The Child Rises – Part 3

For Part II Click Here.


I promised you I would write about The Jammer’s Philosophy on Parenthood. Honestly, I simply don’t have one. Before you get disappointed, just bear with me. Any parent who says they have a comprehensive philosophy towards parenthood, I’m convinced is full of it. No one truly knows exactly how he or she will do things with their child. They only have ideas of what they’ll do. But ideas and principles are extremely abstract and once the child actually arrives, all bets are off.

I’ve seen some godly people have miniature a-holes for children. I’ve also seen young people come from the most difficult types of backgrounds and home lives yet they turn out to be some of the most outstanding individuals I’ve ever met. As a result, I’m not sure how much “parenting” is really an influence. In the end, like in all things, it’s all God’s grace.

Of course that doesn’t excuse me from the responsibility of attempting to be the best father I can possibly be (I wish it did). So here are some of my half-baked ideas of parenting. I know it’ll almost certainly be in a constant state of flux, but I don’t mind it. It gives me full deniability.

Besides, I’m a guy who saw Scarface at the age of five. When I started Kindergarten, I didn’t know how to spell my name but I knew what a Cuban drug cartel was and the phrase “Say hello to my little friend.” I’m going to need some deniability.

School:

I might offend some readers here, but first, remember that it’s only my humble opinion. Second, if you were easily offended you wouldn’t be reading my blog to begin with so let’s just move on. I know it’s popular among Christians to “home-school” their child. It’s a form of “protecting them from the world.” Also some of my most respected elders from my church home-school their children. However, I don’t think we’re going to home school Joelle and it isn’t a result of the stereotype that Christian home-schoolers end up socially awkward, riding unicycles barefooted, dress up like Wizards, Elves, and Star War characters and attend Comic Con (although that may be true).

I just don’t want my child to miss out on all the opportunities in the public school system (e.g., basketball, influence on non-believers, experiencing real temptation but resisting, etc.). Am I worried my daughter might get hurt or negatively influenced? Of course I am. But I’m not going to hide her from it but teach her to confront it the way Ra’s al Ghul taught Bruce Wayne to confront his fear in Batman Begins.

Grades:

Graduating High School was a complete miracle for me. Actually, I think my teachers passed me because they didn’t want to deal with me anymore. I’ll take it. So if my daughter comes home with bad grades, who am I do tell her she should do better? I’ll defer to her mother for that. Since she has half of my wife’s DNA this shouldn’t be an issue. Although if you take my F-average and my wife’s A-average do you only get a C-average kid? I would be fine with that. That’s what I wish I had but my wife might have a problem with it. We’ll see what happens.

Boys:

Never! I would post a clip from Bad Boys II but my editor (aka. My wife) wouldn't let me because of the offensive language (you were warned). Moving on.

Sports:

After getting over my initial disappointment with having a girl I started looking at some of the positives, one of them being sports. I don’t feel the pressure of getting her to play basketball. Actually, I don’t even care if she wants to play or not, but she’s not allowed to be a cheerleader. However, if she picks something like golf or soccer I’ll be bored out of my mind watching her play and I won’t even try and hide it. I’ll just be streaming Lakers games on my iphone.

Music:

I’ll certainly expose her to musical instruments (e.g., the piano) and see where it leads. I’ve always imagined my daughter really taking music seriously and leading worship at church someday, although if that doesn’t happen, it wouldn’t bother me. There’s no pressure at all.

Again, these are only half-baked ideas. My daughter has half of my DNA so I can assure you she’ll have some of her own ideas. Some of the ideas may cause me to bang my head against the wall but isn’t that a part of parenting?

On a special note, I find it absolutely amazing how much I love my daughter. She wasn’t even here two months ago. I catch myself thinking about her throughout the day wishing I were by her side. It’s like falling in love all over again. And if I were man enough to admit it, I would admit I sometimes get emotional just looking at pictures of her. Since I’m not man enough to admit, that doesn’t happen. I remember being single and watching screaming children and thought, “Why would I want one of those?” I had parents tell me parenthood is difficult but it’s worth it. My response was always, “Whatever.” Now that I have a child of my own I “get it.”

