Barnes & Bargains

Disclaimer: My editor (aka. my wife) decided to insert some of her thoughts into this one. That's the price you pay the editor sometimes, I guess.

When it comes to reading books, I don’t like to spend money on ones I know I won’t keep or read again. There’s a book I needed to read for my finance business. I knew I didn’t want to actually pay for it, so I had this bright idea to visit the local Barnes & Noble and simply read the book there. It would save me a whole $13.00.

(Katie: And let’s be honest… be a good excuse to get out of the house and out of childcare for a few hours. I’m going to start “saving money” this way, too!)

This past weekend, I went to the closest store and started reading the book. It was 300 pages, so I knew it might take a few trips. (Katie: I have a 600 page book in mind that I intend to read…twice.) Once I found the book, I tried to find a comfortable place to sit. There wasn’t one. It’s a good business move on Barnes & Nobles’ part. If the place were too comfortable people would never think, “Maybe I should just buy the book and read it in the comfort of my own home.” (Katie: A place on the floor will be just fine for me!) Reading on the hard chair wasn’t fun, but I was determined to save that $13.00. (Katie: I’ll take the hard chair any day if it means getting an hour or more of uninterrupted reading time!)

After a couple of chapters, the music came on. I was sitting directly underneath the speaker and couldn’t hear myself read the book. (Katie: You should try it when the baby starts to cry…) I got up to move away from the speaker, but when I started moving around, I noticed there were speakers everywhere where there was a seat. (Katie: It’s kind of like a two year old that can follow you anywhere.) Maybe it was their way of saying, “Hurry up and buy the book we marked up at 200%!” I decided I would sit on the floor. It would be like high school all over again except I didn’t any read books in high school. A few minutes later, a store manager told me I wasn’t allowed to sit on the floor because of store policy. I guess that’s fine. You wouldn’t want a bunch of people lying around making your place a business look like someone’s living room.

I got up again and went back to my hard chair right underneath the speaker because, really, that was the best spot. Not two minutes later there was a gentlemen wondering through the aisles murmuring to himself while thumbing through books. This guy picked up a “Sex Book” and kept murmuring to himself. Initially I thought he was just a pervert, but then he kept perusing through the books and stopped again on Chinese Cuisine. (Katie: Perusing through books? People still have time for this in the real world?) Okay maybe he’s not a pervert but just some guy that likes to spend his time going through books at a bookstore. (Katie: Probably another dad trying to “save money.”)

Whatever.

I tried to ignore him and keep reading but then he sat down right next to me and kept murmuring to himself while flipping through his Chinese Cuisine book. Then it hit me, “I’m going through all this to save $13.00!” I gave up and just bought the book off of Amazon. I’ll get to read the book in the comforts of my own home. (Katie: Great! While you are reading at home, I will head off to Barnes and Noble… ) Trying to be frugal is one thing, but sometimes it’s okay to actually buy something when the benefits outweigh the cost. And in this case, $13.00 clearly outweighed the cost. Let's see if I'm still saying this when the book arrives and there are screaming kids in the house.

What God has Joined Let NO Man Separate

It's really nice to finally start attending weddings as a married person. When I attended weddings as a single person I would often think, "When is it going to be my turn?" Now weddings of fellow Christians are a source of encouragement to strengthen my own marriage. Last week our dear friends from our Grace Group (home bible study), Alex Torres and Cassie Robertson made a lifelong commitment to one another. It's been a blessing to watch these two mature in the Lord and loving each other well. During the ceremony one of our elders, who was officiating the wedding, said, "What God has joined let no man separate." For some reason this uniquely resonated with me. I've heard the phrase a hundred times before but there has been recent circumstances to make me think about this differently and reflect on it more. So this is a snapshot of that reflection.

It's clear in the bible that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Yet I've seen many fellow believers choose the path of divorce without any biblical grounds. I've had close friends, parents of friends, and even former mentors, pastors, and elders who have gotten divorced. Let me be clear that I'm in no way a perfect person nor is my marriage a perfect marriage. But this grieves me deeply. "What God has joined let NO man separate." Do we take this seriously as Christians? Do we not know marriage is a picture of Christ and the church? Most of these divorce cases is not a result of infidelity or abuse (physical or emotional) but because of hardheartedness. There's a complete unwillingness to forgive one another.

