Good Moms Night Out

Every couple of months I meet up with my friend Jason Smith at Mike’s burgers to catch up on life. We attend the same church, however, we rarely get to talk on Sunday mornings because we’re too busy chasing our kids around making sure they don’t run into the parking lot or fall down the steep stairs in the entry way. As it turns out, Sunday mornings at church isn’t the best time to connect with people when you have small children.

Therefore, we try and connect over bacon and coffee and get into each other’s lives. A couple of months ago we talked about a variety of topics from the election and the state of the Middle East to our struggles and difficulties being a husband and father. There are certain individuals who I spend time with who build me up, and I always leave encouraged by their fellowship. Jason is one of them. During our time together we tried to figure out a way we can love our wives well.

Then it hit us.

I told him, “You know we are able to hang out right now because our wives are watching our children?” He replied with an uninspiring, “Yep.”

“Do not forsake her, and she will keep you; love her, and she will guard you” (Prov. 4:6).

We then decided to arrange a night where our wives could have a free night to hang out with each other. The husbands coordinate a night where we can stay home with our kids and the women work out what they want to do. We are committed to doing this at least once a month. It has since grown to three or four wives getting together and fellowshipping with one another.

My reasons for wanting to do this are as followed:

1. As Christian men we are commended to love our wives well. This is one way to do it.

2. As a Christian man, I know I need other godly men in my life. This holds true with women as well. My hope would be the ladies in this group would leave encouraged and built up while they talk about their personal struggles. Hopefully they won’t complain about their husbands too much.

3. It fosters community within the body of Christ.

4. It’s not tied into an official ministry. I hope we get out of the mentality that we need some type of churched sanctioned infrastructure in order to love people well. We certainly need programs but I also believe we can be creative while being intentional about thinking outside our normal routines in order to build one another up.

5. I hope this inspires others within my own church (and other churches) to come together and figure out different ways to love one another with wisdom.

In doing this it has given me a deeper appreciation for my wife. While she’s out, and I get three children four years of age and under all screaming at the same time about different things I wonder what I got myself into. But I also wonder “How does my wife do this everyday? How does anyone do this?” I’m sure the other husbands going through the same thing will hate me for getting them into this. But look at this as a long-term investment. When your wife experiences the enrichment of being around other godly women on a consistent basis that’s going to directly impact you in a positive way. Maybe my wife will be more willing to make me a sandwich in the middle of the night when I get hungry. It’s a win-win.

Also, when I see the excitement of the women planning together knowing they’ll get a free night to themselves, it brings delight to my soul that I was able to be a part of facilitating the opportunity. I could only imagine how much it delights the Lord. It’s probably more delightful than a tasty sandwich in the middle of the night.

What My Mom Taught Me About Politics Without Mentioning Politics

I wouldn’t be where I’m at today without my mom. Her endless devotion and tireless work ethic laid a solid foundation for my sister and I. My mom provided for us so we could go to school without worrying about our financial situation. We were able to attend and finish college in order to give us more opportunities when we entered the job market. But that’s not all my mom did, she taught me about politics without ever mentioning politics.

Background:

My mom came over as an immigrant (legally) because my biological father was abusive and didn’t provide for us. He kept gambling his money away and my mom couldn’t wait around for him to get his act together. She had children to support and provide for, so she came to the United States.

She didn’t know the language or the culture very well but had a relentless desire to make sure her children were provided for. She took odd jobs like waitressing, store clerk, etc. My uncle Mark had already bought into the 7-Eleven franchise and gave my mom the same idea. She never finished high school and only had an 8th grade education but that didn’t deter her. She would work 16-hour days and save up money in order to have enough equity to buy into her own store. I remember her sleeping in the back office on an awful uncomfortable folding steel recliner between shifts. It was probably worth no more than $0.99.

My mom was eligible for welfare but didn’t use it because she felt she could work and earn the money herself. I could imagine that when people would come into the store with their food stamps and buy a 0.25 pack of gum in order to collect the change and spend it on lottery tickets and liquor it would infuriate her. Were there people who really needed the assistance? Sure. But were there people that gamed the system? Absolutely. (The government has since gotten rid of the food stamp system, thankfully). My mom worked hard, became an American citizen, and paid her taxes like everyone else.

Achievement:

After many years, my mom finally saved enough money to purchase her own store. She did this through work hard. She didn’t complain about rich people not being taxed enough or spend any time figuring out ways to make them less successful in order for her life to be easier. She didn’t believe in the “Gender Wage Gap” myth. She didn’t believe external mystical forces were against her somehow oppressing her at every turn. Everywhere she worked she faced challenges. Men harassed her, angry customers used racial slurs against her, she didn’t know the language and the culture well, and she lacked the traditional education most people had. However, none of those things stopped her from working. Although my father abandoned us she never spoke ill of my father or played the victim card. She overcame every single hurdle through hard work and determination.

My mom finally became a business owner and ingratiated herself within the community. Everyone knew her by name. I’m sure if the Affordable Care Act and the minimum wage hike had been instituted back then they, would have been more hurdles for my mom to overcome (although I know she would’ve found a way).

I will forever be grateful for what she did for us. I know it couldn’t have been easy. She later told me two things when I become an adult that I’ll never forget. First, she told me how much she regretted “not being there for us” when we were children. I didn’t understand this initially because my sister and I always affirmed her and clearly told her we understood she had to provide for the family. It was only later I knew she meant that she missed out on “being a mom” and the joys of watching her children grow.

The second story she told me when I became an adult was a time she came to the end of her rope and parked the car and broke down emotionally. She was alone and had nothing. She contemplated suicide. The reason why she didn’t go through with it was the faint sounds of two small children in the back of the car saying, “Mom, were hungry. Can we have McDonalds?” She then realized that she couldn’t give up because it would be giving up on her children, so she continued to work.

When she became a Christian her business was up and running and she was doing well for herself. She was able to spend months at a time in Thailand visiting family and enjoying the motherland. She was one of the most generous people I’ve ever known. She spent more and more of her time sharing the gospel with people and inviting them to church because she didn’t have to work 16-hour days anymore. She also helped people in need because she lived below her means and was able to do so.

As a result, when I hear politicians (on either side) say they are going to fix our problems, I find it disingenuous. When they say “the system is rigged” or “you are an oppressed victim and we’ll fix it” I often think about my mother. I wonder how her life (and ours) would’ve turned out if she bought into those types of narratives and simply waited around for some politician to rescue her.

Final Thoughts:

Certainly the government has some role to play in our lives. We do need some regulations in order to prevent fraud and the breaking of contracts. My mom paid her taxes every year and enjoyed the community roads and local law enforcement to assist in neighborhood safety. She didn’t talk about politics much although she would mention her disdain of certain candidates here and there (she became a true American). I never heard her breakdown her philosophy of economics or any other political talking point for that matter. But her life made it abundantly clear what she believed. And when she passed away, it wasn’t only her friends and family who mourned but an entire community. People recognized her work ethic and gracious charity. Members of the community as well as local law enforcement attended her funeral. She did all this as a female, legal immigrant, single mother and with only an 8th grade education.

