Holiday Cheer 2013

We are in the midst of the holiday season (and a nice holiday break). It’s Joelle’s second Christmas and our second child is due in a couple of months. They say that the holidays are a time of peace and reflecting on things we ought be thankful for. That certainly would be nice if it were true. I’m sure that was the original intention for the holidays but leave it to us to over commercialize it to death and cause stress and tension instead of peace and joy.

There are several things I appreciate about my church, including the way that the holiday season is handled. One thing I’ll mention here was the reflection service we had for Thanksgiving.
As we reflect on things we are thankful for the usual things come up like health and family. However, as Christians we ought to think much deeper about thankfulness. Specifically, how do we celebrate and find joy in the face of grief and sorrow?I remember vividly when I lost my mother.

During the reflection service this year, I was amazed at how many people shared about losing a loved one recently. I was also amazed at how much pain and sorrow there was at my own church. Despite the pain and sorrow there was a sense of joy that transcended the suffering. It was finding joy in a transcendent God. I love that fellow members from my church were able to minister to one another in that forum with the help of our elders whose emphasis on the priesthood of all believers helps to foster it.

Christmas Day

On a “normal” Christmas Day, my wife and I head to her parent’s place and open gifts. In her family, they complete this process by starting with the youngest person and working their way up according to age. (This must be what white people do. When I was growing up my sister and I just came down in the morning and opened gifts all at the same time. Asians like to be efficient with their time, I guess.) However, this wasn’t a “normal” Christmas at the Davis’ this year. PJ (Katie’s oldest brother) just got out of the Air Force and moved back with his wife, Allie, and their FOUR kids. Eric (Katie’s second oldest brother) was in town with his wife, Elizabeth, and their two kids. Then you throw Joelle into the mix, and now you have a couple of hours of pure madness. The kids are constantly screaming and the parents are trying to play referee most of the time. I thought about putting a gun to my head about half a dozen times. Reality sets in and you say to yourself, “Christmas is no longer for us but for the kids.” And then you cry a little inside.

Since there are so many people in the family, we usually have a drawing to determine the one person for whom each of us will shop. The person that drew my name for the purpose of shopping for me was PJ- you know, the person currently unemployed. Sweet! But hey, life isn’t about you anymore when you become a parent, right? (In all fairness to PJ, he came through with a pretty cool Captain America t-shirt.)

(Still crying a little inside.)

On Christmas morning, I will say that I got in a good workout. What’s the big deal about a good workout you say? I’m glad you asked. Since it was Christmas and all the gyms were closed, I went to Biola’s track. It was just a beautiful morning. The sky was clear and the sun shining brightly without obstruction. It brought serenity of mind, tranquility of soul and deep reflection. I couldn’t get out of my mind how blessed I am by God and how undeserving I am to receive those blessings. The Lord knows how much I hate cold weather and put me here in Southern California for days like these. It wasn’t just the sunshine beaming through the scattered clouds but a picture of God’s goodness in my life.

After the morning of madness at my in-laws, my family and I went back home to take naps before going back for dinner. Actually my wife and daughter took naps while I watched all the basketball games. I will admit, there wasn’t much anticipation for the Christmas day game at Staples like there usually is. I’ve already written this year off as a “lost season” for my Lakers. We have no shot at winning a title and this is one of the best drafts in league history. Why not tank and get the best pick possible and start building a foundation for the next title run? It’s been nice to not have to schedule my life around Laker games. I’m able to do more productive things. Although when the Lakers are back in title contention I’m throwing away all those productive things in a caffeinated heartbeat to witness every moment.

Once my family woke up from their naps, we got ready and returned to the in-laws for dinner. After dinner, my niece Maddie (8 years old) read The Nativity Story directly out of the Bible. First, I was blessed that she read so well at such a young age. Secondly, and more importantly, she believed the story. There’s something about hearing God’s word being read by those who believe it that fills your heart with joy and encouragement. I guess a day of complete madness (and some basketball in-between) was worth that cherished moment.

(Crying a little less inside.)

Happy Holidays everyone.

Happy 67th Birthday Mom

Today would have been my mother’s 67th birthday. It’s been six years since her unexpected passing. I still think about her often- like every time I go to Costco and pass by the meat section. When I went shopping there with my mom, I would always throw several large pieces of steak in the shopping cart only to watch her roll her eyes at me. I just grinned back. She usually followed up by giving me the “Anything else?” look.

Recently, we sadly lost a member of our church through cancer. I’m a friend with her son who also attends our church. Our church as a whole, and my home Bible study in particular, have been in constant contact with the family in order to help them in any way we can through the entire process. It very much reminded me of when I lost my mom. You eventually move on and things get a little easier, but there are certain things that bring you back in that moment, the moment of the realization you will lose the person that cared for you most in this world. It’s not a place I like to revisit. However, there are occasions when there are other people suffering through the same situation, and I can enter in with them and sympathize.

What do you tell a person who just lost a loved one? What can you do? It’s one of the more powerless feelings a human being can feel. You want to say or do something but you don’t exactly know what. The simple answer is that there are no simple answers. It’s perfectly okay if we don’t know exactly what to say. I remember dozens of people coming up to me and telling me if I needed anything to let them know. And people saying, “Sorry for your loss.” I appreciated the support. But what I leaned on the most was the truth that in Christ, death has no victory. As a believer, when we think about the believers that we lose to death, “we grieve but not like those in the world who have no hope.”