(Cutting to: Parents nodding in agreement)

I didn’t think I was even capable of loving a child at all, but life is always changing and sometimes you change with it and in this case, it’s for the better.


Stay tuned next week for Becky’s Wedding blog!!!

The Dark Night – Part 2

For Part 1 click here.

The first night Joelle got home, she screamed, cried and dropped baby F-bombs most of the night. The doctors said this would happen because of the traumatic experience of exiting the womb. Even though the doctors warned us, it didn’t make the dark night any easier (sorry, I didn’t know how else to work in the title).

It’s been six weeks since little Joelle Penny Jamreonvit arrived into our lives. I’m excited to see where the journey of parenthood takes us. I’ve been asked several times, “How’s it feel to be a father?” or a question of the same variety. It’s interesting because I don’t know how to answer that question in just a tweet or two. So here’s me attempting to answer that question with a little more than a tweet.

If you’ve been following my blog, you know my background was a little rough to say the least. I never really thought about and dreamed of having children like most people. I just wanted to survive myself. Why in the world would I spend time thinking about providing for other people when I was just getting by myself? If you were to have told me when I was in college, “We’ll give you a million dollars to NOT have children” I would’ve said, “You outbid yourself. I would’ve taken $50.”

When I found out our baby was going to be a girl, I was initially disappointed because, well, how do I relate with a girl? Having grown up without a father, I now know exactly what I was lacking as a child and all the issues they caused once I got older. As a result, I felt confident knowing exactly what to provide for a son. A girl, however, felt like a whole different ball game. Now what?

Once Joelle was born all that stuff didn’t really matter to me anymore. The abstraction of it all was gone. It went from being the “idea of parenthood” to “Oh Sh**! She’s here!” My background felt nonexistent. I didn’t care what gender the baby was. I was simply grateful she was healthy, my wife was okay, and that we had so much support from friends and family. So do I feel any different? The short answer is, “No.” I still have bills to pay and life is still happening. The long answer is “I’ve been more reflective on issues I hardly reflect on.” For example, I’ve thought much more about issues like child neglect, abortion, and the philosophy of parenting. My conclusions are these: 1) It takes an evil person to neglect your own child, 2) abortion is evil and 3) I don’t yet have a philosophy on parenting (I’ll save this one for part 3). However, if you’re curious, this was my old one: click here.


My role as a man has certainly expanded, and I embrace that responsibility. I know this flies in the face of my motto “Avoid responsibility whenever possible” but child neglect isn’t an option. My wife told me last night how much she appreciated how I’ve embraced fatherhood (she was a little nervous about this, I guess). In her words, I’ve been tender and patient with Joelle and even more helpful around the house. Things have been coming naturally, and I haven’t really thought about “What do to” much at all (Unless it’s time to change the diaper… then I make like a ninja and disappear.) Joelle is still a baby, so it’s not all that complicated at this point. She eats, sleeps and fills her diaper with regularity. The true challenge begins when she can start thinking for herself and actually drop real F-bombs. For now, I’m just enjoying this moment.

In addition, watching my wife tend to Joelle makes me love her even more. She’s an amazing mother. It’s interesting how that all indirectly works. She’s not taking care of me directly when she’s caring for Joelle, or vice versa, but as we fulfill our responsibilities as mother and father we grow closer to each other. That’s probably been the biggest surprise in this whole “having children” thing.

Part 3 will be posted next week and it will be The Jammer’s Philosophy of Rising Children.

