they’ll have a friend for life. A friend who won’t be afraid to ask hard questions or call them on things while doing it in love. They’ll have a friend who will jump at the chance to walk with them through the darkest of times. On the flip side, they also have a platform to speak into my life. The people I can receive correction from are the same people who will walk through The Valley of the Shadow of Death with me. They will be the first to affirm me and give out words of encouragement when the opportunity presents itself. They are my “gang” who won’t leave me “hanging.” As a result, I feel more confident that I’m not in this fight alone and my “gang” will fight the cause of personal holiness and the advancement of Christ’s kingdom to the Father’s glory with me.

Con“friend” tation - part I of II

As a kid who grew up in the streets of East Los Angeles, I know a thing or two about gangs. I was never involved in gangs because it never made any sense to me. I would ask gangsters “Why are you in a gang?” They would reply with their chin held high, “For back up, ese!” Did it ever occur to them that they wouldn’t need “back up” if they weren’t in a gang? Whatever.

I will never condone anything that involves gang activity. However, there is something about the gang sub-culture that has the idea of “brotherhood” right, even though it’s twisted beyond measure. It’s the idea that you have to look out for one another and do hard things to protect each other, like getting into a fight. Again, I will never condone needless and reckless violence especially for pointless and petty reasons. But there is a sense of “togetherness” from gangs that I want to call your attention to.

The “togetherness” that gangs have stem from a sense of belonging to something bigger than themselves and a cause that gives them purpose, even though that cause is twisted. As Christian brothers, we are called to the highest cause, namely living for the glory of God. A way we live to honor the Lord is to have a sense of “togetherness” and that means having each other’s “back.” Instead of picking fights for stupid reasons we are fighting a spiritual war. Instead of weapons of carnality we have the “armor of God.” We not only fight for our own sanctification but also for the sanctification of our brothers, our “gang.”

One of the ways we fight for each other’s sanctification is not by picking fights with other gangs but by confronting each other. Meaning, when we see a brother doing something wrong, ungodly, or offensive, we are mandated to confront and speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15). This is a form of love that is difficult to do. However, just because confrontation is difficult doesn’t mean that it should be avoided. It would be like letting a member of your “gang” get a beat down without doing anything about it. If a gang finds out that a member didn’t help protect another member that member would either get kicked out of the gang, beat up, or worse.

Now the church of Jesus Christ does not function in that fashion, for which I am thankful. But how many times have we not been willing to confront a brother out of fear of either losing the friendship or of that person taking offense? One of the biggest compliments I’ve received from one of my pastors was that I was “teachable.” This wasn’t always the case. But I’ve learned that if my objective is to be more like Christ, then I have to learn how to receive correction and be willing to be confronted myself.

The reason that one of my pastors knows I’m teachable is that he’s rebuked me a few times. There have been things that friends and pastors have called me on that I simply needed to own up to. A few months ago my buddy John Rinehart wrote a letter rebuking me for not taking my leadership position of our Grace Group (home bible study) seriously. My initial reaction was to get defensive and search for things to throw back at him even if those things might not be true. After taking a deep breath and objectively looking at what he was trying to tell me, I understood that he was looking out for my best interest and the interest of our Grace Group. He had my back because he was looking out for my character and soul. The Apostle Peter says:

“You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:5-8 – italics added NASB).

Click here for part II.

In Memory of Emily Haager

Emily Haager was a friend from Biola University. I had the pleasure of meeting her through some mutual friends. I remember making fun of her size (4’11) before I found out she had Cystic Fibrosis (In some cases it’s been known to stunt growth). Good job. I didn’t know much about CF before I met Emily. Apparently, at the time of her birth, the doctors said she would not live to graduate high school.

Emily had around-the-clock treatment for her breathing. As the time passed she would lose more and more of her ability to breathe. You wouldn’t know it if you were around her. She always had a joy that illuminated a room. She never played the self-pity card despite all of the suffering she had to endure on a daily basis. It makes me wonder how joyful she would have been without CF. I get grouchy when I my back starts to hurt or when I don’t get enough to eat (according to me).

I only had a handful of conversations with her but that doesn’t mean she didn’t touch my life. I have many friends who were much closer to her. You could always tell how special a person was by how much their friends loved them. And Emily was deeply loved by her community of friends and family and the spheres of influences she created by her proactive life-style.