My sister has a beautiful picture of my mother in the office. The same office she slept in during those 16-hour shifts. It’s still difficult for me, to this day, to be in that office looking at that picture and realize she’s gone. My mother was a victim but never had the victim mentality. She didn’t demand “safe places” when her feelings were hurt, although I wish there had been “safe places” when my father beat her and when my stepfather continued to beat her. She didn’t have time to organize protest marches or figure out ways to disrupt other people’s lives in order to be “heard” but she paid her taxes and voted. In a lot of ways, considering the sad state of political affairs, I’m glad she’s home with Jesus. Of course I miss her dearly and her shining example is not lost on me.

40th Birthday

My wife has been asking me for weeks, "What do you want to do for your birthday?" I would apathetically response with, "I don't know. I haven't really thought about it." She would then ask, "But it's your 40th birthday. Don't you want to do something?" I would again apathetically reply, "I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."

I understand that turning 40 years old is a big deal but I haven't really cerebrated my birthday for years and didn't feel the urgency to put any thought on this particular one. I was perfectly content to let it go by like the rest of my birthdays. Unbeknownst to me, my wife decided to plan a surprise birthday party for me. A good thing for her I'm an idiot and didn't catch any of the clues that were littered all over the place.

First, she said a couple friend of ours, who recently got engaged, were having an "engagement party" and invited us. I just methodically put the event in my phone and said, "Ok" without taking the minute to think, "Wait a minute. People don't have 'engagement parties!'" During the same week of this party one of my best friends (Bryan), who lives in Portland, had to fly in for some "training for work." Another childhood friend (Dom) said he wanted to drop by and see the both of us. As it turns out, they were both in on this surprise party.

So the three us, along with several friends from high school, had a mini reunion and had a great time catching up. As it turns out, they were all in on it as well. I even mentioned to my buddies, "Hey do you want to go to this engagement party? My wife is making go." They were nice enough to attend. As we were pulling up the house, I noticed a lot of cars parked up and down the street. I said to myself, "They're never going to surprise Eric and Crista (the couple that was engaged) with these many cars parked in front of the house." As I was walking towards the backyard I notice the number "40" on table covers everywhere and thought, "What does that 40 mean? Why would Eric and Crista care about the number 40?" As I turned the corner there were about 35-40 people, including Eric and Crista, who yelled, "Surprise!!!"

It took a second to register (still). I know, I know, I'm a total idiot. My wife planned and organized the whole thing. It was incredible. There were friends and family all over the place. I was met with warm embraces, greetings, and hugs. Some of my friends I have not seen in a while and were absolutely elated to have them there. My daughters came running out greeting with complete excited yelling "Daddy, daddy!" Spending the rest of the evening with the friends and family and watching everyone enjoy themselves was a complete delight. There were several things going through my mind (some of which I'm still processing).

Here are some quick thoughts:

- The Journey to get here
People were invited to pray for me. Some of my closest friends took the charge and prayed and gave thanks to the Lord for the work He has done in my life. Different friends shared the different things God has worked in my life. There were prayers that mentioned me being a young angry boy, even being angry at God, to now becoming a man who stewards his time and family well and impacting so many lives it beyond the people who were there was extremely touching. When you fight everyday to simply be faithful each day you some times miss the big picture. Some times you miss the culmination of things. It's good to stop and reflect at what got you here and grow in appreciation of the journey.

- God's Grace
When I say "culmination" I, by no means, mean I'm at the highest point in my life. No way. I have a long way to go. But the present is a culmination of God's grace. As we continue to live in His grace we will continue to experience God's grace exponentially and ultimately culminate when we are in His presence. I got a glimpse of heavily fellowship. It's a birthday I'll never forget.

- My wife did this
No one has ever done anything like that for me before. I'm truly amazed at the beauty of my wife. She constantly reminds me of God's grace because of how undeserving I am to receive such a blessing. She put in the work weeks ago. When we stopped for the moment for her to greet everyone she said, "Knowing Junior, instead of receiving any type of gift(s) he would much rather be around the people he truly cares about. Thank you all for coming." I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything. It was so clear that my wife loved me. I never had doubts about that but for her to go above and beyond the way she did was truly amazing.

I want to give a special thanks to my wife.

Katie,
You've loved me well the moment you decided you wanted to be with me. I'm so deeply grateful at your daily work and sacrifice to serve our family. You are beautiful beyond measure. You are intelligent with precision. You are godly with a heart of worship. You could've been anything you wanted. And you wanted to be my wife and the mother of our children. You excel at it in ways I've lost count and even able to describe. Thank you again for this wonderful gift, the gift that will never be forgotten because it was from you. I love you (and I hope the party didn't cost too much).

It Was Another Day at the Gym. Until . . .

As I'm getting older I'm realizing more and more how sad the world truly is. You only have to follow the news or politics for about 20 minutes to realize that. As I'm finding the intrinsic value of being up on current events and political affairs I also find myself being weighed down with several hot topic issues. Sometimes I feel completely helpless with regards to truly impacting the world. I'm often left thinking, "Does my life really matter if I can't make an impact?" It's been depressing. I feel Christianity is losing and has lost cultural influence throughout the years and it only seems to be getting worse. I've even approached friends and mentors from church seeking how best to handling things.

Then yesterday happened. My normal routine is to go to the gym after work. Yesterday was no different. Once I arrived in the gym parking lot I realized I had absolutely no energy. I was down right exhausted and simply wanted to go home and take a nap. But I had this innate feeling I would regret it. So I dragged myself out of the car and begrudgingly grabbed my gym and started walking into the gym. It was "Leg Day" so it wasn't going to be an easy workout. My regular course of procedure commenced in the changing of my clothes, warming up, and wondering if I did the right thing by walking into the gym.

Afterwards, I began my workout and proceeded to greet several of the guys I bump into during that time at the gym. I greeted them by name and felt my acquaintances were usually high this day. I kept pushing through my workout and starting to gain more and more energy as I went. Finally, when I was done with my workout and started warming down I took a quick peek at the basketball courts to see who were playing. I ran into a couple of more acquaintances and we started chatting and talking about sports and different types of workouts.

Another individual approached us and joined the conservation. He and the person I was talking to started speaking about a mutual friend they had. This mutual friend just got out of jail and had some rough times. Both of them started saying how "thankful they were for God" then my ears perked up. I started listening more intently and they basically started sharing their testimony and how God saved them from a life of hardship by avoiding troubling situations and bad influences. They started preaching and I was the choir shouting "Amen!" All of us started nodding our heads like we were listening to Rap music. We were basking in the glory of God and what He saved us from. It was corporate worship at the basketball courts.

