What’s In A Name?

My wife is done torturing her mother. For the last several months, she has been withholding our daughter’s name from her despite my mother in law’s numerous attempts to find it out. The torture came to an end on Mother’s Day when my wife gave her mom a card with each letter of our girl’s name cut out and stuffed inside the envelope. It was up to my mother in law to unscramble them in order to figure out the name. I guess white people think this is fun. Whatever.

Once we told my in laws, we decided there wasn’t a whole lot of point in keeping the name a secret any longer, so my wife posted our daughter’s name on Facebook last night to rave reviews. Our daughter’s name is “Joelle Penny Jamreonvit.” It’s important to note that it’s atypical for Thai people to have middle names. Since our last names are so long already we figure, “What’s the point of having a middle name?” Apparently, though, white people like middle names, and it seems they often use them to let their child know when they’re in trouble by emphasizing it. For example, if little Joelle does something wrong, I’m sure to hear an exasperated voice from my wife saying, “Joelle PENNY!” Then Joelle will know she’s in trouble. This will be a bit different from my childhood. When Thai children mess up, Thai people just yell and start cussing up a storm in Thai. Growing up, my sister and I knew that when Mom started cussing in Thai, it was time to run because the sandal was sure to come off and the swat to follow. (Unfortunately, my mom was a ninja when it came to the sandal, and running didn’t always help. She had great aim and could throw it with ninja-like precision.) It was about the equivalent of a middle name, I guess.

The Break Down: Joelle

So, here’s the breakdown of how we picked the name. I wanted a “J” name because my last name starts with a J. It just sounds nice. I was perfectly content with common names like, Jamie, Jessica, Jennifer (ex), or Justine (not so common). Eventually, though, my wife and I decided on Joelle, which means, “Jehovah is God.” Look, I know I went to Talbot School of Theology and have two masters degrees in Bible. And yes, I know that “Jehovah” is a nonsense word. But every time I try and explain this to people no one seems to care. Whatever. Joelle sounds nice anyway.

Middle Name: Penny

Penny was my mom’s name. I was asked on Mother’s Day, “Is it harder for you without your mom on days like these?” I said, “No, I miss her all the time.” I’ve only visited her grave a couple of times since her passing. The reason I don’t visit often is purely theological (she’s not there but in the presence of the Lord). I don’t need reminders that a big part of my life is no longer here. I have pictures of my mom all over the house and I think about her often, especially these last several months because Joelle will be screaming bloody murder soon. I wonder how she would take the news that I’m having a child. She would be excited beyond containment, overflowing with thankful enjoy. She would also be deathly afraid I would screw up somehow and forget to feed my daughter or something, but then she would realize Katie is her mother and that she has nothing to worry about.

Every time I run into people who knew my mom (and there’s a lot of them) they always mention a story I haven’t heard about her and how they were so touched by the way she lived the gospel and loved others with the love of Jesus. I hope Joelle loves people the way my mom loved people (Unless she’s on the basketball court, then I want her to destroy people with assassin-like proficiency.). I’m looking forward to telling my daughter dozens of stories about her grandmother. Joelle will shortly realize the impact her grandma had on her father’s life and will also feel a sense of love as well, much in the same way my wife does without ever meeting my mom.

My hope is that those stories inspire Joelle to love much because she is touched by the love of God in the same manner her grandma was. When she gets old enough, I’ll take her to visit grandma’s gravesite to see that grandma was real, and that death is also real. I’ll want her to realize that as a result, we should live our lives with Kingdom purpose, just like Grandma Penny did, for tomorrow is promised to no one.

Last But Not Least: Jamreonvit

A person’s last name has their legacy attached to it. Throughout the Bible, the Lord was very concerned about His Name and what it meant to Him and to His people. It was a window into His character. If you know me or have been following this blog for any amount of time, you’ll know I grew up without a father.

I remember watching a documentary on Ray Lewis who also grew up without a father. He took his mother’s name (Lewis) instead of his father’s name because his mother was there for him and his dad never was. There was bitterness in his voice when he spoke about his father. Lewis was extremely emphatic about not wanting to know his father and that having his mother was enough for him.

I have my father’s name, but I’m not my father. I’m sure some psychologist would tell me that because I lacked a father growing up, it’ll impact my parenting. Of course it will. I’m determined NOT to be him. I’m not bitter towards my father anymore. It just takes too much emotional energy to be angry with someone who isn’t even around. I can use that emotional energy towards loving my family, loving my Lord, and yelling at refs. I’m not going to change my name the way Lewis did. I’m just going to redefine it. Joelle will know her father and know him well. She will be a part of redefining the family name. (That is until some jerk marries her and changes it.)

So, in summary, Joelle is an extension of my mom, a part of my wife and I, and will be her own person (who doesn’t play soccer). I have no idea how she’ll turn out. If she turns out to be like my mom and wife, she’ll be one of the most godly women in history and absolutely beautiful. However, she has half of my DNA and may have anger issues as a result. So, we may have some challenges to work through, but that’s what makes parenthood so interesting, right?

