Anniversary 5.0

So I read in the Marriage Manuel that you really need to get something special for your wife every fifth anniversary (e.g., 5th, 10th, 15th etc). This year being our fifth anniversary, I actually had to put some thought into this. Last year, I was in a rush, copped out and went to Jared’s and overpaid for a piece of jewelry. The good news is my wife liked what I got her, but I really should’ve $aved the “rush your @$$ to Jared’s” card for one of these fifth years (take note young husbands).

Since my wife is nice enough to not let me screw this one up she just told me what she wanted. Admittedly, when she mentioned it, she said that it could be saved for years down the road. But, since I was given the idea, I figured that I would save me some brainpower and use it this year. It didn’t save my wallet, but I’m not complaining (not out loud anyway). My wife deserves it. Now I don’t know much about women, but I do know the universal truth that no matter what her background, culture, or childhood was like, they want flowers, chocolate, and diamonds. You can NEVER go wrong with anyone of these gifts. Especially when you give her diamonds. I have no clue why women have an affinity towards these particular items, but it’s knowledge I was able to use to my advantage.

When it comes to diamonds, I call in the expert, namely, my sister Victoria. She knows some people in the downtown LA jewelry district, and she helped get my wife’s engagement and wedding ring. So, I called her in for back up once more. Downtown LA is probably the second worst city on earth to drive in because of the one-way streets and traffic (It’s only second to New York). If you don’t know exactly where you’re going, you may never find your way out of that city again. My sister knows the building, where to get inexpensive parking (Inexpensive and my sister are rarely ever connected), the security guards by first name, and all the jewelers in the store. She gets the best deals. (Although getting a “deal” on diamonds still requires spending enough money to make one vomit.)

When we got to the jewelry shop, my sister waved hello to the jewelers from outside the bulletproof glass window. They buzzed her in with excitement because they know Victoria doesn’t come just to “look” at stuff. She comes to spend money, and this time it was going to be my money. The jewelry was so shiny I had to wear sunglasses just to look at it all. I overheard another lady there say, “This is like a candy store for ladies.” I’m no expert, but I’ve been to a candy store and I don’t recall spending $500 for some Skittles. After some small talk, we quickly picked out the item, swallowed hard after looking at the price, and then bit the bullet. Done and done. I’m sure my wife will love it.

Wow. Has it really been five years already? What will the next five years look like? I feel like I have the most amazing wife in the world. She gets up early in the morning to make breakfast for me and the kids, she’s wise with her money, she’s constantly keeping the house clean, she prepares every meal, and she does it with complete gladness and with a servant’s heart because she loves the Lord. Even though she is completely content, I want to give her so much more. Each day that goes by I feel more blessed that she’s in my life, and I praise God for that. She is the constant reminder of God’s undeserving goodness in my life.

Happy anniversary, Honey. I feel like I love you more and more with each passing year. I hope to have many more years with you. But if I die unexpectedly please keep the Laker season tickets in the family and make sure Bryan pays me back all the money he owes me. I love you.

For last year's anniversary blog click here.

For my Wedding Diary blog click here.

The Swagger Wagon

I bought my Ford Explorer new in 1997 and paid it off in 2002. When I married my wife, I immediately paid off the balance on her car since the interest rate was so high because of a lack of credit history when she first bought it. Not everyone agrees about universal truths, but most people can agree that having a car payment stinks. It’s extremely nice to drive around in functioning cars and NOT have a payment. The thought of having another car payment makes me want to vomit.

However, my wife is currently eight-months pregnant with our second child. Watching her painfully get Joelle (17-months) in and out of her Toyoda Avalon was killing me. The thought of her having to get TWO kids in and out of that car next month was killing me even more. It was clearly “bite the bullet” time. We were going car shopping!

