Con“friend” tation - part II of II

Click here for part I.

I’ve always admired my buddy Aaron Brown for his willingness to confront me (and anyone else for that matter) and call me on things that needed to be addressed. If there was something that offended him, he didn’t hold it in but tactfully and clearly talked about it. Sometimes in our attempt to confront someone with something we can end up being unclear due to fear, and the message never truly gets across. Aaron was skillful in how he would be direct, clear, and loving all at the sometime. He taught me not to hold things in when it came to a brother doing something that bothered me because it comes out in sarcasm and back-handed comments, which are ungodly. I’m yet to be as skillful in that area, but I’m getting better. Having him as an example has helped.

“All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness” (2 Tim. 3:16 – italics added - NASB).

There’s a caveat that needs to be mentioned at this point. All of the people I’ve just mentioned (and even others I haven’t) who have rebuked me or exhorted me have several things in common; they were there when I graduated from Biola University. They were there when I graduated Talbot School of Theology. They were there when I was struggling in my singleness. They were there when I was struggling with sin. They were there when my mother died. They were there when I got married. They were there when my crazy older sister was fighting the rest of the family over my mom’s estate. This is why I was able to be “teachable.” It was not because I was some outstanding and humble individual (I wasn’t) but it was because I saw and understood the love that my brothers had for me. They rebuked not out of a sense of self-righteousness but out of a concern for my righteousness, and I’m a better man for it.

There’s also a way not to rebuke/exhort. I remember a time when we were in youth group and my buddy Ernie was rebuked by a stranger at the church who happen to over hear that he doesn’t clean up his room. Okay, we were seniors in high school and probably should be more responsible in keeping our quarters clean, but what business did that guy have rebuking my friend Ernie when he didn’t have a relationship with him? A total stranger rebuking him bothered Ernie and it didn’t encourage him any. However, it certainly made that stranger feel better about himself. He came across self-righteous and arrogant. I seriously doubt he was ready to walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death with Ernie in much the same way my friends and pastors/professors have with my life.

In addition, I’ve also had leadership cast me out like garbage when I’ve made a mistake or simply degreed with them on whatever issue. No matter how much that hurt at the time, I’m not bitter about it because I see God’s purpose in all of it. On the positive side, I also remember my youth pastor Rick Ronquillo who attempted to give me sound advice only for me to reject it. In retrospect, he was right in most cases, and I was simply acting immature thinking that I knew what I was doing. Rick never reaped the benefits of pouring into a young man with a teachable spirit but he’s never held it against me either. I’ll forever remember him as the guy who “started me on this Christian journey” (Hey, that sounds like a great blog idea!!!).

Receiving correction is never easy. It takes humility. Sometimes it’s not warranted, done in an inappropriate manner, or given by a person who will never give you affirmation. As men, we all have that “There’s no way I’m wrong” attitude in us. That attitude needs to die daily. I’ve seen Christian men refuse to take responsibility for their actions and it’s ugly. They not only hurt themselves but those closest to them.




But when a person enters The Jammer’s inner circle they’ll have a friend for life. A friend who won’t be afraid to ask hard questions or call them on things while doing it in love. They’ll have a friend who will jump at the chance to walk with them through the darkest of times. On the flip side, they also have a platform to speak into my life. The people I can receive correction from are the same people who will walk through The Valley of the Shadow of Death with me. They will be the first to affirm me and give out words of encouragement when the opportunity presents itself. They are my “gang” who won’t leave me “hanging.” As a result, I feel more confident that I’m not in this fight alone and my “gang” will fight the cause of personal holiness and the advancement of Christ’s kingdom to the Father’s glory with me.

Con“friend” tation - part I of II

As a kid who grew up in the streets of East Los Angeles, I know a thing or two about gangs. I was never involved in gangs because it never made any sense to me. I would ask gangsters “Why are you in a gang?” They would reply with their chin held high, “For back up, ese!” Did it ever occur to them that they wouldn’t need “back up” if they weren’t in a gang? Whatever.

