Cherishing What Needs to Be Cherished

Throughout my time at Biola I never lacked the time for contemplative prayer or mediation on God's word. I used the homework assignments in my bible classes as an opportunity to do such things. As a result, my affections for the Lord constantly enraptured my heart. Making the transition to the next life stage, however, has proved difficult in terms of that same intense contemplative mediation on the things of God. We all have lives to live but my mistake is putting God on the "to-do" list when everything else should permeate from our relationship with God. Although I still read my bible consistently I often don't think about what I've read throughout the day like I use to. So here's my first step on changing that by writing some thoughts down on what I read this morning.

Psalm 66

16 Come and hear, all you who fear God,
and I will tell what he has done for my soul.
17 I cried to him with my mouth,
and high praise was on my tongue.
18 If I had cherished iniquity in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened.
19 But truly God has listened;
he has attended to the voice of my prayer. (emphasis added)

This verse brought deep conviction in that I have to stop and wondered what iniquities have I cherished in my heart? Is it the pursuit of useless things and believing they are somehow useful? Are there things I've held onto without even realizing it? If I pray that the Holy Spirit would reveal those things to me the scary thing is, He might actually do it. But what's life without a healthy sense of fear. And the Lord has already answered my prayer about returning to a place of contemplation, which leads to delightfulness in the Lord. It will take some pain and discomfort to reestablish that discipline but what else am I going to do? He holds the Words of eternal life and in His presence is the fullness of joy. There's no other place I would rather be.

Making A Splash

My weekend warrior routine usually consists of me playing basketball Saturday mornings, coming home and bragging to my wife about how well I played, and working out on Sundays after church to make sure I can still play basketball well enough to brag about it to my wife.

However, this particular Saturday morning was different. I used to think girls who got frustrated when men didn’t know what they were thinking were weird. I mean, how are we supposed to know what girls are thinking? We don’t expect them to know what we’re thinking (although, admittedly, guys usually think about nothing anyway). Girls refer to this expectation of theirs as, “Picking up the signs.” I wish that instead of applying some type of electroencephalography and hoping our neurons reach a comprehensive understanding of all forms of non-verbal communication, girls would just go ahead and tell us what they want.

Ha!

That’s just naïveté on my part. Older husbands know that’s never happening. You have to “pick up the signs” or else... Communicating in plain English just makes too much sense. But that’s another story for another day. I admit I’m getting better at “picking up the signs” from my wife. This particular weekend for example, I was headed out for my morning basketball routine and noticed she seemed stressed out and the kids were crying. I had my bag in hand and was ready to go. She would’ve been the “good wife” and been fine with it. But in clear conscience, I couldn’t just leave her in that state.

So I asked her if there was anything I could do to help. In short, I stayed and watched the kids so she could clean the house a bit more easily. We made plans to go to the local water park, Splash, later in the day. It just made sense to skip basketball that morning, help my wife, and hang out with my family.

Back when I was single, I remember dreading this exact situation. I would have to “give up my freedom” in order to attend to “family duties.” Strangely, I didn’t really mind missing out on some basketball. They’ll be other days to play. I was happy to help my wife and be with my baby girls. Who would’ve thunk?

After cleaning up the house, we got the kids ready for Splash. It would be my first time there, so I was looking forward to it. My oldest daughter loves the water. When we got to Splash, she wanted to go everywhere, but only if I was in arm’s reach of her. She was confident when daddy was around. She knows daddy will protect her, watch over her, and take her to places she can't go on her own. Her recognition of daddy's role gives her confidence to venture out and experience life.

I realized it’s a great stage in life. We must’ve gone down the slide about hundred times, and she never got tired of it. I loved every minute of it. I’ll never forget this particular day with my daughter and the chance to simply have a fun day with her as her daddy. In all of it, I realized that she’s starting to recognize me as a distinct person. Her Mom and I work together as a team, but she also knows that there are things that she can do with just Daddy (including our nighttime routine of “flying” up to the ceiling after Mom gives her a kiss).

Interestingly, she probably won’t remember this day. Initially this may seem sad. But it’s the accumulative moments gathered together over a long period of time that builds the relationship between a father and his child. It’s a double blessing in that you enjoy the moment as well as build towards a better relational future.

Dave and Bust

Young parents know that it becomes extremely difficult to have a simple date night with your spouse when the kids arrive. However, even though having children decreases your mobility, spending quality time with your spouse is essential to a healthy marriage.

So after making all the necessary arrangements, my wife and I often go to Dave and Busters for date night. The food is okay, but we really go for the games. It’s like a casino for kids or an arcade for adults. It’s a place where you spend a bunch of money in order to win some tickets you can use to buy overprice useless stuff. Where do I sign up? We decided that it would be more fun if we worked towards a goal- getting our oldest daughter a giant stuffed bear. Of course it was like a million tickets and we could probably just buy the doll for about 1/6th the cost but it’s the process of winning at the games that makes it fun.

I never thought my wife would actually enjoy playing games since she never grew up playing arcade games. She spent time calculating how much she could save in college by taking AP classes in high school. (At this point, she would probably remind me that the year of college classes that she saved at Biola amounted to about $20,000. I guess it wasn’t time wasted…) At any rate, Dave and Busters reminds me of when my sister and I would go to Chucky Cheese as kids. Buying useless stuff with all the tickets we won (or stole) was fun times. To my surprise my wife does have quite a bit of fun doing the same thing. It’s a good night out with my wife.

At Dave and Busters, you can turn in tickets you’ve won without spending them. They will load that amount of tickets on a card that you can keep for future use. After a few outings, we were able to accumulate a decent amount of tickets. As we were looking in the store to potentially cash out, my wife noticed a father with his daughter looking at some dolls. The little girl wanted a certain doll but her father kept saying, “Sorry honey but we don’t have enough. We only have 185 tickets.” My initial thought was, “Wow. You must really suck at games and why are you even in the store? You can’t buy anything with that amount.” My wife, the more thoughtful side of this relationship, quietly says to me “Honey, I think that’s sad she can’t get that doll. Maybe we should get it for her.” My jerk reply was “But we worked hard for these tickets and they are for OUR daughter.” “But we have plenty of tickets for both,” she kindly responded.

At this time, I knew I would be a complete jerk if I didn’t buy the little girl a doll, and my conscience later would only confirm it. So we approached the little girl and her dad and told them we would begrudgingly gladly buy the doll she wanted. The dad responded, “Really? Are you sure?” “No problem. I don’t mind helping out other dads who suck at games,” I replied (in my head). The dad looked at his little girl and said, “Look dear, these nice people are going to buy you the doll.” The little girl inquisitively looked up at her dad and said, “What about sister?” The dad then looked back at us with a face that said, “Yeah, what about her sister?” Before I had any time to respond my wife quickly said, “We’ll buy one for her too.”

We bought Joelle a couple of smaller dolls (a lion and a monkey). Afterwards I just gave the dad our card with the rest of the tickets on them while forcing a smile. They were grateful and we told them “Have a good night, enjoy the toys, and God bless.” On the drive home I told my wife, “A dad who sucks at games shouldn’t get off the hook.” She replied, “But you know it wasn’t about him. We made a couple of little girls happy tonight.” “I guess,” I said dejectedly. What a bust!

Once we got home we showed Joelle the dolls we got her. The joy on her face was absolutely priceless. She won’t go to bed without them and carries them all over the house. I guess a giant bear that was bigger than her really wasn’t that practical anyways. Things didn’t work out how I thought they would. But I guess it pays to not be a jerk sometimes.