What’s on TV?

I wrote this right before the NBA reached an agreement. I hope you enjoy it anyway.

With no NBA season in sight I’ve had several people ask me, “How are you handling it?” In short: not well. My wife is wondering if I need an intervention because I’ve been watching the same YouTube clips of the same basketball highlights over and over and over again. Well, since there’s been no NBA season I’ve tried to cope by seeing what else is on TV.

Football

I’ve been trying to watch more football both NFL and college. My wife, and her family, are diehard college football fans. Truthfully, I can admit that the atmosphere of a college football game is just absolutely amazing. It’s a big reason why the games are exciting because EVERYONE is into the game. It doesn’t matter if it’s 30-below-zero. People are showing up for their team and cheering like crazy. What drives me crazy when I’m at a Laker game is watching people texting, not paying attention to the game, or coming late and leaving early. Why spend all that money on gas, parking, and food in addition to your tickets when you could be doing all that at home for free? It kills me. It also takes away from the fans that are into the game. I don’t care what sporting event it is, I can’t stand apathy. It has no place in sports.

Having said that, I would blow up all of football in order to have my NBA back. Before you diehard football fans get mad just know I would understand if you were willing to blow up basketball in order to save football season. I’ve watched more college football this season than in my entire life combined. And still, I can’t name a single college football player. When it comes to the NFL, I’ve tried watching the games on Sunday but the games are right over our Sunday afternoon naptime. I can’t stay awake past halftime. I don’t know how you football fans do it.

Say “Yes” To The Dress

I’ve been over to the in-laws a couple of times when the women have taken over control of the TV, which is never a good thing. The father-in-law (aka The Big Daddy) is nowhere to be found. So what do the women watch? “Say ‘Yes’ to The Dress.” This is where my iphone comes in handy because I can totally disengage and be completely justified in doing so. I can just observe the women and notice how certain characters consistently annoy them. But don’t dare ask them, “If these people annoy you so much why are you watching this show?” I watched about 5 minutes of one show and felt my balls shrinking significantly. Would I burn every single wedding dress in America, except my wife’s of course, in order to get my NBA back? Let’s move on.

The Biggest Loser

My wife enjoys this show. I used to think it’s unfair. I workout all the time and have no shot at winning any money whereas fat people start working out and it becomes a show. What in the world? But then when I started watching the show hearing and seeing the story of how people’s lives have changed for the better when they started to live a healthier life it became fairly inspiring. There are people who had difficulty putting their socks on in the morning because they were so overweight. After they’ve gone through the program, they were able to go about their daily business without much labor and seeing how it positively affects their relationships is heart-warming. Let’s say “Yes” to healthy living and “Who cares” to the dress. I even asked my wife if it would be a good idea to gain 200 pounds in order to get on the show and win some money. She gave me the “H*** no!” look. Oh well. But after one episode I got bored and asked her to tell me who wins when the season was over. You can only take watching people struggling to run a mile for so long.

The Walking Dead

Season one is currently streaming on Netflix. When I was browsing and came across the show I said to myself, “Why not” which is strange because I’m not really into zombie movies. You know what? It wasn’t bad. The characters are interesting there is plenty of conflict and character development within the group of survivors that’s appealing. Season one was solid. Now we’re about at the half way point of season two and there’s just more drama. It’s turning into a soap opera with flesh eating zombies. Although the second season is attempting to add depth by way of asking the question “How in the h*** do we live in a world overrun by flesh eating zombies?” (e.g., do we have a baby or abort it?). Those are good topics to go over for the show but with less action and an even less sense of direction about where the show is headed my interest is waning.

Fringe

When I was still hopeful of an NBA season happening I decided that I wasn’t going to watch the new season of Fringe, which I already mentioned in a previous blog. Since then I decided to pick the show back up in hopes that it’ll be decent. In short, they finally found Peter Bishop (although the Fringe characters didn’t even know they were looking for him) and quite frankly, it’s been underwhelming. No one remembers who he is or where he belongs although he continues to help them with solving Fringe cases. For three seasons the show was building up the Olivia/Peter relationship only to start from scratch for season four. Sweet. If I wanted to spend time building a house only to tear it down I would build a house and tear it down.

There have been other shows I’ve watched briefly that aren’t even worth mentioning. I can’t believe the crappy shows that inundate the airwaves. If there were this much crap in our pipes we’d be calling a plumber. I’m convinced my buddy Bryan and I could write a better show. No, I take that back. I’m convinced my buddy Aaron and I could write better shows.