Starbucks Advantages

Who doesn’t like Starbucks coffee? Starbucks has become a permanent fixture of our culture, so much so that other countries have decided to open franchises and overcharge their people for coffee as well. Recently, Starbucks brought back “Happy Hour” which means that during the hours of 3pm to 5pm, a frappuccino blended beverage is only half price! So, during these two wondrous hours, Starbucks is only half screwing their customers. Of course, what is most certainly to follow is absolute madness for those two hours at your local Starbucks, right? Far be it from me to miss out on this opportunity.
Last week, I decided to take the plunge and arrived at a local Starbucks a couple of minutes before 3pm. Yes, people were already forming a line. There were a couple of high-school girls waiting for their drinks, and the barista already had about 27 cups lined up. I took my place in line and began to watch the madness. As the barista finished up one of the drinks for a high school girl, she looked at it disdainfully and said, “Put more whipped cream!” The barista, wanting to make sure he had the correct drink, pointed to the cup and asked, “This one?” She replied with even more disdain, “Yeah!” as though he was supposed to know which one out of the 27 other cups needed more whipped cream. It wasn’t like he was stressed out about the other orders or anything. He kindly added more whipped cream and then handed her the drink. She grabbed the drink and walked out in a hurry without saying anything. Stay classy John Glenn High.

As I watched this scene unfold, I thought to myself, “Maybe she was waiting for her drink a very long time. Maybe she had a rough day and just wanted some extra whipped cream to take the edge off. Or maybe she was just rude.” When I got to the counter, I told the barista, “I guess they don’t teach the words ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ in high school anymore.” He chuckled and said, “No comment.” “Don’t worry.” I said, “I’ll speak your mind for you.”

Before being able to place my order, I also had to wait for the lady directly in front of me who apparently had decided to order enough drinks for three different generations of her family and was extremely particular with how each drink was prepared. She examined each one of her 80 drinks to make sure they were done correctly and sent a few back because they weren’t. Sweet! Look, by this point, I wasn’t thrilled at waiting for a solid 23 minutes for a frappuccino that normally takes 37 seconds to make any other hour of the day. Considering the circumstances, however, I figured I needed to be more patient. It would be like going on the freeway during rush hour and being upset that there is traffic.

Adding even more intrigue to this adventerous trip to Starbucks was the random guy who entered the store and walked right to the front of the line while everyone, including myself, had a “What in the heck is he doing?” look on our faces. As it turned out he was looking for some paperwork, which he had forgotten at the store the last time he was here and was asking if they had found it. I thought to myself, “You came at the wrong time.” A moment after, I’m pretty sure the manager told him the same thing. The line was already out the door, everyone looked angry, and it wasn’t even 3:30 yet. Apparently he didn’t have the Starbucks phone app that notifies you when there are promotions going on at Starbucks.

When I finally got my drink, I told the barista “Thanks, man. You have a nice day.” He didn’t really have time to respond, which is understandable but I have no doubt he appreciated a customer being polite and showing him a shred of dignity under probably the most stressful time of the day. So, two final thoughts; first, if you’re planning on going to Happy Hour at Starbucks this week, just know what you’re getting into. Secondly, if you’re a Christian this is a good opportunity to shine like “stars in the heavens” and be “pure children of God” (Phil. 2:15) by simply NOT being a jerk.

Girls In Baggy Shorts

A couple of weeks ago, the Biola women’s basketball team had the “End of the year (season) team dinner.” Any “End of the year” type thing is often a time to reflect on, well, the year, and like most years, it went by fast. Things move at the speed of life, and if we don’t cherish the opportunities given to us when we become older, we’ll just end up bitter old people (and probably fat as well). So here’s me cherishing a rare opportunity I thought I would never have.

This past season I was given an opportunity to be an assistant coach of the Biola women’s basketball team. One of the assistant coaches had to drop out mid-season. The head coach of the team, Bethany Miller, and I have been good friends since our undergraduate days at Biola. I’m making us sound old, but we’re really not. I’ve watch Bethany since she was a college athlete who received the President’s Award (a scholarship that paid 90% of her Biola tuition), got married to my friend, Jared Miller, went to grad school, became a physical therapist, worked as an assistant coach to the girl’s team, and then got hired as the head coach (1st year) and the assistant athletic director at Biola University just last year. She’s one of the hardest workers I’ve ever met and loves the game of basketball. We’ve also been in the same Grace Group (home Bible study) for several years. So when she needed help with the team, I couldn’t possibly say, “no.”

