Joelle’s Eye Surgery

Our 19-month-old needed corrective eye surgery because her eye crossed a bit. When we first heard the news, naturally, my wife and I were nervous for our baby. The doctor reassured us that it was a routine procedure and that he’s done it a thousand times on children. He also explained that if Joelle doesn’t have this corrective surgery, it could lead to further problems down the road.

It was less than a week from AJ’s birth and Joelle’s surgery was scheduled for early in the morning. My wife’s sister, Becky, and her parents were nice enough to come along that day. Joelle was blissfully unaware of what we were doing there. Once the nurses called us in and started walking us towards the preparation section, my heart rate increased like I just took a triple shot red eye from Starbucks. I thought to myself, “Sh** just got real.” The nurses were great. They were accommodating, extremely nice, and patient with Joelle as she rampaged through the facilities.

The anesthesiologist came by to give her some medication in order to calm her down. I thought to myself, “If this works I’m totally asking to take some home with me.” Unfortunately, the medication had an adverse affect on Joelle. Instead of calming her down it made her more agitated. She was getting drowsy but angry as well. It was a drunken baby rampage. This of course made both my wife and I even more nervous. My wife was already losing it emotionally, so I couldn’t possibly lose it either. One of us had to hold it together. Then it was time to put the hospital gown on her. It was dark green and had bears and balloons on it. I thought she would like it. Boy was I wrong.

Once we slipped it on her she looked down at it and started dropping baby F-bombs and completely lost it. Who knew 19-month-olds are fashionably aware? The nurses were flexible enough to take it off her. I mean, who could stand a drugged up, hungry 19-month-old screaming baby profanities at you? Finally the operating room was ready for her and they carried her off screaming baby F-bombs and all. Naturally, my wife got a little emotional so I tried my best to comfort her and reminded her we just needed to trust the Lord.

My wife, her sister Becky, and her parents went to take AJ to her grandparents to care for her there since they were so close by. I picked out a spot in the waiting room, sprawled out with my book, and pretended that I was in my own living room. I even had the person next to me say, “You look way too comfortable.” I smiled at her and said, “Well, if no one else is going to use these chairs . . . “

A couple of hours passed by and the doctor came out to give me an update on Joelle’s status. He said the surgery was almost done and that she was doing fine. I was relieved. He was going to allow me to go see her in a matter of minutes. I texted my wife the update and immediately she started heading over to the hospital. A nurse escorted me back toward the operating room and they brought Joelle out. She was screaming and still had her IV (Intravenous Therapy) in. I asked if they could remove it but they said it needed to be in for a while longer. Joelle’s eyes were swollen and blood shot. She hadn’t eaten or drank anything all day, so I wasn’t surprised to find her in a bad mood. I’m sure the anesthesia that she had been under didn’t help. I calmly wrapped Joelle in a blank and held her while caressing her head. She was able to stay calm for a while. My wife arrived shortly afterwards and we took turns holding her.

One Asian nurse with a thick accent said to me, “You know you remind me of my son.” I replied, “Really? How so?” She said, “You’re so calm just like he is. Nothing seems to trouble you.” Ha! If she only knew what was going on inside me. I just told her “Thanks,” and started thinking about my mom, wishing she were here. It certainly was a parental experience.

In short, Joelle’s surgery went well. We had a post-op appointment the next day and scheduled another one in six weeks. There’s a chance she may need another one but we’re praying that she won’t. It’s been about a week since the surgery and her eyes look better. She’s a little trooper. Thank you for all of you who prayed for her safety.

Labor Night

Didn’t we just do this? Well, that’s what it felt like when we were headed to the hospital for induction. It felt like we were resetting the clock after only 18 months. Joelle is on a schedule and sleeps through the night. She’s also hit all of her milestones and comprehends far more than I realize. Now, here comes Alaina Joy? We’re going to have to go through all the sleepless nights and schedule setting all over again, with the addition of a toddler to compete for attention on top of it?

Sweet!