In short, I need my NBA and I need it badly. If only for sanity’s sake. I know more about the issues involved in the lockout than some of the players do (I’m not joking) and this lockout is indefensible and completely illogical. Why would the players trust their future in the hands of lawyers who stand to gain a great deal of money if litigation is long and lengthy while they are getting paid zero dollars, forfeiting 2 billion dollars, with no guarantee they’ll get a better deal? It makes no sense. It only makes sense if it’s because they take this business personally.

In which case, the players are that much more detached from reality. How many of their fans put up with difficult bosses because it’s better to have a job than no job at all? How many men and women put up with companies who treat them poorly because they have to provide for their families and can’t afford to risk losing their jobs during a struggling economy? I haven’t even mentioned the people who are without jobs. It’s sickening. You know what else is sickening? When this lockout is over I’ll be watching game one.

Thankfulness 2011

It’s that time for my annual “Thankfulness” list where I list things I’m thankful for in honor of Thanksgiving. Instead of writing out a list and explaining each item I’m going to do something different this year. During our list Grace Group (Home Bible Study) there was a reoccurring theme that came up of dealing with family tension during the holidays.

Some background: My perspective on the holiday season has changed throughout the years. Now that I’m a part of a wonderful, yet crazy, family I look forward to the holiday season. The only tension during family outings is the tension I cause, which happens to be pretty fun. I understand that it isn’t all fun and games for quite a few families. Growing up in a broken home without any type of real emotional connection or intimacy makes for a crappy holiday season- tension replaces harmony, awkwardness substitutes for stimulating conversations, and loneliness overtakes joy. Sometimes that’s just how it works in a Fallen world, but know God doesn’t want you to experience that.

Our church just finished preaching through the book of Colossians. The last sermon was fitting for addressing the very issues some of us face during the holidays. I’ll just give you the bullet points with some of my thoughts. The primary passage during the reflection service was Col. 3:12-17:

12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

1. Compassionate: "Bowels of Mercy" Love characterized by active heart felt mercy.
The “Bowels of Mercy” means mercy that is deep inside of you, turned out towards others. I can relate to this because it takes some serious digging for me to be compassionate. There are family members I just don’t want to show compassion to but that’s because I’m a jerk. So then, I need some serious “bowel” work.

2. Kind: Generous and warm-hearted, with a gracious, sympathetic disposition.
I think about my mom when I see or hear the word “kind.” She was “kindness” personified.

3. Humble: Considering others above ourselves and serving them. Not being overly impressed by a sense of your own self-importance. (Phil 2:3-8)
This was rather convicting because when it comes to people I generally don’t like I just avoid them. I never connected that attitude with a lack of humility or being too “self-important” to bother myself with people I don’t like or even people I don’t really know all that well. Humility reaches out to people, even the ones we deem unreachable.

4. Meek/Gentle: Tender, kind, and considerate; not cruel, ruthless, (might have missed some of this def.)
What a minute? We’re not supposed to be cruel?

5. Patient: Not easily provoked. Showing kindness to one who sins against you over a long period of time.
Regarding being patient, the part of the definition I get hung up on is the “over a long period of time.” How many times are we to forgive or put up with people’s non-sense? I wasn’t the only one. The apostle Peter asked the same question to Jesus (Matt. 18:21). Jesus replied with The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant, where it was clear you didn’t want to be that guy. Those who realize they’ve been forgiven much also forgive much.

6. Forbearing: to endure with others in difficulty of relationships. (1 Cor. 13:4-7)
What I said in #3.

7. Forgiving: Not exacting payment but freely and graciously treating someone better than they deserve. (1 John 4:10 and 1 John 3:16)
What I said in #5.

8. Thankful: Gratitude from the realization that all you are and have is from God. (Col 3:15,16)
Yes, so this blog comes full circle. This year the Lord extended my sphere of gratitude. I’m also thankful for the difficult relationships I have in my life because they’re all designed by God to help me be a servant extending the compassion given to me unto others. Everything comes from God, all of the wonderful blessings and the “apparent” bad that come into our lives. Either way, it’s all good.