Here’s an excerpt from the program at her memorial:

“Emily Haager lived her life to the fullest – through adventure, fun and challenges. As an adult living with Cystic Fibrosis, she viewed her life’s purpose as using her infectious joy and her battle with cystic fibrosis to positively impact the world. She volunteered regularly as a speaker and mentor with the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and the Mauli Ola Foundation to help spread awareness of CF. For the past two years, she has been the ambassador of Pipeline to a Cure, a gala event to bring the surfing and CF communities together to raise awareness and funding for research to find a cure for CF. Emily worked for Mt. San Antonio Community College as group leader and interpreter. Emily held a Bachelor of Arts degree in Communication Disorders from Biola University where she was actively involved in campus life as a resident advisor. Emily loved the beach and grew up swimming competitively, singing in choirs and loving life. She leaves behind a legacy of hope, her loving family and an incredible community of close friends.”

One of my pastors said this regarding funerals, “One of the most important things I've done in my life is to attend funerals of saints who've lived for what lasts (even if I didn't know them personally). This has always helped me to be more sober, hopeful, intentional, and grateful. The gospel of the cross of Christ always looms larger and more wonderful after a going away party for someone who died, but is alive in Christ.”

Yes, that’s what Emily’s memorial service did for me. It’s always sad to see a friend die but it's hopeful for friends who are in Christ because of the way they lived. With all her efforts to help spread awareness of CF, she would also mention the one thing that was closest to her heart- the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is a disease that plagues all of humanity, namely, the disease of sin, which separates us from a loving and caring heavenly Father. Although there is not yet a cure for Cystic Fibrosis there is a cure for Sin. The cure is faith in the person and work of the Son of God, Jesus Christ. Emily believed this with all of her heart and she would want you to believe this as well.

Emily was asked once if she had one wish what would it be. She replied, “…to live one day without Cystic Fibrosis.” She wanted to experience one day of life without the around-the-clock treatment, the suffering, and the limitations that CF brings. The Lord granted her not just one day but all of eternity without CF and more importantly, a glorified life without Sin and eternal fellowship with her heavenly Father. These are the things that she lived for.



Emily,

Thank you Emily for your laughter and infectious joy. You never let the Cystic Fibrosis bring you down. You were still able to worship our God beautifully in the midst of all your suffering. You never once wavered on the goodness of our Lord. You’ve touched a community far more than you could have ever realized this side of heaven. I have no doubts our heavenly Father is showing the fruits of your labor now in eternity. I regret not knowing you better but I do appreciate the few conversations we did have and the godly legacy you now leave behind. Thank you for showing us how to “drink the wild air” of life and embodying the joy that surpasses understanding. Although you had a short time here (27 years) you lived with a purpose and impacted peoples’ lives that will go far beyond your years. Thank you for living life to the fullest and inspiring us to do the same.

Your Brother in Christ,

Junior J.

“live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink the wild air.”
- Ralph W. Emerson

Guy Time

My Grace Group (home bible study) came up with the idea of emphasizing a new spiritual discipline each month. This month happens to be “building relationships.” You don’t normally consider fellowship as a spiritual discipline but it is (a discipline I excel at by the way). We decided to throw all our names in a hat to be paired up with another member of our group. The pair that was matched up decided when and where to “build the relationship.” Good call, of course whoever drew me was going to the Lakers game. And the winner is? Jared Miller. We’ve been friends for several years now but we hardly spend time outside of church and grace group.

First, Jared and I are in the same life stage; young, married, just a few years into our careers, looking for a house, and completely terrified of having kids. It was going to be a great time on different levels. We talked quite a bit about the things I just mentioned. What was interesting to me was how different we are personality-wise but how similar we look at things. Even our dogs get along with each other.

Second, we talked about our Grace Group (home bible study from church) and he offered some good insight into how the group is going. I don’t think I would have gotten it out of him in any other context. It made me think about all the people who attend our church who probably have great ideas and only need to be heard.