Anyway, we could talk about that stuff later. Right now, here’s a running account of the night of induction. Our little angel number 2 was taking her sweet time, being 9 days overdue. Maybe she knew once she was born, I would start the clock – 18 years old and they’re out! My wife wasn’t feeling much of anything in the way of contractions. So induction was the plan. Why not? We had to induce with Joelle and everything turned out fine. It was scheduled for Sunday night at 11:30. We arrived at the hospital on time and had the induction started by midnight or so. AJ came at about 6:30am Monday morning, about 6.5 hours total. I was asleep for about 5.5 hours. Before you start thinking I’m a slacker just know that the couch in the room I was sleeping on was extremely uncomfortable. So it was 5.5 hours of restless sleep. Why can’t they have nicer places for the husband to sleep in labor rooms? I mean there wouldn’t even be labor rooms if it weren’t for men.

Also, I knew the induction could take a few hours anyway. At least that’s what I heard the doctor saying when I was half-asleep. There was no point in BOTH of us staying awake. As the “Labor Coach,” I was going to need all my strength to yell, “PUSH!” (I’m not sure why they call us “Labor Coaches” anyway. It’s not like we know what we’re doing. Outside of yelling, “PUSH!” what tactics am I really giving my wife? Don’t coaches usually know what they are coaching? Well, unless you’re Mike D’Antoni of course.)

The doctors woke me up at about 6am and said, “It’s almost time.” Naturally, since I was just waking up, it took a moment to figure out what they meant. “Oh right! My wife is having a baby.” My wife’s goal was to have a “natural birth.” I think every woman wants a natural birth, at least until the pain starts. Since Joelle’s labor process was so long, my wife decided to go ahead with getting an epidural. This time around, however, she decided against it and almost immediately regretted the decision.

Now my wife is one of the most gracious, loving, and composed individuals I’ve ever met. All of those things went completely out the window once labor started.

Me: PUSH!
My wife: Shut up!
Me: PUSH!
My wife: SHUT UP!
Me: But honey, you have to push!
My wife: I said, “SHUT UP!!!”
Me: Hey, I thought we co-signed on this.
My wife: (throwing things)
Me: . . .
Nurse: Don't worry. She's suppose to be mean to you right now.
Me: (Thinking: I guess that's sort of comforting.)

(Katie: I never told Jr to shut up during hard labor. There was on moment in the night when Jr was helping me through contractions in which he teasingly yelled “push.” When the contraction was over, I looked at him and jokingly told him to “shut up.” In true Jr fashion, this single expression said once in jest has now become his tag line for the night. ☺ )

This is the part where I start praying the baby comes quickly and not for my wife’s sake but for my own. There were other things yelled from the top of her lungs said that I won’t repeat here. Let’s just say I saw a side of my wife I’ve never seen before.

(Katie: While I will admit to yelling to get through the pain, nothing that was said was inappropriate for little ears.)

Once AJ was out, the joy (and relief) filled our hearts. This time around, I felt more comfortable handling her. I enjoy being a father. I never thought that would be true and it’s certainly not because it’s easy. Cuddling AJ late into the night while my wife finally got a chance to rest was both difficult and wonderful. Alas, these moments seem to always intertwine elation with sorrow. My life is given a greater sense of purpose because of our new little angel. It’s also a sorrowful reminder that my mother wasn’t here to witness it. My mom prayed fervently that the Lord would provide a godly wife for her son. She would not live to see her prayers answered. My mom never told me her thoughts about me potentially being a father. I would’ve liked to know her thoughts. Interestingly, during this whole process, my thoughts turned to my biological father for a time. I wondered how a man could so easily turn his back to his family when I would gladly die for mine. I strive to not be like him while at the same time try and be like my mother.

(Katie: Jr has indeed become a wonderful father. It was a joy the first time around to see him embrace his new role with Joelle, even when many of the baby care routines were foreign to him. This time, it has been so special to see how much more comfortable he has become in caring for our girls. He knows when and how to step in and help, and there is nothing sweeter than seeing them cradled in his arms. His role as a father to our family is a constant reminder of God’s ability to heal and redeem the brokenness of our world.)

This past week has been crazy. In the midst of it all I have experienced an outpouring of love by my friends, family, Grace Group, and co-workers. I’m overwhelmed by God’s goodness poured out on my family through our community. It’s truly a blessing to be a part of it.