Magic Defied Tragic

It's been 20 years since Magic Johnson announced he was HIV positive. Today I spent my lunch break reading reading articles about this very special day. It still brings tears to my face when I think about it. When HBO came out with the Magic Johnson and Larry Bird Documentary I wrote this:

Finally, there was Magic’s HIV announcement. After a physical before the 1991–92 NBA season, Johnson discovered that he had tested positive for HIV. In a press conference held on November 7, 1991, Johnson made a public announcement that he would retire immediately. He stated that his wife Cookie and their unborn child did not have HIV, and that he would dedicate his life to "battle this deadly disease." Johnson initially said that he did not know how he contracted the disease, but later acknowledged that it was through having multiple sexual partners during his playing career. At the time, only a small percentage of HIV-positive people had contracted it from heterosexual sex, and it was initially rumored that Johnson was gay or bisexual, although he denied both. Johnson's announcement became a major news story in the United States, and in 2004 was named as ESPN's seventh most memorable moment of the past 25 years. Many articles praised Johnson as a hero, and former U.S. President George H. W. Bush said, "For me, Magic is a hero, a hero for anyone who loves sports.”

I remember being in high school when Magic’s HIV announcement hit me like a frozen sledgehammer. Some of my female friends couldn’t understand why I was so depressed over it saying idiotic things like, “You don’t even know him, why do you care so much?” I just gave them the “You’re absolutely dumb and it would be a complete waste of time to even try and explain it to you” look and moved on without saying anything.

How would they ever understand the connection of a fatherless boy and his sports hero, the only positive male role model he’s known (at the time)? How would they ever understand how the heart of a man yearns for the inspiration of other greater men? How would they ever understand that all young men desire to be great but need personification of that greatness to see what it looks like? How would they ever understand the heart of a man seeks advantage and we live that advantage vicariously through our sports figure? Given the historical context, HIV was a death sentence. There was little awareness of how the virus could infect a person or how they could even live through it. “My hero was going to die,” I thought to myself. No high school girl will have the ability to understand this. And I don’t blame them.

Reflecting on the life of Magic Johnson, I began to realize how much of an impact he had on my life. As I get older I try and keep things in perspective. The reason he contracted the HIV virus was a direct result of his infidelity. But instead of hanging his head in shame, he become a spokesperson for HIV awareness. As a result, the general public seems more educated on the subject.

There have been mistakes I've made in the past where I've spend a great deal of time in despair. No I'm not perfect. Either was Magic Johnson, my childhood hero. However, how a person deals with tragedy could completely alter the path of the individual's life. Magic Johnson could've given up and simply laid down and waited to die. Instead, he turned tragedy into a symbol of hope. Whether you enjoy basketball or not I believe there is a lesson here for all of us.

Best Man, Worst Moment

In June of 2002, my buddy Dom, who I’ve known since middle school, married his beautiful wife Jessica (to this day I don’t know how Dom ever let his wife schedule the wedding over the NBA Finals). Bryan Benavidez was his best man and we know one of the responsibilities of the best man is to give the wedding toast. All week Bryan talked about how he was going to “bring the house down” with his toast. I emphatically replied, “Preach it!” Shortly after the ceremony, everybody began to settle at their assigned tables for the reception. Bryan calmly walked up to the front, with microphone in hand, squared himself to the audience in preparation to speak. I yelled, “Preach it brother!” which was quickly followed by a chuckle from Bryan. Personally knowing the full story of what Bryan and Dom had been through as friends, because I was there for most of those stories, for the first time in my life I was actually eager to hear what Bryan had to say. He began by saying, “I’ve known Dom for a long time and I’ve never seen him as emotional as I saw him last night.” As he attempted to continue, he was overcome by emotion, clearly welling up beyond what he could contain he raised his glass to the air for the toast abruptly ending his speech by saying, “Shall we?” while everyone awkwardly said “Uh, cheers?”

Here’s a recap of Bryan’s best man speech at Dom’s wedding:

I’ve known Dom for a long time and I’ve never seen him as emotional as I saw him last light . . . (raising his glass to the air) shall we?

I don’t think I’m overstating myself when I say Bryan’s speech didn’t “bring the house down.” Staying true to form, for seven straight years, I mercilessly mocked him like a pack of attention starved Middle Schoolers.

The wedding toast is a ritual expression of honor and goodwill towards the bridge and groom. Being chosen as the best man of a particular wedding is a great honor. By choosing a best man, the groom communicates, “Out of all the people that matter in my life, YOU are my closest friend and the person who I want closest to me on the most important day of my life.” Being chosen as the best man is an honor, which carries with it serious weight. There are many responsibilities that come with being the best man, but for the intended purpose of this blog, lets just focus on the Best Man Speech.

