The Christian Dating Scene

No, this isn’t about the movie The Break Up because I haven’t seen it and have no interest in ever seeing it. This is about “The Christian Dating Scene (CDS).” You know, the scene where we over complicate things and end up with unnecessary heartache. When I was in the CDS I was extremely frustrated by the apparent lack of clear communication between genders. Asking a girl out for coffee has become such a big deal that you feel like it needs local news coverage. Instead of it being a “getting to know you with no expectations in a non-threatening environment” experience, it has become the “pre-proposal stage of a life-long commitment to each other” session. It’s maddening. Once I finally convinced someone to marry me, I told the CDS, “I’m outta here! I’m going to the land flowing with milk and MY honey. Peace!” So anything that happened in the CDS I would say, “What do I care? I’m married now.”

However, I still see the same mistakes made by Christians in the CDS and it’s like watching a Michael Bay film when you know there will be poor dialogue, a bad story and lots of things blowing up. The reason I believe that Christians tend to be poorly equipped in handling dating is because of the lack of training they receive in their churches or from their parents. But I don’t entirely blame the church or our parents either. Here’s why- the social context is in a constant state of flux. Our parents didn’t have to deal with social media or things like Facebook and texting, which accelerate the dating process. They actually had to talk face to face. As a result, they were able to get to know each in more authentic situations by seeing each other in different social contexts and truly seeing the other individual for who they were. Furthermore, when you are having a conversation with someone, you can see their body language, facial expressions, and how they react or engage with certain topics, which helps deepen the communication process. This doesn’t happen as much these days. Now, emailing, posting on someone’s Facebook wall, or texting is considered a form of “communication.” Although a quick way to get a short message across, it does not foster true intimacy. You think you’re getting to know someone when in fact you’re not.

I can’t speak for all churches but my church does an excellent job teaching and preaching the Word of God. But since “dating” isn’t anywhere in the Bible we don’t touch on the topic mcuh. Several years ago we had a “dating conference” addressing the issues with the CDS. After we had the conference you know what happened? Nothing. That was the last I heard of my church addressing the topic. And what do I care? I’m married. But it’s also that very attitude that I believe contributes to the mess that the CDS is still in. We don’t train or equip young Christians to handle the CDS. We believe that if we teach enough Christian principles and preach from the Word of God they’ll be able to figure out how to apply it to their social context. In most cases this is true. But if this is true of Christian dating, then why are there so many Christians who are hurt, left confused, and feel the bitterness or loneliness as a result of miss-handled relationships? If the church (or anyone else for that matter) doesn’t train our Christian singles then they’re left to yahoo dating articles and romantic comedies to help them figure things out. That’s not an inspiring prospect.

It’s a serious issue that very few people address. Yes, there are “bigger” issues to tackle like feeding the hungry, social justice issues, preaching the gospel and the like. But in the midst of these “bigger” (and more important) issues there is an entire demographic in our churches that needs to be ministered to in a very specific way. They need help contextualizing the teaching of God’s word directly and specifically into the dating context. I’ve always wanted to write a book on the topic that’s very different from the Christian Dating books I’ve read (I’ve read more than what I would like to admit.). So maybe I’ll start blogging about some of what I wanted to write. In no way do I feel like an expert in Christian Dating. But it is a topic I have thought long and hard about. As a single Christian man I experienced frustration, loneliness, and defeat in the area of Christian dating. It didn’t matter whether I was simply trying to get a date or was in a dating relationship. My heart was broken several times and it’s never fun. I wasn’t the best in handling relationships myself, also breaking the hearts of others. There were many “not my best moments” moments while in the CDS. Maybe if I had my own book (you know, the one I haven’t written yet), I could’ve avoided a lot of the heartache and non-sense I went through. In addition, I plan on soliciting help from my buddies Jordan Wessling and Aaron Brown (if I can ever get Aaron to call me back). They have great insight into some of the problems and solutions within the CDS that I hope to tap into and synthesize here on my blog.

So let me say this; I’ve addressed that there are issues in the Christian Dating Scene that won’t get any better if left unacknowledged. I will now begin offering some possible solutions to specific situations that I hope will be helpful for young Christians who are tired of all the non-sense, ambiguities, and the general messiness that potential romantic relationships bring. So, next week will be the first in the series The CDS. It will be kind of like The O.C. or Beverly Hills 90210 whatever generation. Instead of trying to complicate things through manipulation and fornication to spike ratings, however, we’ll try and simplify things and honor God in how we handle relationships.

Please feel free to comment away in the comment section and give me your thoughts or questions you may have. Thank you.