Bizarro Valentine’s Day

It’s been well documented how much I love my wife. She’s an amazing woman with too many qualities to count. But I’ve never pointed out any of her flaws. I mean, why would I ever do such a thing? Since Valentine’s Day is around the corner and my baby is due at any moment, I thought I would write a bizarro blog about my wife before I can’t write anything at all due to the fact we’ll have two screaming children. Besides, since I went through this already for our anniversary the world needs to know everything isn't perfect.

Country Music

When I was first interested in my wife back when we were attending college, I noticed she was a big country music fan. I thought to myself, “That shouldn’t be a surprise because all white girls like country, right?” So I overlooked that flaw. She knew I hated country music, but I don’t think she knew to what degree. She’s been great with not listening to it with me around. However, there are times when I use her car that the radio is set to a country music station. For those few seconds between realizing what I am listening to and turning the radio off by ramming my fist through it like Bruce Lee ramming his fist through people, I am exposed. Every time that happens, I feel like I have to be quarantined.

DVR Too Full

There are times I go to the TV to record a basketball game or an episode of The Walking Dead but either the DVR is too full or there are other shows being recorded. Normally, I wouldn’t mind if they were good shows. However, when I look up what’s on the DVR there’s about 100 episode of Chopped, Say ‘Yes’ to The Dress, and Biggest Loser.

(Katie excerpt: I frequently text my wife in the middle of the day to ask her to record a basketball game for me on the DVR. Not once has she ever denied this request for lack of space. The games are always waiting for me when I get home. Even more amazing, when there was a conflict between shows to be recorded two nights ago, my wife very sweetly offered to give up her recording space so that I could watch what I had planned. That’s true love.)

Chopped

I actually liked this show, at first. Then after watching several episodes I realized it was basically the same thing over and over. The cooks get stressed out because they’re running out of time and the judges tell them what’s good and bad about their particular dishes. The judges are also persuaded to keep or chop certain chef’s because of their character and/or story, although they won’t admit it. If the cook is a jerk the judges get more critical with their work. We see right through them. It’s a wonder why more chefs don’t catch on to this. Anyway, it just got tiresome watching other people eat. How do I know if the judges are right unless I try the food myself? I don’t see the need to record every episode when every episode is the same.

(Katie excerpt: Of course, every time my wife watches this show and the competition involves a big slab of red meat, I must admit that, once again, I find myself drawn to the competition.)

Say ‘Yes’ to The Dress

This has to be the first show in human history to make the balls of a man shrink by merely watching the intro. An entire show picking out a wedding dress?

(Shaking my head)

(Katie excerpt: Thankfully, my wife understands this and has NEVER subjected me to watching the show. I also have to admit that I have had the movie “Aliens” on the DVR for months, now, and my wife has yet to delete it- even though I have subjected her to the nonsense of it multiple times. Again, true love.)

Biggest Loser

Okay, this show is actually inspiring. It’s nice to see fat people decide they don’t want to be fat anymore and do something about it. You see their everyday lives improving in very practical ways, like being able to bend down and put their socks on.

Of course, there can’t be a show with healthy people who have always lived a healthy life. I mean that’s pretty boring. People want drama and dramatic changes. I even thought about gaining 300 pounds in order to get on the show so I could win some money. Then I calculated the cost it would take for me to gain that much weight and decided it really wouldn’t be worth it. Bummer. I was looking forward to binge eating at Cheesecake Factory.

In short, I love my wife. She brings so much joy into my life, I nearly weep when I think about it. But I really wish she would kick these annoying habits. However, I am well aware that if she were to write a blog about my flaws, my guess is that it would be a lot longer.

(Katie excerpt: And yet, I know that she loves me just as much as I love her!)

When your wife is the editor excerpts on blogs like this happens.

Baby Prep #2

When my wife and I decided to start having kids, we thought it would be a good idea to time the birth for the summer and after the NBA Finals. Okay the last part was my idea. Since we both teach we’d be off of work and wouldn’t have to deal with taking time off. Having the child after the NBA Finals was just an added bonus for me. Besides, I wanted to give my wife and new child undivided attention and how could I do that with the Finals going on?

You could read about The Birth of Joelle here.