I will never condone anything that involves gang activity. However, there is something about the gang sub-culture that has the idea of “brotherhood” right, even though it’s twisted beyond measure. It’s the idea that you have to look out for one another and do hard things to protect each other, like getting into a fight. Again, I will never condone needless and reckless violence especially for pointless and petty reasons. But there is a sense of “togetherness” from gangs that I want to call your attention to.

The “togetherness” that gangs have stem from a sense of belonging to something bigger than themselves and a cause that gives them purpose, even though that cause is twisted. As Christian brothers, we are called to the highest cause, namely living for the glory of God. A way we live to honor the Lord is to have a sense of “togetherness” and that means having each other’s “back.” Instead of picking fights for stupid reasons we are fighting a spiritual war. Instead of weapons of carnality we have the “armor of God.” We not only fight for our own sanctification but also for the sanctification of our brothers, our “gang.”

One of the ways we fight for each other’s sanctification is not by picking fights with other gangs but by confronting each other. Meaning, when we see a brother doing something wrong, ungodly, or offensive, we are mandated to confront and speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15). This is a form of love that is difficult to do. However, just because confrontation is difficult doesn’t mean that it should be avoided. It would be like letting a member of your “gang” get a beat down without doing anything about it. If a gang finds out that a member didn’t help protect another member that member would either get kicked out of the gang, beat up, or worse.

Now the church of Jesus Christ does not function in that fashion, for which I am thankful. But how many times have we not been willing to confront a brother out of fear of either losing the friendship or of that person taking offense? One of the biggest compliments I’ve received from one of my pastors was that I was “teachable.” This wasn’t always the case. But I’ve learned that if my objective is to be more like Christ, then I have to learn how to receive correction and be willing to be confronted myself.

The reason that one of my pastors knows I’m teachable is that he’s rebuked me a few times. There have been things that friends and pastors have called me on that I simply needed to own up to. A few months ago my buddy John Rinehart wrote a letter rebuking me for not taking my leadership position of our Grace Group (home bible study) seriously. My initial reaction was to get defensive and search for things to throw back at him even if those things might not be true. After taking a deep breath and objectively looking at what he was trying to tell me, I understood that he was looking out for my best interest and the interest of our Grace Group. He had my back because he was looking out for my character and soul. The Apostle Peter says:

“You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:5-8 – italics added NASB).

Click here for part II.

NBA Schedule 2010-2011

The 2010-2011 NBA Schedule is out and therefore the Lakers schedule is out. Although I'm still on the fence with renewing my season tickets I'm going to pretend I am. Since I already mentioned the Christmas Day games lets move on to the rest of the schedule. Shall we?

Oct 29, 2010 - vs. Houston - This is opening night and of course there will be a ring ceremony. But this time Trevor Ariza watches Ron-Ron get his ring. If Ariza hasn't fired his agent he needs to, like right now.

Oct 31 or Nov 21, 2010 vs. Golden State - I usually take my buddy Chris Hunt to one of these games because he's a big Warriors fan. The problem here is that they are both Sunday night games. Chris and I both help lead Grace Groups (home bible study) and they meet on Sunday nights. We'll have to think of a good excuse for missing the night. Any suggestions? . . . ANY?

Jan 9 , 2011 - vs. New York - The new look Knicks are in the house. They should be an exciting team if Amar'e hasn't blown out his knee by then.

Jan 17, 2011 - vs. Oklahoma City - K. Durant is in town. He'll be considered the best player in the league in about three years. The only problem with going to this game is that it's our anniversary. Does the wife really want to go to a ball game on our anniversary? My selling point will be that we'll celebrate it during the weekend instead of a lame Monday. Do you think she'll buy it? I don't think so either.

Jan 25, 2011 - vs. Utah - First home game against Utah. What are the chances that Kobe lights up Raja Bell for not signing with the Lakers? I think he goes for 50 that night.

April 3, 2011 - vs. Denver - This is always an exciting game because of the colorful characters.

April 12, 2011 - vs. San Antonio - The were are best rivals during the better part of the decade. I'm going to this game simply out of respect for them (although I hope we crashed them badly).