When I left the gym I couldn't help but kept thinking about that moment and the moments that led up to it. I walked into the gym discouraged about the state of the world and how I felt helpless to do anything about it. Then I greeted several people, people I have met over time by simply being at the gym consistently. I know their names and hear their stories and I realize there are "7,000 that have not bowed to Baal".

The fact that it was one of my better workouts was irrelevant. I was excited about meeting a couple of other brothers in Christ. And I look forward to hearing more about their story and hopefully get the opportunity to share that with others at the gym as well. No, I don't have to run for office or have a platform with thousands of people listening to make an impact. I've been able to build relationships naturally through being consistent over a long period of time. That's what being faithful is about; being consistent through long periods of time.

I was deeply encouraged by something so routine like going to the gym. It was an amazing reminder that it doesn't matter who we are or what kind of position we hold but who we have in Christ because He's the treasure we share and in the course of sharing that treasure we make an impact.

What College Kids Can do Now to help Prepare for a Successful Financial Future

I recently had the opportunity to do a quick write and offer some tips for colleges students regarding preparing them for a successful financial future. So I'll go ahead and post it here. I hope you find this helpful.

Hello,

My name is Junior Jamreonvit. I've been a financial rep for 5 years now. I'm currently an independent broker/dealer at Capital Choice Financial Solutions. I've taken my Personal Finance classes at UCLA and currently hold my securities and insurance licenses. Finally, I am a Dave Ramsey Endorsed Local Provider for investing.


Addressing your topic, "What College Kids Can do Now to help Prepare for a Successful Financial Future":

- Have a Written Budget

You need to track your spending. You can either "tell your money where to go or wonder where it went." If you don't even know if you have a positive cash flow or not how are you ever going to get ahead with money? You need a budget. There are several apps you could download on your phone that could help you with this (e.g., YNAB - You Need A Budget). Be proactive at the beginning of each month have your categories down (e.g., expenses, food, etc) and know exactly where your money is going.

- Emergency Fund

This will be difficult for college students because you probably don't have a lot of money to spare to begin with but you need an emergency fund. Try and save anywhere between $300-$500 and put it in a savings account or money market. It's an account that is liquid so you can access it quickly. This money is for "emergencies" (e.g., car repair) because life happens. If you had a sudden car repair that required $250 but didn't have the money you would probably charge it on your credit card, which is probably charging you anywhere between 15-18%. If you had the cash you could save on the interest.

- Get Out of Debt Plan

If you're a college student you will probably have some form of debt (e.g., student loans, car payment, credit card, etc). Try and avoid debt when possible (look at the above example). Put all your debt on paper (this should be a part of your written budget) and line them up from smallest balance to the largest. If you could get extra work and make some extra or save some extra money somehow throw the extra into the smallest debt amount you have until it's gone then rollover that payment into the next debt. For example, if you had a $50 monthly payment on a credit card with a balance of $300 but you decided to pay $100 per month to pay it off quicker, once you pay off that credit card you rollover that $100 you just freed up into the next debt (e.g., car payment) in order to pay that off quicker. Dave Ramsey calls this the "Debt Snowball."

If you stick to these basic principles they don't change once you leave college. The numbers will change because you'll get a better paying job (hopefully) but if you stick to this plan you will have built into your habits financial success.

Baby Update May 2, 2016

Hello everyone. Instead of me answering the questions, "How's your wife?" and "How's the baby?" fifty different times a day I'm going to give you guys a quick update here.

Our son's due date was scheduled April 29. It's May 2 and he decided he rather stay instead of getting up and start working.

Typical.

We do have an induction schedule for May 6 (this Friday) in the late evening. So if our little guy doesn't come before then the doctors are smoking him out this weekend. My wife is doing fine but she's extremely uncomfortable. I imagine being 40 weeks pregnant would be somewhat confining. It's not a total surprise that our third child is late. Our first child, Joelle, was 6 days late. Our second child, Alaina, was 8 days late. So our boy being late just confirms he's a part of the family.

Waiting around for a baby to come isn't new to us. But I do feel badly for my wife who has to basically sleep with a basketball in her belly. Honestly though, there's a little part of me that wants the little guy to come during his scheduled induction so we could see Civil War. "Hey honey, how about a movie and a baby tonight?" How often do you get to ask that question?

The things remaining on my "to-do" list is . . . well . . . nothing really. I only need my phone. It has everything. My bible, books, twitter, music, etc. The only thing I really need is to pack junk food. But I'm sure there's an app for that.

We'll keep you posted right here! Thanks for your support and prayers.

Two Years of Joy

So my little Alaina Joy just turned two. I remember the night she first came into the world and joined our blessed family. Being a parent is difficult. Anyone who is a parent would agree 1,000%. The idea of being parent is difficult for most people. Even when I was single I could understand in the abstract that being a parent would be extremely difficult and an endeavor I wanted to postpone as long as humanly possible. However, inevitability arrived a few short years after I got married to my beautiful wife. My motto of "avoiding responsibility" was completely and utterly obliterated. There is no avoiding it once you have children.

You see I've viewed, for much of my life, children as a necessary evil. It was a joyless "We have to have them because that's what people do" mentality. I even lazily attempted to find some goodness in having children but still ultimately viewed them as symbols of subjugation, restriction of leisure, and constraints towards happiness. I had a wife to take care of, a mortgage to pay, a lawn to mow, a dog to walk, and I was trying to start my own business. Where did having children fit into all of this?

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Good people in my life tried to tell me that being a parent is "character building." But character didn't matter to a self-absorbed idiot like myself. In my immaturity I thought "happiness" was "freedom from responsibility." That is a great lie the devil and the world tells every young person. Sadly, most of us buy into it and ultimately never truly grow up. Certainly there are people without children who are mature and godly. I'm talking about dismissing fatherhood as if it were banishment from "real freedom." In reality, I was hiding a deep seeded fear underneath this fake tough guy bravado. It was a fear that I might turn out to be like my dad (Summary: He wasn't around). It was masking my own feelings of inadequacies at being a father. Any type of major life change is scary to a child. And I was a child in fear of major change.

So what happened?

Parenting is embarrassing, exhilarating, and down right exhausting. It touches the entire emotional spectrum of the human soul and in so doing it awakens emotional senses within you and it expands your capacity for greater love. Like most things that happen in life, you either continue to avoid the responsibilities that have been given to you and fail or embrace them and thrive and watch yourself be transformed as the thing you dreaded (fatherhood) becomes the catalyst for greater heights of joy you never knew existed.

I love my children and I find joy in their joy. As a result, I learn to find joy in the joys of others, not just my own children. And when we truly "rejoice with those who rejoice" and experience it within community everyone shares in a joy inexpressible and unfading. I believe that's the way God designed a man to experience fatherhood. I've never been more affirmed in my manhood and my masculinity until I had the responsibility of taking care of a family, especially taking care of my children. I never thought that would be the case. But God clearly had other plans and I'm glad His plan always wins out.

Happy Birthday Alaina Joy! You are so dear to my heart and you've changed daddy's life forever. You motivate me to be a better man and a better father by your existence and just like your name you bring unspeakable joy to my life. I love you.