The hardhearted person who cannot forgive or live in proper relation to others in Christ's body (18:1-35) will also despise weaker people in society-in Jesus' day, these included wives (19:1-12; compare Mal 2:14-16) and children (Mt 19:13-15). By contrast, Jesus, who is not hardhearted, remains unimpressed by worldly status (vv. 16-22). When we hold grudges against a genuinely repentant spouse and remain hardhearted toward her or him-whether or not we officially cast the person away-we hinder our own communication with God (1 Pet 3:7-12) and ultimately can invite our own damnation (Mt 18:34-35).

If there's a chance of "inviting our own damnation" I want no part of it. If Christ has forgiven me, how I can stand with a clear conscious when I don't forgive others? I've been blessed living in a community with friends and elders who won't let me get away with acting like a jack@$$ because they love me too much. It's how the Body of Christ suppose to function. I believe one of the first lies we could believe is thinking we have to do things on our own including having a good marriage. If I didn't have accountability, love and encouragement from others, as well as beautiful living examples, there's no way I could thrive in my marriage. By the grace of God I have those things and it's not my own doing. It's interesting to me though, that when a person is intent on doing what they want they begin to isolate themselves from anyone who could call them out of their nonsense.

Now that Alex and Cassie are married I want to make a commitment much like my friends and elders have made a commitment to me. As a fellow church member, a grace group member, and most importantly a brother in Christ I will make the endeavor to support them in their pursuit to honor God in their marriage. Because in the kingdom of God there is no such thing as "irreconcilable differences." The cross proves that.

Reading Service - The Gospel of Mark

Today at my church,Grace EV Free La Mirada, we had what we call a "Reading Service" which we simply read large portions of the book we plan on preaching/teaching through next. Most "Church Growth" people would say, "You can't just read the bible at your church. People wouldn't be in to that." I'm glad I attend a church that tells those type of people to "Go and kick rocks because we're going to do what we believe pleases God."

We read the first 8 chapters of Mark. In our ADD culture this might seem like a lot. But it give us (the congregation) the opportunity to exercise sustained focus, something we all disparately need. During the reading, I felt my heart awaken to the Scriptures. I blocked everything else out of my head and focused all my energy to listening to the reading, following themes within the passage, and attempting to connect theological truth in the larger narrative structure. It was powerful just to listen to the Word of God being read. It felt like "Letting the Lion out of the cage." There was zero commentating on the passage but it still ministered to my heart. It made me excited to read the gospel of Mark on my own as well as do my own study. I'm extremely grateful for moments like these that remind of the power of God's word.

Cherishing What Needs to Be Cherished

Throughout my time at Biola I never lacked the time for contemplative prayer or mediation on God's word. I used the homework assignments in my bible classes as an opportunity to do such things. As a result, my affections for the Lord constantly enraptured my heart. Making the transition to the next life stage, however, has proved difficult in terms of that same intense contemplative mediation on the things of God. We all have lives to live but my mistake is putting God on the "to-do" list when everything else should permeate from our relationship with God. Although I still read my bible consistently I often don't think about what I've read throughout the day like I use to. So here's my first step on changing that by writing some thoughts down on what I read this morning.

Psalm 66

16 Come and hear, all you who fear God,
and I will tell what he has done for my soul.
17 I cried to him with my mouth,
and high praise was on my tongue.
18 If I had cherished iniquity in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened.
19 But truly God has listened;
he has attended to the voice of my prayer. (emphasis added)

This verse brought deep conviction in that I have to stop and wondered what iniquities have I cherished in my heart? Is it the pursuit of useless things and believing they are somehow useful? Are there things I've held onto without even realizing it? If I pray that the Holy Spirit would reveal those things to me the scary thing is, He might actually do it. But what's life without a healthy sense of fear. And the Lord has already answered my prayer about returning to a place of contemplation, which leads to delightfulness in the Lord. It will take some pain and discomfort to reestablish that discipline but what else am I going to do? He holds the Words of eternal life and in His presence is the fullness of joy. There's no other place I would rather be.

Making A Splash

My weekend warrior routine usually consists of me playing basketball Saturday mornings, coming home and bragging to my wife about how well I played, and working out on Sundays after church to make sure I can still play basketball well enough to brag about it to my wife.