Now at a glance you might notice that I'm not going to many games this year but that could change when the season gets under way. But since the wife and I are in the process of buying a home, who knows what's going to happy. I know that it's been great having these tickets. One of my hope(s) is to have them long enough for when Junior Jr. comes along and educating him in Laker lore. That would be sweet! Maybe I'll sell the wife on keeping the tickets will be future investment on some good father-son time (and no, I haven't thought about having a girl, yet). Do you think she'll buy it? . . . neither do I.

The Pros and Cons of Parenthood

My good friend Jeanine, whom I met at the bible college that should not be named, keeps asking me “When are you going to have kids?” She has three boys of her own and I have no doubts she’s the best mother to these boys any woman could possibly be. In addition, our good friend Katie Hunt, who recently just had her first child, is so excited about being a parent that she wants us to join them. Kind of like joining a fun bowling league you want your friends to join. I told her that we’d wait for their second child before we join in on the “fun” and she gave me the look of death. She continued to say that she’d pray that God would change my heart. I replied by saying, “I would pray God would change your heart about praying for God to change my heart.” In any case, as I ponder this question of being a parent I began to compile the pros and cons of parenthood.

I’m writing this from a guy’s perspective knowing very well that parenthood is inevitable. I feel like Neo being held down by Agent Smith on the train tracks, in the Matrix, as the train is coming, “Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability. That is the sound of your death.” And just like the scene in the Matrix, I hope to jump out of the way of the on-coming train for at least two sequels.

(Actually, watching that scene again I feel like Agent Smith represents having children and Neo represented me fighting having children. As Agent Smith beats Neo senseless, I can’t help but feel that I’ll take on the same kind of beating as a parent.)

So here’s my list:

Pro: The wife will be happy. This is always a good thing. I also feel a personal responsibility as a husband to make the wife happy whenever possible.

Con: The responsibility of caring for a person’s life. That’s some major responsibility. My motto has always been to avoid responsibility at all cost. Having a child (or children – wow, just typing that made me cringe) would completely and absolutely destroy that motto in 0.000043 seconds.

Pro: The in-laws would be happy. They have also offered free babysitting, which I plan to take full advantage. Of course I have no doubts the in-laws and I will have conflicting parental views, like it’s okay to curse when either the Lakers are losing or when you’re driving alone. Every other time is off limits. The in-laws have a no cursing under any circumstances rule. Where’s the flexibility in that?

Con: There will be less time to follow basketball. There are times when the dog comes into the room looking for attention while I’m catching up on the scores, highlights, and news of the NBA. I just tell him to “Get out!” and he complies. However, I can’t do that with a child, at least not without psychological ramifications. I’ll actually have to spend time with the child.

Pro: (. . . thinking . . . thinking . . . thinking . . . )

Con: What would I do with my Lakers season tickets? My buddy Andre says to sell them and get diapers. Is that really going to motivate me to have kids? How many times can the wife take care of Junior Jr. all day while I work only to come home and take off for the ball game? If I gave you two years until she files for divorce would you take the over/under?

Pro: (still . . . thinking . . . thinking . . . thinking)

Con: Discipline. Something I never had when I was growing up was discipline. I had a stepfather who beat me but that really wasn’t discipline but more like child abuse. I’ve never been a disciplined person so for me to discipline a child would be hypocritical. If I let the wife do all the disciplining then parenting becomes the “Good cop, bad cop” routine. Who wants that? Well, at least I’ll be the “good cop.”

Pro: Tax write-off.

Con: Having a child is expensive and I’m a tightwad. We just bought a house and it freaks me out that we now have a mortgage for the foreseeable future (this will get it’s own blog when we officially move in at the end of the month).

Pro: You get to bring another Lakers fan into the world.

Con: What if there is something wrong with them? What if they are allergic to peanuts, not athletic, or want to become a dancer (this goes for both a boy and girl)? It’s nerve-racking just to think about it.

Pro: Ironically, the head-cases who are my students help me want to have a child a little more. If for no other reason, my children would dominate the competition.

