Con“friend” tation - part II of II

Click here for part I.

I’ve always admired my buddy Aaron Brown for his willingness to confront me (and anyone else for that matter) and call me on things that needed to be addressed. If there was something that offended him, he didn’t hold it in but tactfully and clearly talked about it. Sometimes in our attempt to confront someone with something we can end up being unclear due to fear, and the message never truly gets across. Aaron was skillful in how he would be direct, clear, and loving all at the sometime. He taught me not to hold things in when it came to a brother doing something that bothered me because it comes out in sarcasm and back-handed comments, which are ungodly. I’m yet to be as skillful in that area, but I’m getting better. Having him as an example has helped.

“All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness” (2 Tim. 3:16 – italics added - NASB).

There’s a caveat that needs to be mentioned at this point. All of the people I’ve just mentioned (and even others I haven’t) who have rebuked me or exhorted me have several things in common; they were there when I graduated from Biola University. They were there when I graduated Talbot School of Theology. They were there when I was struggling in my singleness. They were there when I was struggling with sin. They were there when my mother died. They were there when I got married. They were there when my crazy older sister was fighting the rest of the family over my mom’s estate. This is why I was able to be “teachable.” It was not because I was some outstanding and humble individual (I wasn’t) but it was because I saw and understood the love that my brothers had for me. They rebuked not out of a sense of self-righteousness but out of a concern for my righteousness, and I’m a better man for it.

There’s also a way not to rebuke/exhort. I remember a time when we were in youth group and my buddy Ernie was rebuked by a stranger at the church who happen to over hear that he doesn’t clean up his room. Okay, we were seniors in high school and probably should be more responsible in keeping our quarters clean, but what business did that guy have rebuking my friend Ernie when he didn’t have a relationship with him? A total stranger rebuking him bothered Ernie and it didn’t encourage him any. However, it certainly made that stranger feel better about himself. He came across self-righteous and arrogant. I seriously doubt he was ready to walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death with Ernie in much the same way my friends and pastors/professors have with my life.

In addition, I’ve also had leadership cast me out like garbage when I’ve made a mistake or simply degreed with them on whatever issue. No matter how much that hurt at the time, I’m not bitter about it because I see God’s purpose in all of it. On the positive side, I also remember my youth pastor Rick Ronquillo who attempted to give me sound advice only for me to reject it. In retrospect, he was right in most cases, and I was simply acting immature thinking that I knew what I was doing. Rick never reaped the benefits of pouring into a young man with a teachable spirit but he’s never held it against me either. I’ll forever remember him as the guy who “started me on this Christian journey” (Hey, that sounds like a great blog idea!!!).

Receiving correction is never easy. It takes humility. Sometimes it’s not warranted, done in an inappropriate manner, or given by a person who will never give you affirmation. As men, we all have that “There’s no way I’m wrong” attitude in us. That attitude needs to die daily. I’ve seen Christian men refuse to take responsibility for their actions and it’s ugly. They not only hurt themselves but those closest to them.




But when a person enters The Jammer’s inner circle they’ll have a friend for life. A friend who won’t be afraid to ask hard questions or call them on things while doing it in love. They’ll have a friend who will jump at the chance to walk with them through the darkest of times. On the flip side, they also have a platform to speak into my life. The people I can receive correction from are the same people who will walk through The Valley of the Shadow of Death with me. They will be the first to affirm me and give out words of encouragement when the opportunity presents itself. They are my “gang” who won’t leave me “hanging.” As a result, I feel more confident that I’m not in this fight alone and my “gang” will fight the cause of personal holiness and the advancement of Christ’s kingdom to the Father’s glory with me.