I still think about what it would be like if my mom were still around. My in-laws keep telling me Joelle is like me because of her strong will, independence, and down-right disobedience. I sometimes forget my in-laws don’t have my mom here to ask, “What was Junior like as a child?” I can’t tell them either because I don’t remember anything before I was sixteen years old. But here we are, another year has passed, the grieving has waned and joyous memories abound. Moments like today make me reflect on lessons my mom tried to teach me but I was too stubborn to learn them at the time. She never lived long enough to see the man I have become, and realize that many of those lessons did eventually take root, but without her I would’ve never become who I am.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Girl Power

If you haven’t heard, yet we are having a second girl. The prospect of having another girl frightens the crap out of me. It’s no secret I wanted a boy. My initial reaction when I found out that it was a girl was to be less than excited. It’s been about a week now, and I have properly put things into perspective. But if you want my raw emotions on the first day I found out then continue reading.

When my wife and I found out that our first child was going to be a girl, I was also disappointed. However, I love my daughter Joelle more than I thought capable. I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world… not even floor seats to the Lakers. It’s been over a year since she was born, and I’ve enjoyed bonding with her and watching her grow. When my wife told me she was pregnant again, I thought to myself, “It has to be a boy!” On the day of the ultrasound, I brought a cigar for luck, ready to light it up when the good news was given. However, the “good news” did not come. We were having another girl.

I sat in the room and tried to put the best poker face on for my wife’s sake. She even said, “You look like you’re about to cry.” And they weren’t tears of joy. It took everything in me to not weep in disappointment. On the drive home, I was relatively somber, attempting to gather my thoughts in a rational manner and simply put things in perspective. There are babies that have disabilities, people dying of cancer, and the Lakers will likely miss the playoffs this year. Having another girl isn’t a bad thing at all… look how it having Joelle turned out!

Common Responses By Others

The two most common responses by people have been, “Maybe your heart needs to soften more,” and “This is what God wants for you.” I can’t argue with the second because . . . well . . . this is what’s happening. However, the first idea- God is giving me another girl because my heart needs to soften- I simply don’t buy. If my heart gets any softer I’m going to turn into a pansy. There needs to be some level of toughness for a man to be . . . well . . . a man. I have the best wife in the world, I have a beautiful little girl, and I work with Special Education students all day. How much softer does a guy need to get?

Go For Three!!!

This, too, is a common response. Here’s the problem with going for a third child – I DON’T WANT THREE CHILDREN!!! Also, the possibility of having three girls running around the house makes me want to drive off a cliff. The estrogen levels at the house would be so high I would have to build a man-cave that would rival the Batcave in order to have some down time to myself.

You’re probably asking, “What’s wrong with three children?” First, I already have to pay for TWO weddings! It’s going to be difficult to even find one worthy candidate for my daughter but now TWO?!? Second, children aren’t cheap. My in-laws are always boasting about having SIX kids and they turned out okay (relatively speaking). None of them have really complained about lacking anything growing up, at least not openly. So when I put a cap on having only two kids, my in-laws are naturally not happy with this. My response, “Are you going to pay for them?”

This really is a losing battle. My prediction is that I’ll succumb to the pressures that be and end up having a third child, which will result in a) having another girl, which will closely follow with me driving myself off a cliff or b) having a boy, in which case I could pass on my Laker season tickets, lawn mowing duties, and my legacy. I would rejoice beyond measure or Thelma & Louise it off a cliff but not having Thelma with me. There's no in-between.

Boy No More

It’s not having another girl that saddens me. It’s NOT having a boy. If you were an outside observer watching my life growing up you would think, “That kid is lazy, irresponsible, and headed nowhere.” You’d be right. My life didn’t turn out to be a tragedy mainly because the Lord grabbed my heart. He undid a lot of pain and emotional trauma. Who would’ve known there would be a passionate and driven person underneath that young jackass? I’ve often wondered how I would’ve turned out if I had a father who took care of me and pointed me in the right direction. How much better of a basketball player would I be? How much smarter would I be? How much farther would I have gotten in life? What does it really mean to be a “man?” If I had a son, I feel I would get my answer.

I would be a father to him the way my father wasn’t for me. I would see how my son would turn out and also see how I would’ve turned out as well. Yes, my son might have different interests, which is fine (within reason) but he would have a moral center and a sense of responsibility knowing his father would be there to support him no matter what. He would want to make me proud not to earn my approval but because he knows he has my unconditional love and that same unconditional love drives him to pursue greatness in all its forms. He would be a window to a parallel universe, which would show another path I could’ve lived. How many people get that opportunity to see an alternate beginning to your own life?

Dealing with Disappointment

I’ve had several disappointments in my life and the Lord has brought me to a place of peace with all of them. I’m sure raising two girls will be nothing short of a major blessing in my life. Sure mowing the lawn will be a constant reminder that I don’t have a son, but I will place my trust in knowing God is good.