However, this particular Saturday morning was different. I used to think girls who got frustrated when men didn’t know what they were thinking were weird. I mean, how are we supposed to know what girls are thinking? We don’t expect them to know what we’re thinking (although, admittedly, guys usually think about nothing anyway). Girls refer to this expectation of theirs as, “Picking up the signs.” I wish that instead of applying some type of electroencephalography and hoping our neurons reach a comprehensive understanding of all forms of non-verbal communication, girls would just go ahead and tell us what they want.

Ha!

That’s just naïveté on my part. Older husbands know that’s never happening. You have to “pick up the signs” or else... Communicating in plain English just makes too much sense. But that’s another story for another day. I admit I’m getting better at “picking up the signs” from my wife. This particular weekend for example, I was headed out for my morning basketball routine and noticed she seemed stressed out and the kids were crying. I had my bag in hand and was ready to go. She would’ve been the “good wife” and been fine with it. But in clear conscience, I couldn’t just leave her in that state.

So I asked her if there was anything I could do to help. In short, I stayed and watched the kids so she could clean the house a bit more easily. We made plans to go to the local water park, Splash, later in the day. It just made sense to skip basketball that morning, help my wife, and hang out with my family.

Back when I was single, I remember dreading this exact situation. I would have to “give up my freedom” in order to attend to “family duties.” Strangely, I didn’t really mind missing out on some basketball. They’ll be other days to play. I was happy to help my wife and be with my baby girls. Who would’ve thunk?

After cleaning up the house, we got the kids ready for Splash. It would be my first time there, so I was looking forward to it. My oldest daughter loves the water. When we got to Splash, she wanted to go everywhere, but only if I was in arm’s reach of her. She was confident when daddy was around. She knows daddy will protect her, watch over her, and take her to places she can't go on her own. Her recognition of daddy's role gives her confidence to venture out and experience life.

I realized it’s a great stage in life. We must’ve gone down the slide about hundred times, and she never got tired of it. I loved every minute of it. I’ll never forget this particular day with my daughter and the chance to simply have a fun day with her as her daddy. In all of it, I realized that she’s starting to recognize me as a distinct person. Her Mom and I work together as a team, but she also knows that there are things that she can do with just Daddy (including our nighttime routine of “flying” up to the ceiling after Mom gives her a kiss).

Interestingly, she probably won’t remember this day. Initially this may seem sad. But it’s the accumulative moments gathered together over a long period of time that builds the relationship between a father and his child. It’s a double blessing in that you enjoy the moment as well as build towards a better relational future.

Dave and Bust

Young parents know that it becomes extremely difficult to have a simple date night with your spouse when the kids arrive. However, even though having children decreases your mobility, spending quality time with your spouse is essential to a healthy marriage.

So after making all the necessary arrangements, my wife and I often go to Dave and Busters for date night. The food is okay, but we really go for the games. It’s like a casino for kids or an arcade for adults. It’s a place where you spend a bunch of money in order to win some tickets you can use to buy overprice useless stuff. Where do I sign up? We decided that it would be more fun if we worked towards a goal- getting our oldest daughter a giant stuffed bear. Of course it was like a million tickets and we could probably just buy the doll for about 1/6th the cost but it’s the process of winning at the games that makes it fun.

I never thought my wife would actually enjoy playing games since she never grew up playing arcade games. She spent time calculating how much she could save in college by taking AP classes in high school. (At this point, she would probably remind me that the year of college classes that she saved at Biola amounted to about $20,000. I guess it wasn’t time wasted…) At any rate, Dave and Busters reminds me of when my sister and I would go to Chucky Cheese as kids. Buying useless stuff with all the tickets we won (or stole) was fun times. To my surprise my wife does have quite a bit of fun doing the same thing. It’s a good night out with my wife.

At Dave and Busters, you can turn in tickets you’ve won without spending them. They will load that amount of tickets on a card that you can keep for future use. After a few outings, we were able to accumulate a decent amount of tickets. As we were looking in the store to potentially cash out, my wife noticed a father with his daughter looking at some dolls. The little girl wanted a certain doll but her father kept saying, “Sorry honey but we don’t have enough. We only have 185 tickets.” My initial thought was, “Wow. You must really suck at games and why are you even in the store? You can’t buy anything with that amount.” My wife, the more thoughtful side of this relationship, quietly says to me “Honey, I think that’s sad she can’t get that doll. Maybe we should get it for her.” My jerk reply was “But we worked hard for these tickets and they are for OUR daughter.” “But we have plenty of tickets for both,” she kindly responded.

