So my wife’s side of the family wants to go camping this summer and my wife wants to take the kids and the dog. “It will be fun,” she says. Now I never understood the concept of camping. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that outdoor recreation can be fun and getting away from the city and spending some time in “God’s country” can be refreshing. But is it worth the risk? If you’re asking, “What risk?” I’m talking about the risk of bear attacks. If you’ve already read my tangent about sharks I basically follow the same logic. It’s not the low percentage of encountering a bear that frightens me but that there is ANY percentage to begin with. Who really wants to hit the “Bear Lotto?” Furthermore, the drive is going to take about six hours. SIX HOURS! That's a lot of trouble just to get eaten by a bear.
My ancestors HAD to camp. But with the advent of “The House” it seems silly to trade in protective walls, running water, and a sturdy roof for a tent that could be taken down by one swipe of a bear claw. Not to mention trading in a nice soft bed for a sleeping bag that amounts to being a human soft taco to bears. Now that’s major regression. We don’t seek to build cars that are slower and less fuel-efficient. So why seek to do that with our living situation? I guess you could argue it’s only temporary and a change of scenery every now and again is good for you.
My wife went and ordered a tent online because we didn’t have one of our own. My initial thought was, “We’re going to pay for a tent that we’re probably only going to use once every few years, which will also take up space in the garage.” Wonderful. But once the tent arrived and my wife set it up in the backyard just to see if it worked properly, the kids had an absolute blast playing in the tent. The excitement and the utter glee expressed on their little faces was a site to see. Becoming a parent is nuts. When your children experience new and exciting things, you experience the same excitement with them.
Okay. Maybe camping could be fun and build some wonderful memories with our family. But just like every Jurassic Park movie, it always starts out with excitement and awe but ends with running and screaming. Let’s hope this camping trip doesn’t follow the same script.
So my wife and I forgot to adjust our W-2(s) after we had children and received more on our tax return than expected. Apparently, having children has some nice tax breaks. I immediately thought, “After tithing, we could use it towards paying off debt and fund some of our investments!” My wife shot down that plan and said, “We are going on vacation.” (Katie: Jr suggested the idea of a vacation several months ago when he realized we had the same Spring Break. However, somehow it turned into “my idea” when we actually had to fund it.) I didn’t put up much of a fight because, you know, my wife takes care of our children, works from home, and cooks all the meals. So for me to not agree to taking her on a vacation would be marriage suicide. (Katie: Actually, marital suicide is going on vacation with your wife and then speaking about it afterwards as if it was a “burden” and “sacrifice” for you. )
She wanted to go to Kauai and it was so. (Katie: I offered up lots of ideas, including a short trip to a local spot. Jr endorsed Kauai. Again, “my idea” when we have to pay, I guess…) Sure, why not? I enjoyed myself there last time. I even enjoy snorkeling despite the fact that I’m petrified of sharks. Speaking of being completely petrified of sharks, I often get mocked for my Galeophobia. Almost without fail, I get the “It’s irrational fear” speech and people began to give me statistics about how it’s more likely to “insert-the-blank” than it is to run into a shark. My favorite is “You’re more likely to get into a car accident than run into a shark” argument. In all the car accidents I’ve been in, whether major or minor, I don’t recall the sensation of several rolls of razor sharp teeth ripping me to shreds while being submerged under water. It’s like nobody has ever seen Jaws before. (Katie: Jr referenced four movies on our trip- Jaws, Anaconda, Jurassic Park, and Predator. I think someone needs to recommend a movie with a bear mauling to prepare him for our July camping trip.)
The “low chances” argument never encouraged me. It was the fact that there are ANY chances at all. What if I hit the “shark lotto” like these people? If you don’t play (get in the water), you don’t “win” (get eaten by a shark). But, I wasn’t about to let my Galeophobia completely ruin my vacation. Instead, while snorkeling, I followed a very clear set of guidelines that I have developed:
• Never be the farthest guy out. While I’m snorkeling, I check from time to time to see who the farthest person(s) is out in the water. Sometimes, it’s easy to get caught up in the beauty of the ocean and forget that turning into shark chow is a real possibility. So, make sure you occasionally look up and check your positioning. You don’t want to be the shark bait furthest out. (Katie: I will admit to wondering if I am included in this “buffer zone” of shark bait that Jr. ensures for himself.)
