We decided to go with United Airlines on my return trip to the Motherland. I never had to book a flight to Thailand even though I’ve been there a million times. It was always my mother or Tim Dinkins that took that job. I just remember going to the international terminal at LAX every time. So it was an absolute surprise to me when we got dropped off at the international terminal to find out that our flight on United wasn’t leaving from there. Guess what? They still fly international flights out of their own terminal, which was three terminals down. Did our ride already leave? Of course. Did we have to walk all that way through crazy LAX carrying all our luggage? Of course. Was I happy? Of course not. Not a great start to our trip.
When we finally got to the correct terminal we had to go through security like everyone does. All the TSA agents had the “I hate the world and everything in it” look on their faces and were being complete jerks to most people. There was this elderly Asian lady ahead of me in the security line who did know English very well and wasn’t sure whether or not to zip or unzip her luggage while putting it through the scanning machine, so she decided to unzip it. Apparently, you’re only suppose to unzip things that have liquids. By the time she got up to the scanning machine a TSA agent was upset and angrily zipped up her luggage and shoved it through the scanning machine. She was flustered as a result, feeling as if she did something wrong. This could’ve been her first time at LAX, or at any airport for that matter. She clearly didn’t understand English very well, but instead of being patient and gracious in situations like that, I find that often people get angry that they don’t know English and assume that it’s stupidity. I felt like saying to the TSA agent, “Hey jackass, why do you think the rest of the world hates us? Because of jackasses like you! That’s exactly why we need this kind of security.” Then I thought about being thrown into a small room and having my anal cavity checked out and decided to refrain.
I pushed my bag through and something in my bag was unsettling to them so they pulled me aside to open it and check it out. It turned out to be my lotion. A TSA agent grabbed it and started looking at it like it was potentially C4. I calmly told him, “It’s lotion. You know, the stuff that prevents dry skin.” He replied, “It’s too big, you’ll have to check your luggage to keep it or you could leave it here.” With complete apathy I replied, “I’m not checking my bag, so Merry Christmas.”
It blows my mind. TSA agents are already viewed as the “bad guys” at the airports but they’re really looking out for our safety. They know this, so why be jackasses about it? Why have the attitude that says, “I know my job is your safety but I hate you anyway.” Don’t they realize that the terrorists have already won? Maybe they just embraced the villain role like the Miami Heat (we all know how that worked out). But terrorists don’t honestly think they’re going to take over the world. They’re not even trying. All they want is to have us live in fear and change our way of life. Or in this case, make TSA agents into the biggest A-holes in the world and have airport travel sucked into the tenth level of hell. So when we treat each other like jerks, it’s a victory for the terrorists. I say, “Screw that!” and let’s actually treat people with patience and dignity and in so doing we’re saying, “Screw you!” to the terrorists.
About 12 hours later we landed in Tokyo. If you don’t know already, even though you get off an airplane to get to a connecting flight you still have to go through security check again. Once we got to the scanning machine I began to basically undress myself when the Tokyo TSA agent kindly stopped me half way and simply asked me to walk through the metal detector. I said, “You mean you don’t want me to undress in front of everyone so you could humiliate me all in the name of ‘safety’?” With a kind smile he said, “no.” Sweet! Score one for Tokyo airport. But then when my wife and I were trying to find something to eat, and all they had was Japanese food and McDonald’s. Really? In such an international airport that’s all you have? I’m taking that point back.
About 8.5 hours later we finally arrived in Bangkok. I’ve never been to the new airport so this was a new experience for me. And you know what? It’s absolutely beautiful. Especially when you compare it to the old dump they used to have. They had every store you could think of including about twenty-five coffee shops. The layout was nice and the vegetation was even nicer. Score one for the Thai people!
You’re probably thinking, “Are you seriously talking about the airports when you went to Thailand?” I can assure you that this is only a warm-up for the things to come. When you read the blogs on the actually trip you’ll see why. There are about a zillion things I need to process- my mom, my dad, my own nationality, the rest of my family, other family history, the influence of Christianity in Thailand, where can I get some of my favorite Thai desserts, Etc. I promise it’ll be worth the wait. Until then, remember to tell the terrorist “Screw you!” by loving someone today, especially if you are at an airport.
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