The interesting part was both my wife and I didn’t want a van because of the connotation of being old, uncool, or even worse, being like our parents. But the more and more she looked at what she needed, a van seem to fit. Darn it! It’s “bite the bullet” times two! Since I haven’t bought a car this century, I was a little out of practice. I had forgotten how stressful it could be and how sometimes car salesmen try to take you for everything you’re worth. You really need to do your research. After looking at the most popular options for vans, we landed on the Honda Odyssey.

Our first stop was Honda World. We came in with a reasonable offer on a used car they had, but the salesmen we were working with noticed another couple looking at the same car. When we wouldn’t move on the numbers, he just got up and left (and sent his manager to deal with us). The couple that was looking at the car ended up buying it for the sticker price on the lot, which was $6,000 more than what they had it listed for online (that’s the salesmen’s story, anyway). Initially I thought, “Good for the salesmen.” But what I should have been thinking was, “What an idiot that dude was for overpaying for a car!” If he had done just a little research, he could have saved some serious money. But hey, who really wants to look up car prices on the Internet when you could just throw away thousands of dollars at the dealership?

In retrospect, though, I guess it should matter to us what others pay for cars because it directly affects the market value of said vehicle. The salesmen was experienced enough to know how much he could get for a given vehicle from people who hadn’t done their research. There’s little leverage for a salesman if the people who come in know the value of the car, have excellent credit, and don’t have an immediate need for the car. However, it seems like they can always spot a sucker, like this guy could. Why would he bother to sell us the car for a good deal when he could sell that same car to a sucker for far more? So because there was a sucker in the parking lot we got screwed out of the car we wanted. Sweet!

We continued our search online and eventually found another car at a second dealer that seemed like a good price. After phone calls to verify that the car was in stock, we went to the dealer in person to look at it. Unfortunately, the car wasn’t actually there at the time. We ended up agreeing to an initial deal, contingent on our being able to see and test drive the car. To make a week long story short, in the subsequent days, we got the run around from the dealer about when the car would actually be available to be seen and test driven. The car was at the “sister lot”- Honda Santa Monica- getting detailed. Calls at the end of the week and a trip to that dealer also left us empty handed and unsure where we stood with this particular car. My wife was so frustrated with the process that she mailed it in. She didn’t care how difficult it was going to be getting two babies in and out of the Avalon. This is where the reasonable, calm, and cool-headed husband kicked in. There was no way I was going to miss out on a potentially great deal and let my wife take our kids around (with all their stuff) with an inadequate car. So, the second time I had to make the trek down to Honda Santa Monica, my father-in-law was nice enough to come with me.

The salesman we worked with at this dealership was a lot more accommodating when he heard our story with all the run-around(s). I wanted my father-in-law to test drive Odyssey. I figured that owning one himself, he should know how it was supposed to run. Little did I know that I was in for a wild ride. Once we got in the car and buckled up, my father-in-law floored it right out of the parking lot. We were fast approaching a red light and I thought to myself, “Is he going to run the red light?” He then slammed on the breaks. Everything on the center console fell off, my head came inches from hitting the windshield, and the seatbelt sling shot me back so hard I nearly got whip lash. He then turned to me and said, “Well, the breaks are working.” He went on to drive without using any hands to see if the alignment was okay and aggressively turned the steering wheel back and forth. I was just waiting for him to try and Tokyo Drift the van. Apparently, when he test-drives a car, he goes into Vin Diesel mode.

Surprisingly, we got back to the dealership in one piece and started working the numbers with the salesman. We gave him the numbers we were happy with and we got everything we asked for. We also negotiated some repairs on the car without extra cost. My father-in-law and I had some good bonding time over the experience. He really enjoys that kind of stuff- talking to the salesman, dealers, researching cars, etc. It gave me more peace of mind because he had the same vehicle, along with several members of our church, and they’ve all been happy with it. Even though my wife was frustrated with the car shopping process, I knew that once we had the vehicle in hand and she drove around in it, she was going to be happy.

After a week she says it’s been a lot easier to get Joelle in and out of the car and it will be a lot easier when baby #2 comes along next month as well. My wife is happy, and I am happy.