Labor Day Begins - Part 1

July 20th was fast approaching. It was Joelle’s due date. She was going to be our first child, so you know there was great anticipation not only from my wife but also from everyone in our lives. I was asked almost daily, “How’s your wife doing?” I loved that so many people cared. I was a little worried because it was the same day The Dark Knight Rises was coming out, and I didn’t want to miss it. Thankfully, my daughter was late so I was able to catch the movie on opening weekend. That was nice of her. However, July 20th came and went. Then a day became another day and then another and soon it became a week.

My wife hardly complains about anything, so when she started complaining about being pregnant for so long I knew it was getting tough on her. She started having contractions regularly on Monday the 23rd. Her contractions were strong but not strong enough to where it was “Baby Time.” That’s the worst place you could be in, that “in between” stage where you’re in constant pain but nothing is really progressing. That went on for two days until the doctor decided to induce her. We were told to report to the hospital on Wednesday night at 8 pm.

We checked in and began the process of…waiting. We figured that this would be the case, so we had come prepared. Our last stop on the way to the hospital was CVS. I had to make sure that I was nutritionally prepared for the event (i.e. sugar). In the hospital room, we got settled in and began watching season two of The Mentalist. I was comfortable and enjoying the show, but then the nurses came in and suggested to my wife that she walk the hallway in an attempt to speed along the labor. It only took one trip down the hallway for her to start complaining about the man’s role in child-bearing or lack thereof. I would’ve tried to comfort her but I was too busy enjoying a peanut butter snickers bar. I would have shared some, but she wasn’t allowed to have anything but ice chips. After several trips up and down the hallway, I got extremely bored and asked if we could go back to the room and finish season two of The Mentalist. My wife didn’t want to because she was determined to induce naturally.

After several more trips up and down the hallway, I started doing lunges just to stay engaged. The nurses looked at me like I was nuts but really, I was just bored out of my mind. Finally, when my wife gave up, we went back into the room. After we finished the last couple of episodes there was still no sign of little Joelle coming. Naturally my wife became frustrated and the pain wouldn’t stop. The nurses would come in every couple of hours to check on her. I know this because they were extremely loud every time they came in and woke me up from my comfortable sleep. I felt like telling them, “Could you please keep it down? I’m trying to sleep!”

By about 9 am in the morning, the pain and fatigue had simply become unbearable and Joelle wasn’t any closer to coming, so my wife decided to take the epidural shot- at least that’s what she told me because I was asleep when it happened. Finally, at about 3:30 pm, she was ready to go! The nurses mentioned it was getting close but I was half asleep so I couldn’t remember.

This is the moment I thought to myself, “Maybe I should’ve taken some of those birthing classes?” Then I reminded myself how much they cost and felt better immediately. I mean why should I take those classes when there is a team of professional nurses around making sure everything goes according to plan? I would only get in the way. If you’re wondering if I contributed anything to the birthing process, I did encourage her to “PUUUSSSSSSHHH!”

I had several people tell me not to faint and that one of the best ways to stay conscience was to not look down. I was pretty good at that until the very end. The doctor said, “She’s almost here!” My wife was exhausted by then so the doctor told her to reach down and feel her head. I thought, “Wait! Her head is down there?” I had to look myself and lemma tell ya, when they say don’t look down that’s probably a wise thing to do. I did manage to stay conscience and pretend I wasn’t completely grossed out. Once Katie felt her little hairy head, she found the inspiration to give it one last push and “POP!” came little Joelle at 4:15 pm.

No I didn’t cry. I did, however, cry at her first ultrasound and felt like that was enough crying. We had family and some friends visit to see the baby. It was fun to see everyone. I guess it’s a pretty big deal to have a baby. I had no idea. I would post a couple of comments and a few pictures on Facebook and immediately received a million “likes” and comments.

So let’s recap. Joelle was a week late, so we were all wondering what was going on. But as a result of her being a week late, I got to see The Dark Knight Rises the day it opened. The Lakers finished a trade for Steve Nash and the Dwight Howard trade rumors had died down. I was able to give my undivided attention to my wife and first child. A couple of weeks after Joelle was born we got Dwight Howard!!! It was the perfect storm for me. If having a child means we get two all-stars, then I’m ready to have another one again next summer.