Anniversary 7.0

It’s been seven wonderful years that I’ve been married to the girl of my dreams. As we get older and watch our children grow, we occasionally glance at each other in silent amazement. As the years keep passing by I love my wife more and more. This year, I simply want to point out a few things I’ve learned about marriage so far in our seven short years together.

Before I start, you must remember that for a real view of any long term committed relationship, you have to forget almost every romantic movie you’ve ever seen. Actually, I think most of them are quite harmful to a marriage. The reason is that one of the most common complaints I hear from wives about their husbands is that “he isn’t romantic," which usually means the husband doesn't buy them flowers, chocolates, fancy jewelry or drive up in a limo to pick them up with all those things in hand like Richard Gere did for Julia Roberts at the end of “Pretty Woman.”

Now I’m not saying men shouldn’t make an effort to be romantic (they absolutely should), and though I occasionally do some of these things, riding up in a limo notwithstanding, I appreciate how my wife from time to time acknowledges the "little" things I do for her and the family. For example, she frequently will just say “thank you” for going to work everyday and providing for the family. Yeah, paying the bills and putting a roof over your head isn’t “romantic” or even that “exciting,” but the normalcy of a man’s faithfulness to provide shouldn’t go unappreciated. I think some women miss this, in that they are quick to point out flaws and slow to acknowledge the good their husbands actually do. Sure he may not bring home flowers that often but you wouldn’t care so much about flowers if you were homeless. With that said let the show begin.

Talk the Talk

I can’t begin to tell you how important it is to be able to talk to your spouse. I’m not even talking about the serious stuff, I’m talking about the non-essentials. My wife and I can talk about a spectrum of things. For example, we can talk about the Laker’s salary cap situation this summer and which free agents they should pursue to considering pre-school for our 3-year-old daughter. We can talk about upcoming movies and try and predict if they’re going to stink or be decent. We can talk about different books we’ve been reading and sermons we’ve been listening to online. It’s incredible that I truly feel I can talk to my wife about anything! I love that about my wife.

If you’re single and considering being in a committed relationship with someone ask yourself, “Can I talk to this person about anything?” because if you can’t what do you think you’ll be doing most of the time?

Character Above All

Being married to the right person is amazing. But being married to the wrong person could be absolutely miserable. “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones” (Proverbs 12:4). There’s really no middle ground here. It’s far better to wait to get married then to rush in and marry someone you shouldn’t be marrying. Physical attraction certainly matters, but it’s a person’s character that determines the outcome of the marriage. What attracted me to my wife was her personal relationship with the Lord, her discipline to achieve her goals, and the clarity that she had with all of her life’s pursuits.

When a person knows what they want and those desires are godly ones, it’s a mark of a person with maturity and vision. I’ve met people who date others for dumb reasons (e.g., “We’d have good looking children.”) and those dumb reasons cost them dearly.

Through seven wonderful years, I always check in with my wife and make sure her needs are taken cared of. And as she continues to express her appreciation for me I make sure I do the same for her. It’s a superb place to be, doing life together with an amazing person is a gift from God. The appropriate response to such an astonishing gift is gratitude. My heart is filled with joy and purpose because I’m driven to be the best husband I can be to a wife that deserves no less. That’s the kind of person you want to marry. Someone who by their very nature drives you to be better than what you are.

Happy Anniversary!

Why Do Men Want Sons?

Why Do Men Want Sons?

It’s simple really. We want company of our own gender, to share male camaraderie, do yard work together or go play ball together. Some men want to replicate the relationship they had with their own fathers (e.g., go to ball games, fishing, etc) and some want to build a close relationship they never had with their dads. I would be the latter.

I’ve said before that I’ve often wondered what it would’ve been like if I had a caring father growing up. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so angry, maybe I would’ve learned how to deal with my emotions better, maybe I would’ve learned the lessons I’ve learned sooner and would’ve been better off today. Well, I actually get to see a glimpse of that in my son. I know my son will have his own identity and his own interests. But he will also have a faithful father. The crazy part is that I have no idea what’s it like to have a loving and caring biological father, someone who will be firm and kind and not just cruel and demanding. The prospect to be someone I needed when I was a child to my own son is a cherished opportunity.

There is always the risk of vicarious living through your child, especially between a father and son. It’s a natural desire to want to have common interest with your child in order to have a point of connection, but it gets unhealthy when the child feels things are forced on them. I joke around about my son not having a choice with playing basketball. Truthfully, I really hope he loves basketball. It’s the best sport in the world in my opinion. I imagine taking him to Laker games and teaching the history of the team and all the legends from years past. But if he’s not interested, it’s not the end of the world (at least that’s what I keep telling myself). If anything else, I have an excuse to play with toys again.

What is important is that he has a personal relationship with the Lord. Although my wife and I will influence him in that regard there’s no guarantee he will come to know the Lord. That’s my worst fear. But I take comfort in the fact that the Lord will love him far more than I could.

Mental Preparation

My New Testament Greek professor told us on the first day of class that if you know something is hard up front you will be better mentally prepared for it. And yes, Greek was hard. My wife has done an amazing job as a mother to our two girls. Throwing a son into the mix, with half of my DNA, will probably be pretty volatile. Raising a son will be hard. So here’s a running list of things I’m already preparing for mentally:

• Getting pee in the face when I change his diaper
• My son hitting me in the balls for no reason
• Our food bill tripling as he gets older
• Breaking everything in his path because he thinks it’s fun
• Constantly injuring himself because he can’t understand why he can’t fly
• Being too rough with his sisters
• His teacher telling me he can’t stay still, focus, or complete a task because he has too much energy
• Trying to make him understand that smoking pot isn’t good for him
• Getting a call in the middle of the night needing to get bailed out of jail

This list is a few things from the top of my head. My fragile mind can only take so much. I’m sure they’ll be other things that come up. But part of the wonder of parenthood is figuring it all out as you go.

Carrying on the Family Name

I never gave much thought about my name other than the fact that no one knows how to pronounce it. When I realized I may never have a son and my name would come to an end when my daughters married some idiot, it didn’t really matter to me because it was my father’s name. He wasn’t the most outstanding citizen so who cares about his name ending. Now that I’m about to have a son, it’s made me rethink that premise. How many times does one have the opportunity to completely change their family tree? It’s already started.

• My father was lazy and never wanted to work and lost all his money gambling.

• He was never there physically or emotionally. When we look back at old family photos he was visibly absent.

• I don’t have very many memories of him. I do have one vivid memory but I won’t write it here. Sorry, it’s hard to even write it down.

• We went through an extremely stressful time with my stepfather. He was much worse if you could believe that. I kept thinking, “If my father was here we wouldn’t be going through this.”