I done good - (patting myself on the back)

I was so excited about the new purchase that I made sure to text my sister about it. She asked, “How long is the term for the loan?” I said, “60 months.” She replied, “So that’s how long I’ll have to listen to you complain about a car payment?” Wow. She knows me pretty well. And the answer is “yes,” I’ll be complaining the whole way through.

In Memory of Geoff Dykstra

This morning I attended the monthly Men’s Breakfast at my church, and it was announced that Geoff Dykstra went home to be with the Lord today. He had been battling cancer for several months. Geoff leaves behind him his wife, Leah, and his five children.

I didn’t know Geoff well and only had a couple of conversations with him. However, his shining example of his love for Christ was not lost on me. At the Men’s Breakfast, people went around sharing moments of Geoff’s life. He clearly had an impact on the lives of those around him. There were several things said about Geoff that really stood out; his consistent joyful attitude, how he loved his children and wife, and his desire to serve others. More than a few members from our church visited him in the hospital and noticed he knew everyone’s name. Geoff greeted all the nurses, doctors, and janitors by name and felt it was his mission to be an example of Christ’s love to the people around despite the fact that he was dying of cancer.

During a church work day a few months ago, even in his weakened state, Geoff showed up to pass out water for the guys that were working, wearing a breathing mask so he wouldn’t get sick. There are countless stories of how godly this man was.

As I think about this, there are a few things I just want to mention.

First, Geoff would hate getting any attention like this. He would deflect the attention back on the Lord. It was his love for Jesus that made him the person we all can aspire to.

Second, I’ve never been at a church where someone was sick and the entire church felt it. Throughout Geoff’s process, from being diagnosed with cancer and the treatment that followed, the church constantly updated the members about his situation and health status. There was constant support and prayers for him and his family (support which will continue as his wife and children face new challenges). No sermon or book could’ve taught me how to suffer with those who suffer better than the way my church did by this example.

Finally, I feel honored and privileged having known Geoff, even a little. His example of being a loving father to his children I will take with me and aspire to. I also feel honored and privileged that these are the types of people who attend my church. One of the elders told Geoff before he died that the church would take care of his family. All of us are happy to follow in that pledge.

As the years goes by I’m learning more and more about the function of the Body of Christ. We are vessels of God’s love and mercy. We are an army that fights for each other’s holiness. We are a hospital for the sick and a food bank for the hungry. We correct and rebuke. We encourage and affirm. We say God’s people are never alone. We walk together through the fires of hell and fields of lilies. We stand shoulder to shoulder from the depths of the earth and to the heights of heaven. We are His bride. We are His body. We are the church.

If you want to know a little more about Geoff Dykstra his blog is here.

If you want to give to the Dykstra Fund in order to help support his family - CLICK HERE.

Holiday Cheer 2013

We are in the midst of the holiday season (and a nice holiday break). It’s Joelle’s second Christmas and our second child is due in a couple of months. They say that the holidays are a time of peace and reflecting on things we ought be thankful for. That certainly would be nice if it were true. I’m sure that was the original intention for the holidays but leave it to us to over commercialize it to death and cause stress and tension instead of peace and joy.

There are several things I appreciate about my church, including the way that the holiday season is handled. One thing I’ll mention here was the reflection service we had for Thanksgiving.
As we reflect on things we are thankful for the usual things come up like health and family. However, as Christians we ought to think much deeper about thankfulness. Specifically, how do we celebrate and find joy in the face of grief and sorrow?I remember vividly when I lost my mother.

During the reflection service this year, I was amazed at how many people shared about losing a loved one recently. I was also amazed at how much pain and sorrow there was at my own church. Despite the pain and sorrow there was a sense of joy that transcended the suffering. It was finding joy in a transcendent God. I love that fellow members from my church were able to minister to one another in that forum with the help of our elders whose emphasis on the priesthood of all believers helps to foster it.