Finally, we went to a Laker game and had a blast. We decided to get to Staples Center early in order to get free parking and have some dinner. Jared is determined to eat Fish'N Chips at every single place that serves Fish N’ Chips in order to be a Fish'N Chips expert. The only problem is that he’s had so much Fish'N Chips he doesn’t remember which FNC is served where (We went to Rock'N Fish for dinner – good times). I like to keeps things simple, cheesecake at Cheesecake Factory. I don't need to eat cheesecake everywhere, although I might go on a cheesecake binge one summer and maybe blog about it, right before my ensuing heart-attack of course.

As I mentioned before, this is why I have season tickets. Yes, it’s a beautiful game. But even though you don’t have Laker tickets you should consider going outside your inner circle of friends at church (or any where else for that matter) and attempt to make some connections. Some of you might be thinking “I barely have time for my close friends why would I try and connect with other people?” Yes that is a valid point. I feel the tension there as well. Here’s my counter argument, some times with your close friends you tend to keep the “status quo.” What I mean by that is you go through your normal conversations (e.g., How are the kids? How’s work?) but you don’t go any further than that. When you make a connection with someone else outside that close circle, it reminds you that you should be talking about more important things because you realize there is limited time with this person so you cut through some of the shallow things. Hopefully, this will spill over to your other relationships. The amount of time spent isn’t always the most important thing but how you spend that time is (and have some Fish'N Chips while doing it).

A Good Night Almost Foiled

This past Friday night I decided to go to the Lakers’ game with my buddy Ronnie whom I’ve only seen a handful of times since high school. It was a good night to do some catching up. If you’ve ever been to Staples Center you’ll know that they jack up the prices about 600% on everything there. It’s as if Staples Center was its own country and can pretend that food is so rare there they could charge whatever they want.

And just like any country they have boarders and security checks before you enter. Here’s where a good night was almost foiled. Now I like to think that I’m a rational guy most of the time. So I’m not going to pay a ridiculous price for food when I could get the same thing for one-eighth the cost somewhere else.

My buddy Ronnie got us some nice burritos before the game. They were pretty big and it was going to be difficult sneaking them in with all the security but of course we were going to try. The burritos were wrapped in foil. I said, “What a minute, the foil is going to set off the metal detector.” Ronnie replies, “No it won’t. Your jacket has zingers. The zingers doesn’t set off the metal detector so why would foil?” He might be right but I still wasn’t feeling confident. I put my big burrito in the inside pocket of my jacket on the left side.

As we entered the security check I tried to keep it cool by pretending to have a conversation with Ronnie. Sure enough the metal detector went off. I was asked to move aside so they could check me with the hand-held metal detector. Can you guess where the hand-held metal detector went off? That’s right, the inside pocket of my jacket on the left side. The security guy says, “Please empty your pockets.” You could imagine now I was sweating some bullets. Not to mention that everyone else was looking to see what was going on wondering why I was setting off the metal detector. “Maybe he’s a terrorist!” they thought. Great, all of this trouble for a freakin’ burrito.

I complied without saying anything hoping that I could find something else in my pockets to pull out other than my big burrito. I was digging in my pockets so hard I almost poked a hole through them. Nope. Still searching. Nothing. Then I came clean and just told the security guy, “Look man, it’s just my burrito and it’s only loaded with beans and rice. It’s completely harmless, I promise.” The security guy cracked the kind of smile that says, “I’ve gotta tell my friends about this one. A dude tried to smuggle in a freakin’ burrito! That was a first.” But he says, “There is no outside food allowed.” Dejected and a little embarrassed I grabbed my things and took my burrito outside.

Did Ronnie get caught? Of course not. Now if you knew Ronnie, that wouldn’t surprise you at all. He gets away with these things. There is no method to how he does it, he just has the “I don’t get caught” gene. But like a good friend he went back outside with me and said, “I’m sorry dude, but you were right. The foil really did set off the alarm.” You could imagine that his acknowledgement of my correctness about the foil was small consolation.

Afterwards, both of us decided to go in by another entrance. On our way we were “unfoiling” our burritos and wrapping them in napkins. We made it through the second time without a hitch, got to our seats, and took a nice sigh of relief. Just in time for the game introductions. We sat and enjoyed the rest of the night by watching the Lakers destroy the Clippers by 40 AND eating our burritos (although it was cold by now because it had no foil to keep it warm)! I think the whole ordeal actually made the burritos taste even better.