With baby #2, we decided we weren’t going to time anything and just “let nature take its’ course.” One of the changes in philosophy is that I wanted the kids to be close together, not so much because they would grow up together and be close but rather because I wanted them out of the house faster. Our second little girl is due in the next couple of week, and it’s in the midst of a really busy work schedule. Maybe waiting another four months wouldn’t have been a bad idea, but it’s not like we can go back and change things now. The staff at my school knows baby #2 is right around the corner and knows I might just split and leave my students hanging if #2 decides it’s time to introduce herself to the world.

It was pretty easy to prepare for a baby over the summer. I just needed my blanket and a bag of junk food. Once those things were ready, we just had to wait patiently. This time around, it could happen when I’m at work, which freaks me out a little. Mid-February is right around the NBA trade deadline, and I don’t want to get behind on work. Truthfully, all those things will have to be set aside because the most important thing is my family. Honestly, what frightens me is our world changing because we’ll have not one but TWO babies. How will Joelle react to not being the big banana? How will my wife deal with having two kids to take care of and working from home as well? How am I going to accomplish what I want to accomplish AND give all my girls the love, care and attention that they need?

There are so many questions. But you know what? I don’t need the answers (not right now anyway). That’s the beauty of life. You just need to enjoy the ride. I’ll figure out those questions (and even questions I have yet to ask) with my wife, my community of family, friends, and pastors and ultimately the Lord, who will grant me wisdom, as I need it. As I reflect more about having another little girl, I’m excited to shower another person made in the image of God with love and care- the love and care neither my mother nor my sister received growing up. As you may already know, my biological father wasn’t around when I was growing up. I’ve had to deal with that my whole life. But with Christ’s strength I have the confidence in knowing I won’t turn out like him. By the grace of God I have an opportunity to redeem my bloodline and that opportunity excites me even though it will cost me two weddings, many sleepless nights, and diligent gun training to fend off unworthy boys. Whatever challenges are ahead I’m up for it, as long as they’re not during the NBA playoffs.

For more blogs like this read: Girl Power

The Dark Night

The Child Rises

Anniversary 5.0

So I read in the Marriage Manuel that you really need to get something special for your wife every fifth anniversary (e.g., 5th, 10th, 15th etc). This year being our fifth anniversary, I actually had to put some thought into this. Last year, I was in a rush, copped out and went to Jared’s and overpaid for a piece of jewelry. The good news is my wife liked what I got her, but I really should’ve $aved the “rush your @$$ to Jared’s” card for one of these fifth years (take note young husbands).

Since my wife is nice enough to not let me screw this one up she just told me what she wanted. Admittedly, when she mentioned it, she said that it could be saved for years down the road. But, since I was given the idea, I figured that I would save me some brainpower and use it this year. It didn’t save my wallet, but I’m not complaining (not out loud anyway). My wife deserves it. Now I don’t know much about women, but I do know the universal truth that no matter what her background, culture, or childhood was like, they want flowers, chocolate, and diamonds. You can NEVER go wrong with anyone of these gifts. Especially when you give her diamonds. I have no clue why women have an affinity towards these particular items, but it’s knowledge I was able to use to my advantage.

When it comes to diamonds, I call in the expert, namely, my sister Victoria. She knows some people in the downtown LA jewelry district, and she helped get my wife’s engagement and wedding ring. So, I called her in for back up once more. Downtown LA is probably the second worst city on earth to drive in because of the one-way streets and traffic (It’s only second to New York). If you don’t know exactly where you’re going, you may never find your way out of that city again. My sister knows the building, where to get inexpensive parking (Inexpensive and my sister are rarely ever connected), the security guards by first name, and all the jewelers in the store. She gets the best deals. (Although getting a “deal” on diamonds still requires spending enough money to make one vomit.)

When we got to the jewelry shop, my sister waved hello to the jewelers from outside the bulletproof glass window. They buzzed her in with excitement because they know Victoria doesn’t come just to “look” at stuff. She comes to spend money, and this time it was going to be my money. The jewelry was so shiny I had to wear sunglasses just to look at it all. I overheard another lady there say, “This is like a candy store for ladies.” I’m no expert, but I’ve been to a candy store and I don’t recall spending $500 for some Skittles. After some small talk, we quickly picked out the item, swallowed hard after looking at the price, and then bit the bullet. Done and done. I’m sure my wife will love it.