• Don’t swim in mildly murky water. Visibility is important. The whole point of snorkeling is to be able to see things, right? But why would I put “mildly murky?” The reason is people still snorkel when they can see enough interesting things. This is where mildly murky water is dangerous. You can swim and still see a few feet in front of you, but you can’t spot a shark until it’s too late. So I only snorkel in clear waters.
• Swim with fat people. I know this doesn’t sound nice, but there’s really no time to be politically correct when a 7,000 pound great white is chasing you. It’s every man for himself. It’s also more likely that a hungry shark will take a bite out of someone with more “sustenance.”
So those are some of the general rules I follow while snorkeling, and I currently have all my limbs to speak of. And yes, snorkeling in Kauai was fun (although Maui is better).
One evening, though, my wife and I were relaxing in the hotel and I was watching the local news. It turns out they had just closed a beach due to a shark sighting ... THE SAME BEACH WHERE WE WERE SNORKELING!!! (Katie: Actually, it was ONE of the beaches along the 3 mile wide bay that we were on… The beach we snorkeled at was located at the exact opposite end of the bay, surrounded by a coral reef sticking up so far out of the water that a turtle was sunning himself on it the entire time.) So what if it was 3 miles wide. Do you know how fast sharks can swim when they smell Thai blood? Everyone likes Thai food why would sharks be any different? I guess my fear isn’t so “irrational” after all. Yes, that was my last day of snorkeling (and probably ever again).
As far as for the rest of our vacation:
Once I decided to NOT get back in the water again (You could only tempt fate so often before it bites you in the @$$ and in this case it would be literal) we caught some sights and enjoyed some gorgeous views.
We started on the South side of the island got some good snorkeling in (before the shark sighting) and even saw a couple of seals and a sea turtle. I couldn't get a picture of the sea turtle because, you know, I was in the water but you guys know what sea turtles look like. Truthfully, that was probably worth the trip. SWIMMING WITH SEA TURTLES!!! I could cross that off the buckle list, you know, if I had a bucket list.
Here are some more views on the South side of the island.
After a couple of nights we traveled to the North side of the island.
This was the entry way to our room at the hotel.
This was the pool at the hotel. I just kept thinking about our little Joelle swimming in the kiddie pool. That's the funny thing about coming a parent. There are times you need a break from the children to focus on your marriage but when you get away all you do is think about your kids. Then you get home and can't wait to leave again.
There was a patio area with this view overlooking the beach. Katie and I spend a couple of hours just reading books while occasionally looking up and just thinking, "Wow."
Katie wanted to go hiking. Truth be told, I really don't like hiking unless there's an amazing view involved or some kind of payoff like a lake with a waterfall or something. Otherwise, walking uphill on a dirt and bumpy path isn't really my thing. The photo above is the beginning of the trail. It totally reminded me of this scene from Predator.
We went a couple of miles up and this was the view. Yes, that was worth the hike. For the rest of our trip it was basically like driving our in Jurassic Park without the dinosaurs trying to eat you. Some times when you're blessed with the opportunity to get away with your wife you need to take it. It's a different kind of investment. I'm glad my wife made me do this because, you know, going on vacation could be scary some times. And with that, I'll leave you the original trailer of the 1993 Jurassic Park:
As my church goes through the gospel of Mark I'm constantly reminded how inexhaustible the Word of God truly is. The stories that are often "familiar" to me have been met with new insight, deeper conviction, and greater appreciation for men who rightly divide the Word. Here are a couple of quotes I found encouraging:
Regarding Jesus sending out his disciples to preach the gospel:
The sending of reluctant and timorous disciples into mission is, on the face of it, completely mistaken. Uncomprehending and ill-prepared disciples nevertheless typify believers in every age and place who are sent out by the Lord of the harvest. No matter how much exegesis, theology, and counseling one has studied, one is never "prepared for ministry." A genuine call to ministry always calls us to that for which we are not adequately prepared. It is only in awareness of such that the Christian experiences the presence and promise of Jesus Christ, and learns to depend not on human capabilities but on the one who calls and in the power of the proclamation to authenticate itself. - James Edwards
"This brief description," writes Eduard Schweizer, "shows how important the genuineness of the proclamation is. Everything, even the poverty and simplicity of the messenger, indeed even the courage to be rejected, must conform to the Word that affirms that God is infinitely more important than all else."