If you’re looking for more my emotional reaction you’ll have to wait for Part 2 next week.

36 & Counting

I should be doing my homework but instead I’m going to write a birthday blog (some people never change). This is what I wrote last year There have been momentous occasions since last year. I’ve decided to start a second career, we are expecting our first child and in the past few months I’ve lost a couple of old Bible college friends who were about the same age as I am. It’s been nuts to say the least.

There’s something I’ve noticed about myself as I get older. I really don’t worry about much anymore. Maybe by God’s grace, I haven’t been put into a situation where I need to worry a whole lot lately, which I’m extremely grateful for. Sure I still worry about the Laker’s title chances every year, but that’s the only thing I’ve consistently worried about. I haven’t signed my contract to return to teaching yet, but I’m not worried about it. I believe the contract will be provided from somewhere (I just found out I won't be returning to the same school. Bummer.). My daughter isn’t born yet, but I’m not sweating the “life altering experience” (more on this in a later blog). I do stress out about homework, but it always gets done. I’m content with life, yet I want to be ambitious and want to do more with myself.

Furthermore, I’ve learned to appreciate things a lot more. If losing a couple of friends to massive heart attacks doesn’t sober you up, I don’t know what will. For example, the other day my wife and I bought some flowers to plant in the front yard. We spent the better part of the day driving to the store, picking out the flowers (aka the cheapest ones), and digging up dirt to place them in. As you know, I don’t like to work, but for some reason it was enjoyable. Maybe it was because my wife and I are building a home together. Maybe I’m realizing more and more that the phrase, “everyday is a gift” is not a cliché but a theological truth and a picture of God’s grace.

(Speaking of “gifts,” my wife and the in-laws pitched in and bought a BBQ for me for my birthday present. We spent tons of money upgrading the backyard, so getting a BBQ to finish it off was essential. I’ll have to wait until next year for them to get me the propane tank so I can actually use it.)

Now please don’t take my lack of anxiety as apathy. Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m more passionate about the Lakers because of their recent acquisition of Steve Nash (and maybe Dwight Howard). Life is about to get more interesting with a child on the way and Chris Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises opening next week. But most importantly, the Lord always keeps things interesting. The Lord is inexhaustible. You will always learn new things or understand things you already know even better as you pursue intimacy with the Almighty (I think that’s even a title to a book).

Hey! Maybe the arrival of our first child will increase intimacy with the Lord. At least that’s what I keep hearing will happen. I have no doubt my knowledge and relationship with God will gain a deeper understanding when our baby arrives. This should be interesting.

The Apprentice to The Principle

Back when I was a teenager, without much guidance or positive influence of any kind, I felt I had no purpose. When a teenager feels he/she has no purpose it only leads to bad things. Fortunately, I had a couple of buddies (Dom and Bryan – as if you didn’t know) who also lacked purpose in their lives, so we decided to just goof off until we could come up with something better to do.

One night at a Harvest Crusade the gospel was presented to us and our lives have never been the same since. You might be asking, “How did you guys end up at a Harvest Crusade when you were goofing off all that time?” Let me introduce you to Rick Ronquillo (aka Ronqzz). He was the assistant varsity basketball coach at Schurr High School at the time. Rick was also the youth pastor at Calvary Chapel Montebello and invited us to the event. That’s how it all got started.

Even though as young boys we committed our lives to Christ that night, it didn’t mean instantaneous change. HA! Nothing could be further from the truth. Instead, someone had to take on the daunting task of mentoring and teaching us arrogant and unteachable juveniles. Rick was just that man.

I remember the time when Bryan was kicked out of youth group for his constant outbursts of uncontrollable laughter. By mere association, I was also kicked out (that was unfair Rick), but overall, Rick had the patience to deal with us. There were several times when he told me not to do something shortly followed by me completely ignoring him and doing it anyway. Only years later did I realize, “Man, Rick was right about that one!”