Who knows… maybe if I had a son he wouldn’t grow up the way I envision and the Lord is sparing me the pain of bailing him out of jail. Whatever the case, I will trust and I will believe this is God’s best thing for me . . . probably.

Summer of 2013

This was a great summer for several reasons. It was a nice time to rest after having a difficult year, I hired a personal trainer for better and more efficient workouts, and bonded with my daughter. We also took several trips throughout the summer. My family and I went to Hume Lake where clueless teenagers run wild within the confines of a Christian camp, visited my buddy Dom and his family up at Monterey, and even went to Mammoth for the first time.

There were several other benefits of the summer months, but I just wanted to highlight the Mammoth trip for this year’s summer summary blog. The reason for this is not because a bear almost ate me (not making that up) but that the Mammoth trip was Dom’s college and career retreat for his church. He asked me to team teach with him by going through several chapters and themes in the book of Hebrews. I begrudgingly said, “yes,” sensing that it would take several hours of studying to prepare and even more energy to act mature and responsible during the retreat since I’d be viewed as a “leader.”

As I began the process of preparation for the teaching times, it wasn’t much of a surprise that I enjoyed studying the Bible since I . . . well . . . enjoy studying the Bible. What came as a surprise to me was that being a “leader” with Dom that weekend wasn’t as taxing as I thought it was going to be. It was actually quite enjoyable. I appreciated the opportunity to do so myself and to see how much Dom has matured as a man and spiritual leader. Upon further reflection, I find it simply comical that God would have us EVER leading a retreat. People who knew us during our teen years would know that a three-legged blind dog would have been better at leading just about anything else.

From what I hear, the people who attended the retreat were blessed and left knowing God better and understanding our roles in His grand master plan (whatever that may be). The retreat really had a duel purpose for me. First, of course, was my responsibility to teach the Word of God and minister to people. Yes, I counted that as one because they go hand in hand. Second, it was a great time to reflect on my personal journey of how far the Lord has brought me. Twenty years ago if you would’ve told Dom and myself that Dom would be a pastor someday and I would help him teach the Bible at a retreat we would’ve have said, “Give us some of whatever you are smoking.” Most people know we were “bad” kids. I won’t get into details but “bad” doesn’t really quite describe it. I’ve been truly blessed watching Dom’s life and mine continue to change and to see the power of the gospel in both our lives.

As it stands, I was extremely humbled by the opportunity and realize God continues to use the biggest jack@$$es to glorify His name- which is fine by me since that all but guarantees my usage for His kingdom.

Joelle Year 1

Last month was my daughter’s 1st birthday. Yes, the year went by fast. And I keep hearing it only gets faster. There have been hard moments and some lifestyle changes that require a lot of sacrifice, patience, and understanding. None of these attributes are part of my natural disposition, which was one of the reasons for my initial reservations about becoming a parent. However, despite of all the hard moments of being a parent, there is a constant state of awe that one feels when looking at his child.

As Joelle grows, speaks more words, moves around more fluidly, and comprehends the world around her, I am constantly amazed at the growth of my little girl. Most children mature in much the same way, but when you’re the one with direct influence and when it’s your own child, it brings a deeper appreciation for the maturation process. I can’t tell you in mere words the joy it brings me when I hear her laughter, when I see her smile, and the love I feel when she just wants me to hold her. In the same sense, it pains me when she’s in pain or sick. I would gladly take that pain and sickness away from her and place it on myself.

These realizations make me think about Jesus Christ who took the cross in my place. It wasn’t when I was a helpful child trusting in a father who would provide for me that he did this. It was when I was an enemy cursing at Him and shaking my fist in defiance. As I grow in my appreciation for the natural maturation process of my own child, I also am growing in my appreciation for the love of God, “for when we were yet still sinners, Christ died for us.” My prayer and hope as a father is to show Joelle a glimpse of the same grace Christ has imparted to me. I will need the power of the Holy Spirit and Christ’s interceding on my behalf in order to do this. But the Bible has given me those things as promises. I need only believe them to be true and worship with a believing heart.

Happy birthday Joelle! I can’t tell you the joy you bring in my life. I didn’t have a father growing up, and I’m determined to not let that happen with you. I will be here for you as much as the Lord allows. I won’t be perfect in handling every situation, but I will love you in every situation. At times, I will probably be disappointed in some of your decisions, but overall I have no doubt you will become an amazing woman of God. You are my beautiful sunshine, the apple of my eye, and another reason for me to get up in the morning. Those things will never waver, and it’s only a glimpse of your heavenly Father’s love for you. I love you sweetheart. Happy 1st birthday.

PS – I still say I’m kicking you out of the house when you turn eighteen. (Mom’s in your corner, though, so this may be a losing battle.)

Father’s Day- “The Wife” Blog

For the first time ever in The Jammer's Blog history we have a guest blogger. My wife! She wanted to share her perspective on this year's Father's Day weekend. Thanks honey for taking the time to write and guest blogging.