Coaching Girls

I’ve always thought about coaching, but only after I started making six-figures as a financial planner. Also, I’ve never really thought about coaching girls. I mean, how in the world do I relate with girls? Especially girl athletes, since they’re cut from a different cloth sometimes. For example, I was talking to our starting center trying to motivate her for an important conference game. The opposing center had made All-Conference last year as a junior and will probably make it again this year as a senior. Our center played her well and is two years younger. I said, “Two years from now you have the potential to be even better than she is.” She stoically replied, “Yeah, I don’t really get up for that.” Well, never mind. Bethany later told me the same things that motivate guys don’t always motivate girls. “Okay then. It’s time for a different approach,” I thought. It was definitely a learning experience for me. My comfort was my knowledge of the game. Basketball will always be basketball and I love the sport at near idolatrous levels so, I was confident I would figure out ways to help the team.
As I was getting to know the girls on the team and their needs I was impressed with how mature they were. Of course there were moments of immaturity but they weren’t atypical of your average college student. If anything, they made me more settled with having a girl. I probably had a half dozen “I wonder if my daughter is going to be like that” moments each week while I was with the team. It was fun to think about. I certainly won’t “make” my daughter play basketball. However, considering that she’ll end up “daddy’s little girl,” I don’t see how she’s not going to play the best game in the world. Also, since I’m not allowing her to play soccer or any other sport in the Winter Olympics (e.g., figure skating, curling, etc.) she doesn’t have much of a choice anyway.
Beyond the X’s & O’s
What really helped me as a coach is the ability to step inside the player’s situation. I liked to ask myself the question, “If I were going through what they were going through, what would I need?” It’s often like looking at a younger version of yourself, having been at that life-stage knowing exactly how they are feeling and what needs to be said at a given moment. There were disappointing losses, emotional trials, and epic victories, often happening week to week. The challenge isn’t always the x(s) and o(s). Actually, that’s usually the easy part. You study film of your opponents, pick up their plays and player tendencies, and formulate a plan accordingly. The challenge is implementing the plan by getting different people with very different personalities and different perspectives on the same page in order to execute the plan. That’s no small task.
The hard work of seeing your players execute the game plan, which results in team success is well worth the labor.
Another component of coaching that doesn’t get mentioned enough is managing people. When an individual, or the entire team, is on the verge of losing confidence or their emotional psyche is about to be broken, you as a coach need to see that and prevent or know how to mend it back together. Empowering players by transferring the confidence from coach to player can’t be taught in classroom or read in a textbook. It makes human beings created in the image of God that much more fascinating to me.

Girls In Baggy Shorts (you know I had to work the title in somewhere)

Society seems to view basketball as a more “masculine” sport. Girls in baggy shorts and big bulky basketball shoes don’t seem “feminine.” Some of that is true. Yes, I’ve met girls who would rather spend time in the weight room instead of the beauty salons. But what’s harder? Always acting feminine (whatever that means) or being able to adapt to a given situation or context?
Attempting to play extremely hard on the basketball court and maintaining eloquence and grace off of the court is a much more daunting task than always remaining one or the other. These girls were able to pull that off. No, I don’t believe a girl has to lose some of her feminine instincts in order to excel at basketball. I fully expect my daughter to have an “assassin’s mentality,” seeking to destroy everyone on the basketball court while completely acting like a lady off of it.

The College Experience
College was an experience I’ll never forget. I never got a chance to play college basketball at a university, but I can only imagine doing so would’ve enhanced the college experience even further.
So then, as a coach, it was a complete delight to watch the girls grow as basketball players and how that overflows into their personal lives. I don’t know what prepares a person more for real world professionalism than athletics. As I’ve mentioned before, there are a million parallels between life and basketball. Nothing worthwhile comes easy. In achieving excellence, discipline, commitment, and sacrifice are not optional but pre-requisites. I believe the girls learned that lesson. Their teachability allowed it to happen, and those are the lessons that go well beyond the basketball court.

Here’s what five-time NBA champion Steve Kerr had to say about his college experience at Arizona:

I had no chance of making the NBA after my first season at Arizona, much less right out of high school. (The thought actually makes me laugh.) As a slow 6-foot-3 white guy, I was lucky to even stick around for one NBA season, much less 15. I had the "anti–Anthony Davis experience," spending five full years in college (redshirting one season with a knee injury) before entering the NBA at 22. And maybe this wouldn't be true for everyone, but for me, those five years at Arizona were the most important of my life. My teammates from those Wildcat teams remain my best friends to this day. Our loss in the Final Four during my senior year in 1988 remains the single most disappointing game of my life — but one that motivated me for the rest of my career. The collective value of the experiences we shared — every tough practice, every difficult loss, every euphoric win, even those times on the bus or the plane — created a bond between us that will live forever. And the education we received from our coach, Lute Olson, had an immeasurable effect on all of us. He was a teacher, father figure, and mentor; without his influence, the last 25 years of my life just wouldn't have turned out the same.

I have no doubt coach Miller has impacted the girls in this manner and that she’ll continue to do so for as long as she is the head coach. I feel extremely blessed to have been a small part of it.
I'll leave you with a clip.