As a Christian, I find this encouraging. I mean, how could I not? Throughout the gospel of Mark the disciples struggled with trust and disbelief in Christ. I know I do in certain areas of my life. But I'm grateful for the grace that God gives us in that we don't have to have all together in order for Him to bless us or use us for His kingdom work. The proper response to that grace, however, is not acceptance of our short-comings and flaws but a desire to reflect God's character all the more. It should drive us to faithfulness for it's "His kindness that leads us to repentance."
I didn’t do an Anniversary blog this year because Katie’s grandpa passed away (Grandpa Howie is home with Jesus!) and her cousin Josh had a wedding during the same weekend. Josh’s reasoning for having his wedding during our anniversary weekend was, “When you write your anniversary blog describing how you’re desperately scrambling for a gift, I’ll remember I need to do the same.” Well Josh, thanks for the vote of confidence. My hope is to eventually put more than twenty minutes of thought into a gift (no promises).
In order to make up for the lack of an Anniversary blog I thought I would write an early Valentine’s Day one. As our two little angels grow up, I’m convinced my wife was built to be a mother. Being a good mother has a cost, however. You don’t have as much time (if any) to go to the gym anymore, you’re constantly sick because the babies are constantly sick, and when you’re sick, you don’t get a “sick day” because you still have responsibilities to your family at home.
As a man, you can easily take your wife for granted. When I wake up in the morning, my wife has a warm breakfast waiting for me. This past week, she’s had a high fever and you know what? In the morning there was still a warm breakfast waiting for me, the kids are still fed, washed, and dressed. She continues to work tirelessly when she’s tired. I have nowhere near the character or the drive to work that selflessly without complaining every step of the way.
A woman in her position could see single girls posting where they are partying and having a good time on their instagram page or women posting their workouts and putting hash tags of how determined or hardworking they are. I don’t mean to trash those people. The single life is a wonderful time, which I certainly enjoyed. Fitness is an important part of my life as well. I’m just saying a woman in my wife’s position (and there are many of them) may feel under-appreciated and unsexy. What woman wouldn't when society diminishes the role of "mother" and "home-maker" like it's something "uninspiring?" No one posts a photo of themselves cleaning the bathrooms while covered in baby vomit. But what does that say about a woman's character when she does it to the best of her god-given ability with love for her family without social visibility, peer recognition, or putting some catchy hash tag at the end of it?
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. - Proverbs 31:30
This is where Valentine’s Day comes in. The gift I decide to purchase for her is almost irrelevant. Because I'll probably end up desperately scrambling for one last minute anyway (don't laugh, you'll be doing the same thing). What absolutely needs to happen is to affirm my wife in her physical attraction, godly service to her family, tireless work ethic, and show her a deep appreciation for all her noble qualities, which will reap eternal benefits for God’s kingdom. Yes, she would enjoy the typical flowers and a card. But she would also appreciate me verbalizing everything I just mentioned. And by verbalizing those things I hope to make her feel like I value her character and the posture of her soul towards God, which is a beauty that will never fade, more than all the superficial things this world puts a premium on.
In short, show your wife how much you appreciate her by actually saying something affectionate and offering some help around the house. It’ll be worth the investment. Remember, being the man of the house you may be "king" but she's your crown. And a king looks ridiculous without a crown.
Going through different life stages is a part of growing up. Some people take each life stage in stride. Others may fight each stage tool and nail because of the growing pressures and responsibilities they may want to avoid. I was in the latter category for quite some time until I just finally embraced the necessity for maturity. Da** it!!! No, I'm not bitter. Okay, maybe a little.
One of the earth shaking experiences was becoming a father. It certainly changed my view on parenthood. At least some of those views anyway. But I'm not here to talk about me. Recently my dear friend, Aaron Brown, just became a father.
Aaron and his wife Megan had a rough labor. I could totally relate. By the grace of God, they got through it and Eliot Christopher Brown was born. Even though Aaron don't talk quite as often as before he's no less a brother to me today than he was when we went to Biola University together. I remember being there for his wedding and giving a wedding speech he really appreciated. I remember when he was here for my wedding. He's been one of the most supportive friends I've ever been blessed with. He's offered me wisdom and counsel that was directly empowered by the Spirit of God.