It’s Father’s Day this weekend. For me, this day is a day of double celebration. I was (and still am) very blessed to have been raised by a wonderful father. My dad was loving, caring, and involved in our lives. I can still remember the days as a little girl when he would blow dry my hair for me on Saturday night in preparation for looking nice on Sunday mornings. I can remember taking trips with him to Home Depot where he would let us ride on the big flat bed carts until they got too full with supplies. Around Christmas time, my dad loaded our family up in the car, took us to Thrifty’s, and then cruised neighborhoods where we got to look at all the Christmas lights while enjoying our ice cream. During our years in Awana, Dad very patiently helped us design, cut, and paint our cars for the annual race. When we started playing sports in junior high and high school, my dad was on the sideline, cheering us on (and sometimes sharing his opinions about the games with the referees. ☺) In many ways, my Dad was simply “there” for us. Although I have no doubt that we drove him nuts at times, he never made us feel like a nuisance. Instead, my dad lovingly welcomed us into his everyday life and inserted himself into ours.

Perhaps most importantly, my dad led our family well. His love for my mom was never in doubt. We used to cringe as kids when we watched them kiss and hug, but I realize now, that those moments were very important in building within us a sense of security in their relationship as well as an example for how a husband and wife should function. My dad honored my mom, and demanded that we do the same. My dad led us spiritually as a family. He initiated Bible reading and prayer each night. He lovingly disciplined us, administering spankings when necessary followed by a conversation in which he reiterated his love for us despite our disobedience. In all these ways, my dad gave us a picture of a heavenly Father who loves in much the same way. I am still so grateful for my dad!

This year, Father’s Day has brought on new meaning for me. I not only have the privilege of celebrating with my own dad, but now, I get to celebrate with Junior. Watching Junior embrace the role of fatherhood has been such a joy. I can still recall the day, almost a year ago, when he stood in the delivery room, playing “Circle of Life” on his iphone while my mom held Joelle. Yes, he really did that. ☺ In the months since that time, Joelle has grown by leaps and bounds both physically and emotionally, and we’ve had to grow with her. Junior has been wonderful at embracing the role of father. We both certainly have a lot to learn, and it hasn’t all been easy, but watching my husband lovingly care for our little girl has made me fall even more in love with him.

Junior has a wonderful sense of humor (as I’m sure many of you know), and he does a great job of bringing that into his role as father. When Joelle used to complain about getting her face wiped after meals, he simply turned it into a game with funny noises and quick swipes. What was once a battle became a fun father-daughter interaction. As I have passed off kid’s book for Junior to read to her while I prepare dinner, I often find myself laughing as I listen in on the storytime. Let’s just say Junior has a wonderful imagination, and the storyline often sounds quite different than the one I remember reading from the same book.

As Joelle grows, it has been fun to see the way that Junior takes pleasure in interacting with her more and more- taking her for rides in her favorite green car, tickling her into hysterics on the floor, letting her climb all over him in bed when we wake him up in the morning, watching NBA games together (although Joelle doesn’t last for very long), and kissing her sweetly for bed each night. (The smile she gets on her face each time this happens melts my heart). Even with Joelle still as young as she is (and not very willing to sit still for long), Junior has begun to lead us in family Bible reading and prayer, knowing that these habits that we build as a family will be so important to her spiritual growth.

If you know Junior’s story, you know that his earthly fathers were far from ideal, even according to worldly standards. It still saddens me to think that he grew up without the love and support of a father. However, we have a good God of grace, and I love that Junior’s story of redemption is continuing as he takes on the role of fatherhood. I don’t expect him to be perfect (as I’m sure he already knows that I’m not a perfect mom). I know that we both have a lot to learn as parents and probably many more mistakes to make. However, I have great hope as I watch Junior develop as a father. He has surrounded himself with good, godly men who speak into his life and will be instrumental in helping him develop and holding him accountable in his roles as both husband and father. Most importantly, Junior knows his heavenly Father and seeks to honor him in the way that he loves and leads our family. I know that He who began a good work in Junior will perfect it until the day of Christ. (Philippians 1:6). I am so grateful that I get to be the woman who shares the journey with him!

Junior, I love you. Thank you so much for caring for “your girls” so well. We are blessed by you, and Lord willing, look forward to many more Father’s Days to celebrate you.

Coffee & Camaraderie Part 2 of 2

For Part 1 click here.

Reason (1) We believe we are sooooooooooooooooooo busy we just don’t have the time for it. I say “believe” because if we really wanted to we could set aside time pretty easily if we truly looked at our schedule. If the president of the United States has time to fill out his NCAA basketball tournament bracket we probably have time to make a phone call. Basically, we’re really not that busy. I’m not talking about weekly coffee conversations or phone calls but once every couple of weeks or once a month? We really can’t spare that to connect with friends?

Reason (2) For some friendships, it’s just not worth the effort. There are certain friendships where no matter how long it’s been since you’ve last talked you simply pick up where you last left off. For others, after some time of absence there’s a sense you’re just not that close anymore. Therefore, it’s really not worth the effort to stay in contact.

Reason (3) Laziness: Let’s just be real. Some people aren’t busy at all but are simply down-right lazy. For those of you too lazy to connect with your friends what kind of friend are you? Relationships take work and responsibly but it’s all worth it because we are created to be relational beings.

Reason (4) Out of sight out of mind: If you don’t see the person you really don’t think about that person. It’s normal for people to think mostly about what’s in front of them. Maybe we should spend more time daydreaming?