Wow. Has it really been five years already? What will the next five years look like? I feel like I have the most amazing wife in the world. She gets up early in the morning to make breakfast for me and the kids, she’s wise with her money, she’s constantly keeping the house clean, she prepares every meal, and she does it with complete gladness and with a servant’s heart because she loves the Lord. Even though she is completely content, I want to give her so much more. Each day that goes by I feel more blessed that she’s in my life, and I praise God for that. She is the constant reminder of God’s undeserving goodness in my life.

Happy anniversary, Honey. I feel like I love you more and more with each passing year. I hope to have many more years with you. But if I die unexpectedly please keep the Laker season tickets in the family and make sure Bryan pays me back all the money he owes me. I love you.

For last year's anniversary blog click here.

For my Wedding Diary blog click here.

The Swagger Wagon

I bought my Ford Explorer new in 1997 and paid it off in 2002. When I married my wife, I immediately paid off the balance on her car since the interest rate was so high because of a lack of credit history when she first bought it. Not everyone agrees about universal truths, but most people can agree that having a car payment stinks. It’s extremely nice to drive around in functioning cars and NOT have a payment. The thought of having another car payment makes me want to vomit.

However, my wife is currently eight-months pregnant with our second child. Watching her painfully get Joelle (17-months) in and out of her Toyoda Avalon was killing me. The thought of her having to get TWO kids in and out of that car next month was killing me even more. It was clearly “bite the bullet” time. We were going car shopping!

The interesting part was both my wife and I didn’t want a van because of the connotation of being old, uncool, or even worse, being like our parents. But the more and more she looked at what she needed, a van seem to fit. Darn it! It’s “bite the bullet” times two! Since I haven’t bought a car this century, I was a little out of practice. I had forgotten how stressful it could be and how sometimes car salesmen try to take you for everything you’re worth. You really need to do your research. After looking at the most popular options for vans, we landed on the Honda Odyssey.

Our first stop was Honda World. We came in with a reasonable offer on a used car they had, but the salesmen we were working with noticed another couple looking at the same car. When we wouldn’t move on the numbers, he just got up and left (and sent his manager to deal with us). The couple that was looking at the car ended up buying it for the sticker price on the lot, which was $6,000 more than what they had it listed for online (that’s the salesmen’s story, anyway). Initially I thought, “Good for the salesmen.” But what I should have been thinking was, “What an idiot that dude was for overpaying for a car!” If he had done just a little research, he could have saved some serious money. But hey, who really wants to look up car prices on the Internet when you could just throw away thousands of dollars at the dealership?

In retrospect, though, I guess it should matter to us what others pay for cars because it directly affects the market value of said vehicle. The salesmen was experienced enough to know how much he could get for a given vehicle from people who hadn’t done their research. There’s little leverage for a salesman if the people who come in know the value of the car, have excellent credit, and don’t have an immediate need for the car. However, it seems like they can always spot a sucker, like this guy could. Why would he bother to sell us the car for a good deal when he could sell that same car to a sucker for far more? So because there was a sucker in the parking lot we got screwed out of the car we wanted. Sweet!

We continued our search online and eventually found another car at a second dealer that seemed like a good price. After phone calls to verify that the car was in stock, we went to the dealer in person to look at it. Unfortunately, the car wasn’t actually there at the time. We ended up agreeing to an initial deal, contingent on our being able to see and test drive the car. To make a week long story short, in the subsequent days, we got the run around from the dealer about when the car would actually be available to be seen and test driven. The car was at the “sister lot”- Honda Santa Monica- getting detailed. Calls at the end of the week and a trip to that dealer also left us empty handed and unsure where we stood with this particular car. My wife was so frustrated with the process that she mailed it in. She didn’t care how difficult it was going to be getting two babies in and out of the Avalon. This is where the reasonable, calm, and cool-headed husband kicked in. There was no way I was going to miss out on a potentially great deal and let my wife take our kids around (with all their stuff) with an inadequate car. So, the second time I had to make the trek down to Honda Santa Monica, my father-in-law was nice enough to come with me.