Christmas Day

On a “normal” Christmas Day, my wife and I head to her parent’s place and open gifts. In her family, they complete this process by starting with the youngest person and working their way up according to age. (This must be what white people do. When I was growing up my sister and I just came down in the morning and opened gifts all at the same time. Asians like to be efficient with their time, I guess.) However, this wasn’t a “normal” Christmas at the Davis’ this year. PJ (Katie’s oldest brother) just got out of the Air Force and moved back with his wife, Allie, and their FOUR kids. Eric (Katie’s second oldest brother) was in town with his wife, Elizabeth, and their two kids. Then you throw Joelle into the mix, and now you have a couple of hours of pure madness. The kids are constantly screaming and the parents are trying to play referee most of the time. I thought about putting a gun to my head about half a dozen times. Reality sets in and you say to yourself, “Christmas is no longer for us but for the kids.” And then you cry a little inside.

Since there are so many people in the family, we usually have a drawing to determine the one person for whom each of us will shop. The person that drew my name for the purpose of shopping for me was PJ- you know, the person currently unemployed. Sweet! But hey, life isn’t about you anymore when you become a parent, right? (In all fairness to PJ, he came through with a pretty cool Captain America t-shirt.)

(Still crying a little inside.)

On Christmas morning, I will say that I got in a good workout. What’s the big deal about a good workout you say? I’m glad you asked. Since it was Christmas and all the gyms were closed, I went to Biola’s track. It was just a beautiful morning. The sky was clear and the sun shining brightly without obstruction. It brought serenity of mind, tranquility of soul and deep reflection. I couldn’t get out of my mind how blessed I am by God and how undeserving I am to receive those blessings. The Lord knows how much I hate cold weather and put me here in Southern California for days like these. It wasn’t just the sunshine beaming through the scattered clouds but a picture of God’s goodness in my life.

After the morning of madness at my in-laws, my family and I went back home to take naps before going back for dinner. Actually my wife and daughter took naps while I watched all the basketball games. I will admit, there wasn’t much anticipation for the Christmas day game at Staples like there usually is. I’ve already written this year off as a “lost season” for my Lakers. We have no shot at winning a title and this is one of the best drafts in league history. Why not tank and get the best pick possible and start building a foundation for the next title run? It’s been nice to not have to schedule my life around Laker games. I’m able to do more productive things. Although when the Lakers are back in title contention I’m throwing away all those productive things in a caffeinated heartbeat to witness every moment.

Once my family woke up from their naps, we got ready and returned to the in-laws for dinner. After dinner, my niece Maddie (8 years old) read The Nativity Story directly out of the Bible. First, I was blessed that she read so well at such a young age. Secondly, and more importantly, she believed the story. There’s something about hearing God’s word being read by those who believe it that fills your heart with joy and encouragement. I guess a day of complete madness (and some basketball in-between) was worth that cherished moment.

(Crying a little less inside.)

Happy Holidays everyone.

Happy 67th Birthday Mom

Today would have been my mother’s 67th birthday. It’s been six years since her unexpected passing. I still think about her often- like every time I go to Costco and pass by the meat section. When I went shopping there with my mom, I would always throw several large pieces of steak in the shopping cart only to watch her roll her eyes at me. I just grinned back. She usually followed up by giving me the “Anything else?” look.

Recently, we sadly lost a member of our church through cancer. I’m a friend with her son who also attends our church. Our church as a whole, and my home Bible study in particular, have been in constant contact with the family in order to help them in any way we can through the entire process. It very much reminded me of when I lost my mom. You eventually move on and things get a little easier, but there are certain things that bring you back in that moment, the moment of the realization you will lose the person that cared for you most in this world. It’s not a place I like to revisit. However, there are occasions when there are other people suffering through the same situation, and I can enter in with them and sympathize.