Whatever your reason is for not making more of an effort to connect with friends on a meaningful level, just know that it’s lame. My buddy Chris Hunt sent me a text message yesterday saying:

I’m sitting in the 3rd day of class with 3 instructors who have been divorced at least once. Tell your wife you love her and that you’re thankful for her. Make time for a date and love on her . . . praying for you.

That’s what you call a true friend. My wife would absolutely want me to make time to spend with Chris. I’m not talking about making time to go drinking and fill your time with non-sense. I’m talking about making time for friends who will truly make you a better person because they care about the state of your soul. And if you don’t have time to care for your own soul then what do you have time for?

Coffee & Camaraderie Part 1 of 2

When I get up in the morning my lovely wife usually has a cup of coffee waiting for me. Do I really need that cup of coffee? No. I don’t get headaches when I don’t drink coffee but I have a cup anyway because it’s comforting in the morning. My body usually feels like a slab of concrete getting out of bed and every joint in my body is screaming curse words at me. So when I sip that warm cup of coffee it’s a soft blanket over my soul. It’s comforting. That’s why I have a cup. You know what else is comforting? Camaraderie.

I had the opportunity to catch up with Andre, an old Bible college friend, a couple of weeks. We met for coffee and talked about everything we’ve been learning and what the Lord has been doing in our lives. It was a couple of hours of great fellowship. I always leave reflecting on things Andre talks about. He impacts my life every time we talk. We always say, “We need to do this more often,” which is true. It’s difficult given our life stage. We’re no longer goofing off at Bible college with a full day ahead of us to come up with practical jokes to pull on each other. We’re family men with full-time jobs, bills to pay and lawns to mow.

However, when you really start to reflect on how you spend your time throughout the week, you’ll realize you probably have more time to meet with friends than you think you do. This is what kills me. I’m pretty intentional when it comes to connecting with friend-, whether it’s a phone call, text message, and/or email. Some friends call back some don’t. Some friends take forever to call back some call back quickly. Either way, I keep calling. When I finally get a hold of someone, I don’t give him a guilt trip for not calling me back. I just begin the conversation as though they called me back the next day. What usually happens is that both parties are extremely blessed with the time shared.

So, here’s my question: Why is it so hard to connect with friends you don’t see on a regular basis?

Let's answer this question in Part 2, which will be posted tomorrow.

The New Mother’s Day

When I was up in Spokane at my brother-in-law’s wedding a couple of weeks ago, I tried to get over the fact that I wasn’t in LA and actually enjoy myself and the company of friends and family. It mildly worked. The wedding ceremony was at a nice venue and the reception was at the same place. I always enjoy it when the ceremony and reception are at the same place because we don’t have to drive anywhere else. After the ceremony, as the natural progression of the night continued, there was the son and mother dance. I had front row seating for this and was happy for my brother-in-law and mother-in-law. At that same moment, there was a hint of sadness tugging at my heart realizing my mom wasn’t here, and that I never had a chance to dance with her at my wedding.

This weekend is Mother’s day. It’s not lost on me that my mother is no longer here but home with the Lord Jesus. There’s no other place where I would have her be, although I often wish I had one more day with her just to introduce her to my family.

This Mother’s day is also a little different for me,though. My beautiful wife is a mother and it’s not lost on me that I don’t have a gift for her. It felt like 20 minutes ago that I bought her an anniversary gift . Crap! Now I’m in yet another mad scramble. My co-workers are already telling me, “It’s her first Mother’s Day. You better make it special!” No pressure. I’m sure I’ll think of something. I usually do, but not until I hit 9.5 on the Stressed Out scale.

(Wait a second. Let me just send a mass text to some friends asking for ideas. Hold on . . . okay . . . send. Right you still here?)

Reflecting back on my wife’s first year of motherhood, I appreciate her more than ever. Furthermore, I appreciate all good mothers around the world, and especially my own mother and all the things she did for me of which I never took notice. I’ve always found it interesting that the love for my mom has grown throughout the years since her absence. How do you love someone more without them being here? I call it “Retro-Understanding.” This simply means that as you get older, you understand the things people were trying to teach you when you didn’t initially understand the lesson because you were too immature, too dumb, or you were just a complete jack@$$ (or some combination of all three). The most common people giving out good lessons to un-teachable people who only later on “get the lesson” are schoolteachers, coaches, and of course parents. My Retro-Understanding of my mother’s love for me grows as my “jack@$$-ery” lessens. That’s how it’s possible for me to love my mother more even though she’s not here.

But with this new twist on Mother’s Day- namely, my wife now being a mother- I get to focus on enjoying loving my wife in a different manner. There’s an extra day out of the year I get to show my appreciation towards her in her new role that’s not at all easy and often requires being selfless and sacrificial. I guess that’s worth being a little lighter in the wallet and getting stressed out at the last minute (again).

Joelle's First Flight Part 2 of 2

For Part 1 click here.