In conclusion, there are two lessons we could learn here. Foil sets off metal detectors and don’t listen to Ronnie if you ever meet him because if he talks you into anything you'll be the one caught. A great start to the weekend. I hope the rest of you are having as much fun with life as I am.

Good Time For a Blow-Out

My buddy Jordan was in town for the holidays. He’s currently getting his PhD in Bristol, England (jerk!). Jordan has been a close friend of mine for several years now and we’ve had conversations from “Who would you rather date; Angelina Jolie or Jessica Biel?” listing all the pros and cons for each person to discussions of the historical development of Soteriology and how it currently affects the contemporary Christian worldview. We haven’t talked in a few months and were in need of some serious catch-up time. Is there a better way to catch up than to go to a Lakers’ game? I say no.

Last night we attended the Lakers/Mavs game. When we were roommates through graduate school. He was the guy I would take to most of the games. He played basketball in high school and understands the game. It was nothing new to attend a game with him.

However, this time it was different. I have been married for almost a year, and I don’t like my job. I also feel trapped by my job. Jordan makes up his own schedule and meets with his supervisor every few weeks to revise his thesis. Did I mention he’s in Bristol, England (jerk!)? I remember the days in college, having that freedom to spend the majority of your time simply learning and thinking about ideas and concepts; synthesizing all the information you were acquiring, making cross-disciplinary connections, and forming your own conclusions about academic issues and making the bridge to how that affects everyday practical living.

On the other hand, although Jordan is enjoying what he’s doing, he realizes that he’s getting older and wished, to some degree, that he already has his career. There is no guarantee of a job at the other side of his PhD.

So during the game we talked and cheered and talked and cheered and talked and booed and booed some more when Sasha entered the game. Both Jordan and I are at different life stages but are still a huge encouragement to each other. He helped me feel that I was ahead of the game even though I felt trapped. He pointed out how wonderful it is to have a wife like Katie. He also reminded me of how heartbroken I was the 27th time Katie kicked me to the curb, and now I’m married to her. Victory! Life really isn’t so bad.



I pointed out that he has a great opportunity to pursue a career dream and that there is a girl who will be dumb enough to give him a chance out there. My buddy Bryan once told me that he was at a home Bible study once and most of the people were college students asking for prayer to focus on their studies and to do well in school. He thought that it was lame because he was in a “different life-stage” and that kind of stuff didn’t really concern him. I thought to myself, “What a jerk!” If I could have punched him through the phone I would have. He didn’t realize the diversity within the body of Christ is exactly what builds the body of Christ. Although Jordan and I are in different places in life, that in no way hindered our fellowship and even added to our ability to encourage one another.

Surprisingly, I didn’t pay very close attention to the game. It might have been that the Lakers were up 40 at the time (they won by 35) or that I saw Sasha playing. Whatever the case, it was a good night for a blow-out win.

The Groomsmen

Originally posted on Feb 9, 09

I know that this is about a month over due but I was busy getting married. I wanted to give out a special thanks to the people closest to me who shared with me the biggest day of my life.

Jordan Wessling: Jordan is one of those guys that is too smart for his own good. He has a passion for philosophy. Sadly, it used to be theology but that’s another story. Every time we get into a conversation I can always count on him to tell me at some point that I’m, “sooooooooooo irrational.” Jordan is always trying to think about philosophical ideas and studies like his life depends on it. He’s the only guy I know that can study for the GRE for forty hours a week and actually feel like he’s not missing out on life. He’s an Asian in a white man’s body.

But when it comes down to it, I can also count on Jordan to give godly advice. His passion for being rational is motivated by a desire to be godly with that rationality. He honors God with his conduct and desires to glorify God with his mind. We can have deep theological and philosophical conversations and in the next minute we can talk about basketball, girls, and Boomtown. Having Jordan as a friend has enriched my life is so many ways. Thank you Jordan, for being one of my groomsmen.