As the due date came closer and closer Aaron would ask me questions on what it's like being a father. We have completely different backgrounds growing up so I could only offer my subjective experience on the matter. I told him how much it changed me. I told him how important it was for me to tuck in my daughter when it's bedtime and how it's amazing when they begin to recognize you as their father. There's also the absolute terror in a parent's heart when something could be wrong with your child. And of course, we'll have those "Shrek 4 Days."
I know Aaron will have his own experiences and process things his way. Even though we live in different coasts I know his journey through fatherhood will enrich me as much as his friendship has. That's why I'm really excited. It's more than just "joining a club" but a deeper level of intimacy within the communal life. I know we'll have long phone conversations processing through different concepts and ideas and help each other articulate our thoughts and emotions, just like when we went to college talking about classes and relationships. Now, we get to talk about our children. They'll be heartache and pain. There always are in parenthood. But I feel empowered having another brother in arms helping me fight the battle of being a good father.
Recently I had a 70-year-old man call asking questions about the Required Minimum Distributions (RMD) on his IRA. I kindly explained to him the rules and was happy for him since he was able to save $200K in his account. He felt healthy and wanted to keep working. Good for him.
In contrast, I had another 70-year-old man call me about a week after. He is a trucker who works 80 hours per week and has not saved anything for retirement. He called because his body is starting to feel like he can’t take 80-hour workweeks anymore and was wondering if there was anything he could do. At this point I’m not sure how much I could help him.
Proverbs 12:24 says,
“The hand of the diligent will rule, while the slothful will be put to forced labor.” Of course this person was not “slothful” (lazy) in the sense that he was unwilling to work. He’s working 80 hours per week! But he has been slothful in the sense that he didn’t take the time to plan and diligently save for what everyone will eventually face, retirement. Retirement could be a milestone achievement “I get to do whatever I want.” That could be traveling the world, go to the mission field without having to raise support, go into full-time ministry and giving away most of your underpaid salary. The possibilities are endless. Or retirement could just be a ticking time bomb where life blows up in your face. If you don’t plan now you’ll be put into “forced labor.” Why? Because you want to put off planning for something EVERYONE faces?
The lowest requirement I’ve seen for opening a personal IRA (Individual Retirement Account) traditional or Roth is $50 per month. I believe most people could spare that money. My wife and I have been more diligent with our written budget. As a result, I’ve noticed more and more how much the Lord really blesses us. Before, all our bills were paid every month so why really think about it. I mean that’s all that really matters right?
Wrong.
After tracking our spending we notice there were a lot of waste that we could begin to reign in. Once we started doing that we found more to give to others, pay off debt and invest towards our future. None of those things are mutually exclusive. But it does take work. Either you begin planning now and live like generous kings later or live like slaves and be put into “forced labor.”
“You work too long and too hard and put up with too many strange people in your life to come to the end of it and have nothing to show for it.”
Every year seems to be a crazy year. Some times that's what makes life interesting. This year at work I had the opportunity to dress up as Santa for the kids and run around making children smile. My boss texted me the night before and said, "My son is too nervous to dress up as Santa could you do it?" I thought, "What's the big deal? Of course I will." How many chances do you get in life to be an Asian Santa? Or in this case "San-Thai Claus." It was fun even though the suit was hot and I had a bunch of pillows taped around me with packaging tape like I was some fragile present shipping across the country. Good times!
Visiting Mom's Gravesite
Since my mom passed away I've only visited my mom's gravesite a handful of times. But I've never taken my family there. This holiday I took my family there not really knowing how I would feel. My theology tells me she's not there but home with Jesus. But it's also important for my children to know they are a part of something bigger than themselves and to know the godly heritage that has come before them. I didn't get as emotional as I thought I was. It was a great time of reflection and realization that although my mom didn't get to meet my family in this life, she will in the next. Hopefully when I get to heaven I'll hear "Well done my good and faithful servant" from the Lord. What I know for certain is I will hear "So you didn't turn out to be a lazy bum after all" from my mom.
Ultimately, Christmas is a celebration of the wonder of God sending His Son to redeem us. "For the believer Christmas secures a wonderful future-Christ's first coming guarantees his second coming and an eternity with him." I would add an eternity with Jesus AND His people. This we can celebrate all year long.