The flight from LA to SF is about an hour (at most) but the boarding process took about, well, an hour. To further aggravate the situation, once everything was squared away and everyone was ready to take off the captain came on the PA and said, “There will be a slight delay.” Now there are several words that ran through my mind that my wife wouldn’t let me write down here but I’m sure you can figure out that they were of the 4-letter variety. This whole time Joelle was doing okay but the delay was eating into “The baby is okay” time. We knew it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened. The captain went on to try and explain the reason for the delay, but once the word “delay” came out of the speaker, I really didn’t care what the reason was. The airline had promised us a time when the plane would take off and when it would arrive at the desired destination. We had done our part… We arrived at the airport on time and got through the necessary security checks then waited patiently at the gate only to have the airline screw up somehow and delay the flight. I understand there are several variables that come into play, but if airlines were required to refund a prorated rate to people whose flights were delayed my guess is that airlines would all of a sudden run more efficiently.

Anyway, once we FINALLY took off for most of the flight Joelle stayed content and didn’t bother anyone. Yes, I was looking at her like a proud father. Then it was time to descend for the landing. As you know, once the plane starts to descend your ears start popping and aching because of the drop in pressure. For a nine-month old who has never experienced something like this, it can be nerve wracking. Sure enough, my daughter started dropping baby F-bombs with the intensity of a heavy metal rock band. This went on for the entire descent. It definitely was another “Welcome to Parenthood!” moment. Once we landed and Joelle’s equilibrium began to stabilize, she started calming down. That was a rough first flight with my daughter.

During the flights home, however, my baby slept the whole way and was a sweet little angel. I guess she just needed to get over the initial shock of the first flight. Let's hope she won't need drugs in order to get on a plane like her mother-in-law.

Joelle’s First Flight Part 1 of 2

Last week I had the honor and privilege of being a groomsmen in my brother-in-law’s wedding. The only problem was the wedding was happening in Spokane, Washington. I had known this for several months now but I was praying (and hoping) my brother-in-law (Jon) would post-pone the wedding for another few years so my daughter would be a little older than, you know, nine months. It didn’t matter what the reason was for postponing the wedding as long as it was postponed. Naturally the wedding was not postponed so my wife and I had to fly to Spokane with a nine-month-old child – fun times ahead!

I remember when I was single traveling at the airport. I would look at crying children with complete annoyance hoping I wouldn’t get stuck with a seat close to them to hear their crying. Traveling was also fairly stress-free. I didn’t have to worry about a child. Those days feel like a long time ago. Once my wife and I got to the airport, I was immediately stressed out because I kept waiting for our child to blow up. Getting through airport security is stressful enough but try doing that with a crying nine-month old… I felt the single people looking at us with the same annoyance I use to. Welcome to parenthood!

The first flight was to San Francisco, which then would connect us to a flight to Spokane. We boarded the plane, buckled up, and prayed Joelle would handle her first flight okay. If you’ve ever traveled by plane you know the boarding process is always an adventure. There’s always those few people who try and stuff their clearly too big carryon in the overhead compartment and hold up the line (I think my sister-in-law happens to be one of them! ☺). Some of those people even ask for help, “Excuse me, could you help me stuff my over-sized carryon that’s way too big to fit into this overhead compartment? If we keep pushing I’m sure it’ll eventually go in.” Look, I understand that after airlines started charging for extra bags that people started doing this in order to save money. I get it. People are just trying to save money, so I’m not too annoyed by that. I’m just annoyed by the airlines that created this problem.

We can’t forget those people who simply refuse to turn off their electronic devices out of pure defiance. Everyone knows the chance of our device actually affecting the plane’s electronic equipment is rather low. But since there is a slight possibility, the airlines don’t want to take that chance. I get it. So when I see people trying to hide their devices only to be reminded again by the airline staff they need to turn it off, it’s frustrating. You mean you’re holding up the plane because you can’t turn off your device for 20 minutes?

Part 2 will be posted tomorrow.

Daddy Daughter Time

Last week was my Spring Break. On one of those days, my wife had some work she needed to do outside the house and asked me, “Could you take care of Joelle?” My reply was, “You mean by myself?” She just gave me the “Of course” look. Hey, it’s Spring Break why not have some daddy-daughter time? Truthfully I was a little nervous not knowing what to expect. The night before, my wife was kind enough to write out the schedule on the board hanging on our refrigerator so I’d know exactly what to do. She knows if she just tells me, I’ll either forget or only be half-listening in the first place while she’s telling me what to do.

The day arrived when I was scheduled to take care of our daughter by myself. I remembered the advice of many to not call it “babysitting,” so I got that thought out of my head. My wife told me, “Okay honey I’m heading out. I’ll call you when I’m on my way home. Just stick to the schedule and you’ll be fine.” My reply was, “Okay.” After she closed the door I immediately checked the schedule she wrote down (It was the first time I looked at it). Joelle already had her breakfast so the next thing on the item was:

10:15 nap – approximately 45 minutes to an hour

It was only 9:15 so what in the world do I do for a whole hour? Wait! There were more notes my wife left me. It read, “You can let her play with her toys in the family room. She’ll do that for about 45 minutes.” I said to myself, “45 minutes! That’s almost an hour! Perfect!” So I took Joelle to the family room and let her play with her toys just like the note told me to do. To my amazement, Joelle kept herself entertained for about 45 minutes as I was reading. How does my wife know these things? As 10:15 approached, I started cleaning up the toys and began to rock her to sleep. When she finally nodded off I looked at the clock and it was . . . wait for it . . . 10:15! How does my wife know these things? I placed her in her crib knowing I had about an hour to catch up on all the important updates in Laker Nation. It was coming up on an hour so I checked the next thing on the list:

11:15 lunch – feed the baby, VERY IMPORTANT!!!