There are tons of things the best man does behind the scenes, not only during the wedding ceremony and reception, but in the weeks and days leading up to the wedding itself. However, when it comes to the wedding toast/speech, the best man is front and center for all those in attendance to see. Everyone knows who he is because he stood closest to the groom during the ceremony. This particular part of the wedding is extremely unique. It’s the best man’s moment to shine, not for himself, but for the groom. Meaning, if the best man does an outstanding job in giving the speech then it’s a positive reflection on the groom because the friends you have in your life are a direct reflection of your character. On the other hand, if the best man completely bombs in giving the speech then people are left saying “THIS guy is the best man? The groom must be a complete tool for picking him.” There’s really no in-between.

I’ve been to countless weddings and I can’t tell you how many botched best man speeches I’ve witnessed. As a man, it’s one of the most disappointing things for me to witness. A guy is given a great honor on the most important day of his best friend’s life and he couldn’t put more than 20 minutes of thought into his speech? Usually it ends up being completely juvenile filled with stories of childish behavior. I’m sure the bride’s parents appreciate those stories. I wonder how many “Wait a sec . . . are we really giving away our daughter to this jack@$$?” moments are at a wedding?

Sometimes the best man speech is completely incoherent- words come out of the guy’s mouth but there’s absolutely no sense of purpose or direction, just complete senseless babbling. You often see this when the best man gets nerves or is unprepared. I’ve yelled out, “Get a grip man! Breathe!!!” only to have my wife tell me to stop yelling at him because I’m making it worse. I’ve also witness the babbling go on and on and on because the best man knew he wasn’t making any sense but didn’t know how to end the speech. It was painfully awkward for everyone. I nearly walked over and pulled the plug on the microphone to put him out of his misery like Old Yeller.

In contrast, when my buddy Aaron got married he had the entire wedding party give a mini-speech at the reception. He told us in advance and gave us time to think about what we were going to say. My buddy Jordan and I immediately felt the weight of that responsibility. The wedding was in the East Coast and Jordan and I flew out there and spent the week with him. Every night before going to bed we had this dialogue:

Jordan: “Do you know what you’re going to say?”
Me: “No, do you know what you’re going to say?”
Jordan: “No, I'm not sure what I’m going to say.”
Me: “Me neither.”

We repeated this dialogue every night for the entire week. It was stressful because we didn’t want to sound like a couple of idiots and make Aaron look like a complete jack@$$. In short, when it was time for Jordan and I to give our speeches we did well. It was a great time and we couldn’t stop talking about the wedding and everyone else’s speech on the flight home because EVERYONE was thoughtful, articulate, and engaging. It made Aaron’s wedding that much more memorable. I often reflect about that time and how much it meant for me to be there for my friend. Furthermore, I can imagine how much it must of meant to Aaron, not only the “Thanks for not making me look like a jack@$$” but also “You’ve made the most important day of my life that much more meaningful not only for me but also for my family.”

This was a direct result of pouring in hours of thinking about what to say and how to say it. Jordan and I prayed for God’s guidance while bouncing ideas off of each other. We practiced and rehearsed the speech to each other and in our heads countless times, shaping and reshaping it until we were completely comfortable with the end product. Does it always come out the way you planned it? Of course not. There’s the need to “feel the crowd,” consider what have other members of the wedding party already said, and keep your emotions in check, at least enough to deliver the speech well. I went over all of those scenarios in my head taking into account how unpredictable emotions can be and adjusted accordingly.

Some people might say, “That’s a lot of work over a 3-5 minute speech.” My reply is that’s EXACTLY what you do to tell your friend “Thank you for this great honor you are giving me.” If there’s any film/movie/video you’ve ever enjoyed, know that those few minutes of your favorite scenes took hours to produce. That goes for speeches or sermons that have been moving, articulate, and engaging. It takes time to craft them. So you can imagine how disappointed I get when I hear other guys given such an honor at a wedding and run it through the mud.

My wife tells me, “Not everyone is gifted in public speaking so cut them some slack.” My counter-argument is, “No, not everyone is gifted in public speaking but at the very least I expect the person to be coherent, thoughtful, and well-meaning . . . and too often I see none of the above.” At least act like you’ve given it some thought. I mean it’s only your friend’s most important day of his life. Is that too much to ask? I say no.