At this time, I knew I would be a complete jerk if I didn’t buy the little girl a doll, and my conscience later would only confirm it. So we approached the little girl and her dad and told them we would begrudgingly gladly buy the doll she wanted. The dad responded, “Really? Are you sure?” “No problem. I don’t mind helping out other dads who suck at games,” I replied (in my head). The dad looked at his little girl and said, “Look dear, these nice people are going to buy you the doll.” The little girl inquisitively looked up at her dad and said, “What about sister?” The dad then looked back at us with a face that said, “Yeah, what about her sister?” Before I had any time to respond my wife quickly said, “We’ll buy one for her too.”

We bought Joelle a couple of smaller dolls (a lion and a monkey). Afterwards I just gave the dad our card with the rest of the tickets on them while forcing a smile. They were grateful and we told them “Have a good night, enjoy the toys, and God bless.” On the drive home I told my wife, “A dad who sucks at games shouldn’t get off the hook.” She replied, “But you know it wasn’t about him. We made a couple of little girls happy tonight.” “I guess,” I said dejectedly. What a bust!

Once we got home we showed Joelle the dolls we got her. The joy on her face was absolutely priceless. She won’t go to bed without them and carries them all over the house. I guess a giant bear that was bigger than her really wasn’t that practical anyways. Things didn’t work out how I thought they would. But I guess it pays to not be a jerk sometimes.

Freedom Food

A few months ago I hired a personal trainer to help me meet my fitness goals. I’ve been working out for years, but it just got boring doing the same stuff over and over again. I needed a new challenge. The personal training sessions were 50-minute “hours.” I thought to myself, “You’re cheating me 10 minutes!” However, when the first session began, I wanted to quit 25 minutes into the workout. It completely redefined my idea of “working hard.” After a few months of going through these new workouts in order to improve my performance, I’ve come to realize that I need to take the next step, which is eating healthy.

I’ve eaten a lot better ever since I got married because my wonderful wife has done her best to limit the crap I put into my body. But I’ve been known to sneak in a doughnut from time to time and the occasional carne asada burrito (I’m being generous when I say “occasional”). Recently, my sister decided to start getting fit. It’s improved her quality of life. I’ve been telling her to start going to the gym for years, but like most things I tell her, she has to do it when she wants to do it. Then it was all her idea to begin with. This time, she’s even gone as far as “meal prepping,” which means mapping out everything you’re eating, everything you’re going to eat, and the right portion of supplements I can’t pronounce. She lectures me by saying, “You workout extremely hard, imagine how much better you’d be if you ate better, foo!” Yes, that's how she talks to me.

Well I’ve decided to take the plunge- and my sister’s advice- and start eating better. I don’t even mind giving her credit. I’m giving her 6 weeks to tell me what to eat, and I’m going to commit to it. She even came over and mapped out everything for me. I got dizzy just listening to her tell me what to eat and when to eat it. It's imperative I keep track of my intake. This is something I've NEVER done. I've just eaten when I'm hungry and then I stop eating when I'm full, end of story.

Once my friends caught wind of this, they all mentioned how much I was going to complain about this during the course of 6 weeks. So this is me front loading the complaining so I don’t have drive my friends and family crazy. Although I'll probably do that anyway.

Eating is a wonderful gift from God. As any good gift from God, it can be abused and used in ways that it was never intended. I don’t think I’m a glutton, although if you see me eat you might challenge that idea. Having a doughnut once in a while to me is like, “Stopping and smelling the glazed covered roses.” You have to enjoy the little things in life or you’ll go mad. After a hard day’s work, almost nothing is more soothing then a nice juicy steak for dinner. Now I’m voluntarily giving up my dietary freedom (and paying an arm and a leg) in order to see how the results will affect me physically. Eating boring food is well . . . boring.

So I begin this new journey and new challenge with an open perspective that giving up small luxuries will give me a far better outcomes than the minor indulgences I enjoy daily. After I finish my last box of doughnuts of course.

See you in 6 weeks.