The New Mother’s Day

When I was up in Spokane at my brother-in-law’s wedding a couple of weeks ago, I tried to get over the fact that I wasn’t in LA and actually enjoy myself and the company of friends and family. It mildly worked. The wedding ceremony was at a nice venue and the reception was at the same place. I always enjoy it when the ceremony and reception are at the same place because we don’t have to drive anywhere else. After the ceremony, as the natural progression of the night continued, there was the son and mother dance. I had front row seating for this and was happy for my brother-in-law and mother-in-law. At that same moment, there was a hint of sadness tugging at my heart realizing my mom wasn’t here, and that I never had a chance to dance with her at my wedding.

This weekend is Mother’s day. It’s not lost on me that my mother is no longer here but home with the Lord Jesus. There’s no other place where I would have her be, although I often wish I had one more day with her just to introduce her to my family.

This Mother’s day is also a little different for me,though. My beautiful wife is a mother and it’s not lost on me that I don’t have a gift for her. It felt like 20 minutes ago that I bought her an anniversary gift . Crap! Now I’m in yet another mad scramble. My co-workers are already telling me, “It’s her first Mother’s Day. You better make it special!” No pressure. I’m sure I’ll think of something. I usually do, but not until I hit 9.5 on the Stressed Out scale.

(Wait a second. Let me just send a mass text to some friends asking for ideas. Hold on . . . okay . . . send. Right you still here?)

Reflecting back on my wife’s first year of motherhood, I appreciate her more than ever. Furthermore, I appreciate all good mothers around the world, and especially my own mother and all the things she did for me of which I never took notice. I’ve always found it interesting that the love for my mom has grown throughout the years since her absence. How do you love someone more without them being here? I call it “Retro-Understanding.” This simply means that as you get older, you understand the things people were trying to teach you when you didn’t initially understand the lesson because you were too immature, too dumb, or you were just a complete jack@$$ (or some combination of all three). The most common people giving out good lessons to un-teachable people who only later on “get the lesson” are schoolteachers, coaches, and of course parents. My Retro-Understanding of my mother’s love for me grows as my “jack@$$-ery” lessens. That’s how it’s possible for me to love my mother more even though she’s not here.

But with this new twist on Mother’s Day- namely, my wife now being a mother- I get to focus on enjoying loving my wife in a different manner. There’s an extra day out of the year I get to show my appreciation towards her in her new role that’s not at all easy and often requires being selfless and sacrificial. I guess that’s worth being a little lighter in the wallet and getting stressed out at the last minute (again).