It took my heavenly Father to firmly break me of my pride, anger, and bitterness and kindly reveal His will for adopting me as His son and lavish me with His grace in order to change me and gain proper perspective on everything that’s happened. All the negative stuff that’s happened in my life has been used to drive me to be better at everything I do. I don’t use it as a license to walk around with a chip on my shoulder, but I use it as a reminder to avoid the path of my forefathers and forge a new legacy as God’s adopted son. So my son will have the same name as my father but an entirely new meaning. That’s the beauty of redemption. God can take anything and make it new.

I hope to be a vessel of God’s grace to my son. I pray my son will receive God’s grace and that grace will forever give him hope, meaning, and purpose that drives him to godliness in a way I could not when I was young.

It's A Boy!

Finally! I’m having a boy!!! Yes, I admit both times I found out I was having a girl I was a little disappointed. Of course, over a period of time I learned to love my girls and now wouldn’t trade them for anything. When my wife told me she was pregnant for the third time I went through my regular routine of denial, “Are you sure?” and then acceptance, “Okay. That’s cool.” I skipped anger, bargaining, and depression because I’m too lazy to go through too long of a process.

After having two girls and genuinely enjoying them and learning to love them well, I came to a place of contentment and became completely satisfied with the fact that I may never have a son. It was a process for sure, but I got there. In fact, I was ready to endure the endless jokes from friends and family about having several weddings to pay for and not being able to retire when I wanted. Hey, if God wanted me to raise nothing but girls then I’d try and be the best father to a bunch of girls and hope they’d end up dating and marrying some godly guy with Division I talent (think Stephen Curry).

Now the day came when my wife surprised me with a gift on the Lakers season opener. It was a bag with baby clothes in it. At first, I pulled out the shoes and didn’t understand why she would get me a pair of baby shoes. But then she asked me to look in the bag further. I did so and found a baby shirt that said, “Baby Brother.” I was so overcome with emotion I might’ve wept a little (or a lot but you’ll never know because you’ll never see the video).

Yes. I’m an emotional sap. I’m even more so now that I’m having a son. I was watching The Lion King the other day and got emotional. It wasn’t even the part where Mufasa died (Although that part gets me every time. Oh sorry, Spoiler Alert!). It was the part after Mufasa rescued young Simba from the Hyenas and had to lecture him. Mufasa was firm and showed the gravity of the situation, “You deliberately disobeyed me! … And Nala could’ve been hurt!” And being the wise father Mufasa was, he saw the flaw in Simba’s thinking, “I just wanted to be brave.” And corrected his thinking, “No son, that’s not being brave” while still affirming his love for Simba, “I was afraid of losing you.” It’s an amazing scene. Let’s break it down further:

• Defining clear roles: “I am your father and you are my son, … you need to obey me.”
• There are consequences to your actions: “You and Nala could’ve been hurt.”
• Correcting a child’s thinking and clearly defining terms and ideas: “I wanted to be brave like you.” “Bravery doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble.”
• Yet, not completely destroying his son’s morale but affirming a father’s love by being vulnerable: “I was afraid of losing you.” How many fathers are willing to show vulnerability to their sons in order to affirm their love for them?

That’s pretty good stuff for an animated feature. I guess that’s why it’s a classic. It’s a great father/son exchange that gets me emotionally all the time because, as a parent, it’s not easy to have proper balance between firmness and affirmation and this scene does it beautifully (having James Earl Jones’ majestic voice doesn’t hurt).

I hope to provide this for my son, and my other kids as well, just without the whole “dying in a stampede” thing.

Biola University - More Than Just An Education

I was feature in biolablogs.com You could go to the link or read it here:

It’s been over 10 years since I finished my undergraduate studies at Biola (2003) and nearly 10 years since I finished my graduate work at Talbot (2006). I knew I wanted a strong Christian education and believed Biola would be the place I could receive that. What I didn’t know was how that Christian education would ultimately impact my life and how a place like Biola gave me much more.

It’s much like thinking about getting married or having a child. You have vague notions of what that might be like but when you experience it first hand, it exceeds your expectations and leaves a transformative effect that affects your entire perspective on life. You might be saying, “That’s a little dramatic for a mere college education.” Let me tell you the rest of my story.

I graduated with a bachelor in Biblical Studies and two MA(s), one in New Testament and one in Old Testament. Currently, I am in my ninth year as a special education teacher in the Norwalk-La Mirada Unified School District and in my fourth year as a Financial Consultant for Capital Choice Financial. I get asked all the time, “Why aren’t you using your degrees?” which usually means, “Why are you not in some type of ministry?” because of all my bible degrees. My reply is, “I use it everyday.” So I’m not in ministry as a profession. But I never intended to be. Getting my education at Biola gave me broader vision on how to impact the world for Christ. Being a Special Education teacher, most of my students have learning disabilities and it’s the understanding of the doctrine of humanity and that we are all created in the image of God that helps me view them with patience, care, and compassion. As a financial consultant, I view money the way it was intended to be used by God’s design. I help clients lower their debt, increase their assets, and become generous givers to their local churches. This is all possible with my biblically centered education I received from Biola.

What does any of this have to do with starting a family? Well some background would help. I grew up in a broken home. My mom was a single mother working long hours in order for my sister and I to survive and have an opportunity for a better life. I had very little Christian influence and even less role models. The impact on my life wasn’t merely the biblically centered education but the godly men and women who taught and lived by examples of how our knowledge should be applied in our everyday lives in how we treat people. Without those examples, I’m sure the education itself wouldn’t have quite the impact.

A Tribute to Dr. Talley's Service at Grace - A Real Hero

When I first arrived at Biola University as a junior transfer student back in 2001, I was damaged goods. I'd been through a lot. I was hurt and dealing with several issues including bitterness, anger, and resentment. The path I was headed towards was a destructive one. I knew I needed help.

Dr. Talley is a Bible professor at Biola University. From the moment I arrived on campus he took an interest in my life. We got to know each other through campus activities, classes, and having lunch together. He was always concerned with the state of my soul and how much time I was spending reading God's word. During our talks he would help me walk through some of the most difficult things I ever had to deal with. Dr. Talley always showed grace and compassion through my failures. He also showed great wisdom as I came to him with questions ranging from topics like Old Testament Theology and church government to basketball and "Why are women weird?" What I found truly amazing was his understanding. We both come from extremely different backgrounds. Dr. Talley loves his Alabama roots. His outdoor rugged "I'd rather be hunting than in an office" exterior is well balanced with his pastoral care and keen interest in lives very different from his own. His constant direction and always pointing me to Jesus was what I need to combat the floodgates of emotions I was dealing with at the time.

Strangely, I don't feel sadness that he is now stepping down as a pastor at Grace EV Free La Mirada. He's still a Bible professor at Biola and will continue to attend Grace as a member. The reason I don't feel a sense of sadness is because I feel this is the right decision for him. During graduate school, Dr. Talley was still meeting with me on a regular basis along with two of my roommates (Jordan Wessling and Chris Hunt). I remember when the three of us would get together and compare notes about our meetings with Dr. Talley. One time, Jordan told us, "I love Dr. Talley but I would never want his life." What he meant was the amount of time Dr. Talley would work and spend time investing in the lives of young men. There's a tipping point in everyone's life when you can only go so hard for so long without your body, mind, and spirit eventually breaking down. I hope this is a time of rejuvenation for both him and his family.