Con(s): Changing diapers, getting woke up in the middle of the night from a crying baby, vomit everywhere, crying baby during the day, crying baby when they’re out, keeping them from doing stupid things, more crying, attending to their every waking needs, parent conferences, weekly meeting with the principle, teenage apathy, teenage defiance, attending all their stupid events (missing basketball games in the process), young adult apathy, young adult defiance, paying for their college in order for them to get a great job to leave us in the dust afterwards. I’m not exactly sure why people sign up for this. But people keep telling me it’s worth it and the wife is convinced of this fact.

For example, a couple of weeks ago the dog got sick and in the middle of the night started and Exorcist vomiting all over the living room. I woke up to the stench that could only be described with profanities. I left for work wanting to vomit myself. The wife later said it cost $150 for the dog’s meds. I asked her, “How much to have him put down?” That question only received the death look. My point is that children are double the work of dogs and that’s pretty scary for a selfish guy like myself.

Let me get serious if not only for a paragraph. I’ve always wondered what it would’ve been like if I had a good father growing up. I’ve felt like my childhood was a waste, just collecting issues and psychological damage only to be worked out and fixed during my adult years. My children will have a good father if only by God’s grace. I don’t have to live under the psychological fatalistic mentality that says that things from my past will hold me down. I will do my best as a father and simply trust in God’s sovereignty. The Lord was willing to adopt me into His family when I was an enemy. So the Lord will show me what kind of love to give my children. In addition, I have a wonderful community of believers who are godly parents that I could seek counsel (and babysitting) from. With the Lord's strength and their support, I'm sure things will turn out okay.

In conclusion, it’s clear that the cons outweigh the pros but isn’t parenthood sacrificial? Isn’t parenthood supposed to be selfless? Doesn't being a parent help put things into perspective? Does parenthood help align our values properly? Doesn't God call children a "blessing?" I guess these are the things that really scares me.

2010 Christmas Day Planned

Now that the NBA schedule (partial) has come out I've already planned my Christmas Day. In short, it's basically watching basketball all day. Last year Becky (sister-in-law) wanted me and the wife to stay over on Christmas Eve. Since everyone was pretty much out of town, Becky wanted to know that someone was going to be there on Christmas morning. It was actually heart-warming and I enjoyed the sleep over (even though we had to share the living room with the dog). I love being a part of a family filled with tradition and love.

The tradition at the Davis household is on Christmas morning everyone gathers around the Christmas tree to prepare for opening of the gifts. People open gifts from youngest to oldest. However, once everyone gathers someone usually points out that Eric (2nd oldest) has an angel ornament on top of the tree claiming that he's the "golden child." Mom refutes that fact, however, she won't take down the Eric angel ornament for some reason so the family continues to argue. In any case, here's the Christmas Day schedule:

12/25 - Chicago at N.Y., ESPN 9 a.m.
We'll be opening up gifts during this time but since I'm at the father-in-laws it will be DVR(ed). Yes! I'll fast-forward through the time outs and commerce and be just in time for:

12/25 - Boston at Orlando, ABC 11:30 a.m.
This is probably the time I'll be asking the wife if there's any food.

12/25 - Miami at Lakers, ABC 2 p.m.
During the pre-game, I'll get antsy and ramp myself up where I almost hyperventilate right up until tip-off. Of course if my team loses I'll no longer feel like being in the holiday spirit (or any Spirit for that matter). In this case, I'll be happy that I sold these tickets for 3x the price. The wife will later put things in perspective for me and I'll feel like an idiot. This is my own Christmas tradition. On the other hand, if my team does well and wins, I'll be in a much better mood and won't need to be rebuked by the wife later. Go Lakers!

12/25 - Denver at Thunder, ESPN 5 pm.
I'll try and watch this game but I'll be too tired to stay awake and end up taking a nap.

12/25 - Portland at G.S., ESPN 7:30 p.m.
After the nap, I'll just check the box score of the final two games, blog about the day, and appreciate the holiday season. Merry Christmas!