The Story Part 2 - Almost Too Late

Original Post: July 8, 2008

Some say that love is blind. That’s just a nice way to say that, at times, love is stupid. My roommates, Aaron, Chris, and Jordan were tired of listening to my confusion and tired of seeing me led like a lost puppy dog. Jordan even once told me to at least change it up and have someone different rip my heart out for a while. He went on to say, “There is no category for this level of stupidity of allowing the same girl to kick your teeth in over and over again. With that being said, I have nothing left to say to you.” Ouch! And this was from a friend.

I felt alone and stupid, wondering what to do. I guess the must logical thing to do was just to let it go and move on. I consider myself to be a rational person, although you couldn’t tell with how I was approaching this situation. There was a reason why I wanted to keep giving it a try (we’ll get to that in a moment).

Round 4 – The Direct Approach

So where was I? Oh yeah, Round 4. Yes, there is a Round 4. I can’t believe it either. I just told her directly that I wanted to be more than friends. She replied, “As long as you know where I stand (meaning that I don’t have feelings for you but I like you enough just to hang out).” My reply was “sure, sounds good” in hopes that she would see the light. (Katie: This proves that guys usually do have ulterior motives- which worked well in my case but does help to prove that the female gender is not completely crazy when we make this claim.J JR: Whatever! Everyone has a “motive” for what they do. That’s just human nature. Think of the alternative. Would you like a guy to spend time with you knowing that it will never go anywhere because he has no “motive?” I think not).

We went on one breakfast date and she was awkward the moment I picked her up. (Katie: He left out the fact that I had burnt half of my face at the beach the day before and literally had only half of my face that looked normal while the other half looked like a bright red cherry tomato. I would argue that that situation would make any girl feel awkward. J: But did you notice that I didn’t treat you any different? How noble of me). I said to myself that I would just make the best of the date although I knew she was going to tank it like an NBA team at the end of the season trying to improve their draft position. After I dropped her off she began to play with her dog Murphy again. Not a good sign. Later that night, she emailed me saying that she didn’t feel comfortable with me anymore. Just lovely. (Katie: I believe my words were something to do with the fact that I didn’t feel comfortable with the situation- going out on dates knowing that he was interested in something more and I wasn’t. I think I should get props here for actually caring enough to want to protect the guy J JR: You call that protection? That’s like saying, instead of allowing you to live we should just kill you now because you’re going to die anyway. Where’s the gun?)

Round 5 – My Mother’s Death

Months passed by and I effectively got her out of my mind and moved on with my life, although I felt like a loser for subjecting myself to such an unnecessary emotional beating. Sadly, my mom passed away unexpectedly (refer to Mom’s Eulogy) and the news got out. Katie emailed me and told me that she was sorry to hear the news and gave me kind and encouraging words. I thank her for that. This leads to some more small talk and you guessed it – Round 5.

(Katie: Jr left out my favorite part of this “round.” On the day that his mom passed away, I went for an evening run after I was done teaching over at the track at Biola. As I began to run, Jr came to my mind which I found weird because we hadn’t talked in quite a while. I kept thinking about a time when we were first getting to know each other that we had run out on the track together. So, I just started praying for him, not really knowing why I was doing so. When I got home from my run, it was not 5 minutes after I walked in my door that my mom called. She “just wanted me to know” that Alan, my brother, had told her that Jr’s mom had had a stroke that day. I told her how crazy it was that she called me with that news because he had come to mind over at the track. She was the one that encouraged me to email him. So… yeah for God’s providence and yeah for Mom. J JR: And yet, you still kicked me in the teeth)

I told her that I appreciated that we could still be brothers and sisters in Christ despite the fact that things became awkward (or at least when she made things awkward). She went on to apologize for that and said that she was working through some issues. You think! The strange thing was that she continued to say that it was never about “not liking you but just personal issues I had to work through.” Interesting, I just thought that she was crazy or evil. I tried the direct approach again so as not to make any mistake about my intentions of wanting a romantic relationship with her. This was her response through email:

“There are a lot of things that I see in you that I have no doubt will make a wonderful, godly husband. You obviously love the Lord, are compassionate towards others, and do an awesome job at making a woman feel special. My only experience in seeing you around kids has been with Bryan and Shannon's kids, but you seemed to be comfortable with them, and it seems like you see kids as a possibility in your future. The way that you have responded to your mom's death has also demonstrated the deep commitment that you have to Christ. With that said, there are still a lot of things that I don't know about you - questions that I have that I would want to find out before committing to a romantic relationship.”