What do you tell a person who just lost a loved one? What can you do? It’s one of the more powerless feelings a human being can feel. You want to say or do something but you don’t exactly know what. The simple answer is that there are no simple answers. It’s perfectly okay if we don’t know exactly what to say. I remember dozens of people coming up to me and telling me if I needed anything to let them know. And people saying, “Sorry for your loss.” I appreciated the support. But what I leaned on the most was the truth that in Christ, death has no victory. As a believer, when we think about the believers that we lose to death, “we grieve but not like those in the world who have no hope.”

I still think about what it would be like if my mom were still around. My in-laws keep telling me Joelle is like me because of her strong will, independence, and down-right disobedience. I sometimes forget my in-laws don’t have my mom here to ask, “What was Junior like as a child?” I can’t tell them either because I don’t remember anything before I was sixteen years old. But here we are, another year has passed, the grieving has waned and joyous memories abound. Moments like today make me reflect on lessons my mom tried to teach me but I was too stubborn to learn them at the time. She never lived long enough to see the man I have become, and realize that many of those lessons did eventually take root, but without her I would’ve never become who I am.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Girl Power

If you haven’t heard, yet we are having a second girl. The prospect of having another girl frightens the crap out of me. It’s no secret I wanted a boy. My initial reaction when I found out that it was a girl was to be less than excited. It’s been about a week now, and I have properly put things into perspective. But if you want my raw emotions on the first day I found out then continue reading.

When my wife and I found out that our first child was going to be a girl, I was also disappointed. However, I love my daughter Joelle more than I thought capable. I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world… not even floor seats to the Lakers. It’s been over a year since she was born, and I’ve enjoyed bonding with her and watching her grow. When my wife told me she was pregnant again, I thought to myself, “It has to be a boy!” On the day of the ultrasound, I brought a cigar for luck, ready to light it up when the good news was given. However, the “good news” did not come. We were having another girl.

I sat in the room and tried to put the best poker face on for my wife’s sake. She even said, “You look like you’re about to cry.” And they weren’t tears of joy. It took everything in me to not weep in disappointment. On the drive home, I was relatively somber, attempting to gather my thoughts in a rational manner and simply put things in perspective. There are babies that have disabilities, people dying of cancer, and the Lakers will likely miss the playoffs this year. Having another girl isn’t a bad thing at all… look how it having Joelle turned out!

Common Responses By Others

The two most common responses by people have been, “Maybe your heart needs to soften more,” and “This is what God wants for you.” I can’t argue with the second because . . . well . . . this is what’s happening. However, the first idea- God is giving me another girl because my heart needs to soften- I simply don’t buy. If my heart gets any softer I’m going to turn into a pansy. There needs to be some level of toughness for a man to be . . . well . . . a man. I have the best wife in the world, I have a beautiful little girl, and I work with Special Education students all day. How much softer does a guy need to get?

Go For Three!!!

This, too, is a common response. Here’s the problem with going for a third child – I DON’T WANT THREE CHILDREN!!! Also, the possibility of having three girls running around the house makes me want to drive off a cliff. The estrogen levels at the house would be so high I would have to build a man-cave that would rival the Batcave in order to have some down time to myself.

You’re probably asking, “What’s wrong with three children?” First, I already have to pay for TWO weddings! It’s going to be difficult to even find one worthy candidate for my daughter but now TWO?!? Second, children aren’t cheap. My in-laws are always boasting about having SIX kids and they turned out okay (relatively speaking). None of them have really complained about lacking anything growing up, at least not openly. So when I put a cap on having only two kids, my in-laws are naturally not happy with this. My response, “Are you going to pay for them?”

This really is a losing battle. My prediction is that I’ll succumb to the pressures that be and end up having a third child, which will result in a) having another girl, which will closely follow with me driving myself off a cliff or b) having a boy, in which case I could pass on my Laker season tickets, lawn mowing duties, and my legacy. I would rejoice beyond measure or Thelma & Louise it off a cliff but not having Thelma with me. There's no in-between.

