A Tribute To The Single Life

This is looooooooooooooong over due. My intention was to start a series on The Christian Dating Scene, but I got side tracked on my way back from The Motherland. Sorry about that. This is my attempt to kick-start this series. I’ll start by giving a tribute to the single life. Yes, there were times during this era in my life when I was extremely frustrated. For example, seeing my friends getting married off like it was a speed-dating contest kept me wondering, “When is it going to be my da** turn?”

Of course that’s a reflection of discontentment. You’re taught as a Christian to be content in what ever state you’re in, especially if you’re single. However, finding contentment in your single life when friends around you are getting married, seeing that someone updated their relationship status to “engaged,” every time you log on Facebook, and watching a baby dedication at your church every two weeks can make finding that contentment seem like a daunting task.

Furthermore, when people who have been married for 20 plus years tell you to be content, your initial reaction is, “Easy for you to say, you’ve been married for 20 plus years.” You know the answer is to “focus on Jesus” but you’re tired of hearing it. You may be tired of hearing it but it’s true. Here’s a different way to look at it. What helped me during my struggles of wanting a wife was not focusing on what I didn’t have but what I did have. I had amazing friends who cared about the state of my soul. I had a wonderful and godly mother who loved me more than life itself. I was attending Biola University where my primary responsibility was to learn and study God’s word. That’s not a bad life.

During that time, I was able to attend youth camp with my previous church in Yosemite, go on a missions trip to New York six months after 9/11, go on a missions trip to Japan the year before that, and spend over a month in Israel, Jordan, and Egypt learning the geography of the Bible through Talbot School of Theology’s Bible Lands program. In addition, I was able to throw myself completely into my studies and completed two Master’s degrees in three years, went on a missions trip to Thailand, and made life-long friendships throughout my college career.

I understand people have girlfriends and boyfriends throughout college but that wasn’t God’s plan for my life. Maybe I would’ve been too distracted to pour into my studies, maybe I would’ve distracted a girlfriend (I sure distracted my roommates), maybe my life-long friendships wouldn’t have been as solid. There are a host of reasons when God didn’t bring someone in my life until after grad-school. But you know what? I don’t really care what those reasons were. The results are undeniable, which affirms God’s infinite wisdom, knowledge, and kindness towards me.

Giving myself completely over to the things God did give me resulted in their maximum enjoyment and everlasting effect. Had I spent the time moping about not having a girlfriend, it would’ve been a missed opportunity to get the most I could have out of my single life. Don’t get me wrong, I did spend quite a bit of time moping about not have a girlfriend, but by God’s grace I had good friends to slap me when I needed to be slapped.

It was a unique time and one that can’t be replicated. Learning how to connect with my peers with substance aided in personal self-awareness, discerning between authentic and shallow relationships, and ultimately prepared me to thrive in the marriage life. I’ve seen people rush into marriage only to see it disintegrate within a few years. There can be lots of reasons why a marriage fails. Ultimately, though, I couldn’t have felt more prepared for something as serious as marriage had I not taken my single life seriously. Single life is not simply, “waiting around for someone” in order to get married. It’s a staging ground to prepare us for responsibilities of a different kind, responsibilities that carry with them eternal weight and deep emotional consequences far beyond getting a C in class or simply getting through Finals week.

I’ve often heard married people say, “I wish I could’ve _________________ while I was single.” Standing at the altar with friends and loved ones before God and man, I looked back at my single life and said, “I did everything I’ve ever wanted as a single man. Now, I’m ready for the next chapter in my life.” I can tell you that my wife is glad I was productive during my single life. I hope more people at the altar can say the same thing because the single life can never be replicated.

Having said all that, I'm delightfully married and love my wife like no other. I don't ever want to be single again. I'm not "counting money in front of the poor" when I say that. Marriage life has been wonderful but I believe it's due in no small part to maximizing the opportunities I had in my single life. It's a gift that needs to be stewarded well, for if we are not faithful in the little things, how can the Lord trust us in the bigger things?"

11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless (Ps 84:11 - NIV).