I guess hanging out for almost 3 years doesn’t answer some of her questions. This was harder than the LAPD background check. (Of course it was. You don’t commit to LAPD for a lifetime, and they can fire you if you don’t match up. It doesn’t work the same way in marriage. J) What else could she want to know? She already knew enough to at least make a decision. But here’s the kicker email shortly after:

“I enjoy you a lot as a friend, and I know beyond a doubt that you are a very godly, quality guy. However, I am fairly certain that that's all it will be for me.” ( Good thing I wrote fairly certain or I never would have been able to redeem myself.)

Once I heard the “you are a quality guy” speech I knew my teeth were about to get kicked in. And yes, they were – extremely hard. Well I’ve had it! This was it! I’d had it and was never going to talk to her again- and I really meant it this time!

You can be angry at her for kicking my teeth in over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, but I was upset that I allowed it to happen over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. (Katie: If you count up the amount of “over again” listed above they don’t match up with the number of rounds he has described, so I think its safe to say that this part is somewhat of an exaggeration for effect- just so you know. J J: You just have to get technical)

Round 6 – Final Round

After about a month of not talking to her I thought I was over her. But one day after church I was on my way home, and I saw her walking to her car. I just couldn’t get over how hot she looked. My rationality went out the window, and I u-turned to meet her in the parking lot to talk to her. I approached her and asked if we could talk. We decided to meet the next week.

The week went by, and I once again used the direct approach. I told her that if she were not attracted to me to just let me know and I would leave her alone. I didn’t think that this was the case but rather that she simply had some insecurity because she was hurt from a past relationship and as a result was a little gun-shy. Sure enough, that was the case. I saw right through her insecurities like x-ray vision. There was no way in Hades I was going to let that prevent something special from happening between us. She just needed to get over her issues and that’s what I demanded, I repeat – demanded! No more Mr. Nice Guy (Remember guys, women will have coffee with a nice guy but will never bring them home to the family or eventually call them “big poppa.” (Katie: For the record, I still have never called him “big poppa.” This must be a secret male lingo because I have no idea what that means. JR: I’ll tell you after we get married) Women like nice guys but they will never fall in love with them because they’re boring and predictable. When I pulled out all the stops, she was taken by it. There was an unpredictable, mysterious side that finally hooked her. So let that be a lesson for you guys that are constantly being rejected like I was. You need to stop being too nice. Give your opinion or disagree with her on something (even though you secretly do agree with her) just for the sake of argument. Be strong, make decisions, and take initiative. Be confident and have a vision for your life that doesn’t have her in the center of it. Don’t tell her you could live without her but act like it. Conduct yourself in a way that if she rejects you, later she will feel like she missed out on something special. Let her know that you’re grabbing life by the horns and wresting it to the ground and making it submit to your will – if she would like, she can come along for the ride. Reach deep down and find your inner “Bad @$$” and she will love you for it.

(Katie: This whole section sounds like a “male chest thumping.” I won’t attempt to edit it, but I’m sure the ladies reading this will be well aware that although we may let guys think that it works this way, it really doesn’t. If I didn’t believe that Jr was a nice guy, I would never have agreed to date him. If I didn’t think that I could eventually become a part of the “center of his life,” I would also never have dated him. What actually won me over is when he sat in front of me, directly addressed some of the concerns that I had, and then told me that he had been around for 2 ½ years, and that if I was even partially interested, he wasn’t going anywhere. How could I resist that? J JR: Don’t believe it guys. This is just a lie to throw us men off. Don’t fall for it.)

Katie was taken by the direct approach. She had to give it some more thought – 3 years and counting. But I was generous and gave her more time. I must have lost my mind. It was completely the hotness factor. If you’re wondering what happens next you’ll have to wait for Part 3 – I know, I know- I’m a complete jerk. I didn’t even realize how long the story was until I started writing it, but I did write 3 blogs in June. Cut me some slack.