Today, the knucklehead undergraduate dealing with a host of issues while at Biola is now a faithful husband, loving father, leading a Grace Group (home bible study), leading a Financial Peace University class at church in order to help people with their finances. The Lord has done a work in my life and Dr. Talley had a big hand in that. And that's all Dr. Talley is ever really concerned with, namely, the Lord's work in the lives of His people (that and fishing, hunting, and Alabama football).

I enjoy seeing him every Sunday and him smiling at me saying things like, "Wow. Look at Junior chasing his kids around!" with the satisfaction of a father watching his child grow up before his eyes. It's been years since I've graduated from Biola but he still takes my phone calls, and now that he finally has text message, he texts me back too. As much as he's poured into my life, it's inspired me to do the same for others.

Yes. These are the types of people I attend church with. What a great time to be alive and be in fellowship with God's people.

Holiday Cheer 2014

Every year seems to be a crazy year. Some times that's what makes life interesting. This year at work I had the opportunity to dress up as Santa for the kids and run around making children smile. My boss texted me the night before and said, "My son is too nervous to dress up as Santa could you do it?" I thought, "What's the big deal? Of course I will." How many chances do you get in life to be an Asian Santa? Or in this case "San-Thai Claus." It was fun even though the suit was hot and I had a bunch of pillows taped around me with packaging tape like I was some fragile present shipping across the country. Good times!

Visiting Mom's Gravesite

Since my mom passed away I've only visited my mom's gravesite a handful of times. But I've never taken my family there. This holiday I took my family there not really knowing how I would feel. My theology tells me she's not there but home with Jesus. But it's also important for my children to know they are a part of something bigger than themselves and to know the godly heritage that has come before them. I didn't get as emotional as I thought I was. It was a great time of reflection and realization that although my mom didn't get to meet my family in this life, she will in the next. Hopefully when I get to heaven I'll hear "Well done my good and faithful servant" from the Lord. What I know for certain is I will hear "So you didn't turn out to be a lazy bum after all" from my mom.

Ultimately, Christmas is a celebration of the wonder of God sending His Son to redeem us. "For the believer Christmas secures a wonderful future-Christ's first coming guarantees his second coming and an eternity with him." I would add an eternity with Jesus AND His people. This we can celebrate all year long.

Happy Holidays.

Barnes & Bargains

Disclaimer: My editor (aka. my wife) decided to insert some of her thoughts into this one. That's the price you pay the editor sometimes, I guess.

When it comes to reading books, I don’t like to spend money on ones I know I won’t keep or read again. There’s a book I needed to read for my finance business. I knew I didn’t want to actually pay for it, so I had this bright idea to visit the local Barnes & Noble and simply read the book there. It would save me a whole $13.00.

(Katie: And let’s be honest… be a good excuse to get out of the house and out of childcare for a few hours. I’m going to start “saving money” this way, too!)

This past weekend, I went to the closest store and started reading the book. It was 300 pages, so I knew it might take a few trips. (Katie: I have a 600 page book in mind that I intend to read…twice.) Once I found the book, I tried to find a comfortable place to sit. There wasn’t one. It’s a good business move on Barnes & Nobles’ part. If the place were too comfortable people would never think, “Maybe I should just buy the book and read it in the comfort of my own home.” (Katie: A place on the floor will be just fine for me!) Reading on the hard chair wasn’t fun, but I was determined to save that $13.00. (Katie: I’ll take the hard chair any day if it means getting an hour or more of uninterrupted reading time!)

After a couple of chapters, the music came on. I was sitting directly underneath the speaker and couldn’t hear myself read the book. (Katie: You should try it when the baby starts to cry…) I got up to move away from the speaker, but when I started moving around, I noticed there were speakers everywhere where there was a seat. (Katie: It’s kind of like a two year old that can follow you anywhere.) Maybe it was their way of saying, “Hurry up and buy the book we marked up at 200%!” I decided I would sit on the floor. It would be like high school all over again except I didn’t any read books in high school. A few minutes later, a store manager told me I wasn’t allowed to sit on the floor because of store policy. I guess that’s fine. You wouldn’t want a bunch of people lying around making your place a business look like someone’s living room.

I got up again and went back to my hard chair right underneath the speaker because, really, that was the best spot. Not two minutes later there was a gentlemen wondering through the aisles murmuring to himself while thumbing through books. This guy picked up a “Sex Book” and kept murmuring to himself. Initially I thought he was just a pervert, but then he kept perusing through the books and stopped again on Chinese Cuisine. (Katie: Perusing through books? People still have time for this in the real world?) Okay maybe he’s not a pervert but just some guy that likes to spend his time going through books at a bookstore. (Katie: Probably another dad trying to “save money.”)

Whatever.

I tried to ignore him and keep reading but then he sat down right next to me and kept murmuring to himself while flipping through his Chinese Cuisine book. Then it hit me, “I’m going through all this to save $13.00!” I gave up and just bought the book off of Amazon. I’ll get to read the book in the comforts of my own home. (Katie: Great! While you are reading at home, I will head off to Barnes and Noble… ) Trying to be frugal is one thing, but sometimes it’s okay to actually buy something when the benefits outweigh the cost. And in this case, $13.00 clearly outweighed the cost. Let's see if I'm still saying this when the book arrives and there are screaming kids in the house.

What God has Joined Let NO Man Separate

It's really nice to finally start attending weddings as a married person. When I attended weddings as a single person I would often think, "When is it going to be my turn?" Now weddings of fellow Christians are a source of encouragement to strengthen my own marriage. Last week our dear friends from our Grace Group (home bible study), Alex Torres and Cassie Robertson made a lifelong commitment to one another. It's been a blessing to watch these two mature in the Lord and loving each other well. During the ceremony one of our elders, who was officiating the wedding, said, "What God has joined let no man separate." For some reason this uniquely resonated with me. I've heard the phrase a hundred times before but there has been recent circumstances to make me think about this differently and reflect on it more. So this is a snapshot of that reflection.

It's clear in the bible that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Yet I've seen many fellow believers choose the path of divorce without any biblical grounds. I've had close friends, parents of friends, and even former mentors, pastors, and elders who have gotten divorced. Let me be clear that I'm in no way a perfect person nor is my marriage a perfect marriage. But this grieves me deeply. "What God has joined let NO man separate." Do we take this seriously as Christians? Do we not know marriage is a picture of Christ and the church? Most of these divorce cases is not a result of infidelity or abuse (physical or emotional) but because of hardheartedness. There's a complete unwillingness to forgive one another.