There are many things that I appreciate Rick doing for me, but one story stands out in my mind. I was full of anger and Rick noticed. I didn’t take instruction or criticism well. There was an incident when my anger came to a head (I won’t get into the details), so Rick took me to his house and sat me down and just started talking to me. He started talking to me about my anger and rage. Most people just wanted to write me off but Rick wanted to get to the bottom of my anger. He knew it was beyond the situation on the surface. Through prayer, a ton of patience, and probing questions he finally broke through. My stepfather physically abused me for years before my mom finally had the courage to kick him out. That stepfather left a broken and confused boy behind. The light went on for Rick. He knew immediately why I behaved the way I did.

Then he went on to ask more questions, “Are you angry at God for what happened?” I said, “No.” “Are you angry at your stepfather?” he asked. I emphatically replied, “Yes!” “Do you believe that vengeance is the Lord’s and that He will take care of it?” he asked. Softly I said, “Yes.” Finally, Rick said, “Then let it go and allow God to heal you. Because He can’t heal you if you think you’re the one who needs to take vengeance.” So that night, I believe, God began to start healing that part of my life- a part of my life no one cared to enter into with me before that night.

Interestingly, as I mentioned before, I still managed to not listen to Rick a whole lot even after that breakthrough night. Yes, I was a jack@$$ of the highest order. It wasn’t until years later when I arrived at Biola University when God broke me and made me teachable. The professors at Biola took over, investing in my life, as I became a healing young man who was eager to learn. I soaked up that place like a sponge. One of my professors/pastors, Erik Thoennes, officiated my wedding and mentioned during the ceremony the quality he most appreciated about me was my “teachability.” I’m sure Rick got a nice chuckle out of that one.

In a lot of ways, Rick never enjoyed the fruit of his labor. He had to endure watching a young knucklehead making mistake after mistake wondering if he’ll ever “get it.” In reality, he loosened up the hard ground of anger and bitterness in order for peace and kindness to settle in my soul. It took time, lots of time.

Recently, Rick was promoted to being the principle of John Glenn High School in the Norwalk/La Mirada School District. I’ve watched him work hard throughout his life; getting his degree, becoming a teacher, and then getting more degrees in order to become an administrator. It’s a high stress job with little security. It takes a special kind of person to want that kind of responsibility and pressure, but he realizes all the experiences God has allowed him to go through have prepared him for this moment (Now that he's making six-figures maybe I could be his financial planner - shameless plug, I know.). I have no doubt that kicking out Bryan from youth group, dealing with crazy teenagers and their crazier parents, and coaching basketball will help him be successful.

I called him to give him congratulations. He began to tell me about his struggles and fears. He was completely transparent and truthful and didn’t feel the need to keep up pretenses and paint a picture like he’s got everything figured out. At the same time, he was also confident in what God has taught him throughout the years. It has clearly led to this moment and he was looking forward to the next school year.

I’ve made a commitment to pray for him (as long as I could remember anyway). Whatever happens, I hope he remembers he helped at least one young broken and confused boy find his way.

In Loving Memory of Kevin William Lines

In Loving Memory of Kevin William Lines
January 4, 1974 – May 23, 2012

It was an emotional weekend. On the same day my wife had her baby shower, I attended the memorial service of my friend Kevin Lines. As at most memorial services I’ve attended, my emotions were up and down. When I walked up to the doors of the church and was handed the flyer with the order of service, just seeing a picture of Kevin with the words “In Loving Memory” nearly caused me to break down on the spot. I had to go to the bathroom to gather myself.

