Stella Mare's

A day in Santa Barbara with Dom and Jessica during the summer seems fun enough. Walking up and down State St. checking out the stores and watching the fancy cars pass by was pretty cool. Katie and I even got a chance to check out one of the famous California missions located there.

But nothing could prepare me for what I was about to experience at Stella Marie’s restaurant. It’s an upscale French restaurant that I usually wouldn’t find myself in because it requires class. Once we were seated the waiter brought out free samples of escargot (I feel sophisticated just typing it). I know what escargot is but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to try it and pretend that I actually belonged there. It tasted like mushrooms, although I still won’t be ordering escargot on my pizza anytime soon.

The ambiance was amazing. I could have stayed at that place meditating like a Tibetan Monk for hours. It had a combination of class and homestead. When the menu arrived I went straight for the entrée because I was too cheap to want to buy an appetizer. The Oak Wood Burning Grill caught my eye because:

Seasoned with Provence herbs and grilled on our wood burning grill,
with fresh julienne vegetables lightly sautéed in olive oil & lemon, and a choice of French fries, roasted Fingerling potatoes or mashed potatoes


Well, doesn’t that sound delightful? I went with the chicken and Dom went with the Filet Mignon. I don’t remember what the girls got because I didn’t care. Now the chicken doesn’t sound all that exciting. I mean, doesn’t everyone have chicken and know what chicken tastes like? It’s uneventful and predictable in most places, but not here. The atmosphere just told you that it was going to be better than the Orange Chicken at Panda Express.

The food arrived and the presentation was exquisite. I almost didn’t want to touch it. Of course that feeling lasted for about twenty seconds. After a quick prayer all of us started eating and simultaneously moaned as though our taste buds had an orgasm. It was the first time I ever experienced that eating with other people.

Each of us was savoring every bite and trying each other’s dishes until we were absolutely drunk on food. I’ve always thought that being “drunk on food” was a metaphor. No, I experienced it as reality and it was wonderful! The food was sooooooooo amazing that I wanted to rub it all over my body. You may think that this is disgusting but my senses were overloaded, and I couldn’t think of any other way to express myself.

By the end of the meal I was already full but I’d be d*** if I didn’t have dessert at this place. All of us decided to get something different so we could share (on top of the free dessert that the waiter had already brought us!). Dom and I had some doubts about the Lemon Cake but the waiter said he would bring it, and if we didn’t like it we didn’t have to pay for it. That sounded like a great deal. I certainly enjoy a man who believes in his product. I took one bite of that Lemon Cake and decided to pay double.

In short, guys, if you want to impress a girl or if you want to treat your wife to something special, you have to take a day trip to San Barbara, catch the sights, walk the beach, walk the strip, and end the day with dinner at Stella Mare’s (Warning: be prepared to drop well over $200 for the entire day. But let me tell you that it was well worth it. And remember that I’m cheap). I guarantee that your girlfriend or wife will decide not to break-up or divorce you for at least another year or so.

stellamares.com