I’ve given other wedding speeches before and it’s been an absolute blast. When I’m given a responsibility to add more meaning to the most meaningful day of my friend’s life, I take that seriously. I’m not sure if I’m “gifted” in public speaking anymore than a person who is “gifted” in lifting a lot of weight. If you walk into a gym and see a guy who’s benching 250lbs or more, your initial thought isn’t, “Wow that guy is ‘gifted’ in lifting weights.” No, you simply realize he’s put in the time and reps in order to be able to lift that amount of weight. It’s old-fashioned W-O-R-K. It’s no secret. However, there is the artistic element in giving the best man speech. Personally, I use this formula and it’s been extremely successful. If you’re ever given the honor as the best man, you could decide to use it if you want. If not, I won’t be offended, but when the time comes for you to make the speech, just be sure to make some da** sense.

The Intro.

The first element should be a catchy introduction that gets people laughing to loosen them up. This is important. People are on guard when they hand over the microphone to the best man because of all the non-sense I mentioned above. People are almost expecting you to be a jack@$$. When you lead off with some clean humor it relaxes the crowd. Of course you should always have a contingency plan if your joke falls flat. This is why getting feedback from friends and family would be helpful.

A Story

The second element is a good narrative that is unique to you and the groom, which gives insight into the groom’s character in order for others to know him better. Most guys talk about how long they’ve known the groom, “I’ve know _________________ since _______________.” But that doesn’t mean anything if you don’t attach a good story that reveals both the substance of your friendship and the contents of his character.

For example, at my buddy Jordan’s wedding I talked about the time when we were living in an apartment together during grad-school. We had a neighbor, a 22-year-old man who had autism. I mentioned he was extremely annoying. I didn’t mentioned this to be a jerk but to say that despite his annoyance, Jordan welcomed him in the apartment, befriended him, cooked him dinner, invited him to church, and even took him to a Lakers’ game. Basically, Jordan wasn’t just a nerd who studied all the time (although he is definitely a nerd who studies all the time). He cares about people and loves them with the love of Christ.

Let’s see how this story measures up with my formula. Is it a story unique only to Jordan and I? Check. Does it reveal the substances of our friendship (grad-students living for Christ)? Check. Does it reveal the contents of Jordan’s character to the audience? Check. I guarantee his wife’s parents were not thinking, “Wait a sec . . . are we really giving away our daughter to this jack@$$?” No, if anything, they felt even more confident in Jordan that he’ll take good care of their daughter by being a loving husband.

Personal Impact

The final element is the conclusion, which consists of how the groom personally impacted your life. At Aaron’s wedding, I mentioned all the times he spoke wisdom into my life and I highlighted the imprint it left. The wisdom and counsel he shared brought more self-awareness and an understanding of the circumstances surrounding whatever it was we were talking about. To this day I believe I am able to do that for other people and it's a direct result of having Aaron in my life. I feel like I have a part of all my friends inside my life. They help shape who I am, and not talking to them on a regular basis anymore doesn’t change that because the impact they had is everlasting. You can shape those three elements to your liking. But it’s important to have all three because it connects the audience to the groom through you.

Back to my friend Bryan for a minute. I mentioned that I ruthlessly mocked him for bombing Dom’s wedding speech. Even as I write this I almost feel badly about it . . . almost. Nearly seven years after that train-wreck of a wedding speech, Bryan received a shot at redemption in the form of speaking at my wedding (I had all my groomsmen say something). All my friends did great and I appreciated their contribution on the most important day of my life, particularly Bryan. He knew if he bombed this one I would be bagging on him when we’re in heaven with Jesus. He felt the pressure more than my other friends because I haven’t ruthlessly mocked anyone else for seven straight years. Despite the pressure, you know what he did? He used my formula without even knowing he was using my formula. He had a catchy introduction that got people laughing. He had a couple of short stories about his interaction with my mom when they would talk about me, a story unique to Bryan and I, which gave insight into the depths and substance of our friendship. There were times when the emotion of the moment appeared to be catching up to Bryan, but instead of attempting to talk through the raw emotion and sounding completely drunk and incoherent (like a certain sister-in-law of mine) he took a moment and patiently waited for the emotions to subside. Afterwards, he proceeded with the speech with great clarity. His timing, tenor, and tone were perfect. The transitions were smooth and he concluded the speech with how our friendship personally impacted his own life in a way that was meaningful and everlasting.

Of course I would never actually tell him any of this because I enjoy bagging on him so much. I have a reputation to keep. In short, the next time you are bestowed a great honor like being chosen as the best man of a wedding, take it seriously because if you don’t you’ll look like a jack@$$. And yes, I will be making fun of you.