In the week leading up to the memorial service, I told my wife about Kevin and what he was like. That also led me to start talking about the people we hung out with. One of the names that popped up was Sean Lowry (he’s one of my favorite people ever). When I went to the bathroom at the memorial service, guess who was there? That’s right. Sean. We talked for a while and decided to sit next to each other. He told me he had heard the news about Kevin from Dave (another mutual friend). Dave had texted him, “Call me, it’s about Kevin.” Sean immediately thought, “Kevin was in an accident” and was ready to take the next flight out of Seattle. When Sean called Dave, he broke the news to Sean that Kevin was already gone due to a heart attack. The news spread quickly. We were all shocked and immediately started praying for his family.

I met Kevin at Calvary Chapel Bible College. I’ve previously written about the host of issues I had during that time in my life. Kevin and I were similar in a lot of ways. Neither of us had ever studied or cared for learning much of anything… that is until the Lord captured our hearts and transformed apathy and indifference into empathy and passion. When we reconnected years after CCBC, I told him I graduated from Talbot School of Theology. Kevin, too, had become passionate about academics and was in the process of obtaining a PhD in philosophy of religion and theology from Claremont School of Religion. We picked up where we left off and started talking about what we were learning theologically and how it enhanced our understanding of who God was.

More than the academics, though, I remember Kevin being one of the most supportive individuals I’ve ever come across. Again, my time at CCBC was a struggle. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted in life. I would often lash out in immaturity as a result. I thought I was ready for responsibilities but when given the opportunity, I failed miserably. Kevin was nearly always there to encourage me often showing empathy, love, and compassion towards me. He wasn’t detached from people because he was studying heady things. He was grounded and cared for people. He never really liked big crowds but if you were to sit with him in a small group, his joy for life and compassion for people clearly showed.

After his memorial service there was a reception. It was good catching up time with other friends from CCBC that I haven’t seen in years. We shared stories about Kevin and wondered what he would be thinking about all this since he never liked big crowds. Seeing everyone else made me appreciate my time at CCBC even more.

I don’t know why the Lord took Kevin home. I don’t know why his lovely wife, Grace, is now a widow. I don’t know why his son Mason, who is 8 months old, will grow up without his father. I don’t have answers. Interestingly, my church just finished preaching through the book of Job. Job had a lot of questions as well, but in the end, he was completely content knowing God is both just and good. Job was okay with not knowing what was really going on behind the scenes of his personal suffering. Maybe we should be too.

I know Mason will grow up with wonderful stories about his father. Kevin will be his hero even though he’s no longer here. If there was something I could tell Mason when he’s older it would be this:

Mason,

I met your dad at Bible College and believe it or not, he didn’t like children back then. But when you were born something drastically changed him. He didn’t think he was ready for fatherhood but when he was given the opportunity he clearly took ownership of it. He had his diaper bag, a few toys, and other assorted things children needed when he took you places. He loved spending time with you. He loved being your father. If you knew your dad when I met him, you probably couldn’t picture him carrying a diaper bag. He loved learning and he loved people but most of all he loved the Lord Jesus. Your father supported me through a rough time in my life. It was during a time when I struggled to find a clear path in life and your dad was one of the guys God used to help give me direction. Even though he’s not here, my prayer for you would be that his memory and example would be a guiding light to you, that the many people who loved your father dearly would keep his memory alive in you, and that you would become an even greater man than he was because that’s what he would’ve wanted. He loved you Mason. If you ever feel the temptation with bitterness towards God for taking him from you, just remember your father lived for your Heavenly Father. Jesus was his passion. Jesus was the one who changed his life, and Jesus is now the one preserving his life for eternity. You will meet your father someday and he will be waiting for you with your Heavenly Father. You will have all of eternity to ask him all the questions you may have in your heart now. I pray that you love the God your father served so well.