The hardhearted person who cannot forgive or live in proper relation to others in Christ's body (18:1-35) will also despise weaker people in society-in Jesus' day, these included wives (19:1-12; compare Mal 2:14-16) and children (Mt 19:13-15). By contrast, Jesus, who is not hardhearted, remains unimpressed by worldly status (vv. 16-22). When we hold grudges against a genuinely repentant spouse and remain hardhearted toward her or him-whether or not we officially cast the person away-we hinder our own communication with God (1 Pet 3:7-12) and ultimately can invite our own damnation (Mt 18:34-35).

If there's a chance of "inviting our own damnation" I want no part of it. If Christ has forgiven me, how I can stand with a clear conscious when I don't forgive others? I've been blessed living in a community with friends and elders who won't let me get away with acting like a jack@$$ because they love me too much. It's how the Body of Christ suppose to function. I believe one of the first lies we could believe is thinking we have to do things on our own including having a good marriage. If I didn't have accountability, love and encouragement from others, as well as beautiful living examples, there's no way I could thrive in my marriage. By the grace of God I have those things and it's not my own doing. It's interesting to me though, that when a person is intent on doing what they want they begin to isolate themselves from anyone who could call them out of their nonsense.

Now that Alex and Cassie are married I want to make a commitment much like my friends and elders have made a commitment to me. As a fellow church member, a grace group member, and most importantly a brother in Christ I will make the endeavor to support them in their pursuit to honor God in their marriage. Because in the kingdom of God there is no such thing as "irreconcilable differences." The cross proves that.

Dave and Bust

Young parents know that it becomes extremely difficult to have a simple date night with your spouse when the kids arrive. However, even though having children decreases your mobility, spending quality time with your spouse is essential to a healthy marriage.

So after making all the necessary arrangements, my wife and I often go to Dave and Busters for date night. The food is okay, but we really go for the games. It’s like a casino for kids or an arcade for adults. It’s a place where you spend a bunch of money in order to win some tickets you can use to buy overprice useless stuff. Where do I sign up? We decided that it would be more fun if we worked towards a goal- getting our oldest daughter a giant stuffed bear. Of course it was like a million tickets and we could probably just buy the doll for about 1/6th the cost but it’s the process of winning at the games that makes it fun.

I never thought my wife would actually enjoy playing games since she never grew up playing arcade games. She spent time calculating how much she could save in college by taking AP classes in high school. (At this point, she would probably remind me that the year of college classes that she saved at Biola amounted to about $20,000. I guess it wasn’t time wasted…) At any rate, Dave and Busters reminds me of when my sister and I would go to Chucky Cheese as kids. Buying useless stuff with all the tickets we won (or stole) was fun times. To my surprise my wife does have quite a bit of fun doing the same thing. It’s a good night out with my wife.

At Dave and Busters, you can turn in tickets you’ve won without spending them. They will load that amount of tickets on a card that you can keep for future use. After a few outings, we were able to accumulate a decent amount of tickets. As we were looking in the store to potentially cash out, my wife noticed a father with his daughter looking at some dolls. The little girl wanted a certain doll but her father kept saying, “Sorry honey but we don’t have enough. We only have 185 tickets.” My initial thought was, “Wow. You must really suck at games and why are you even in the store? You can’t buy anything with that amount.” My wife, the more thoughtful side of this relationship, quietly says to me “Honey, I think that’s sad she can’t get that doll. Maybe we should get it for her.” My jerk reply was “But we worked hard for these tickets and they are for OUR daughter.” “But we have plenty of tickets for both,” she kindly responded.

At this time, I knew I would be a complete jerk if I didn’t buy the little girl a doll, and my conscience later would only confirm it. So we approached the little girl and her dad and told them we would begrudgingly gladly buy the doll she wanted. The dad responded, “Really? Are you sure?” “No problem. I don’t mind helping out other dads who suck at games,” I replied (in my head). The dad looked at his little girl and said, “Look dear, these nice people are going to buy you the doll.” The little girl inquisitively looked up at her dad and said, “What about sister?” The dad then looked back at us with a face that said, “Yeah, what about her sister?” Before I had any time to respond my wife quickly said, “We’ll buy one for her too.”

We bought Joelle a couple of smaller dolls (a lion and a monkey). Afterwards I just gave the dad our card with the rest of the tickets on them while forcing a smile. They were grateful and we told them “Have a good night, enjoy the toys, and God bless.” On the drive home I told my wife, “A dad who sucks at games shouldn’t get off the hook.” She replied, “But you know it wasn’t about him. We made a couple of little girls happy tonight.” “I guess,” I said dejectedly. What a bust!

Once we got home we showed Joelle the dolls we got her. The joy on her face was absolutely priceless. She won’t go to bed without them and carries them all over the house. I guess a giant bear that was bigger than her really wasn’t that practical anyways. Things didn’t work out how I thought they would. But I guess it pays to not be a jerk sometimes.

Freedom Food

A few months ago I hired a personal trainer to help me meet my fitness goals. I’ve been working out for years, but it just got boring doing the same stuff over and over again. I needed a new challenge. The personal training sessions were 50-minute “hours.” I thought to myself, “You’re cheating me 10 minutes!” However, when the first session began, I wanted to quit 25 minutes into the workout. It completely redefined my idea of “working hard.” After a few months of going through these new workouts in order to improve my performance, I’ve come to realize that I need to take the next step, which is eating healthy.

I’ve eaten a lot better ever since I got married because my wonderful wife has done her best to limit the crap I put into my body. But I’ve been known to sneak in a doughnut from time to time and the occasional carne asada burrito (I’m being generous when I say “occasional”). Recently, my sister decided to start getting fit. It’s improved her quality of life. I’ve been telling her to start going to the gym for years, but like most things I tell her, she has to do it when she wants to do it. Then it was all her idea to begin with. This time, she’s even gone as far as “meal prepping,” which means mapping out everything you’re eating, everything you’re going to eat, and the right portion of supplements I can’t pronounce. She lectures me by saying, “You workout extremely hard, imagine how much better you’d be if you ate better, foo!” Yes, that's how she talks to me.

Well I’ve decided to take the plunge- and my sister’s advice- and start eating better. I don’t even mind giving her credit. I’m giving her 6 weeks to tell me what to eat, and I’m going to commit to it. She even came over and mapped out everything for me. I got dizzy just listening to her tell me what to eat and when to eat it. It's imperative I keep track of my intake. This is something I've NEVER done. I've just eaten when I'm hungry and then I stop eating when I'm full, end of story.

Once my friends caught wind of this, they all mentioned how much I was going to complain about this during the course of 6 weeks. So this is me front loading the complaining so I don’t have drive my friends and family crazy. Although I'll probably do that anyway.

Eating is a wonderful gift from God. As any good gift from God, it can be abused and used in ways that it was never intended. I don’t think I’m a glutton, although if you see me eat you might challenge that idea. Having a doughnut once in a while to me is like, “Stopping and smelling the glazed covered roses.” You have to enjoy the little things in life or you’ll go mad. After a hard day’s work, almost nothing is more soothing then a nice juicy steak for dinner. Now I’m voluntarily giving up my dietary freedom (and paying an arm and a leg) in order to see how the results will affect me physically. Eating boring food is well . . . boring.