The all caps text immediately caught my eye. I guess feeding the baby is important so I didn’t want to screw this up. My wife already had a bowl of some powered looking stuff with some other liquidity thing I was supposed to mix in, I guess. As you can tell, I didn’t bother reading the labels to find out what contents were in the food. I just did what I was told.

I mixed the stuff in the bowl as my wife instructed then I went to wake up Joelle who looked ready to eat. I sat her down and sat next to her. She knew it was lunch time and was excited to get some grub. I gently spoon fed Joelle while occasionally wiping her face from the mess. Then there was a moment (or a few moments) when I gazed into her eyes and thought about the story of Joseph in Genesis 41:51-52 when Joseph had his two sons:

Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh. “For,” he said, “God has made me forget all my hardship and all my father's house.” The name of the second he called Ephraim, “For God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.”

This, of course, was several years after Joseph’s brothers plotted to kill him and sold him into slavery instead where he was falsely accused of sleeping with the boss’ wife, thrown in jail for his trouble, forgotten about for a couple years and then forced to interpret Pharaoh’s dream accurately or be executed (If you read Pharaoh’s dream you’ll know it’s like someone dropping acid at a Jimi Hendrix concert. The best dream interpreters of that day were confused.).

My point being, even though Joseph suffered many troubles and knew the Lord was with him during those difficult times, it wasn’t until he had his kids when he began to forget about those troubling times, “God has made me forget all my hardship . . .” Not only did he forget his hardship but Joseph saw how blessed he was, “For God has made me fruitful . . .” That’s what I felt when I was feeding my daughter and looking into her eyes. All of the trouble I got myself into, the hardship in my own house growing up, the failed relationships and unmet expectations, were all forgotten and I realized how extremely blessed I was at that moment. It doesn’t matter what I’ve been through, it only matters that I’m here now with a future I never thought I would have. Maybe one day Joelle will realize how much she means to me and understand why I do everything in my power to scare all of the would-be boyfriends away.

Okay, enough of the mushy stuff. There’s the rest of the day to get through so let’s get to it. After I finished feeding Joelle lunch, I noticed there was nothing else on the list to do. I thought my wife had forgotten to write the rest of it or something but I quickly figured out I was on my own. Well, if I was going to be on my own, I figured I would go rogue and take Joelle to the supermarket to buy junk food for daddy. I strapped her into the stroller and walked to the supermarket. She was completely content the whole time, just people-watching like she was sitting at the airport waiting for her flight. When we got to the supermarket, I noticed all the ladies smiling at my baby girl with the “Oh, she’s soooooooooo cute” look on their faces. I leaned over to Joelle and quietly told her, “Where were you when I was single?” She just smiled back as though she knew she was cute.

As we were walking back home with the booty of junk food, I kept appreciating the beautiful weather we have here in L.A. It was great to be outside with my daughter enjoying the world together. When we got back home, I quickly hid all of the junk food from my wife so she didn’t scold me and continued to play with Joelle. We read some books and played out in the backyard with Buddy (our dog) until mom finally got home.

The whole time went by in a blink of an eye. I lost track of time and didn’t even know how late it was. The entire time, Joelle didn’t cry once and was a perfect little child. She’s not always like this. But it felt like she knew dad was on his own today and she was going to give me a break. I hope she still feels like this when she’s a teenager.

Not Like Old Times

Last week I had the privilege of attending a College & Career retreat by Cypress Community Church. Honestly, I haven’t been on a retreat for years. It’s usually because I don’t want to spend the money. However, what made this retreat special was the fact that my childhood friend, Dom, was the youth pastor putting it all together. Furthering the uniqueness of the opportunity was that my other childhood friend, Bryan, was preaching at the retreat. I thought to myself, “It’ll be like old times” . . . old times being juvenile behavior, crass jokes, and tons of laughing while we make fun of each other and/or other people.

Here’s where things got a little tricky, at least for me. Dom, Bryan and I got to the retreat site early and prayed for the retreat, the people attending the retreat, and discussed Bryan’s sermon notes. As you can imagine, I was almost immediately disappointed we weren’t screwing around and making fun of each other with the same fervor we once had in high school. There was an epiphany on my part that said, “Hey jack@$$, you’re not in high school anymore.” Somehow I forget this fact. However, this realization changed my mind set. Instead of giving in to old juvenile tendencies, I got lost in getting to know other people, giving suggestions to Bryan for his studies, and trying to give encouragement and advice to different individuals when I had the opportunity. It was like I was a useful adult. It was extremely taxing to be serious and focused. I don’t know how serious and focused people do it on a regular basis. But with the Lord’s strength, I was able to do it for an entire weekend.