The salesman we worked with at this dealership was a lot more accommodating when he heard our story with all the run-around(s). I wanted my father-in-law to test drive Odyssey. I figured that owning one himself, he should know how it was supposed to run. Little did I know that I was in for a wild ride. Once we got in the car and buckled up, my father-in-law floored it right out of the parking lot. We were fast approaching a red light and I thought to myself, “Is he going to run the red light?” He then slammed on the breaks. Everything on the center console fell off, my head came inches from hitting the windshield, and the seatbelt sling shot me back so hard I nearly got whip lash. He then turned to me and said, “Well, the breaks are working.” He went on to drive without using any hands to see if the alignment was okay and aggressively turned the steering wheel back and forth. I was just waiting for him to try and Tokyo Drift the van. Apparently, when he test-drives a car, he goes into Vin Diesel mode.

Surprisingly, we got back to the dealership in one piece and started working the numbers with the salesman. We gave him the numbers we were happy with and we got everything we asked for. We also negotiated some repairs on the car without extra cost. My father-in-law and I had some good bonding time over the experience. He really enjoys that kind of stuff- talking to the salesman, dealers, researching cars, etc. It gave me more peace of mind because he had the same vehicle, along with several members of our church, and they’ve all been happy with it. Even though my wife was frustrated with the car shopping process, I knew that once we had the vehicle in hand and she drove around in it, she was going to be happy.

After a week she says it’s been a lot easier to get Joelle in and out of the car and it will be a lot easier when baby #2 comes along next month as well. My wife is happy, and I am happy.

I done good - (patting myself on the back)

I was so excited about the new purchase that I made sure to text my sister about it. She asked, “How long is the term for the loan?” I said, “60 months.” She replied, “So that’s how long I’ll have to listen to you complain about a car payment?” Wow. She knows me pretty well. And the answer is “yes,” I’ll be complaining the whole way through.

In Memory of Geoff Dykstra

This morning I attended the monthly Men’s Breakfast at my church, and it was announced that Geoff Dykstra went home to be with the Lord today. He had been battling cancer for several months. Geoff leaves behind him his wife, Leah, and his five children.

I didn’t know Geoff well and only had a couple of conversations with him. However, his shining example of his love for Christ was not lost on me. At the Men’s Breakfast, people went around sharing moments of Geoff’s life. He clearly had an impact on the lives of those around him. There were several things said about Geoff that really stood out; his consistent joyful attitude, how he loved his children and wife, and his desire to serve others. More than a few members from our church visited him in the hospital and noticed he knew everyone’s name. Geoff greeted all the nurses, doctors, and janitors by name and felt it was his mission to be an example of Christ’s love to the people around despite the fact that he was dying of cancer.

During a church work day a few months ago, even in his weakened state, Geoff showed up to pass out water for the guys that were working, wearing a breathing mask so he wouldn’t get sick. There are countless stories of how godly this man was.

As I think about this, there are a few things I just want to mention.

First, Geoff would hate getting any attention like this. He would deflect the attention back on the Lord. It was his love for Jesus that made him the person we all can aspire to.

Second, I’ve never been at a church where someone was sick and the entire church felt it. Throughout Geoff’s process, from being diagnosed with cancer and the treatment that followed, the church constantly updated the members about his situation and health status. There was constant support and prayers for him and his family (support which will continue as his wife and children face new challenges). No sermon or book could’ve taught me how to suffer with those who suffer better than the way my church did by this example.

Finally, I feel honored and privileged having known Geoff, even a little. His example of being a loving father to his children I will take with me and aspire to. I also feel honored and privileged that these are the types of people who attend my church. One of the elders told Geoff before he died that the church would take care of his family. All of us are happy to follow in that pledge.

As the years goes by I’m learning more and more about the function of the Body of Christ. We are vessels of God’s love and mercy. We are an army that fights for each other’s holiness. We are a hospital for the sick and a food bank for the hungry. We correct and rebuke. We encourage and affirm. We say God’s people are never alone. We walk together through the fires of hell and fields of lilies. We stand shoulder to shoulder from the depths of the earth and to the heights of heaven. We are His bride. We are His body. We are the church.

If you want to know a little more about Geoff Dykstra his blog is here.

If you want to give to the Dykstra Fund in order to help support his family - CLICK HERE.