Boy No More

It’s not having another girl that saddens me. It’s NOT having a boy. If you were an outside observer watching my life growing up you would think, “That kid is lazy, irresponsible, and headed nowhere.” You’d be right. My life didn’t turn out to be a tragedy mainly because the Lord grabbed my heart. He undid a lot of pain and emotional trauma. Who would’ve known there would be a passionate and driven person underneath that young jackass? I’ve often wondered how I would’ve turned out if I had a father who took care of me and pointed me in the right direction. How much better of a basketball player would I be? How much smarter would I be? How much farther would I have gotten in life? What does it really mean to be a “man?” If I had a son, I feel I would get my answer.

I would be a father to him the way my father wasn’t for me. I would see how my son would turn out and also see how I would’ve turned out as well. Yes, my son might have different interests, which is fine (within reason) but he would have a moral center and a sense of responsibility knowing his father would be there to support him no matter what. He would want to make me proud not to earn my approval but because he knows he has my unconditional love and that same unconditional love drives him to pursue greatness in all its forms. He would be a window to a parallel universe, which would show another path I could’ve lived. How many people get that opportunity to see an alternate beginning to your own life?

Dealing with Disappointment

I’ve had several disappointments in my life and the Lord has brought me to a place of peace with all of them. I’m sure raising two girls will be nothing short of a major blessing in my life. Sure mowing the lawn will be a constant reminder that I don’t have a son, but I will place my trust in knowing God is good.

Who knows… maybe if I had a son he wouldn’t grow up the way I envision and the Lord is sparing me the pain of bailing him out of jail. Whatever the case, I will trust and I will believe this is God’s best thing for me . . . probably.

Summer of 2013

This was a great summer for several reasons. It was a nice time to rest after having a difficult year, I hired a personal trainer for better and more efficient workouts, and bonded with my daughter. We also took several trips throughout the summer. My family and I went to Hume Lake where clueless teenagers run wild within the confines of a Christian camp, visited my buddy Dom and his family up at Monterey, and even went to Mammoth for the first time.

There were several other benefits of the summer months, but I just wanted to highlight the Mammoth trip for this year’s summer summary blog. The reason for this is not because a bear almost ate me (not making that up) but that the Mammoth trip was Dom’s college and career retreat for his church. He asked me to team teach with him by going through several chapters and themes in the book of Hebrews. I begrudgingly said, “yes,” sensing that it would take several hours of studying to prepare and even more energy to act mature and responsible during the retreat since I’d be viewed as a “leader.”

As I began the process of preparation for the teaching times, it wasn’t much of a surprise that I enjoyed studying the Bible since I . . . well . . . enjoy studying the Bible. What came as a surprise to me was that being a “leader” with Dom that weekend wasn’t as taxing as I thought it was going to be. It was actually quite enjoyable. I appreciated the opportunity to do so myself and to see how much Dom has matured as a man and spiritual leader. Upon further reflection, I find it simply comical that God would have us EVER leading a retreat. People who knew us during our teen years would know that a three-legged blind dog would have been better at leading just about anything else.

From what I hear, the people who attended the retreat were blessed and left knowing God better and understanding our roles in His grand master plan (whatever that may be). The retreat really had a duel purpose for me. First, of course, was my responsibility to teach the Word of God and minister to people. Yes, I counted that as one because they go hand in hand. Second, it was a great time to reflect on my personal journey of how far the Lord has brought me. Twenty years ago if you would’ve told Dom and myself that Dom would be a pastor someday and I would help him teach the Bible at a retreat we would’ve have said, “Give us some of whatever you are smoking.” Most people know we were “bad” kids. I won’t get into details but “bad” doesn’t really quite describe it. I’ve been truly blessed watching Dom’s life and mine continue to change and to see the power of the gospel in both our lives.

As it stands, I was extremely humbled by the opportunity and realize God continues to use the biggest jack@$$es to glorify His name- which is fine by me since that all but guarantees my usage for His kingdom.