An Excellent Wife

There are a lot of responsibilities placed on a man, especially a man trying to live for the glory of God. There are all kinds of things that attack his identity and pulls at his affections in all kinds of different directions. One of the things that can be a drain on him is a shameful, argumentative, and contentious wife. In contrast, an excellent wife could be someone who strengthens the character of the man in an edifying, life-giving, and honoring manner.

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4 ESV)

I noticed that there are no gray areas in this particular verse. Your wife is either your “crown” or she brings you shame and weakens your very bones. But what does the wife being a “crown” for the husband mean?

In the ancient world, crowns were made of very costly material, symbolizing royalty and sovereignty. I don’t think it is referring to a “trophy wife,” a wife who simply stands there and looks pretty. Once, I asked my buddy Chris Hunt while he was engaged, “What is it about Katie (his girlfriend at the time) that makes you want to spend the rest of your life with her?” He replied, “She makes me feel a hundred feet tall.” I think my buddy Chris’ reply helps to illustrate how the wife is a “crown” to the husband. There is something empowering when you are crowned. The crown represents power and honor.

This is in direct contrast to the idea that “it is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” (21:9). This is a parallel in meaning with the “continual dripping” in 19:13. The effect of the passage illustrates how a wife’s argumentative habit makes the husband’s life a constant irritation. These passages, no doubt, serve as a warning to young men seeking a wife to not marry someone crazy. As a person who has dated crazy women before, this is sound advice.

All this to say is that my wife is my “crown.” She is understanding and supportive. I’m currently working two jobs and go to school full-time. She also has a career and is attending school full-time. You can imagine that we don’t always get to spend a lot of time together. The other night on my way home from the 2nd job, I asked her if it was okay for me to workout because I hadn’t worked out in a couple of days due to the insane schedule. Some wives would turn into a gun-blazing, vampire warrior faster than Kate Beckinsale in the Underworld movies. But not my wife. She was perfectly fine with me working out late because she understands that’s a big part of my life. This meant the world to me. I felt empowered, and I was extremely grateful. The workout helped my body and mind to recharge. Interestingly, on my way home from that workout I contemplated all the many blessings I have in my life, and my wife was at the top of the list.

Speaking of a list . . . here are a few things that my wife does without fail. She gets me breakfast every morning, runs the dogs about 20 miles a week, reads her bible at 5am every morning, works out like an Olympic athlete, eats healthy food, makes me eat healthy food, cooks dinner every night, prepares lunch for me the next morning, makes more money than I do, edits my blogs and removes anything offensive, has embraced the Lakers as her own, keeps the house clean (including cleaning up all the dog vomit), does the laundry, tells me that she loves me everyday, and actually believes I’ll make a good father someday (stranger things have happened).

If you’re wondering, “What do YOU do in this marriage?” Well, this blog isn’t about me, right?