It’s been seven wonderful years that I’ve been married to the girl of my dreams. As we get older and watch our children grow, we occasionally glance at each other in silent amazement. As the years keep passing by I love my wife more and more. This year, I simply want to point out a few things I’ve learned about marriage so far in our seven short years together.
Before I start, you must remember that for a real view of any long term committed relationship, you have to forget almost every romantic movie you’ve ever seen. Actually, I think most of them are quite harmful to a marriage. The reason is that one of the most common complaints I hear from wives about their husbands is that “he isn’t romantic," which usually means the husband doesn't buy them flowers, chocolates, fancy jewelry or drive up in a limo to pick them up with all those things in hand like Richard Gere did for Julia Roberts at the end of “Pretty Woman.”
Now I’m not saying men shouldn’t make an effort to be romantic (they absolutely should), and though I occasionally do some of these things, riding up in a limo notwithstanding, I appreciate how my wife from time to time acknowledges the "little" things I do for her and the family. For example, she frequently will just say “thank you” for going to work everyday and providing for the family. Yeah, paying the bills and putting a roof over your head isn’t “romantic” or even that “exciting,” but the normalcy of a man’s faithfulness to provide shouldn’t go unappreciated. I think some women miss this, in that they are quick to point out flaws and slow to acknowledge the good their husbands actually do. Sure he may not bring home flowers that often but you wouldn’t care so much about flowers if you were homeless. With that said let the show begin.
Talk the Talk
I can’t begin to tell you how important it is to be able to talk to your spouse. I’m not even talking about the serious stuff, I’m talking about the non-essentials. My wife and I can talk about a spectrum of things. For example, we can talk about the Laker’s salary cap situation this summer and which free agents they should pursue to considering pre-school for our 3-year-old daughter. We can talk about upcoming movies and try and predict if they’re going to stink or be decent. We can talk about different books we’ve been reading and sermons we’ve been listening to online. It’s incredible that I truly feel I can talk to my wife about anything! I love that about my wife.
If you’re single and considering being in a committed relationship with someone ask yourself, “Can I talk to this person about anything?” because if you can’t what do you think you’ll be doing most of the time?
Character Above All
Being married to the right person is amazing. But being married to the wrong person could be absolutely miserable. “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones” (Proverbs 12:4). There’s really no middle ground here. It’s far better to wait to get married then to rush in and marry someone you shouldn’t be marrying. Physical attraction certainly matters, but it’s a person’s character that determines the outcome of the marriage. What attracted me to my wife was her personal relationship with the Lord, her discipline to achieve her goals, and the clarity that she had with all of her life’s pursuits.
When a person knows what they want and those desires are godly ones, it’s a mark of a person with maturity and vision. I’ve met people who date others for dumb reasons (e.g., “We’d have good looking children.”) and those dumb reasons cost them dearly.
Through seven wonderful years, I always check in with my wife and make sure her needs are taken cared of. And as she continues to express her appreciation for me I make sure I do the same for her. It’s a superb place to be, doing life together with an amazing person is a gift from God. The appropriate response to such an astonishing gift is gratitude. My heart is filled with joy and purpose because I’m driven to be the best husband I can be to a wife that deserves no less. That’s the kind of person you want to marry. Someone who by their very nature drives you to be better than what you are.
Happy Anniversary!