After the retreat was over, Dom, Bryan, and I had some good quality time catching up, making fun of each other, and laughing a ton. So all was not lost. I find it interesting to reflect on the current life-stage we are all in and even to think about where we’re headed. I see how important it is to process thinks like, “Am I being a good husband and father?” or “Am I becoming the person Christ wants me to be?” with friends who know you best. If we never self-evaluate we’ll never know how badly we are missing the mark. As human beings, we tend to simply drift towards complacency, indifference, and apathy. If there is not a community around you challenging you to get better at what you’re doing, who is going to push you? I’m blessed to have friends who care that I live my life in a way that honors God and to have those same friends crack jokes about each other and enjoy each other’s company.

A Journey to Jared’s

Last month was my 4th year wedding anniversary. Where does the time go? This blog is for those of you wondering what I got my wife for a gift and some advice for young husbands. As usual, I waited until the last minute to actually start thinking about what I should get my wife. This process always stresses me out. Maybe that’s why I tend to procrastinate and hope something just comes to mind, even though I know that doesn’t work.

It’s difficult having your anniversary in January because it’s between Christmas AND Valentine’s Day. So I have to think about gifts for my wife for three straight months. It’s triple the stress. This year I decided to listen to the TV and go to Jared’s. Yes, “He went to Jared’s.” I’m told that’s where husbands go when they really love their wives. Also, I figured if I dropped a nice chunk of coinage for our anniversary then I could get away with the half-@$$ flowers and chocolate for Valentine’s Day that everyone else does.

When I arrived at Jared’s, I was already thinking, “I’m getting her a bracelet. Don’t let them talk you into anything else!” I also had a dollar range in my mind and I was determined not to deviate from it. Once I walked into the store, I immediately felt out of place. I know nothing about jewelry, and I was too lazy to do any research. There was a young lady who greeted me at the door. She said, “Hello, welcome to Jared’s. Is this your first time here?” I felt that was a rhetorical question but I answered anyway. “Yes. It’s my first time here.” Translation: I have no idea what I’m doing. She replied, “Would you like a tour?” I calmly looked around the store and thought to myself, “I can see the entire store from where I’m standing.” But simply replied, “No thanks. I just need to know where your bracelets are.” Translation: Don’t try and sell me something I don’t want. She asked, “Would you like some coffee or a cappuccino?” “Cappuccino?” I replied. “Yes, we have French Vanilla.” She answered. I politely accepted. Translation: That’s my favorite! This place rocks!

As she went to go get my free French Vanilla cappuccino that really isn’t free, she directed me towards both the bracelets and a salesman. He took over with a cool, “Hello. Is this your first time to Jared’s?” I thought to myself, “Does it look that obvious?” Somehow I just know I’m going to get taken, like Liam Neeson’s daughter.

Once my free French Vanilla cappuccino that really isn’t free arrived I was put at least a little bit at ease. The drink was amazing. Jared’s should open up a coffee shop- it was that good. Anyway, I just pointed to a bracelet I liked and asked, “How much is that one?” He kindly replied, “That’s $2400.” I nearly vomited. That would’ve have been some major deviation from the plan of sticking to a certain dollar range. Not to mention, if I had that kind of cash lying around, I would be upgrading my Laker season tickets “for the family.”

Naturally I asked, “Do you have something else?” Translation: I don’t have that kind of money. He picked a couple bracelets out that were more in my price range and I took pictures of them and sent them to my sister and mother-in-law in order for them to help me pick one out. I was hoping they would pick the cheaper one and they did. Nice! On my way home I called my sister and she asked, “How many carats is it?” I asked, “What the h*** are carats?” “So you don’t know if you just got ripped off?” my sister asked. “I guess not.” I replied. But what I do know is I have a gift for my wife regardless and that’s what is important.

Happy Anniversary 4.0

When I think about 4 years I think about a graduating class, a presidential term/election and the entire BS involved, about the time it takes to finish a bachelor’s degree, the Olympics, leap years, an eclipse and the World Cup.

This particular 4th year is extremely special and I can’t believe it’s arrived. It’s my 4th wedding anniversary already. The phrase “Where does the time go?” was a weightless cliché that had very little meaning to me. I use to think that’s what old people use to say. Now I’m catching myself saying it all the time. I’m sure I’ll be punching out my daughter’s boyfriend in no time.

But back to the matter at hand, while it’s my 4th anniversary I have no clue what to buy my wife. My father-in-law told me, “You’re not suppose to admit that, especially in front of your wife.” Translation: Pretend you have a plan even though you don’t. If there’s anything I’ve learned about my wife in our four years of marriage is that she knows I have no plan. Yet, I’m not worried, things seem to always get done.

This year there’s a new element to our marriage, namely, having a beautiful child. I’ve grown to appreciate my wife even more after watching her take such good care of our little girl. It makes me want to take better care of her. It takes intentionality to make sure my wife feels loved and not taken for granted. It’s something I have to remind myself from time to time because it’s natural human tendency to coast or to relax because we feel like we deserve it.

Yes it’s been more work but it’s healthy work, much like a workout at the gym. I love my wife and I feel truly blessed by her. You’ll have to wait if you want to know what I’ll be getting her for a gift but a Happy Marriage to all of you while you wait.