A Good Night Almost Foiled

This past Friday night I decided to go to the Lakers’ game with my buddy Ronnie whom I’ve only seen a handful of times since high school. It was a good night to do some catching up. If you’ve ever been to Staples Center you’ll know that they jack up the prices about 600% on everything there. It’s as if Staples Center was its own country and can pretend that food is so rare there they could charge whatever they want.

And just like any country they have boarders and security checks before you enter. Here’s where a good night was almost foiled. Now I like to think that I’m a rational guy most of the time. So I’m not going to pay a ridiculous price for food when I could get the same thing for one-eighth the cost somewhere else.

My buddy Ronnie got us some nice burritos before the game. They were pretty big and it was going to be difficult sneaking them in with all the security but of course we were going to try. The burritos were wrapped in foil. I said, “What a minute, the foil is going to set off the metal detector.” Ronnie replies, “No it won’t. Your jacket has zingers. The zingers doesn’t set off the metal detector so why would foil?” He might be right but I still wasn’t feeling confident. I put my big burrito in the inside pocket of my jacket on the left side.

As we entered the security check I tried to keep it cool by pretending to have a conversation with Ronnie. Sure enough the metal detector went off. I was asked to move aside so they could check me with the hand-held metal detector. Can you guess where the hand-held metal detector went off? That’s right, the inside pocket of my jacket on the left side. The security guy says, “Please empty your pockets.” You could imagine now I was sweating some bullets. Not to mention that everyone else was looking to see what was going on wondering why I was setting off the metal detector. “Maybe he’s a terrorist!” they thought. Great, all of this trouble for a freakin’ burrito.

I complied without saying anything hoping that I could find something else in my pockets to pull out other than my big burrito. I was digging in my pockets so hard I almost poked a hole through them. Nope. Still searching. Nothing. Then I came clean and just told the security guy, “Look man, it’s just my burrito and it’s only loaded with beans and rice. It’s completely harmless, I promise.” The security guy cracked the kind of smile that says, “I’ve gotta tell my friends about this one. A dude tried to smuggle in a freakin’ burrito! That was a first.” But he says, “There is no outside food allowed.” Dejected and a little embarrassed I grabbed my things and took my burrito outside.

Did Ronnie get caught? Of course not. Now if you knew Ronnie, that wouldn’t surprise you at all. He gets away with these things. There is no method to how he does it, he just has the “I don’t get caught” gene. But like a good friend he went back outside with me and said, “I’m sorry dude, but you were right. The foil really did set off the alarm.” You could imagine that his acknowledgement of my correctness about the foil was small consolation.

Afterwards, both of us decided to go in by another entrance. On our way we were “unfoiling” our burritos and wrapping them in napkins. We made it through the second time without a hitch, got to our seats, and took a nice sigh of relief. Just in time for the game introductions. We sat and enjoyed the rest of the night by watching the Lakers destroy the Clippers by 40 AND eating our burritos (although it was cold by now because it had no foil to keep it warm)! I think the whole ordeal actually made the burritos taste even better.

In conclusion, there are two lessons we could learn here. Foil sets off metal detectors and don’t listen to Ronnie if you ever meet him because if he talks you into anything you'll be the one caught. A great start to the weekend. I hope the rest of you are having as much fun with life as I am.