Chris Hunt: Chris and I have a lot of the same desires although we have nothing of the same personality. We spent five weeks in Israel a few years back and have enough inside jokes to last us a lifetime. He has been a great example to me in how he treats his wife (Katie [Hunt] also treats him well). Chris and I were living in an apartment together when we were going through graduate school when he was dating Katie Cook. They were truly a godly example of a dating couple. It doesn’t surprise me that he is a good husband and that she is a good wife.



A side note for you girls, when you take good care of your husband their close friends notice and deeply appreciate it. I told Katie, Chris’ wife, that it was a blessing to know that Chris will always have good support from his wife. Chris deeply desires to be a godly man and to be involved in ministry. His wife Katie empowers and “makes him feel a hundred feet tall,” so thank you for being an example to me of how even a young couple can display years of wisdom.

Aaron Brown: There is something about Aaron that, I believe, is a gift from the Lord. He has the ability to look into a situation and discern exactly what may be going on and cut to the heart of the matter with good insight. I can always count on Aaron to give godly advice in any situation. Also, he is not afraid to confront people, especially me. He has called me out several times when I’m acting inappropriately or behaving ungodly. That is a mark of a true friend. There is something else that I didn’t realize until we graduated and Aaron moved back East. Because of Aaron’s gift of discernment, whenever he’s around I just knew that everything was going to be okay. I knew that he was going to give me some good and godly insight into the situation to help me understand what was going on spiritually and psychologically and allow me to be at peace with it and to deal with it appropriately.



Thank you Aaron for always being playful and fun but never compromising godly values in the process, for being a friend that would admonish and rebuke when necessary, and to be willing to do anything to support me in my time of need throughout the years.

Dominic Avila: I’ve known Dom since 7th grade. His older brother, Brice, sadly died in a motorcycle accident when we were in junior high, and that incident prompted us to start going to church. Since that time, we’ve had several peaks and valleys. Both of us grew up in a broken home. Our moms were the only ones around for us and we had to go through the school of hard knocks. But whatever it was, whether it be running around the streets of East LA, playing street fighter, playing chess into the late hours of the night, working out, training for basketball, or going to church – we did it together. There was a time, however, when Dom strayed for while and I had my worries. But he came back to the Lord and hasn’t looked back since. Both of us love studying the Word of God, playing basketball, and the Lakers. That is a three-cord bind that cannot be broken.



Thank you, Dom for being there for me. For admonishing me when necessary and pushing me to be a godly husband. I know that we’ll always be in each other’s lives and that our children will grow up together learning about all the stupid things we used to do (and some we still do) with Bryan. I know that both you and I want to stop the cycle of growing up in a broken home and be there for our family and future children. And I know that we will be there for each other.

Bryan Benavidez: What in the world can I say about this fool other then that he’s a fool! I’m just kidding (of sort). The big care-free-hairy-jolly-giant-headed-goof-ball I’ve known since the beginning of time, it seems. I bagged on him for six years because he choked Dom’s wedding speech. Here's the scene:

(Bryan was walking up to the front like he was walking to Brickhouse, all week he was saying how he was going to "rock the house" when it came to the best man speech.)

Bryan: In all the years I've known Dom, I've never seen him as emotional as I saw him last night . . .

deep awkward pause for about two painful seconds because he's trying to hold back his emotions like a broken damn. It doesn't work, his eyes begin to tear up and he couldn't say a word and ends the speech by lifting up his glass to toast and says . . . "shell we"? I said to myself, "THAT was rocking the house!?" I've been bagging on him ever since.



But when it came time for him to do the speech at my wedding, I have to admit, he came through. I was deeply touched with everything he had to say and the memorizes that were brought up. It really summed up our relationship nicely. We could be having a great time together talking about love, life, and the Lakers. Immediately though, we could also become serious, real, and transparent with each other. Bryan is a hard worker providing for his wife and three wonderful children. He’s been through some of the most trying situations but manages at the end of the day to always have a reason to smile (although that reason is probably me).

Thank you, Bryan for being the best friend you could possibly be. There is so much history between us and so many memorizes. I know that I could fill books with stories of God’s redemptive and comical journey for us. I won't forget the support and encouragement you gave me during the weekend of my wedding. Continue to laugh the way you do because it’s that laughter that reminds me, there’s always a reason to smile. And above everything else thanks for paying back the money you owe me. You forgot to pay the interest but thanks for at least paying the principle.