Tomorrow is promised to no one. I think many people wish they could have had a last conservation with loved ones they may have lost. If I could tell Kevin a few things it would be this:

Kevin,

First, I can’t believe you’re gone. It just feels too soon. Second, I can’t believe you’re in the presence of Jesus. That must be absolutely awesome. Finally, I just wanted to thank you for being one of the most supportive people I’ve ever come across in my life. I’ll never forget the compassion and empathy you showed me during our time together at CCBC. Your hunger for learning was infectious and the Holy Spirit supernaturally gave you a love of people. I remember almost every hug you gave me. It didn’t matter if I was spilling my guts, angry about losing my girlfriend, or stealing Josh’s food. You gave me the same hug every time. When we meet again in the presence of our Heavenly Father, I expect that very same hug. I know you never finished your PhD, but you know God better now than any scholar could hope to this side of heaven. So, I say “Congrats!” to you. Thank you for the hope that men who once didn’t like children could turn out to be great dads. I’ll never forget you and the person you helped me to be. I love you bro, and I will miss you dearly.

Your brother in Christ,

Junior Jamreonvit

Reflections On The CCBC Days

Due to the unfortunate and recent passing of our good friend Kevin Lines, who I met at Calvary Chapel Bible College, other friends from Bible college started reconnecting over Facebook and sharing old photos and warm memories of our time together.

(Note: I will write about Kevin Lines and my friendship with him after his memorial service. I still can’t believe he’s gone.)

Every time I think about CCBC I have a mixed bag of emotions. I’ve had some of the most fun and meaningful times there. I also had some of my greatest failures there. But instead of talking about “only the good times” I’ve come to realize that both failures and triumphs nearly always contribute to a person’s maturation and a Christian’s sanctification. So despite my shortcomings, I fondly look back at that time. Here are the reasons why:

Laughter

I can say with absolute certainty that I have not laughed as often or as hard as I did at my time at CCBC. If laughter is truly medicine to the soul then my soul nearly OD(ed). And yes, I still laugh often and hard. Okay, I will acknowledge that most of the laughter was juvenile but still, it was great. There’s a difference between Christian juvenile activity and secular juvenile activity, and I’ve been a part of both. For example, secular juvenile activity would include (but is not limited to) egging someone’s house. A Christian, however, would say, “Wait, we don’t want to destroy property, let’s just toilet paper it instead.” There’s a difference.

When my buddy Bryan and I arrived at CCBC, barely graduated from high school and never really having any real responsibilities, we didn’t know what to except. We just noticed there were a lot of white people. The first day of arriving at our dorm we met 6’9 130lbs Joshua Grooms. Everyone started to unpack. I had to get something from the car and when I got back Josh and Bryan were spilling their guts to each other like Steel Magnolias. Josh knew as much about Bryan as I did in a matter of 15 minutes. We decided to jump him in our gang (figuratively speaking). Over the next two years we would laugh, cry and steal Josh’s food at every opportunity we had.

Later we formed close bonds with Joey Bell, Andre Garces, and Jeremy Camp (when he was a nobody). A semester after that it would be Sean, Moxi, Andy, Andrew, Brandon, Jeanine, Vanessa, Jennifer, Shannon, Jeanette, Jason, Nick, Dave, Sammie, and yes, Kevin Lines. They were some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. It would take too long for me to explain all of their uniqueness and how each one of them loves the Lord and the impact they had on my life. So I’ll give you only the cliff notes.

No matter how busy things got everyone had lunch together and when one of us was missing, we would notice. "Hey, where's 'so-and-so'?" During that hour of lunch everyday I couldn’t remember a more diversified group of people laughing so much with one another (and at one another). It was such a joyous time and the first time I felt a part of a family. And yes, Bryan and I kept trying to steal Josh’s food.

Worship

I don’t remember a sweeter time of worship. Even after earning two master’s degrees in bible and seeing how theologically incorrect and anthropocentric some of those songs were, they still had a positive impact on my life. Not so much because of their incorrectness but despite it. The main reason was because of the people I was worshiping with. Everyone sang and it all felt sincere. I don’t know if you’ve been in a worship service when no one is singing but lemma tell ya, it stinks. It’s like being at a ball game and no one is cheering but you, and you’re the one that looks like a lunatic. “It’s a freakin’ ball game, you’re supposed to be loud!”

