“How’s the married life?”

I’ve been married for about six months now, so you can imagine that I get the question “How’s the married life?” quite a bit. I’ll go ahead and answer that question. It’s been great! Don’t worry I’ll elaborate. Any time a person is going to get married or is recently married a lot of people offer advice at an astonishing rate. I’m going to address the most common things I’ve heard regarding marriage. I realize that my experience will be different than others but I can only speak from my perspective. Maybe those of you who aspire to be married someday (or even those of you who are already married) will find this helpful. If not, I hope that at least it’s entertaining.

The first year is the hardest:

I understand that there are a lot of adjustments to be made when you get married. Especially when it comes to certain living habits. The whole where to squeeze the tooth paste, leaving the toilet seat up, and which way to hang the toilet paper sounds so cliché. Consequently, to prepare for these types of situations as a single person, I would alternate squeezing the toothpaste from the top and then once finished I would start a new tube squeezing from the bottom. I would do the same with hanging the toilet paper. The idea is that when I got married, I would be prepared for anything; so far, so good.

I know that it hasn’t been a full year yet, but I have to say that it’s been extremely easy. One of the many things that sold me on Katie was that she had a “laid-back” attitude. Now don’t mistake this for apathy because she is a very passionate person. What I mean is that Katie is very flexible and doesn’t need to have things a certain way. She’s not anal about trivial things. I’m not either.

While working out at the gym the other day I ran into a friend. We got into a conversation about our first year of marriage (he’s been married for three years). Both of us noticed that our first years were relatively easy. However, he mentioned that it was his second that was difficult because his wife was expecting certain parts of his behavior to change but they didn’t (i.e., leaving socks on the floor). This leads me to my next point.

Roommates help:

When I was living with Jordan, Chris, Aaron, Steve, and Rory during graduate school I learned quite a few things about adjusting to living with other people (to say the least). For example, Jordan wasn’t the neatest person to put it kindly. Although he has improved in this area, during his time as my roommate I’ve came to learn that I was going to do the majority of the cleaning. As a result, I don’t mind making the bed, vacuuming the carpet, taking out the trash, and washing the dishes.

Keeping things clean and neat were things I did as a single man, and now that I’m married my wife loves me for it, truly an unexpected perk (there is another perk in marriage but lets keep this blog G-rated). It communicates to her that I love her and that I enjoy taking care of her, where in reality I just like things clean. But I’m not going to argue with her. So I guess I should be thanking Jordan for all those years of not taking out the trash. Of course it’ll be interesting when he gets married, but that’s another story entirely.

Is marriage worth it?

I’ve had some single guys ask me this a couple of times and my reply is always, “If you marry the right person, then yes it is.” I know that it could be frustrating figuring that out but since I don’t have to worry about it any more lets move on.

Katie is no doubt the right person for me. She is strong in areas that I am weak. For example, she’s good with details and filling out paper work, like our taxes. She also enjoys cooking. That works out well for me because I enjoy eating. As a single person, when I would get hungry I would either look in the fridge and see there was nothing to eat and just go hungry because I was too lazy to make anything, or I would go through a late-night drive-thru. I realize that that situation was leading to two extremes- I was either going to die from hunger or get fat.

Katie brings things into balance. Not only do I get a meal every night but I also get a healthy one. There have been times when she has made amazing meals and I have felt so loved because of the effort she put into dinner.

Furthermore, she doesn’t demand all of my time. Although I love to spend time with her, she doesn’t get upset when I would go play ball or hang out with the guys. My friends like her, which is a big deal. If your friends don’t like the person you’re thinking about marrying that is a bad sign. I would go as far as to not marry them. Think about all the conflict you’ll have throughout your marriage defending your spouse to your friends when you know deep down you shouldn’t have married them in the first place. Who wants that?

My wife has an amazing servant’s heart. Almost as amazing as mine. Now that’s saying something. I truly feel like we’re a team doing life together and striving to do it better. As I look back with alllllllllllllllllllllllllll the girls that have rejected me in the past, I can’t believe I was so heartbroken over some of them.

(Side Note: For you single guys, if a girl rejects you don’t act like you just got eliminated from The Bachelorette. Those guys look lame when they’re devastated when a girl they don’t even know, who-has-been-making-out-with-twenty-other-dudes, doesn’t give them a rose to go to the next round. Really?? What does the application say for the show, “wusses and pansies only?” Do guys turn in their Man Card when they walk on the show? I’m waiting for the genuine guy who doesn’t care about winning the hand of an egocentric self-indulging insecure girl, who-has-been-making-out-with-twenty-other-dudes, and is only there because he lost a bet to some friends. He would be smooth and confident and have an “I can’t believe I lost that bet” look on his face the entire time. He would be having more fun hanging out with the guys talking about sports, movies, and the new Megan Fox article on Entertainment Weekly. This would be in complete contrast of the typical show when the “men” start acting like a bunch of catty women fighting over a man. When he gets eliminated [and yes, a guy like this will get eliminated because genuine people don’t belong on this type of show] he would have the look of “I’m glad I won’t be spending more time with that self- indulging egocentric insecure girl, who-has-been-making-out-with-twenty-other-dudes, anymore.” Now if the show threw in a guy like that they would widen the demographics of the show to at least five other guys. Did I just spend all that time talking about The Bachelorette? Crap!)

What in the world was I talking about? Oh yeah, I can’t believe how heartbroken I was over some of the girls from my past that didn’t give a rip about me. Now I have a woman who loves and cherishes me with everything in her. I feel supported and extremely blessed. Above all, her care, compassion, and character point me to Christ knowing that I do not deserve such a blessing but it is the love and grace of God who has given me an astonishing prize. So yes, marriage is worth it.

Marriage is Community

The married life has been nothing short of wonderful. But I can’t take the credit for it. We received outstanding biblical pre-martial counsel with our pastor and his wife, have the support of our friends, great examples within our church, and wonderful in-laws as a resource for wisdom and experience. Most important, we have the Word of God and so often times when things become complex, it simply comes down to being the man that God wants you to be. Now, for me, it’s being the husband that God wants me to be and doing whatever it takes to get there.

Loving my wife just as Christ loves the church is a responsibility I approach with fear and trembling. It gives me a clear picture of what to do but also terrifies me because of the weight of responsibility. Of course God is the God of hope and will not leave me to my own fragile and frail strength. He has given me a wonderful community that provides encouragement, comfort and accountability with the empowering of the Holy Spirit in each one of those categories and the power of the Holy Spirit within me. I have an army to fight with for the cause of a godly marriage. Yes, it’s only been six months but what a six months indeed.