So I begin this new journey and new challenge with an open perspective that giving up small luxuries will give me a far better outcomes than the minor indulgences I enjoy daily. After I finish my last box of doughnuts of course.

See you in 6 weeks.

Friends, Mothers, and MVPs

Kevin Durant’s MVP speech made my Mother’s Day blog this year pretty easy. I’ve watched it a few times and wept every time. Sure I might be an emotional sap but it really struck a chord with me on several different levels. But I’ll only talk about two.

First, KD talked about each and every teammate and gave specific examples on how they have positively influenced his life. There were times throughout the season, and even his entire career, which he felt discouraged, where he failed, where the odds were stacked against him. But he survived in no small part because of the community and teammates around him. Yes KD is the star on the team. And yes, he had the best 2013-2014 NBA season of any player including Lebron James. However, that does not imply he did it alone or by steer will power of self-strength and fortitude. Even though that particular narrative of a lone superstar “willing his team to victory” has become the staple by which elite players are judged by it’s also unreal. No one can win alone.

In the same way several people in my life, which I could give specific examples of, have helped me “win” this game called life. I need encouragement and affirmation just like anyone else. I also need wisdom when I’m trying to figure stuff out. I also need examples to watch and mimic in order to have epiphanies and “Oh, that’s how you do it” moments.

Second, and the most appropriate for this weekend, KD talked about his mother and gave her the most praise. He talked about how much she sacrificed, how much she motivated him while he was playing basketball as a kid, how she kept him off the streets, the nights she went hungry so that he wouldn’t, which ultimately led to this moment, “mom, you’re the real MVP.” The camera capturing Durant’s mother’s reaction while he was saying these things was priceless.



I kept thinking about my mom and all the same things she did for my sister and I. Sadly, I would never have the opportunity to express the immense gratitude like Durant did. I don’t know if she could still see me now. But if she could I believe she would have a similar reaction much like Durant’s mother. And as the years passes by I realize more and more my mother is the real MVP.

Happy Mother's Day.

Shooting Stuff & Bro Time

A while back Eric and PJ invited me to go shooting with them. I’ve wanted to do this for a while, so I couldn’t pass this up. I have daughters now, so I should start equipping myself with the skills needed to be a good father. Learning how to handle guns should be close to the top of the list for fathers with daughters. It was also an opportunity to get some “guy time” with my brothers-in-law since when the three of us are together we’re usually in the company of 27 screaming children. Atoms can’t even bond under those circumstances.

We got an early start on the day and went by to pick up the equipment (e.g., guns). As I watched my brothers-in-law loading the car, I thought they were getting ready to invade Iran. You probably know they’re former military dudes and know how to handle guns. I, however, handled a gun once about 10 years ago. Despite growing up in a bad part of East Los Angeles, I never got into guns. This really was a new experience for me. PJ went through all the safety procedures and proper gun etiquette before I even touched a gun. He even started breaking down the different types of guns we had and going over the year, make, and model like a used car salesmen. Could I tell you any of the information PJ shared with me? Of course not, I only remember the guns required bullets of some kind.

Eric, on the other hand, simply said, “Just throw the clay so we can start shooting.” Naturally, it took me a while to get the hang of it. I missed quite a few times at the beginning and began feeling less and less like a man. But once I got the hang of it and started hitting the clay I started to get fired up. There’s something affirming for a man when he obliterates inanimate objects. Women like to create things like Arts & Crafts, digital photo albums, and babies. Men bond over food (especially bacon), blowing stuff up, and doing dangerous things completely unsupervised. That’s just how it works.

After a few hours of shooting from several different guns at several different types of targets we cleaned everything up and headed to In-&-Out for some burgers. During this time, we got to talk about what’s going on with our lives without 27 screaming children climbing on top of each other. It was great. I cherish these few moments in life especially new experiences like shooting stuff with really big guns. I love my brothers-in-law. I totally have an intelligential, analytical, and systematic side much like PJ. There’s also a part of me like Eric which is the “shut up and just do it,” adventurous, no-nonsense, “jumping out of planes” side, except for the part about jumping out of planes because I’m afraid of heights. But if I weren’t afraid of heights . . . uh . . . I probably still wouldn’t jump out of planes. The point being is that I connect with each of my brothers-in-law with different sides of my brain. I’m happy to be a part of the family, and I’m extremely happy they’re equipping me for fatherhood.

Baby Prep #2

When my wife and I decided to start having kids, we thought it would be a good idea to time the birth for the summer and after the NBA Finals. Okay the last part was my idea. Since we both teach we’d be off of work and wouldn’t have to deal with taking time off. Having the child after the NBA Finals was just an added bonus for me. Besides, I wanted to give my wife and new child undivided attention and how could I do that with the Finals going on?

You could read about The Birth of Joelle here.

With baby #2, we decided we weren’t going to time anything and just “let nature take its’ course.” One of the changes in philosophy is that I wanted the kids to be close together, not so much because they would grow up together and be close but rather because I wanted them out of the house faster. Our second little girl is due in the next couple of week, and it’s in the midst of a really busy work schedule. Maybe waiting another four months wouldn’t have been a bad idea, but it’s not like we can go back and change things now. The staff at my school knows baby #2 is right around the corner and knows I might just split and leave my students hanging if #2 decides it’s time to introduce herself to the world.

It was pretty easy to prepare for a baby over the summer. I just needed my blanket and a bag of junk food. Once those things were ready, we just had to wait patiently. This time around, it could happen when I’m at work, which freaks me out a little. Mid-February is right around the NBA trade deadline, and I don’t want to get behind on work. Truthfully, all those things will have to be set aside because the most important thing is my family. Honestly, what frightens me is our world changing because we’ll have not one but TWO babies. How will Joelle react to not being the big banana? How will my wife deal with having two kids to take care of and working from home as well? How am I going to accomplish what I want to accomplish AND give all my girls the love, care and attention that they need?

There are so many questions. But you know what? I don’t need the answers (not right now anyway). That’s the beauty of life. You just need to enjoy the ride. I’ll figure out those questions (and even questions I have yet to ask) with my wife, my community of family, friends, and pastors and ultimately the Lord, who will grant me wisdom, as I need it. As I reflect more about having another little girl, I’m excited to shower another person made in the image of God with love and care- the love and care neither my mother nor my sister received growing up. As you may already know, my biological father wasn’t around when I was growing up. I’ve had to deal with that my whole life. But with Christ’s strength I have the confidence in knowing I won’t turn out like him. By the grace of God I have an opportunity to redeem my bloodline and that opportunity excites me even though it will cost me two weddings, many sleepless nights, and diligent gun training to fend off unworthy boys. Whatever challenges are ahead I’m up for it, as long as they’re not during the NBA playoffs.

For more blogs like this read: Girl Power

The Dark Night

The Child Rises