I tend to analyze things to death reflecting on reflections of reflections. I feel like I’m in a house of mirrors with so much reflecting going on. It is possible, though, to over analyze things in the name of balancing the heart and mind in worship. I miss that time when I simply stop analyzing stuff, let my words be few, and allow my heart to weep because I am touched by the love of God. Every morning we had devotions, which consisted of 15 minutes of worship and another 15 minutes where someone from the student body opened up God’s word and read from it. I was in my young arrogant, “I could do things better if I were running the show” stage in my life and those 15 minutes of worship every morning slowly chipped away at my hardness of heart. Every morning, without fail, I knew the Lord loved me. It was humbling. Is there a better way to start the day? I say no.

It helped having Jeanine, Jennifer, and Vanessa singing. They had angelic voices and hearts of gold, which managed to stay uncorrupted dispute their constant contact with Bryan and I. Truthfully, I don't know why they were our friends. If I were them I wouldn't have been. It was probably because they loved Jesus and even Jesus hung out with jack@$$es.

Fellowship

As I already mentioned, it was the first time I remember feeling like a part of a family. The guys and I had prayer meetings every other night (usually for secular rock bands to become Christians so we could start listening to them again) we said hard things to each other when we needed to, and all us of wanted to become more like Jesus. Yes, we were an immature bunch of young guys. But we were a bunch of young guys pulling for each other (when we weren’t trying to steal Josh’s food).

As part of this fellowship at CCBC, I watched a group of wonderful young ladies grow to be confident, selfless, and God fearing women. Most of them are now amazing wives to decent men and even better mothers to lovely children building a house that serves the Lord, a foundation which every society needs in order to thrive. None of us were perfect but we all knew it and we loved each other anyway. Isn’t that what a community of believers is supposed to do? I say yes.

Personal Failure

There are some advantages, although not many, from growing up in a broken home without any Christian influence. One of those advantages is never feeling obligated to appear to have it “all together.” I struggled and thrived during my time at CCBC. I failed at so many levels and at one point thought my life wouldn’t ever be the same. I wasn’t always a good friend to people. I wasn’t always patient or kind. I was selfish and egocentric. I was upset when I didn’t get my way. I felt like I knew everything and that no one had anything to teach me. I thought of myself highly and then God in His mercy brought me to my knees.

It was all a road test. It was a loosening up of the hard ground. I needed a little extra time to mature. I mean, I had Bryan as a friend. Who wouldn’t need extra time? A couple of years after CCBC I started attending Biola University. There were a lot of similarities but plenty of differences. I don’t think I would’ve cherished my time at Biola quite as much without my experiences at CCBC. My friendships were rooted in meaningful things. There was less time for juvenile behavior (although there was still plenty of it) and a deeper sense of responsibility towards my academics. Chapel was actually enjoyable for me. Most of my groomsmen were guys from Biola, and there was plenty of food so I didn’t have to steal it from a guy like Josh.

All of these things were a direct result of having spent time at CCBC, having spent time with the people at CCBC. This, it appears, was God’s plan all along. It was a place where God gave me the grace and room to fail in order to succeed later on. I’ve certainly failed in other ways since that time but unlike the initial failures I had, I know there’s redemption at the end and there’s a purpose and a plan from the God who is both sovereign and good.

I’ll never forget my time at CCBC. There were so many wonderful people, amazing friendships, tears of pain and joy shared, confessions to one another, rejoicing with one another, grieving with one another, being wronged and forgiving, having wronged and asking for forgiveness, being kicked out, being let back in, beating up Josh, getting beat down by everyone else, sobbing over God’s goodness, laughing until it hurts and then laughing some more, eating like there’s no tomorrow and then eating Josh’s food, praying deeply into the night, worshiping in the early morning and then missing breakfast because you were too late and the café closed, reading, learning, getting your heart ripped out, learning some more, and now wondering, “Where has the time gone?” That sounds a lot like life.